told ya it's a 333 day ! (part 1 and 2)

(these pix were taken about 12:30 -- i think)

THIS is NOT what i moved to Texas for--- just so ya know. and also-- just so ya know-- it was almost 65 degrees yesterday!!!
hmph!

(and THESE? about 3:15 or so)

HOLY CRAP - (t-day pt 2)

oh man... y'all know about the weirdo number right ? i don't know what else to call it. but the number that i see all the time. on the clock.. on the road... at the gas pump...on the tv.. on my blog.. on your blog.. in my bank... just every-damn-where.... well.... guess what?
i just checked my site-meter.. cuz i haven't had many comments today-- so i was just kinda wondering "am i boring? - or is no one visiting today? --- well, guess what i found out? --- well, first --- people are visiting.. 17 so far today, to be exact -- but only like four since my post went up... anyhow... guess what the average visit time is???

that's right..... and i just am dying to know the significance of that number!! oh, hell... maybe i shouldn't say it that way. i used to think that my end up being my mothers time of death... it wasn't-- perhaps it will be mine! WTH??? why does a person see a number .. almost every day?? and sometimes more than once a day? annnnnnd.... like i said before--- it's not just me-- it's my sis toooooooo. it's just freaky. f-a-reaky.

okay. i'm done.

until i see it again.

it's like a recurring nightmare i say. too weird .

soul-food

does that surprise you? i thought not.. y'all know by now-- i DO love FOOD!!!


you also may know that i have gone from cooking very yummy, almost gourmet meals, almost nightly--- to , if we're lucky-- once a week!

so guess what? the gourmet bug bit me last night, and i actually got off my ass and created an original soul recipe yet again. go me!
it was a hit-- of course. not to brag-- but how can i not? when it comes to cooking or fishing-- i can claim the right.. correct? :))

so anyhow... wanna know what i cooked? i don't mind sharing my recipes.
even though-- i do have publishing a cookbook on my list of things to do "someday"
i even have it in progress.. along with about a dozen other put off "projects".

ok.. anyhow, ya ready?
it sounds a bit weird... but really-- it's YUMMY !

i didn't name it yet-- but i'll take suggestions :))

i get my jerk seasoning in bulk at "central market" but i guess you could use whatever ya want.

used maybe-- 2-3 TBSPNS

plain ole sesame seeds.. from a jar.

PLUS-- salt, pepper, garlic salt-
("to taste" :)) - don't you love that phrase? )

this would be the "secret ingredient" :))
cinnamon dolce syrup - from starbucks.. $6.95 a bottle.. but a little goes a LONG way.
i only used about two tablespoons ...

chinese rice noodles....
not the brand i used-- all i know is the pkg was orange :))
so any will do :))
or , you could use rice if ya want-

perhaps a bit out of order--
but shrimp- obviously-
i had large ones... so i cut them into smaller pieces -
(obviously, ya want the tails off.. duh- i don't know why ppl say that in recipes.
perhaps some people really don't think ahead???

ahhhhhhh... and BEEF!!!!
OR you could use chicken-- jamie :))
i didn't use expensive meat-- we po peeps.
i used "mock chuck steak.. or some such thing...
four little steaks ran like 5 bucks or so---
i always call it "poor mans rib eye-- cuz if ya cook it right-- it does kinda taste a little like a rib eye.... see the "marbeling" :))
it's probably really ass-fat.. who knows?
that's why i never look at those cow diagrams-- of where each cut comes from--
i don't want to know-

ok-- so here's how ya do it---

ya cut the meat into small pieces-- bite size slices or chunks...
put it in a shallow bowl -- add the jerk , CD syrup, seeds and spices.. mix it up-- let it sit maybe five minutes...

heat the pan.... peel shrimp while ya wait-- start the noodle water etc....

when the pan is ready start the meat--- when it's almost done--- add the shrimp-- so it doesn't overcook...

oh crap!!!
side note-- i also added sauted (is that spelled wrong?)
mushrooms and diced red onions.. YUMMO :))
and for once-- i followed rachel rays advice-- and didn't add salt to the mushrooms.. she says it makes them watery-- which really, i have noticed-- so i didn't.. and guess what?? she's right--- hmmm. so don't add salt... until they're done.

ok--- where was i??

ok.. by now you should be cooking the noodles-- the ones i had said to boil for ten minutes--- which i thought semed too long--so i went 8-- and was right on.. so check them a little early...unless you like mush.

so anyhow..... since we have a picky eater in the family-- i couldn't mix it all up like i wanted to-- we had to just pile it all up on our plates...and soulkid only ate the meat mixture-- but she liked it-- and that's sayin somethin....
but really it was good.. and i will make it again sometime.

if you try it-- i wanna know whatcha think !

other than that-- i'll post again later-- i cannot believe how late it is already!

one down - two to go- :))

but, the MRI was "normal" :))
whatever THAT means
(ya just nevah know with me)
woo hoo

i wanna be as cool as my dog thinks i am

(that's not my dog-- but i swear it looks like one that would end up in this family!)

so-- anyhow-- it's humpday already. this passed few weeks has seemed to fly by. maybe because i have slept away the better part of it. and when i wasn't asleep-- i was at one type of doctor or another-- or doing some other unpleasant time consuming task. the weird part-- the day i'm in-- always seems to d-r-a-g. wth?

and today--- yes i know i said yesterday-- but i was wrong-- but today, soulman goes back to work.... he's been off work since i had the seizure-- i don't even remember now exactly when that was.. 1 week tomorrow-- two weeks tomorrow??? hmmm... whichever-- it feels like damn forever ago. but at the same time-- it feels like yesterday. i still can't remember hardly anything. about anything.

oh and guess what else-- my mom in law--- who never reads my blog--- found an old--a very old email-- with my blog link on it-- so she goes there-- and THAT is how she found out about the seizure--- what a way to find out about something like that huh??? so she calls a couple days ago all frazzled asking soulman, wth..and why didn't he call etc. well, he's been a mess too. he meant to call, and had NO idea she'd read my blog. / and was waiting for more info etc..geesh. we both felt bad about that. but y'all gotta realize-- my "mommason", has been like a real mom to me since like the first day i met her-- so she was really worried.

