Saturday, March 6, 2010

oh NO -- and yes- i did too

first, i gotta say this-- baby brodie has a problem -- he has fallen in the parents magazine competition ! how? i don't know. someone isn't bein loyal to him. y'all need to vote. it only takes a second. mamma needs a vacuum ! :))
c'mon. you can vote once a day.. and i won't stop askin til the competition is over -- so just vote so i can write about other stuff in soulland -- not someone elses land. k?

such as the juicy gossip y'all wanna know -- like what my child did to me yesterday. isn't that what ya wanna know? looks like it from the comments yesterday. ya buncha hen partyin fools. :)) i wish for one day we could chill together at the soul crib -- or the fishin pond -- and just BS the day away. that would just be the shiznit-- for me anyhow.

so. ya want me to make my kid look like a bad girl eh?
i used to that on an almost daily basis around here. course... she almost deserved it back then. and really-- if i didn't blow of steam here? i might have died. literally. it almost came to that. i really did have many physical weird and out of the ordinary things happen to me for a while. i do relate a lot of it to the stress an helplessness i was dealing with during that time. not 'blame'.. just -- relate.

so anyhow-- the girl has come a long way since last year. y'all know that. she's a whole different animal. but-- she still knows how to get what she wants. and she can do it with me, better, smoother, and easier than with her dad-- and she knows it-- she knows my weaknesses-- and i have many. i don't think it's right-- and i won't make excuses for her. i find it very wrong-- and hurtful.

so. here's the deal. please keep your parenting and other opinions to yourself. the situation has been dealt with as her dad and i felt best already here at home. ok?

anyhow-- what happened was--

it was early in the morning. which isn't a good time for me to think, or make decisions anyhow.
i had a hard time gettin her out of bed as it was, but she finally gets up and comes downstairs. oh- not to mention the fact that i had to actually go UP to wake her up-- i usually call her cell to wake her up. that, didn't make me happy. [btw- first time i've been upstairs since the trauma of the dresser battle :)) ]
i'm still on my first cuppa coffee -- really not a good time to deal with any damn thing.
we at this point have about 45 minutes before we have to leave for school- so we chat a little like we do almost every day. no big deal right?
well.. time starts slippin by-- i finally ask if what she's wearin is what she's gonna wear to school. she says no. i'm like -- well, you better go get changed.
she says -- i will. we're talkin.
-- this same thing is said uncountable times over the next two hours --- yeh, i shityounot.
along with --
it's my birthday.
i'm not going to school
i have to clean upstairs for my party
and numerous other 'excuses, and i don't know what to say'

during this period of time-- i can't tell you how many times i told her to get ready and go to school. i threatened to call the truancy officer-- i even went so far as to 'fake call' them.... know what she did? she came and physically took my phone away from me.!

i threatened to call her school principal. i didn't though.

i can't call her dad at work-- because he is an instructor. and i never know when he is in class -- she knows i can't call him.
dammit i wish i could tho. cuz he puts the fear of God into her. me? obviously not.

she thought the whole thing was a joke -- while in the meantime-- i was having a literal anxiety attack/ panick attack . i KNOW she knew it-- cuz she kept telling me to calm down, settle down etc-- and i wasn't raising my voice or anything-- it must've showed on my face-- well, that or the fact that i was holding my chest-- couldn't breathe right -- or some such other clue. ugh.

i just couldn't believe this was happening -- between me and my CHILD.
MY mom? she woulda flew across the room in a rage and beat my ass -- all the way to school !!! seriously. of course-- i feared her like no other-- and i would have never even attempted such a stunt.

but yeh. yesterday was the FIFTH. soulkids 'birthday' is on the 9th. her party is TONIGHT.
i was completely under the belief -- not just understanding-- but i believed in my SOUL-- that yesterday was not only her party-- but her BIRTHDAY as well. her 'sweet sixteen", no less.

even so-- i wanted to make her go to school.... but i knew - know i cannot 'do ' a thing physically - to 'make her.'
she fears my discipline in no form or fashion.
she stayed home from school...
the only time she felt anything about the whole thing -- taking advantage of me-- consequences that we as parents could face for her amount of absences, all of it-- wasn't until soulman called on his lunch break -- boy i tell ya -- i took mine-- but she got it a lot worse than i did. he thought i shoulda done more-- but i reminded him that a dresser kicked my ass -- wth am i sposed to do -- i have zero strength left and SHE would fight back!
he called her phone and man-o-man. she will never try that shit again-- i KNOW this. NO ONE wants soulman yellin at em. not even a grown man. he's scary. even tho you KNOW he would never hit ya with his anaconda arms-- just his voice-- even on the phone will make ya cry. and i knew from the beginning he would be pissed --- and he was more than pissed.

next time-- if there is one-- i really will call the police--- fo shizzle--

now i have to go--

happy days -- it's saturday :))