Saturday, October 23, 2010

and it happens again - cuz I AM ME

hi y'all.. well.  you want the good news or the bad news first?  the bad isn't 'that bad'.  it's just one - a - those things.  ya know.  one -a-those... soul thangs.

alright.  i'll start with the 'good' and work my way back. 
yesterday afternoon -- or day - was a good day -- in comparison to the last many.  my kid even surprised me with a home made lunch.  and boy was i surprised!  hand delivered to me .. as i was exiting the bathroom-- post shower.  :))  no.  of course i didn't eat it there.  we watched a recorded episode of criminal minds while we dined.  and we enjoyed ourselves.  that was some much needed alone time together.  that makes no sense but you get it. 

her new school schedule is all but stupid.  two hours a day -TWO days a week. wed and sat. ugh.  we're both goin crazy.  she has got to get a job.  lest we both go mental. (er)

so anyhow-- while we were wathin tv, hubby called (i don't know why that hi-lighted-- ignore it) ..
and asked if we wanted to meet for an early movie after he got off work.  well of course we would.  so we did.  we saw a movie called ' it's kind of a funny story'-- or some such thing.   i don't know.  it was OK.  the plan was to see "the town".. but that changed at the very last second-- literally-- at the box office.  it's ok.. i wasn't in the mood for guns and noise and crap anyhow.. so we end up in a movie about a mental hospital.  how ironic eh?  it was an ok movie-- but my main focus was on the bloopers-- such as .. lamps in the rooms, and unlocked doors; where patients would sneak out as they pleased - to other parts of the hospital. including the ROOF. that just does not happen.  but hey -- you may like it.  the fam did. and i didn't 'hate it'.

so -- here we go -- to the 'not so' good.   a funny thing happened on the way to the theater.....

me and the kid stopped at a lil convenience store for somethin to drink... she didn't want anything.. so i go in, and i get ONE bottle of water.  that is ALL.  rewind a sec-- back to the car-- she did ask me to buy a pack of menthol for her-- she has been quit for many months.. i admit there was a time i would buy them for her-- only so she wouldn't get someone else in trouble for buyin them.  yes-- against my better judgement.  but like i said - she quit many months ago- at least i think so.  i haven't seen her smoke in ages.  so-- she asks for a pk of menthols-- says she just wants ONE.  i said blatantly NO. i am never buyin them for 'you' again. (i learned my lesson) just NO.  so i go in.  i get a water.. i'm at the register.  while there -- with my 89 cent bottle of water .. soul-schleprock luck hits-- full force.
1st-- the sun is shinin right on the stupid debit card machine-- i can't see it-- 2nd it fails the first time, third-- in the meantime, whilst fightin with the machine and my blindness-- my kid is callin my cell-phone - a total of 4 times.  can we say -- DISTRACTED?   all i wanna do is pay for my water and get out of there.  well....  obviously -- the cashier can see that i am a frazzled mess... phone, machine, etc... so-- i finally paid -- took my water - and left-- i didn't see the total, and he didn't mention it-- thank you-- see ya next time-- ore vois-  off we go.

so. this morning-- ?  what am i doin?  the normal stuff i do most mornins-- drinkin my coffee , smoke my cigs-- and yes - i'm a chain smokin fool lately -- i'm a failure and i kick my ass every day for it.  ugh.  i was doin real good for a while-- hope i get back on track soon.  but-- it's the only crutch that doesn't destroy my life -- as fast as others might.  anyhow-- i see on my bank-- a charge for 6.19.  i wonder -- WTF?  i also notice -- there is no charge for 1.00 - or so.  i check for the rect. for the water-- i find it-- and guess what?  the damn guy at the store yesterday?  in my clumsy effort to pay for A water?  HE helped himself to a can of fuckin skoal!!!!!  on MY bill.  ERG!!!!!

i wonder if he woulda tried that shit if i had been wearin my hat?

what  do you think?
i think i look a lil less 'shit takin' with the hat.

guys????  why is it that i get robbed so much?  you'd be surprised if you knew of every time and every thing i have had stolen from me.  i would prolly too for that matter.  it has been so much and so often over the years, even i don't recall every little thing.  i can tell you that it has been a lot tho.  from family , to friends, to strangers, to businesses.  can't have nuthin !!!
i've had stuff stolen from my home, my car, my barracks room,  my credit cards, hell- i've had an entire car stolen. 
have i ever told you that my car was broken into while it was parked in a hospital parking lot -- when i was a patient IN a psych ward?  TRUE.  it happened.  they caught the guy.  but tell me.  what kind of person needs that shit-- while IN a mental hospital?  ugh.

i am not a thief.  i once had the opportunity -(more than once- but this is the most significant situation)

--  my family and i  - not the soul fam.. but many years ago -- my 'family/ family'.. we were beyond poor... you can't even imagine the state we were in.  i had the opportunity to take 700.00 in cash -- and never be caught.  there was no way i would ever be caught -- or seen again by this person.  it was almost like he was either testing me-- or 'offering me the the money'.. or opportunity to take it or leave it.  who knows? but, i left it... not before thinking about it, of course.  who wouldn't?  just think about it ya know.  this was a time that we lived- literally , day by day at a park, night by night in a cheap motel. meal by meal - by chance.  i did not take that money. 
if not karma?  why?  why do i get stolen from time after time?  
it's been just over a year since my jewelry was stolen.. by our movers!  of all people-- it was a guy i paid to help me.  invited into my home-- paid, trusted, bought food for.  i still feel 'raped' by him, and that business.  believe it or not-- i felt bad for the owner of that company -- because he had a truck stolen!  i never sued or fought for compensation.  the thief was never prosecuted. (lack of evidence!)- even tho-- he pawned two rings- i was at least able to recover those.  but not the rest-- and most of you know -- i am a sentiMENTAL idiot.  i don't have much- but what i do have -- i could tell you when and who gave me any of it.  so much is gone now. and i still hurt for it. 

so yeh.. a five dollar can of skoal?  some of you may think that's nothin... to me?  it's one more time.  and one more time too many.  how many thefts does it take to break a soul?  i wonder how long it's gonna take to find out???  i would really hate to be the one that does find out.  there sure won't be no timid about that.  i can tell ya that much.

oh - did i mention i did call the store- and i'm handlin it.  i'm gettin my money back -- and the guy will be dealt with.  i wonder what he drives.  hmmm. but i am on my way out the door right now to talk to the manager-- then off to take my kid to learn somethin at her school. 

wonder how i shall kill my two hours today?

y'all be happy today --
the sky is cryin here.
but i aint-