Monday, March 31, 2008

oops-- an early morning defensive rant

mornin peeps--

question of the day-----
ok-- maybe a couple questions of the day---

A- i have several regular readers and commenters here-- most of you i call my blog-friends. some i call my friends. a couple of you are even family--- more than a couple if i count the ones who don't comment.
there is a reason that you read here. nearly daily for many of you. i'm sure you have different reasons for coming here. so----

1- do you read - and/or comment here because you like honest writing. no fluff, no bullshit??

2- or do you read here for some sort of peek into the life of a person who has some problems getting through life? physical, mental, family, whatever?

3- why do you keep coming back?

i'm asking because, it seems i got an ultimatum of sorts. "be positive, or i lose a reader. " hmmm.
well.. this person, is one who one would think would be the most understanding of all of you. so i will admit-- 3 a.m. this morning, i was a bit .. well, shocked isn't the word. not at all. maybe pissed is it. actually-- i don't know the word right now.

if there's some of y'all that can't deal with real life issues.. and you want to read someone inflate their ego and live in denial of what their real life is... then this isn't the page for you to be a part of. there are thousands of blogs out there who are full of people who live in a fantasy world, and are 100 % positive 100% of the time. how honest are they? not very , not in my opinion.
therefore-- you don't find links to that type of blog on my list of links.

i began this blog -- for ME. as a stepping stone to something else. in the beginning, i had NO idea it would become what it has. sure, people have come and gone, and that is bound to happen. i'm sure it will continue to happen. sometimes people just don't click.

but anyhow-- i don't , i won't , and i haven't..since the beginning--- pretended to be anything i'm not. if anything i think i may have improved who i am... in many ways. because of all of you.
one thing is-- i have toned down my language quite a bit. sure-- you will see me cuss a bit-- a lot sometimes... but not like i did early on.

i've gone from "all about me" - to what's goin on in YOUR world. and i truly care about what goes on in your world.

y'all have been , and are a fantastic group of people, and support system for me. and many others who you have found through me-- or vice versa.

i don't have a fairy tale life-- i never have , and i don't expect that i ever will.
so if you're waiting for the happy ending here? don't expect it any time soon.

some days i will make you laugh-- some days i may piss you off, some days i'm a crybaby-- some days-- i make no bit of sense at all.

but i don't lie to you-- or me.

and if that's what you're looking for -- you won't find it here.

so just know this--
i have changed as much as i am willing to here.
this is my life-- it isn't fiction, it isn't glossed over.

i just don't know what a person wants or expects when they demand "positive", from a person who isn't always positive.

want positive?
read the Bible ... and good luck with that-- believe it or not-- even THEY had problems.

anyways-- here i am, i find myself defending my writing, and my character-- seemingly not for the first time. i don't think that's right or fair .. for me to be put in a position to even FEEL like i should need to do that.

so anyhow-- either stay-- or go-- if you can't handle who i am.. or what happens in my life--
then you are obviously living in a fantasy land. one without conflict. i suppose that's a good thing-- for you.
but if you can't deal with the real side of things-- find some fairy tale to read...there's plenty of bloggers out there who really are full of themselves, and their trophy life in a glass case.


Sunday, March 30, 2008

does anybody know what time it is-does anybody really care

howdy folks---

yep, here i am, once again, would you believe that as i begin to type this it's friggin 333 a.m !!! how very interesting.

not that i have anything of interest to write about. just that i noticed the time.

i woke up at 2:45 a.m. - no particular reason this time. just woke up. i did go back to bed-- thinking i could at least TRY, before calling it over; but that only lasted about five minutes.
too much goin on upstairs-- in my feeble mind. so of course i was up again in less than five minutes.
a month or two ago it was really almost normal for me to get up this time of day every day-- and i was used to it. now- not so much. guess i better get used to it, cuz it just looks like the way things are again. getting through the day is much harder than it was before though. i'm not sure why that is. maybe i got used to staying up later, and waking up later... so now i go to bed late-- and get up at 2 or so-- getting less sleep, and so, i drag my ass all day long. i don't know.
but yesterday.. i really did nothing. absolutely nothing. and it wasn't out of lack of opportunity. it was total lack of energy and motivation.

