Friday, January 13, 2012


So, i had a rough day in my last post. It happens, right. More often than not here lately... Sorry. But hey, i said i'd try to post more, i should get a little credit for that much at least. No? Yeh. Not. That's why i stopped in the first place. I really couldn't find anything decent to put here. Not like i used to, at least. I even considered re-posting some 'best of's. Until it became too much work to sift thru the babble-a thon posts of soul posts past. But i did realize something... I used to be pretty darn entertaining at times here sometimes. Even when things were going pretty bad. - and if anyone remembers, there have been some damn rough times in the soul world.

Some of those subjects for whatever reason, have come up in conversation over these past few weeks. I find myself amazed really, that the three of us are, for one living under the same roof.... And second, more amazed that us girls here are still vertical and breathing.

Soulman, has been forever blessed,so far with his health. Of course there have been concerns, and had a few issues, but none life threatening. Certainly nothing out of the ordinary for a man his age.

But for soulkid.. My Lord, my baby, soulkid. that kid has been through more than i have.. In a certain area. Which included an entire world that i know little to nothing about, except from what i've seen on tv. Aside from the ramifications of what it did to her, and our family. That part of her life will never be completely 'over'. It is a fear that i live with. but i know for now that every day for the last three years, she is a miracle. And her life today.. For her, and us is a blessing. Even tho she still likes to piss me off on a daily basis :)) there are more good days than bad with her. Our relationship is now more mature, and she has begun to understand a lot more about the way things work with me and my limitations... Rather than taking that personally. To see her with goals, and dreams, and watch her act on those? Nothing short of a miracle. To even imagine that we might have buried her at the age of 14? The thought of it is nothing short of , well, angering. Due to the circumstances.
Then again, the fact that we.. And mainly SHE, got her out of that mess, and life, makes me very proud and grateful. ... Sorry, if some of you don't know, or remember this part of our lives, but it was not easy. It nearly destroyed us all.

As for me? Reflecting on the last post.. And the 'question of the day' how do i find a balance? Well... I don't know yet how i feel about it, but i do feel better physically for it. So, it must be a good start. I absolutely despise 'being lazy' . It just isn't my nature. I wasn't completely stagnant type lazy, i did work on things like animal clean up, kitchen.. Except for dishes, bills etc, i even cooked.. And hubby loved it. I don't cook near enough anymore, not for a couple years. That's due to the pain, but the fam still loves my food and i do enjoy it when i can handle it. Anyhow, the point is, i basically didn't pressure or push myself or my body yesterday. i did what i felt i could do - when i felt i could do it. not in a hurry - all at once.  And it was good for me. My idea being... "pace yourself" ... Dumbass. I don't think i know how to do being - . i was barely healed from 2 broken ribs this summer, and went on a four day cleaning frenzy! It damn near killed me. I couldn't stop myself. And when i say frenzy.. I mean over six to eight hours a day of heavy cleaning - frenzied manic type needs to be done yesterday cleaning. That's how i am. With everything. That's why i get so hard on myself when i can't do that. I know i expect too much from myself . I know that i just can't and shouldn't even try to push myself that least not anymore.  i know- i should have known a couple years ago. maybe i did.. i'm just hard headed.

That's why i tried the 'be gentle on yourself" approach yesterday. And ya know what? Today .. Of course after my morning dose of drugs i'd rather not deal with.. I feel like i will make it out of the house an hit my errands that have been put off for the last couple days. and i'm actually looking forward to it.   So, lesson learned... Day on, day off? Maybe? This is only a test.

Who knows? I just might go fishin soon. Well, if it warms up any. The last few days have been too cold for my liking. this morning hasn't even hit 30 yet :((   But 50's are comin in a day or two.  .. Also cold, to me.. But we shall see.  i know for a fact, that when i get out in the sun, and air, and move this body of mine more than ten steps at a time.. I feel better.. Both physically and mentally.
Fishing, for me, i think is the best exercise..or physical therapy i could have. It moves all the muscles , joints and bones that hurt me. And mentally? I don't think i'm ever happier than i am when i catch a fish.

It's friday the 13TH Are ya scared? Does anyone have any true superstitions?
i don't , but it makes for a fun day anyhow.
tell me your thoughts on the day - i think i heard we have four of them this year.  a rare thing.  hmmm.

i hope you all have happy days in your worlds today !
it's really good to see y'all comin back around.  i'm slow, but i'm gettin there - one blog at a time.  in no particular order .. see ya soon..