Monday, June 23, 2008

more too early incoherant babble


i found it while googling images for a sloth pic.... how lucky could i get ????

same thing happened once lookin for a soul photo-- i found a hat-- AND a hoodie that said SOUL SURVIVOR!!! did i buy them? why, yes, yes i DID. am i gonna buy this one? oh hell YA!! well.. unless someone wants to buy it for me?? :))

WELL SHIT !!! i'm typin in this friggin little box thingy-- and it won't let me get rid of it -- so i spose we're all stuck with it-- cuz i don't feel like messin with it anymore.

sooooo-- no, this wasn't what i was gonna post about-- just thought i'd show ya. cuz i think it's waaaay cool. some-a y'all just don't know how long i've been "a soul sloth" :)) it's just too funny to stumble on some of the stuff i find sometimes.

anyhow-- i don't even remember now what i WAS gonna post about. oh yes i do-- the fact that i just can't sleep for nuthin. WTF ??

it sooo messes with my head sometimes. it really does. and what makes it worse this last few days??? it's really my own damn fault. how? you may be wondering. well.. i allowed myself to run out of sleep- slash- anti anxiety meds. i know-- that was really a stupid move. a VERY stupid M-O-V-E .
but-- to defend myself-- i used to keep my meds by my bed-- and it was easy to know when i was runnin low--- BUT this past month or two-- or so-- i began to lock all my meds up--- in a case with a combo-lock... and well... it's just a pain in the ass to get into it--unless i need to refill the small case i carry in my purse. even then, it is, so i wait til i HAVE to get in there. well.. a few days ago-- i realized i was OUT.. totally.. of these most necessary meds. :(( and altho i sleep poorly anyways---- i haven't slept more than three hours per night in three or four nights. and days have been more than rough with the anxiety thing. why am i telling you all of this? i do not know. i guess cuz this is where i dump what's on my mind ... and right now-- lack of sleep-- and bein stupid is what's on my mind.
so anyways-- not only did i find that i was out of that med-- but very close to runnin out of two other ones that i take EVERY day. goo-lawd. someone really needs to slap me around a bit.
and as for the sleep issue? anybody recall me talkin about the "muscle-relaxer from Hell" ???/ well... i assumed--- that i could substitute THAT for a sleep med--until i could get the xanax refilled-- cuz wouldn't ya know-- i AM me-- and i had NO refills left-- UGH.... you know how that works-- ..... soooo--- the pill that has , in the past, left me comatose--- the entire following day after taking it??? has basically done NADA for me lately. well aside from what it is designed for-- less pain for several hours-- that's good i spose. but sleep? nope. even last night-- i was sooo tired.. i took a whole one at 9 ish-- nuthin...... 10 ish i took a half..... 1130-12 ish-- soulman comes to bed-- surprised that i'm still awake--- he rubs my head for half an hour ,,,, then he's asleep--- somewhere --sometime-- i fell asleep-- but i woke up at 2 a.m. on the dot. the bright red angry looking 2:00 A.M. staring at me from the clock radio as i laid there hoping i would be able to get back to sleep------did i?? nooooo.
will i?? perhaps.. maybe around noon.... usually food is my worst enemy in the daytime.. eat lunch fall asleep--whether i want to or not. i think i'm allergic to lunch.

so anyhow... can't tell ya wth is UP with my mind lately-- but it must look sumthin like this :

while my body is more like THIS :

and the "communication" between the two ?

which leaves me wondering...
why can't MY "self talk" be more like THIS -

aaaand-- on that note i think i shall STFU--
and leave y'all with this ---- :))

have happy days in your worlds today !!!