i slept on and off quite a bit as the day dragged on. in my chair-- in my bed. it must have added up to several hours-- yest i remained very tired all day long. i hate that feeling.

about mid day or so-- soulman and soulkid went to the store-- i was invited -- but did i go?
nooop. stayed right here in my still not dressed , ass-sittin -on , sloth bein, state of mind.

later on, soulman took EEVEE to the park. that dogs needs to run and play-- in space we just don't have here--- or she would expload! so he goes almost every day with her. anyhow-- he went to a park with a fishin pond. took fishin stuff, asked if i wanted to go. did i???
noooop. i remained on my ass.. in my chair. comotose.

he was gone a couple hours. i still had accomplished nada.
but i decided i'd better get to cookin somethin.. before we ended up spending more money on prepared food--- which again, we have been doing way too much of-- simply because i haven't shopped-- or cleaned the kitchen-- or some other motivational road block has interfered.
so i did. i got up and cooked dinner-- but i was a total ass the entire time. for no real reason. just cuz i didn't want to cook. it turned out ok. (pork chops and Brussels sprouts-- yep that's it-- not even a potato! can we say-- lethargic? i think it has gone beyond lazy-- i just have NO energy.

not much between dinner and bed time. cruisin, tv, chattin with the soul-fam. watchin soulman do homework with soulkid..a science thing. he is much better at keeping her on task than i am. he did really good and so did she--- and she actually finished! yippee for both of em!

by then it was pushin 930 - 10:00--- so.. i went to bed. i had been fighting to stay awake by then already for a couple hours. knowing if i went to bed at 8 like i felt like-- i'd surely be up way too early. but apparently-- it did no good to suffer. i was still up too early.

can't figure it out. gotta be the med change. seems it has been hardest to stay awake since the switch. sooo.. i am gonna take the new one at bed time tonight, rather than in the morning like usual, and see if it makes a difference. i sure hope that is the problem. i really hate spending my life in neutral.. or worse even... PARK. ugh.

somethin's gotta give here.

so anyhow...
that's about all i got for now. we'll see if anything blogworthy happens later on.

hope y'all have good days out there

Saturday, March 29, 2008

i found a meme about FOOD !!!!!!!

What is your first memory of baking/cooking on your own?

I’m not sure if this is my “first” memory, but it is my “most” memorable I was nine years old, and home from school, alone, and sick . my mom was at work, brother and sister were at school. I was wearing a way oversized terry cloth robe. Especially the sleeves. They were real wide, and dangly, and fringed at the end of the arms.

I was making “Top Ramen” on the electric stove, when I “heard my mothers’ voice” replay in my head --- “don’t use the front burner if you cook today”.

Soooo.. being the obedient kid – ok.. being, afraid she would find out somehow, -- I went to move the pot to the back burner. Well, it only took a second to realize exactly why I wasn’t supposed to use the front burner while home alone. Yep- you guessed it… my oversized dangly ass robe sleeve brushed across the still hot burner – and went up in flames before I knew what happened !

I was standin in the kitchen, hopping and flapping my arms like a crazy person, and all that I was accomplishing was to put myself into a greater panic, and feed the flames!

Finally I looked over, and noticed the sink was full of dishes soaking! See, sometimes a dirty kitchen can be a good thing --- so I ran over, tossed a few over to the other side, and dumped my arm into the water.

Aside from being very scared of what just happened, and afraid I was gonna get in trouble, I wasn’t burned or hurt.

That was very scary btw-

Who had the most influence on your cooking?

Starvation? Poverty? Not sure, but it was do or die. Somehow I got lucky- and creative, and turned out to be a damn fine chef au natural ;))

I can’t bake though.. but I can cook anything.

Do you have an old photo as “evidence” of an early exposure to the culinary world and would you like to share it?

Not that I can think of right now—I’ll have a look around.

Mageiricophobia - do you suffer from any cooking phobia, a dish that makes your palms sweat?

Dessert for company!


It’s not my specialty, but I always want anything I cook for someone to be really good. So baking- or dessert etc, makes me more nervous than anything else.

What would be your most valued or used kitchen gadgets and/or what was the biggest letdown?