sooooooo.... i could prolly write more right now-- but everyone is up and demanding my "soul-attention".. so i must go-- cuz i cannot focus on all this stuff at the same time.

i'll be back latah.....

happy humday peeps

cuz i got nuthin better to put up right now

Do you like blue cheese? I love bleu cheese.. but I don’t buy it—I buy feta tho

2. Have you ever smoked heroin? Good lord NO..

3. Do you own a gun? No.. hubby does. :((

4.What flavor do you add to your drink? It’s rare I do—but IF I do—mango , or raspberry to tea.. or hazelnut, or cinnamon dulce to coffee. Usually both I drink “black”

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? Pretty much every dr—except my shrink..and that’s prolly cuz I’ve known her for like 7 years.

6. What do you think of hot dogs? Well… technically—I don’t really “think about hot dogs”… if I do--- boiled hot dogs remind me of “the poor days”… these days I refuse to buy chicken franks! I only buy BEEF.. and usually only Nathans or Hebrew national.. or something I KNOW won’t have bone fragments… or chicken beaks in it. :((

and still they aren’t something I like to eat very often.

7. Favorite Christmas movie? I’m not sure there’s one we watch every year—but I always like to watch the original Grinch. If I have the chance. And I like the one with the kid and the BB gun--- my oldest nephew looked exactly like that kid!

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Coffee // and lots of it.

9. Can you do push ups? No idea—I don’t remember the last time I tried. I used to. Even the guy ones :))

10. What's your favorite piece of jewelry?

My wedding ring—although I have to wear it on a chain cuz my fingers are deformed

11. Favorite hobby: fishin.. eatin.. bloggin.. once upon a time it was cookin.. I want that passion back actually..but I didn’t even realize that til last night on marys blog …

12. Do you have ADD? I think that is a possibility. I am very flaky—if not add.

13. What's one trait you hate about yourself?

Hmmm… maybe my people phobia??

14. Middle name? “M”

15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment:
1. I don’t like my number 13 answer

2. I am wondering why hubby’s alarm has gone off fifteen times.. if he aint getting up—turn the shit OFF!

3. wth is UP with this weather

16. Name 3 things you bought yesterday.

Eye glasses, prescriptions, gas

17. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink. Coffee, water, iced tea

18. Current worry? Med test results, drivers license , soulfam relaxing and getting on with their lives!

19. Current hate right now? Waiting and wondering—and NOT driving!

20. Where is your favorite place to be? Fishing! A place I haven’t been in a couple weeks :(( and won’t be in this damn weather

21. How did you bring in the New Year?

Watched the ball drop—and had a kiss with hubby that was short enough to piss me off—but long enough to embarrass soulkid—that always makes us laugh!

22. Where would you like to go? Someplace warm, and sunny, and fun, and fishable, with lobster every night.. a real live vacation… with no on having grouch attacks, or pain, or colds, or seizures :((

23. Name three people who will complete this? No idea--- three people with time on their hands—

24. Do you own slippers? Yes, two pair—one from last Christmas that look exactly like GRINCH feet!! But they’re grey :(( hubby really did mean well.. they’re just HUGE. (so, no, I don’t wear em.)

And a pair from the year before—that I do wear .

25. What shirt are you wearing? green t-shirt and a flannel.

26. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? No , I hate them.. I just don’t see the hoopla.. my favorite sheets are flannel! I know--- sexy huh. :)) there’s just NUTHIN sexy about me.

27. Can you whistle? Not really. Only if I get lucky. I have a dry lip problem. I have always wanted to whistle that loud tongue whistle but never mastered that one.

28. Favorite color? Dark blue I spose..for shirts.

29. Would you be a pirate? Maybe for a day—I’m not mean enough to “be” a pirate.

30. What songs do you sing in the shower? Never noticed..

32. Favorite boy's name? caleb maybe

33. What's in your pocket now? nothing –

34. Last thing that made you laugh? Smochas answer to the sheet question on this meme!

35. Best bed sheets as a child?

i can't remember any.... i remember LOVING my aunt ettas quilts-- so she prolly had great sheets too!

36. Worst injury you ever had? Probably in a car wreck.. I got pretty cut up and banged up—no broken bones… but it felt like it. and I bled like a stuck pig, and got a few stiches—but in the end the injuries were not too severe—although they most likely led to the fybromialgia—that has pretty much ruined my life ugh.

37. Do you love where you live? I do when it’s it’s warm.. which luckily is much of the time. I really don’t think I LOVE my house—again. Someday—I will find a house we love.

38. How many TVs do you have in your house? 4… one never gets turned on.. one is possessed—so I spose one will be traded for the other—and the possessed on will be tossed.

39. Who is your loudest friend? Hmmm… I have two friends that I actually “speak to” and neither are loud. (my sis can be loud at times—does she count? :))

40. How many dogs do you have? 1 but she is schitzo—so can she count as two??

41. Does someone have a crush on you?

Highly unlikely. Unless it’s some online stalker that I don’t know about :))

42. What is your favorite book? Gotta say it’s still “Hinds Feet on High Places”

maybe after I get my glasses and can read more I might find a better one.. but I really do love that one. I think it will always be A favorite.

43. What is your favorite candy? Peanut butter M& m's babay!

44. Favorite Sports team? Not a team, but I like to watch UFC. If I had to choose a team.. florida state seminoles

45. What song do you want played at your funeral? Strangely—I have never thought about it…. and I don’t think I want to right now.

