Saturday, March 31, 2007

can you say.... insomnia?

what is wrong with me? why can i not sleep like a normal person? it takes me forever to fall asleep, no matter when i go to could be 8 pm...or 12 am...but i still lay there awake for hours. then it doesn't matter if i need to be awake at 6 or not at a non school or appointment day etc...but regardless, i'm always up, before the sun! this morning, i woke up...for no apparent reason really...perhaps i just "felt the absence of hubby"?? but i woke up at 4 a.m.
yes, four in the damn morning...on a saturday. and what were the order of events upon my awakening? first, i of course realize, shit, i'm awake...and it's dark. 2.. i hear music in the living room...which is right off of my bedroom, 3... i notice hubby isn't in bed...4... i think...hmmm wonder where he is/what's he doing up so damn early...5...i think , damn, i have to pee!...6... i envision some kind of papers in my mind...must have been something i was dreaming about....but i sort of "read them" for a minute. couldn't tell ya now what they said...probably medical or VA crap. (i wish i could get a lawyer to do all this crap for me but i really don't think a lawyer can do VA claims.)...but really it's all making me crazy, and i'm probably not gonna get anywhere with any of it, cuz it's just too much for my feeble mind to handle. i thought that was why i got a DAV advocate...they have not...ever..and still are..NO help to me whatsoever!!! there's gotta be someone out there who can walk me through this. i have mental problems for Christs'sake! i cannot do all this thinking, and driving, and all this stuff by my self!... so anyhow...all this goes thru my head in like very few minutes...maybe three? then i finally get up to go look for hubster. of course i find him. he got up to turn off the tv..daughter fell asleep with the tv on, watching music videos...quite loudly last night. so anyhow...guess where he bed, sleeping. guess where the girl is, on the living room floor ...sleeping. guess where all the animals
are...yup, you guessed it..scattered around the i am....wide awake. typing on my blog. what kind of word is that anyways. a blog. couldn't they come up with a better, more intriguing word? one that would drive people to just feel the need to search them out and see what they're all about? see what so many different people and personalities have to say out there? but they come up with "BLOG".
so anyhow. i guess i don't have anything else to say at the moment, so shall sign off for now. i'll be baaack. for now, i reckon i shall continue to "smoke and choke" until life on a saturday happens to begin around here.
til then
ore vois (?) :) oh who cares if it's spelled right?