Most valued utensil:

Spatula..tongs, and a slotted spoon.

And LORD knows—my coffee pot !!!

Biggest letdown:

this one is easy-

it was the first time I had met my in-laws. Literally.. the very next morning. We had gone out to NM to their house, and I was getting coffee, and offered my mom in law a cup. She wanted sugar in it. she had a HUGE lazy susan on the counter with clear glass containers filled with spices etc on it. one of them had “sugar” in it. sooo, I fix up her light sweet coffee, and take it to her, then go back to the kitchen for mine.

Suddenly, I hear a “gasp”.. then “salt”

OMG.. how embarrassing. I had put salt in her coffee!

Welcome to the family soul! You ass. :))

She still loves me though.

Appliance I would like:

A chest –type- freezer.

Name some funny or weird food combinations/dishes you really like - and probably no one else!

I put A1 steak sauce on my eggs

Gravy on French fries

And salt on ANY melon or citrus fruit

What are three edibles or dishes you simply don't want to live without?




(there's so much more - it's hard to limit it to only three)

Your favorite ice-cream: java chocolate chip--it is ever changing and not a favorite
You will probably never eat: rocky mountain oysters
Your own signature dish:
I have too many to think of one right now.

Any embarrassing eating habits?

Sometimes I eat way too fast. Sometimes I realize it and slow down.. other times I don’t notice until I realize I am the first one done. My stomach pays for it too. Not sure why it happens, just does.

consider yourself tagged !!

just the way it is

well, hell.
the truth has been revealed.

not like it has been a big secret or anything.
i think i had just been waiting for a change ya know?
to wake up someday,
and be some bright , happy, sunshiny, SOUL.

well. i realized, a very short while ago. that well, it just isn't gonna happen.
i may have days. or moments. that i can be sunny-SOUL-UP -
but over-all

(and just for those who don't know-
really- that isn't disrespectful.
she enjoyed that "role" in her life)

i do NOT.

i just can't seem to control myself lately.
i guess.

so anyhow.
i think a lot of time has passed since i began this post:
but as of now- it has just been sittin here neglected.
poor post.

now i have lost my train of thought--
was i gonna explain my bitchiness?
or is there really any need for that?
perhaps i was simply born this way.

blood type? = B+ = BITCH
ya think?
works for me.

sooooo, anyhow---
i think i will just stop here-- and throw up a second post later.
hoping that i will feel better than i do now.
it seems that the last week that has been the way things go.
i wake up early, and crabby, but once things get moving,
i seem to feel a bit better.
TIRED as hell, but better still.
so, i will cruise the streets of blogland,
and hope to get caught up with y'all.
and i will be back later, to let you know if
"the good soul"
shows herself today.


Friday, March 28, 2008

friday has arrived

doesn't she look like just THE perfect dog?
well, in a way; or even many ways; she actually is.
BUT-- she is actually, at this point, the first animal, of any kind,
that we have owned , in many years,
that has let it be known that i am not her favorite human in the bunch.

do i care?
not as much as i care about the damn "mysterious underlining" all of the sudden!
but yes, it does bother me some.
BUT-- y'all surely remember, about the time that we had to put my midnight to sleep a couple months ago: i said i wasn't, and wouldn't be ready for a dog of my own, or the responsibility of loving or taking care of one for "a while".
so, by her making it clear that her favorites don't include me.. is actually ok.
just odd in comparison,
to being the dr. doolittle that i,m used to being here.
but hey.. i said i wouldn't feed a new dog, and i haven't-- and i do wonder-
is that where the difference really lies in where an animal decides who they love?

she really does love soulman though. and that really makes me happy.
we have gotten dogs for him before, and it seems that even HIS dogs end up "loving" me more.
i spose because with me not working.. they spend more time with me, and it just ends up that way. not this one. she knows her daddy. and at times when he is out, she will sit with her back to me, facing the front door, literally for hours! just waiting for him to come back.
it's actually kinda sad. but funny too.
seems we have enough animals with issues here. but i guess there's always room for another.
she does like soulkid too.
just not me.