46. What were you doing at 12 AM last night? Sleeping.

47. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? "Holy crap! I overslept again!”

m-UP-date

and the walls have have it! looks like the unanimous vote is to decorate my nekkid walls while i'm on house arrest. so i suppose that is what i shall do. i really need to anyhow. i lived in our last house for a year without hanging anything on the walls, and i absolutely hated that. when we moved here i vowed i would decorate-- i have sort of, but still haven't hung any pictures. soooo not like me. :((

anyhow. the EEG went ok. i didn't wear that cap thing. it was the lead type. more what i thought it would be, but it has been so long since i saw one i thought maybe they changed. but nope. nearly thirty of them bad boys glued to my head.. sexy huh???
she had me close my eyes while she flashed lights for a few minutes, then close my eyes and breathe deep etc.. then i was supposed to sleep for fifteen minutes-- but that didn't happen.. i was just about to fall asleep when she told me to wake up. so.. i don't know if that matters.
but that was it. and of course i won't have any results for at least a week.

after that we went to the eye appointment. originally, all three of us had appointments for today, but two of the appointments had to be rescheduled, and we kept one today for hubby... since he was off today. but by the time we got there- he decided since i was the blindest that i could have it-- so i didn't complain. i took it. and i will have my lovely "trifocals" in a week or so. :)) i'm truly old.

they also said that as far as my eyes go one is nearsighted and one is farsighted.. so that is why i have such a hard time ... they don't work together. soooo maybe if i patch one to read-- and the other to watch tv.. i may be alright :))

so, you might say, if i was a car--- over the passed few months i've had quite the overhaul... and things are actually lookin kinda good for the most part. nothin a little spit and polish can't fix..so, life is ok here in soulland. cold.. but ok. i can't believe it was almost eighty degrees a week ago-- and ready to freakin snow right now. *TEAR*

oh well.. it could be worse-- remember that--- it could always be worse.

have good nights out there y'all

rainy days and monday always get me down

i already have two strikes against me---and they are only piling up... and hell.. it's 6 a.m!

it rained hard all night long-- the wind is about to blow the roof off--- AND i just heard that it MIGHT even snow today.. WTF???? AND i have the great EEG this morning-- which in and of itself is only offering mixed emotions. i hate doctors-- i hate NEW doctors even more than doctors i know and hate. i hate new procedures EVEN more than that... and i hate uncertainty even more. oh , and to top that off, i live in a place that NO ONE knows how to drive in a mere sprinkle.. so of course in a rain like this-- every highway.. and of course in DFW there are only like 3000 of them... every highway is backed up with car wrecks and looky-loos! OMG.

this is a day that i would be better off going back to bed! but also a day that it's just not possible.
i have too much to do-- and too many places to go. hubby goes back to work tomorrow..so aside from the appointments, etc.. i have to make sure all my errands, and running around get done while i have my soul-driver.
groceries, mailing bills, po-box, getting rx's dropped off and picked up , all that kind of outside stuff that will require driving. plus any other misc crap. guess i better get to making my list--

ya know-- it sure is different when it is a choice to not go anywhere... and when you are told that you can't go anywhere. six months is a long time. to not even go to the store--or fishing-- this is crap. how my brother lived his entire life this way --- i don't know. he just accepted it. and he walked-- a lot. he walked for miles and miles a day sometimes. sure, he got rides, and he hitch hiked-- but he walked , and rode bikes-- but maybe he didn't know different. but i do-- and i don't like it. i'm actually quite peeved.

speaking of which-- they just showed a car on tv that drove through a building-- due to a "medical condition"... holy crap!

anybody wanna join me in my pity party???

i guess i'll have to learn some kind of crafty crap or something... i'll surely go insane on house arrest.
i could write my book...
i could scrapbook
i could make stained glass windows
OR better yet--- i could hang my crap on my nekkid walls!!!

hope you all have happy mondays-- for a monday!

my movie review - etc...

well, it was good enough to keep me awake... so that's a good sign.
it had a lot of good , well known people in it too.. tommy lee jones, woody harrelson.. and the main guy-- looked almost exactly like my (dead) brother in law-- that was really weird. reeeeeallllly weird.
the other main character (i guess there were several "main" characters ) but the other one.. the "bad guy" man he was really crazy. like no emotion. no pain, no anger, nothin. but he was really mean. i've seen him in other movies but don't know his name. i sure wouldn't wanna run into him on the street though.

anyhow.. it's a pretty good movie. pretty violent though. well.. real violent actually. if you can't look at blood-- you don't want to see it. it's bloody. but worth seeing. one tip-- when the sheriff starts talkin about a dream..late in the movie-- pay attention-- i kinda drifted off --- and well.. that's the ending.. just so ya know. :))
so, if ya wanna know how it ends-- don't ask me.


as far as any shopping... we didn't have time.. we got there just in time for the movie-- and the mall closed at 6 .. so by the time we got out it was already closed. so we met the kids at starbucks--got a coffee and came home..well took one kid home, got them food, i was still full of nachos, so i skipped dinner.. then we came home.

and will someone tell me somethin???? why is it.. every single time i go to starbucks... i get treated like it is the first time i have ever been there??? i order an iced mocha with double coffee. i KNOW they put "3 shots" of coffee in it. therefore-- double equals SIX. but every time.. they think they have to explain it to me. it really gets irritating. one time though.. i ordered a double iced mocha.... wanna know what i got??? i got a iced mocha with double ICE!!
i was so mad... i think i asked her if she was retarded. she probably spit in the one she re-made.
but good lord. is stupidity a pre-requisite to making coffee???
or-- fast food for that matter? we went to wendys for food tonight... not even a lot of food-- 2 meals--- they forgot one of the fries. good thing i checked. but we had to go back. i swear it's true when i say "it's cuz i'm me!" is it karma.. or the curse?? i swear it's somethin. cuz this much crap just doesn't happen to people. it's just too stupid. and frequent. dontcha think?

anyhow--- i think that's about it. i reckon i shall cruise a bit and check up on y'all ...

i have the EEG tomorrow morning... i don't know how long it will take for the results--- hopefully they will be ok whenever they do get back. i keep thinking back to when i was getting lost all the time. i still get lost sometimes.. but not as much as i was like 6 or 8 months ago.... remember that?? i could hardly get in the car without getting lost! i was wondering then and am now... if i was having seizures... hmmmm.... wth??? if so... why??? and if so--- is it gonna happen again... i mean convulsions... and if so.. is it gonna be a frequent thing...
sorry... but it's just something i am worried about. i hope the tests will be able to give me some answers. but i know that may not happen. and really , that sucks.

