Thursday, December 11, 2008

soul's worst post of the year

what is this? hell week , in soul land? i'm beginning to think so.
have you ever felt like everything in your world was fading away?? or maybe that it already has?

it seems that i have lost all control of every damn thing around here. i'm even back to being a brown recluse. i hate to go anywhere. i wouldn't if i didn't have to. even so-- i barely do go anywhere. for business- or pleasure. since i got sick-- with bronchitis-a week before the blood clot/ i have gone only to dr appointments, taken soulkid to and from school, gone to the pharmacy, picked up food here and there-- but have done NO major food shopping- at all. i haven't gone fishing since before i got sick. that feels like forever. been to the post office a few times. i think that about covers it. this is since october folks. here it is - practically mid december--- and 34 degrees outside. y'all know i do not go outside when it's cold. not unless it's totally necessary. such as -- doctors, and school. period.

so--- speakin of doctors. wanna hear the latest??? i'll tell ya anyhow. i know ya hate it. but really, these days, there's not much else i have to talk about.
so, off we go---
i finally saw the E.N.T. doc , yesterday, about my thyroid probs. (the nodules)-- or cysts, or whatever ya want to call them. well. he said he couldn't feel any of them, and what i had felt was some type of gland. forgot what he called it-- but it was too high for the thyroid. those are too small to feel. (or be palpable)... so. he seemed like a pretty good doc. he explained a lot without me havin to ask. and he didn't confuse me by talking over my head, like some docs will, plus he wasn't condescending, like my other doc, who talks down to me like i'm a child. we had a pretty good rapport i guess you could say. i'm not afraid to let him cut on me if he had to.
which i spose is a possibility/ from what he said.
ya know, from all my med problems, and past history, and worries etc. i have asked docs about the possibility of cancer.. the biG C. etc. but it seems they always deter me from that idea until it was confirmed or denied. this time, i didn't mention it. i kinda stopped bringin it up-- to dr's at least. i mean i wonder , obviously-- when ya have lumps, and growths, and lose weight, and constant headaches, and want to lay down all the time-- it's gonna cross your mind.. dontcha think?? well, it has. even before i knew i had the things on my thyroid. and if i do=-- it's apparently easy to treat-- just cut the damn thing out-- and it's usually ok. but anyhow.
what i'm gettin at. is this was the first doc to ever bring up the word cancer-- before i did. so, i just wonder. not worry. just wonder. so anyhow-- oh .. btw-- no , he didn't say i HAVE cancer-- it was more a IF i did thing. but he did get me scheduled for a test. yes i know. i should GLOW by now. ugh. maybe i will next wednesday. i got the call a while ago. for a "I-123 scan & uptake"
it's some kind of nuclear thing type test. i will swallow a "radioactive isotope capsule" then six hours later, get scanned. ... then 24 hours later-- get scanned again. exciting, no?
anybody ever have that done before?? i haven't had a chance to google it yet. sounds pretty cool tho.
i'm gonna turn into the HULK someday. i have had more ct's , mri's, xrays, and other things in this past couple years than most people have in their whole life. it's crazy.

anyhow--- not sure how long it takes to get the results... but when i get them... all they will say is whether i need a biopsy or not. after that-- only more waiting. cuz all the biopsy will say is if it's cancer or not. then there will be surgery-- then treatment- ugh. shit.

so. what else?
chantix. i finally started the chantix yesterday. after almost a week of research and asking dr after dr about possible reactions with "my" meds and diagnosis. which i was not getting from anyone. i finally got a hold of my shrink, and she said it would be ok, just to call her or stop it, if i had any bad bad bad stuff happen. cuz it has been known to affect bi-polar folks in a really bad way. so i went ahead and started it. of coarse i am still smoking. my stress level is thru the roof these days.

the dogs got in a fight last night. it was the first time soulman has been here to that . i was glad he was here. cuz they were on my side of the bed, and i couldn't get them to stop. they never want to stop and i usually end up hurtin them tryin to break them up. so soulman jumped over there and beat the crap out of eevee then yanked her by the colar onto the i grabed sushi by her collar and over to my table. eevee ended up in her crate, and bratty sushi baby got to lay on our bed. i don't know why they do that. sushi just gets jealous sometimes, or eevee gets nervous. it is just wild, and it makes me crazy upset. eevee is gonna kill poor sushi one of these days. if that happens i would prolly kill her. i love sushi. not that i don't love eevee-- i just have a different love for sushi.

hmmm, ok what else. i'm gettin so out of order here. not sure if i've mentioned it but i've been sick for days. not sure why--or with what. maybe just a cold, but of course i'm worried about it getting into my chest. as is hubby. so far, it's just a sore throat, snots and a cough. today, it's not as bad as it has been the last few days. so i hope it's just the quick change in the weather, and it's on it's way out.

speakin of the weather.. i think it was like monday-- it was about 5 when we took the kid to her group thing.. it was almost 70 degrees outside. very nice night. by like ten pm, the sky opened up and we had a crazy storm. wind rain thunder you name it. the next day.. it was dry and kinda warm in the morning, by 9 or ten a.m. the temp started dropping. fast. by evening time-- it was literally freezing. and it snowed that night ! not real snow-- more like flurries. but still snow. in texas. and it has been in the 30's and 40's since then. i hate it. y'all know i hate it.
and this morning, guess what? my heater decided to go schitzo on me. it's frickin freezin in here. i messed with it the best i could. for some reason, it is ok in my room, but the rest of the place is cold.

oh-- THEN.. after i did that--- i started to clean my kitchen.. not sure why-- but when i clean house i always start with the kitchen. so anyhow--- i never claimed to be the brightest bulb in the box. there's a reason for that. we had a bunch of leftover brisket in the fridge-- i kinda second guessed myself, but then said, hmm screw it-- and dumped it down the disposal anyways. and guess what happened?? yeppers. i clogged up my sink!!!! cant finish the dishes now. i don't have a sink plunger. i really don't think a plunger is gonna fix it anyways. soulman is gonna have to take the pipe off. once , a long time ago, i put artichokes down the disposal.. years ago. never never do that. not the real ones at least. man they do some damage-- and he had to take the entire drain pipe off .. it was all full of hairy leafy artichoky leavins. ugh.

well, speakin of cleaning, i better get back to it. or maybe i will take a nap before i get soulkid.
my seester will be here tomorrow. she's gonna fly out of here to go to england. she'll be here a whole 20 hours. woo hoo. beats not at all tho. if the house is a mess she can close her eyes for that long-- right poops? :))

anyhow-- there is some family crap i left out to protect the guilty--- but really, this has been maybe the worst week of the year. not counting the week i was in the hospital. that might win the worst week award. but this week takes second. ugh. there was lotsa worst week awards this year.

good stuff happened too. but soo much bad towered over it. just makes it hard to notice . ya know?

welp, i better go at least attempt to be productive in some manner--- or not. but i can't see anymore.

hope y'all are havin happy days today-