even tho it's HER fault that i woke up at like 215 or so this morning because of hER-
and her issues.
she was turning circles in her crate .. for like half an hour.
very ungracefully i might add.
i finally decided she must have to go potty-- and soulman was surely not hearing any of it.
i thought i would be able to put her out and go back to sleep--
WHY i thought that , i have no idea--
it never happens...
and it didn't.
i put her out had a smoke while i waited, got her put back in her crate..
but that was it for me.
so i started the coffee..
edited some pix we took yesterday-
and here i am.

doin what i do best-
the smoke n choke-
it's actually kinda peaceful.
seems it hasn't been for a while--
shit i spoke too soon
i hear sushi from the kids' room.
now i have to go mess with her-
outside- inside- on my lap- farting-
she does love me though.
unlike her new buddy.
who, btw- kicked her little ass yesterday!
i hope they get along better when sushi goes out of heat.
what a pain in my ass.
animal-hell, i say.
---awww--once i see her, i just can't be mad---
well, til she makes me let her back in, in like one minute :))

well anyhow--
would be Jitterbug--whohas now decided to place her Hindenburg ass
on my belly--in front of my puter screen, mind you-
and knead my belly like a big lump of bread dough!
and no-- it doesn't feel good.. the cat weighs like 20 poounds--or more. she's a lardo-- with bear claws!

that was yesterday morning-
she was playing with a bag-
and got her dumb ass stuck.
she walked around the house that way for half an hour before we rescued her-
but NOT before we made her pose for photos of her "caught in a hanger!"

someone tell me why this thing keeps underlining AT WILL ! wth?

here is my sushi!

she isn't thrilled to have EEVEE here.
but she likes her ok.
they play some.. but they fight some too.
sushi really really loved midnight.
and i do think she is a bit confused about what's happening.
plus her hormones are out of whack.
poor baby.
i think they'll be ok.
right now they are in competition over a lot though.
people, toys, crates, name it.
they are both out of their minds.
but then again..
who isn't, right?

and lastly---
no, not saving the best for last--
but vice versa

shield your eyes!!!

but-- some have wanted to see my granny glasses-
yes the tri-focals
(that don't work)

i bring you
granny soul with sushi !

i hope you all have happy days in your worlds today-
i'll try--

Thursday, March 27, 2008

WTH Thursday -

omg... this day is a bitch. and has been since i opened my puffy eyes at like 6 a.m. this morning.
my brain is mush. my body is unkind. i haven't accomplished a single thing today, and i'm not sure that i will. even though i really want, and need to. i literally cannot. not right now.

and especially today.
yesterday, turned out really good.
the doc appt went well.
i met with JLEE afterwards for coffee,
and we had a good visit for a couple hours.
it was really nice to drive my car.
i went and spent money on ME after that.
and i didn't feel (too) bad for it.
i used my credit card--- so it was easier than spending "real money" :))
i bought myself a watch, cuz mine is shit- well, not anymore.
and i bought myself a new camera--- that i can handle, and use better.
i also got hubby a new watch- and geve him my other camera.
- unforunately- that made him feel like a bad "gift giver" - as it was the camera he got me for christmas---he says i return "everything" he buys me.
i said it wasn't true---
until he ran down a list of about ten things i HAVE returned or exchanged.
now, THAT made me feel bad. :((
but-- anyhow- he needed his own camera for eevee pix anyhow-
so whatever. he's ok with it. he knew i wasn't comfortable with that camera.
he's ok .

ya, so anyways---- let's just say that sometimes life brings surprises that can throw us a bit off balance sometimes. and with that, i think we find what we are made of, and how much we have taught or learned from who we live with. we hurt, we heal, we struggle, we stand, and we fall.
we sleep, or we don't. we learn the importance of communication. and the danger of the lack of it. we learn to let go, we learn to hold on. and we love, as much as we can. when we can. because we never know when that chance won't be there anymore. and , we let it be known, that we love who we love, and just how much that fact will never change--- no matter what.

ya know? whether i have sat with you, hugged you, given or received a gift from you, talked only through yours or my blog, or talked a bit further on chat or email... whatever our relationship is here----

i do love all of you in my own way. i just want you to know that.
and i know that a large percentage of you know--- it wasn't long ago--- i wouldn't have said that-- or typed it. so you know-- i don't say it-- if i don't mean it. and i couldn't have come this far without y'all.