g'night folks..

what are y'all doin today?

jitterbug is camouflaged into my rug ! and almost as large too! :)) you'd think i'd be used to seeing her blend into the carpet by now, but i'm not-- it cracks me up every time. camo - kitty.

anyhow-- i don't have a thing to say right now. i'm runnin on about four hours sleep--and about the same amount of time worth of paying bills. i'm starvin as usual.. and i have to go face mall-hell... and we are gonna go see no country for old men. i just may take a nap there. it's hubbys' pick.. and i'm not real sure about it. it may be good, i hope it is.. but if not-- i don't mind sleepin-- we all know that's true right. but not before my nachos! :))

jamie put the purse bug in my ear-- so i may look for one-- or not. depends on if i feel like walkin...and i really should-- seein as i've been on my arse for a whole week. and aside from that soulkid has a birthday comin up-- the 9th-- so i may look for something for her while we're there. she's hookin up with a friend... a BOY. great-- a new boy even.. a new boy-- with staples in his damn face! ok.. not staples-- "snake-bites. even better. NOT. ugh. if you have boys-- be grateful. girls are so difficult.

anyhow-- i will catch up with y'all latah... if i live through the mall and boy excursion.

oh i think someone better call soulman

I'M STAHVIN AND HE WON'T FEED ME !!!!!!!

i love this kid

is it cuz he's cute and funny, and a little fruity? (no offense- i like fruity)
OR is it cuz simon is a ASS?

i think this kid will be in the top three.. and the other young boy just might win. the one that sang the lennon song. he's a cutie too.
regardless-- i think a guy will win this season.
as for the girls-- i like the nanny-- she's good and i like her sweetness. for her age-- you just don't see that very much any more. and i haven't heard anybody sing carly simon in years. well.. aside from carly simon. :))

am i just OLD??

wanna check out my new ride???

how do ya like THAT???? soulman could build that for me. :))
slap some rod holders on the side???? oh heck ya-- i'd be the coolest gal in soulland-- dontcha think?
LOL.. oh you know i'm just kidding. but it is pretty cool.

i do wanna know what in the world i am gonna do if i really do lose my drivers license for six months. i know i'm a homebody for the most part-- but there are times i like to get out---and places i do like to go-- and now is the time that i like to do them the most- the weather is changing-- and spring and summer is what i live for!!!
this whole idea is depressing.

i'm trying not to let it be-- but how can it not be???
oh.. someone give me a tissue. :))

anyways-- it's not all that bad. hubby has been really great about the whole thing..and so has soulkid. almost too great. they are very concerned-- too concerned. i made a joke the other day and called soulman my "manny" (nanny)-- he didn't like it a whole lot-- but he did get a chuckle out of it. they both are very overprotective. i understand why--and i am sure i would be the same way if it were one of them. it's just so strange. i have been quite the isolator for a very long time, and had a lot of time to myself-- no one ever really minded. we all kind of do our own thing around here. maybe that's not the greatest way to be... but it's the way things have been... and for it to change so suddenly-- and have to leave my door open... or be asked if i'm ok, when i yawn--or if the dog makes a funny noise-- or just things like that-- it's just kind of weird.


i try to take it with a grain of salt though, and hope when all the tests are back, they will find that it was due to some kind stress-- or the flu-- or something.. non-epileptic. ya know? from what i've read-- people can have a seizure--not related to epilepsy-- and never have another.
even the ER doc said "everyone is allowed one free seizure".
yes that sounded odd to us too-- but i'll take it.

i can't help but worry-- but we all are trying hard not to. guess we shall just wait n see eh?
it would be a lot easier to not worry-- if my brother and mom didn't have seizures. but it is known to run in families. and my mom's were a late onset. she didn't have convulsions.. but my bro did. he had them from a young age-- hers were called partial complex. i never witnessed hers, and am not even sure what they are. but anyhow-- i guess i should know more next week when the results are in.

as for now-- i'm gonna try to stop talkin about this crap-- but in order to do that-- i'll have to stay awake and DO something other than stay at home. dontcha think??

"i wanna be normal..i wanna go out to lunch"


y'all have happy days today !!!

goo-lawd -- i'm bawd!!!

dammit-- i'm blind and comatose!

howdy folks----
yep-- i slept late again...
my life is passing me by-- will it ever change? it has to right? hopefully soon! one can sleep all the time for only so long right?

so anyhow-- i woke up closer to six than 4 again. there was a time that i wanted to sleep in on occasion-- but lately it is ruining my entire morning routine. and i am not likin it! not only that-- it is ruining my entire daily routine as well. it's horrible. how do people live like this? i'm afraid i'm gonna end up with damn bed sores!!! :)) i hope not.
anyhow-- i'm doin the best i can.
hopefully i'll get it together SOON.
maybe the med change is causing problems too. who knows.



but-- how bout THIS???
i just realized--- our eye appointments-- that took over a year to FINALLY schedule-- since all three of us are freakin BLIND--- well... they were scheduled for MONDAY. guess what--- monday-- is also the day-- and the same TIME that the friggin EEG is scheduled! mine is last-- and if i could drive-- i could take myself to that , and the other two could get theirs done.. BUT nooooo----- they can't do that cuz i can't drive. so now all three of us, have to reschedule our eye appointments. UGH. and i still haven't heard back for the MRI appointment time. i hate to be kept waiting.
i feel like veruca salt at times like this
Daddy I want it NOW!!!

i love that movie.
(willy wanka--the original..with the blueberry girl. :)))

welp-- i reckon that's about it--
unless ya wanna hear about one of my aunts disowning me-- (totally out of the blue--no questions asked)-- that's a story that could only come from MY family. UGH. i think i shall keep it out of blogsville...at least the details-- maybe-- well, at least for now... but really-- it's cuz i'm me. and it's sooo ridiculous... and uncalled for really. talk about blindsided. geesh, i get sick for a couple weeks.. and someone feels offended. hmmm. some peoples' kids. i tell ya.
but i will tell ya this-- it's not "auntie J"... :))

ok well
i will ttyl

happy FRIDAY!!!

still don't know nuthin

well, it's still a wait and see game. but the doc did seem to know what he was doing.. for once.

i have a MRI and a EEG scheduled for monday. no driving before then..and maybe after. it's wait and see.

it's possible that it was the flu etc, that caused the seizure-- but it's possible that it's more. but i aint goin there. yet.

the guy did at least understand that i AM in pain, and di rx some pain meds-- unlike the other docs i asked for meds. geesh. wth is it with docs these days?? i asked him once, he asked where it hurt, i told him , and he wrote a very generous script. phew.

he also explained why i am sleeping so much-- basically my brain exploded. not really, but it overloded itself or something like that. it just kinda shortcircuited or something ..i dont remember how he said it...but it should be back to normal soon. either way-- i am pretty tired again right now, and about to go to bed. we have only been home about half an hour. :((

surely this will end ?

anyhow.. that's my update.. i won't have any results prolly til tuesday?? not sure.

well.. i hope you all are havin good days---
i'll check around on ya after my nap! :))

you know you're jealous!

this will be me in about two hours. sexy huh? of course i am not looking forward to the makeover-- but i am looking forward to some answers.
i have been doing some reading this morning... would you believe that fibromyalgia has been known to cause convulsions?? so has chronic pain/nerve pain.. etc. not to mention.. migraine headaches!--- which i had-- for six days runnin! crazy.
i just don't know what to think about this. i had so many physical problems for an entire week that could have contributed to this. my whole body was out of whack. pain, flu, headache, no food, or liquids, or meds , (stayin down).. the last two days-- i had been stickin to gator aide and water--and even that wasn't stayin with me. SOOOOO. all i want is some answers. for once-- i want a doctor who knows what the hell he is talkin about-- someone with some experience with this kinda thing. no guessing. ya know. good solid answers and my drivers license.

my appointment is at ten... don't know how long it will take-- but when i get back i will let ya know what i know-- if anything. i hate not knowing stuff. especially something like THIS.

anyhow-- i hope things are perfect in your worlds today--
i'm gonna fake perfection... worry isn't cuttin it... so why not, right?

he's trying to kill me

see that dog? well, remember how sweet my soulman has been being all this past week? taking such good care of me? watching over me? well guess what? that dog up there ?---- i have been informed that soulman is going to get THAT dog! it is a belgian melenois or some kinda thing. it'll prolly EAT sushi. he says it won't.. cuz "it's trained". ugh.
it's not like i didn't already just have a seizure or anything. is he trying for a heart attack now? i don't want a new dog-- especially a full grown.. dog LIKE THAT. a puppy? maybe. but later--maybe later--- not now. and not THIS.
does anyone want to adopt me??? or soulman? :))

tell me it's a phase. tell me he is dreaming. or it's a midlife crisis thing, and he'll buy a boat instead! :))

me n julio down by the schoolyard

apparently, it's true. i am awake..and somewhat alive too. still not quite with it though. i gotta say--- it's been a while since i have felt totally clear headed... but this passed several days has been ridiculous.
and so is the song of the day! enjoy that for a while peeps :)) you know you love it.

i will say.. i actually woke up at a normal time.. for me today. like 5 a.m.
i have been sleeping way late , and then all day since friday. of course laying down, or being all crumpled up in my chair-- has not been good for my old body. or mind. i swear-- i haven't felt clear or normal in days.

i'm hoping that today will be a start back onto the right track. hubby is gonna take me out today and we will run some errands and get some fresh air, and out of this damn house. he has taken the week off since the seizure. he got a bit of the flu himself-- but he also doesn't want to leave me alone until i see the neuro doc. it is making him crazy with worry that this might happen again. i'm not real thrilled with that thought myself... but if it will be my life-- we will have to adapt. i refuse to be worried over and babysat for the rest of my life. people live very normal lives with this problem every day. it can be controlled with meds-- and actually, from reading about wellbutrin.. even though i had been on it for several years-- it was a high dose-- and with the flu-- it was basically cut off cold turkey-- so really that could be what caused it--and it may never happen again. at least that is what we are hoping. other than that i just don't know what to think.

i know y'all have your own stuff goin on, and really it's in many ways worse than what's goin on here. i guess the main thing here is the uncertainty-- and well.. ya-- the uncertainty. for now.

anybody want to buy a car? :)) i'm just kiddin. one thing-- if i can't drive my car for six months-- it will be in pretty damn good condition for its age six months from now huh? :))

sickening. that's all i can say. i was just getting to where i was getting out more--and the weather is about to change-- it's almost time for me to fish every day-- and here i might be TRAPPED... or riding a BIKE. can you see it? me on a damned modified bike with a sidecar full of fishing gear??? holy crap!
now there's a visual.

but ya know what? when things like this happen... i think it really makes a person appreciate what they have. all the complaining and whining i do about dumb stuff---- and somethin like this comes along. life changing possibly. what a bunch of crap.
but hey-- if nothin else-- it sure is a wake up call. so much could have been different.

and also... it is nice to see y'all checkin in, i miss all of you-- and i hope you know how much i appreciate your well wishes.

apparently i'm still not all with it--so just bear with me til i get it together-- i'll be my ole soul-self soon. i hope.