anyhow--- i guess that's a lot for a i got nuthin post huh?

hope you all have GREAT days today.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

magic carpet ride

this would be me:

burying my head in the sand.

or, quite possibly;
it's me, being held down, every timei think i'm making progress.

either way---
it's kinda frustrating.
as you can prolly tell by the last few-- or many-- whichever--
posts here.

do you see a whine coming on?
i hope not, cuz i think i might.
i'm not feeling too perky this morning.
i should , you'd think.
i just don't.
hopefully that will change ...
ya never know with me.
sometimes it does.
but of course sometimes it changes-- for the worse.
depending on where my buddy schleprock decides to hang out.
ya know.

i'm not even sure where to begin this post-- even though i already did , but you know what i mean:

so-- i'll start with yesterdays re-cap i spose---

we accomplished a lot.

hubby taking my car in was one thing that turned out good.
it was actually kind of funny, and i was happy that we were both able to get a laugh out of it--rather than be angry.
which for a few days, we both were.
we both thought it was a serious problem.. at under 3,000 miles.
and i was already feeling that i had made a mistake in not buying a used car. ya know.
it was just one of those
"runnin out of time, high pressure sales, kid trapped at the closing mall, do something now, type things"
and we did it.
so anyhow---
he got home , it luckily didn't take more than a couple hours...
i asked what the prob was---
and seriously-- with both of us being mechanics--of sorts--
me-aviation, and some auto knowledge--
and him aviation , and very good with cars...
we both had agreed that it sounded like a bearing.
maybe a tie rod or something else in the wheel area.
so, he chuckles, which lemmee tell ya -- it isn't common for him to laugh at himself-- he is much better about it than he used to be--
but the man has a large ego-- sorry to say.
anyhow-- he hands me the paperwork, and i read
"splash gaurd bolts loose"
WTH? i say
i never heard of ...
then i realized what that was.. before i got further...
and we both started laughing.

he did apologize for not checking it--
he said he just thought he knew what it was..
but then again so did i.
really--it didn't rattle like anything was loose..
it squeaked when ya turned only to the right..
like a bearing would.
i laughed, but not in a bad way-- and actually, i laughed at both of us.
any other time, i would have took a look myself.
but y'all know.. there's been a lot of shit goin on here.
so that was really just a few hours of his life he will never see again.
don't know how it came loose though. they must have just not put it on right.
there was like 6 or 9 miles on it when we got it--
and really-- i drive like an old lady.
so-- that's that.

then after that-- we had phone crap to do--
he argued with our phone slash tv people...
they were all kindsa screwed up--
therefore i hadn't paid them in over two months--
my fear of conflict maybe-
whatever it was-- my failure to face the issue had caused some big problems.
such as the phone part-- turning over the tv part to the tv place--
BUT still trying to charge us the tv bill
AND the tv place trying to charge us the TV bill.
so i finally just handed all the bills like 3 or 4 to him.. and said
really, you need to handle this, i can't deal with it.
it took him an hour on the phone.
he did get some "fees" knocked off.
he got the bill paid--
the part that technically we owed.
but still the phone part is expecting us to "double pay" the tv part--even after turning it back to the tv people.
it's paid-- but now we -- or he has to argue with them to get over 2 or 300 dollars (2 months) knocked off
cuz we are NOT payin twice for the same 2 months.
needless to say-- in his frustration with the phone ppl..
he cancelled our land-line as well.
which none of us care about or use anyhow--and it'll save us 60 bucks a month.
so i hope it kinda pissed off someone over there.
their incompetence already caused us to cancel our internet with them after less than a week after we got the phone. WTH?
sometimes i name companies on here just to piss them off-- but sometimes i don't
today i wont.
i think cuttin them off is good enough for now.
but anyhow-- i'm glad he was willing to help me with that one.
i was too stressed out to handle that gracefully. and i knew it.
i woulda been too bitchy.

so-- while he was doin that--
i was dealing with doctors offices-
scheduling appointments--
getting med issues worked on--
balancing the checkbook etc.