asleep at the wheel

hi folks, i'm still alive--- i'm just never awake. i can't believe that i sleep ALL the time.
i don't even have anything to say.
except that i'm pretty pissed off that i may lose my drivers license for six months. assuming it to be a seizure free six months.
i have a brand new damn car sittin out there -- and i can't even drive it.
i see the neuro doc on thursday , and i am only hoping that he will find something that will prove that the seizure was caused by not keeping meds down? maybe by the wellbutrin? maybe by being sick, and a combination of several things?
i am having a real hard time with this possibly being a late onset of epilepsy. that is a possibility though, and it is a scary one. my brother had epilepsy, and my mom had seizures. but i just can't claim this.
but-- i really don't know what to do at this point. i won't know anything until i see the neurologist-- and i may not even know anything after that. i don't have a history of good doctors-- i only hope this guy knows what he is doing.
all i have done since friday is sleep. i sleep late in the morning, and i sleep all damn day long. it's insane. but, i don't know what to do about it.
the shrink stopped the wellbutrin... other than that-- it's wait and see. and apparently sleep. or try not to sleep-- which doesn't seem to work very well.


anyhow-- i'm still here-- just grouchy-- and sleeping.

hope all of you are well...

i've fallen and i can't get UP

see this poor tired little dawg? intentions to keep up with blog pals.. and at minimum, stay awake! well.. this is me, this passed few days--- i cannot stay awake-- i attempt to talk to y'all on your pages-- and i seem to spew incoherent gibberish. my intentions are good tho-

still not sure what happened or why the other day-- but i sure am having a hard time gettin my head clear-- and doing anything other than sleep.

all i can say is i have a new found respect for epileptics. good lord. i could not imagine living my life like this. not knowing when or if something like that will happen again. hours in the ER.. being watched like a hawk by the family-- and no one can relax around here. poor soulman, didnt sleep for two days... he finally got some sleep last night. soulkid doesn't know what to think. i sure don't know what to think either. we don't know what caused it... or if it will happen again. but ya know-- we sure are hoping it was just a "thing".. and not a late onset of epilepsy or something. holy crap.

anyhow-- i need to see a neuro doc.. soon as i find the referral.. i will call and let ya know when i see him, and what they say.

as for now-- i still don't think i am thinking clearly-- so i think i won't be writing much around here. i just don't think my head is clear enough to be yackin too much right now.

so take care of yourselves, and if ya see me lurkin around and not talkin much-- it's probably cuz i make no sense :((

take care--and have good days today!

Soulman's Guest Post ---

hi folks---
sorry i haven't been around much ... i have slept more this passed couple days than i can remember sleeping in a long time. and y'all remember , sleeping used to be what i did best. :))

anyhow-- for anyone who is interested-- below is soulmans' version of the seizure episode from friday. i feel so bad for him. to see this happen to him , would scare the crap outta me!

anyways-- here ya go---

i shall post tomorrow. no idea about what-- seein as nothing has happened other than me sleeping 18 hours a day-- and still kickin this cold/flu thing.

we are hoping to go fishing tomorrow--- the weather is great here-- hope it is at your place too!

i miss y''all !

soulmans' guest post:

All I can say is I have seen seizures as my best friend growing up had them. However they were the calmer ones. This one caught me by total suprise and as I told Soul at the time I had no idea what was happening. We had just been talking and there was a patch of slilence of less than 2 or 3 minutes and then I heard her making a god awful noise, a sort of moaning and then she started vomiting. I flew out of my chair look at her eyes and she just started convulsing and was very stiff and her arms were drawn up and her fists clenched. I yelled at her and pulled her towards me so she would not aspirate. Basically pulled her so she was more leaning over me like you would burp a baby and she throw up all over my back. I was talking to her the whole time and she had no response other than to convulse.

She was very close to aspirating her vomit and probably did a little bit. She was so stiff and then she completly stopped breathing for what felt like minutes... more like probably 20 - 30 seconds. However that was the longest 30 seconds of my life. I literally thought she died. I slapped her face several times and slapped her back and then she drew in a long raspy breath and then she started breathing again but it was not normal breathing... It was the same breathing my dad had when he passed. It was terrifying. I had laid her back slightly so I could see her face and her eyes were rolled back and then she went wide awake eyes and looking at me like I was a complete stranger... Then she went limp and like a rag doll. She did open her eyes and I knew she was not all there and she still did not know me. Just before the ambulance arrived she would open and close her eyes like she had a bad dream or was having a dream... she would o pen and look at me so weird and then close her e yes. I kept asking her if she knew who I was and what happened and she just shook her head. Then as the Ambulance arrived they walked in and she sat upright and stared at them and she looked so scared and of course I did not want her to be scared. So as they knelt in front of her I went to the back of the couch and put my hand on her shoulder and face and they started talking to her and one of them said Soul. You had a seizure... She looked around the room in disbelief and I touched her face again and knelt by her side and then asked her again if she knew who I was and she nodded and said yes... That is when I felt better. They hooked her up to a few machines and then they started getting her ready to transport and I basically jumped in my truck and followed her to the hospital. The rest is pretty much on Souls post.

The entire ordeal to me was probably one of, if not the worst thing I have been through. I have always tried to protect Soul and Soulkid and I hope that when the time comes for one of us to die that they are not scared etc. I keep running the tape over and over again in my mind and all I can think of is how I was so scared she was dying I thought she could be having an anurysym or stroke or something. I just wanted her to know I loved her and I did not want her to hurt and she just looked to be in so much pain. My heart was hurting so bad that she had to go through it. She is such a special person and she has been through enough bad stuff in her life. I just hope it was the only one she will ever have. I pray she already knows how much I love her. However for me I plan on trying to do some things different in my life as far as my physical conditioning etc so I am in better shape so I dont go and have a heart attack or anything else on her etc. I really think thi s was brought on by her being sick as she was and not having enough liquids etc and the addisions disease how it can make your body feel rough and can compound problems. We will see what the specialists have to say about.

E-mer-gen-cy 9-1-1

morning folks-- happy satahday to ya!

wanna hear about my friday? perhaps also the reason why y'all didn't see me around too much?

well, ya know, i'll tell you anyhow-- but it wasn't a good day here-- i can tell you that much right off. i do hope things were better in your worlds!

y'all already noticed prolly that i didn't do much cruisin yesterday-- or commenting. it wasn't cuz i didn't want to-- y'all know i always want to check in on you , even if i don't say anything here, i usually try to say something on y'alls pages.
but , let's just say yesterday was not good here in Soulland. .

most of you know i've been sick this week... but yesterday-- was the worst sick day of all for me .
i would say-- it was the worst medical day in my life . and i have had a lot of medical days--and issues--as most of you know by now.

anyhow-- it started sickly-- puking etc. the day before i puked a lot too. the flu, i spose. unable to keep even liquid down. not to mention the bronchitis i've been trying to fight off as well. so, i spent the day-- trying to recover---med up-- and sleep.. cuz i hardly slept the night before at all.
nothing helped. i felt like hell all day.

soulman worked of course--soulkid went to school of course-- as their days ended, the kid called to go after school to stay the night with a friend-- i was glad later-- that i let her go.

the rest is a blur for the most part-- because i can still barely remember soulman even coming home. my memory of some things is better now than last night-- but still patchy, at best.

so-- what i do remember???
i vaguely remember that we had started to watch american idol that we recorded the night before--- (it took hours, before any of these memories came-- and they are still very fuzzy)
after that?
i was in my chair-- and didn't know where i was -- or what the hell just happened-- only that something happened... something BIG. and scary. i opened my eyes.. to a room full of EMT's -- and a very scared husband! they were calling my name over and over-- i couldn't really focus-- mentally or visual at the moment-- not until--
i heard this:

"brenda-- you had a seizure!"

that was when i think i finally opened my eyes... i saw all these people .. maybe four to six of them. and hubby. he looked white as a sheet, and on the verge of tears.
i kept hearing, you had a seizure , do you know where you are? do you know what happened?
those kinds of things. at the moment--- i knew NOTHING. i barely even know if i knew where i was.. i do know i knew hubby-- and i knew something happened.

as they got me a bit more coherent -and able to stand--- i guess-- cuz the next thing i remember -- i was in the ambulance!!! i have been in an ambulance one time in my life-- i was 15 and a whole different story---
so needles to say-- i was pretty scared.. and extremely confused. i was also puking-- mostly dry heaves--they asked me my birthday-- i didn't know it-- my age-- nope. after a couple minutes-- i saw soulmans big ole bubba mobile thru the back window of the ambulance-- i think that was when i kinda started bringing a little together-- nothing of the "event", but like who i was, my age-- but i was off at first-- by a year-- but was able to correct it.

anything before that was told to me-- by soulman.. he has his own story to tell, maybe i will have him put a post up here later with more detail. i only know he had never seen anything like it--especially from me. i had never gone into convulsions before in my life, and apparently-- this was a pretty intense one. especially for his first to have to be a part of.
he also knows that my own brother died an epileptic, in convulsions... and aside from that--- his brothers ex "wife" , died from aspirating vomit, in a drug overdose-- and a friend of his other brother-- his wife also died within 2 years of that ..-- same prob-- but no drugs involved-- it happened while she was sleeping. very very freakin weird. i could have been the third woman in or close to one family-- his family-- do have that problem, and that was his biggest fear. in fact there was one point he said i stopped breathing and went limp-- he literally thought i had died in his arms.

anyhow-- this was the first time i have ever had a seizure---convulsions anyhow-- i have suspected that i had had "small" seizures (petimals).. but was never sure.

we spent most the eve and night at ER--- they stuck needles in every possible vein in both my arms.. ekg.. head scan.... x-rays... you name it they did it-- i got the FULL workup.

i'm not looking forward to this bill. :((
but i must say-- i am very happy to have not been home alone. hubby pulled through like a champ-- and did everything right-- even though he wasn't sure what to do-- and it was very hard for him.

anyhow-- they finally let us leave-- with rx for nausea.. (and a different anti-biotic (because that was the only thing we could guess may be a part of this-- the only new med i'm on???)
but of course they would NOT rx for the excruciating headache and neck and shoulder muscle pain... ugh -- terribly pain. i wretched every possible muscle i could have in my neck etc.
i ended up vomiting, even more--2 more times after we got home-- but finally was able to keep the meds down..and sleep-- some very needed sleep. and poor hubby he was sooo freakin exhausted.. but wouldn't let me out of his sight-- and in fact-- insisted that i wake him-- no matter how early this morning. i'm happy i slept til 6 today, not the usual 4 ish.

anyhow-- i woke to a terrible headache, and my neck, shoulders, arms, are very very sore. other than that-- i feel ok. still sick with the flu-- runnin a lowgrade fever-- i guess-- close to 100. anyhow-- all that is easily remedied.

so anyhow-- if you don't see much of me today-- i'm recovering. or sleeping. i have a feeling both of us will be having a nap later.


i gotta go---- will catch ya later

holy hell....

i sure hope y'all had better nights last night than i did.
i really don't think this is bronchitis... it gradually got worse last night--- if i was the doctah i claim to be :)) -- i would say i have the friggin FLU! (maybe WITH bronchitis?)

i get bronchitis maybe once a year-- never have i puked-- or had the body aches, and headaches that this has brought with it. i couldn't sleep last night almost all.. i got "sick" like half an hour after i took my sleep meds.... which meant-- even though it crossed my mind that i "lost them"... it also crossed my mind-- that if i didn't-- taking more could mean an overdose. so, i didn't, and i did fall asleep--- later than normal... then woke up about every forty five minutes throughout the rest of the short night.

my recommendation to y'all? not that ya asked, but .. i haven't had a flu shot-- feeling immune to the flu-- since i was like ten. or maybe i had to get em in the navy-- i'm not sure. anyhow-- i have never "willingly" gone and had a flu shot .... now i wish i would have. perhaps you should?

i am in hell. and i obviously laid on my back way too much yesterday-- from about 3pm.. til maybe 430 am this morning. not good for the ole bones.

so--- ? have ya heard enough whining yet?

i'm such a crybaby. damn. but well, this is where i dump my crybaby attacks..and y'all are the "lucky" ones who get to read about them.

ok-- anyhow-- today is FRIDAY--- for those who care.
i hope y'all make it a good one...

i will be cleaning my three day old kitchen :(( it's do or die, as far as that goes.
other than that-- if i don't pass out first--- i will planting myself-- upright-- once again in my chair all day.

stay well--and have happy days in your worlds today!

life has been put on hold in soul land

ok, maybe not life-- but the weekend, has been cancelled. well, postponed really. til next month.

i feel like hell, this is kickin my butt.. hubby got home from work and decided to change our reservation. cuz i look like THIS:


and everybody knows---
when mamma aint happy-- nobody is.

i will get to y'alls comments i owe prolly in the mornin.. ...


hope you all have good nights out there

overmedicated? i doubt it, but still, i got nuthin

yep it is actually quiet here at the moment.. even the animals are quiet-- strange for a morning. usually it's animania!
anyhow-- my voice is crap-- so i'm not even talking to them today. so they are all strewn about sleeping.
and hubby and the child are gone for their days out in the real world -- as i sit here and wonder-- what-- other than picking up rx's will i do today with MY world. hmmmm. good question. i'll let ya know latah.





so anyhow--- i spose that's it.
i'm snotty, and hacky, and kinda tiahd and sickly---
hoping it will ALL pass by tomorrow---
so i can do THIS:


oh YEAAAAAAH....

happy thursday to y'all

The Big Bad B****

no, not that B***

i went to the doctor .. yep they did actually call me back..

i never had so many "things" comin at my face in one ten minute period in my life. geesh. some kinda wand thing -- looked like the eye things-- or the ear thing.. i didn't know if i should open my mouth-- close my eyes or RUN. man. then came the light up the nose, the ear thing, the throat thing, even a nose swab (to check for FLU)-- which thank God, i do not have.

i do have Bronchitis though. just as i thought. i can always tell, just from the way it feels..and my voice.

so-- after spending almost 2 hours there with the :


i dropped off an RX for cough syrup-- and carried my butt home with two inhalers , and a rx for antibiotics (to only fill in 2-3 days if i'm not better). hmmmm.

of course i got the smoking-- or should i say -- quit smoking -- lecture--
all i could do is nod in agreement , -- i know i should stop smoking..... maybe someday i will. today is just not that day.
so, i got home, and soulman was here, i gave him the rundown. he was pretty happy to hear that i shouldn't be contageous, but not too happy to hear that it's bronchitis. i always have a tough time gettin rid of it. it always hangs on for a while. hopefully i got it fast enough this time that it won't get too bad. ??




sooooo... i chatted with hubby for a little bit, but my head was pounding-- so i took some asperin and thera flu-- and came to bed.

then hubby brought me some :

yep-- soul - soup !

it was really chicken noodle (progresso) but it was good. him and soulkid ordered a pizza.

now my headache is finally gone, so i think i will take myself back out there, and watch american idol.
(it's half over now, but it's recording)

so anyhow-- have good nights out there peeps...

what is this? the week from Hell?

i mean.. happy humpday folks!

holy crap. what a damn week, and we're not even technically three days in yet.
but it's freakin 4 a.m. and i feel like i have a chainsaw in my throat. not a good feeling, in case you're wondering.

i made it to about lunchtime yesterday when i noticed my throat hurting. at first, i was hoping it was from smoking too much, cuz i really have been smoking a lot lately. a lot for even me. which is really--- A LOT. but it only kept getting worse. by 3, i was at the drugstore getting cough-drops and thera flu. YUM. afterwards, i canceled my day. planted my ass in my chair and stayed there-- except when totally necessary, until after american idol. (which we had to record, and watch late, cuz hubby got home late.. so it was ore like 930 or so, but still.... ) this shit hit me like a ton of bricks. i should have seen it comin though, because saturday night soulkid had one of her friends over here for the night, and that girl coughed and hacked soooooo bad , soulman finally had to ask if she was sick. she said she wasn't , that it might be an allergy or something. we didn't think so. but what can ya do? by then they had been out, and home, and it was probably 8 or 9 pm. we couldn't throw her out for coughin. but by-gummit--- next time i will. i think the kid had strep. at least that's what it feels like.. that deeeeep sore throat that makes me feel like a big baby..and a cough. and i feel all crappy . JUST what i need right now-- days away from going out of town. if it is strep--- it maybe 7 out of 10 times turns to bronchitis for me. yes i know-- smoking is bad for you. oh well. so is everything else.
so anyhow, not just me, but soulkid said she wasn't feeling too well either, but she hadn't lost her voice yet. hopefully she won't. and really, soulman getting sick is never a good thing ... being an instructor-- there's not much he can do at work , without a voice. terr-ific.

ok.. i'm done with my crybaby attack. for now.

ahh.. we did manage to get our drivers licenses yesterday. it went so easy. we thought we'd be there for hours by the look of all the people there--then the cop there started going through the line of like fifty people, asking what they needed, half were in the wrong building, most the others in front of us were in the wrong line--- as were we--- so it went really fast. and i had another good hair day--- woo hoo!
i didn't see my pic, but i told the guy to make sure it was a good pic, and after he took it he said it was. so i will wait and see.
another good thing about that--- we didn't have to do the eye thing! i was sooo worried about that this time. i have never sweated that before...... but last time-- about a year or so ago-- i nearly failed it-- i had to close one eye to see it! after i got mine hubby got his-- back then-- he had the same trouble-- but i had told him about the closing one eye thing.
so yesterday we were both all worried about not making it through the eye exam... luckily neither of us had to take it. PHEW! it's pretty easy when you only change an address here. well, unless you go on friggin presidents day!!!

so anyhow--- i don't think much else is happenin here. i have a dr appt this morning, and errands and housework later--- then i imagine i will med-up and go to bed when i get home. if the cough or throat get any worse through the day--i'll have to make a dr appt-- i do not want to be sick this weekend--or get anyone else sick here. the kid has missed too much school already this year, and hubby cannot afford to get sick.

ok.. i shall attempt to catch up on my comments here-- sorry that i have fallen behind yet again. bad me. don't take it personally-- i'll get it together pretty soon. i hope.

anyways-- happy humpday peeps!!!!
make it a good one....