then we left for my appointment.
the bone scan/bone density test.
the unofficial report says
which is "almost" osteoperosis.
big surprise-
i see the doc who ordered the test on friday--
and will have the official report..and will let ya know what they say.

then we ran a couple quick errands, and went to get soulkid from school for her appt-
she was in a really good and happy mood. which made me happy.
her appointment went well.. looks like she's doin ok, and will be doing better soon..
so , yippee for that.

by then .. we were all sooo damn hungry i coulda ate roadkill !!
i hadn't eaten anything ALL day-- and it was almost 530 or so..
soulkid hadn't eaten either- and soulman hadn't eaten since breakfast.
lemmee tell ya--
we are not happy people when we are hungry--
just ask smocha--
we get mean..
and i will tell ya---
i am THE worst of us.
when i get too hungry--
well, i am mean. to anyone and everyone.
and that's where i was at at that point.
so they fed me ASAP!
and it was soooo good.
i felt bad for the young waiter though.
i ordered ALOT--
and was kinda rude until i ate some bread and an appetizer-
by then i was better.
hubby made excuses for me..and gave those "knowing looks" to him..
you know like
don't worry, she'll be ok, she won't hurt you--
well, as long as you feed her"
poor kid.

we had a good dinner overall though.. we had actual conversation ! all three of us.
i couldn't tell ya how many times we have gone out to eat and sat in silence .
not all the time.
but often we won't have anything to say--
or will argue over stupid stuff with the kid.
i hate times like that-
but really enjoyed last night.

then , we went shopping.
i KNOW. but even that was ok.
except for the fact that i was worn the hell out.
it was a constant runnin day.
i felt like a grunyon. :))
soulkid got a couple pair of shorts,
i got a hoodie and a shirt
we both got a stuffed animal from horton hears a who
even tho we haven't seen the movie yet.
just for fun.
hubby didn't find anything...
although all three of us went for shoes.

after that we FINALLY were able to come HOME.
and i tell ya--
it felt sooo good to BE home.
it was really a busy day.

we watched american idol-- most of which was already on DVR--
and i chated with jamie a bit-
then i went to BED.

then i woke up too early again this morning. 430.
i have half a pack of cigs left - which will last- if i'm lucky- til about 8.
i have a appointment with my shrink-
to possibly get off prozac and onto "something else"
in order to continue being able to take imitrex for migraines--
without having a heart attack or a seizure.
which really kinda worries me.
imitrex is a very good - non-narcotic- miracle drug for migraines.
the last one i tried nearly killed me and was a very strong opiate based drug. UGH
the one that made me puke ALL night and go to ER.
neuro did give me another one the other day-- i just don't think it will touch a bad headache--
not the ones i get that last three days.
it does help the back pain, i'll give it that much.
but i need to get off the prozac-- and stop experimenting with pain meds. ya know.
SO that means i gotta drive today--

as long as i don't get stopped or something stupid--
i think i will enjoy that.
i miss driving!

Tuesday, March 25, 2008


i have nothing to say--- and i don't know why. i'm sooo scatterbrained. i have a to-do list a mile long today. and i just cannot ignore it any longer.

the weather is sposed to be really nice today-- like 70-ish.. perfect for fishing-- BUT we just have too much to do-- and two dr appointments-- one for me, one for soulkid. and hubby has my car at the garage right now-- Lord knows how long they will keep it-- with NO loaner. if they keep it too long-- i am gonna have to take the risk, and drive his truck to go pick him up so we can get to my appointment at 130. and the kids at 330.

so anyhow-- almost time for soulkid to leave for school, and i think now is the best time to hit my damn kitchen.... before my stupid body quits on me. i swear i need a prescription for speed or something. ever since the stupid seizure-- i just run out of gas over the slightest bit of anything.
i really hate that too.
but- like i said-- aside from just plain recovering from that-- all the med reactions, and changes could have a lot to do with it too.

so.. this is my life-- welcome.

happy tuesday-- i hope something good happens to or for all of you today!!

Monday, March 24, 2008

happy munday-ne

welcome to monday peoples--


i reckon it's back to the real world for most of us today eh? some of y'all have had an extra day or two off from work, some went away or saw family you don't normally see much of of, and then of course a lot of us had an extra week with our school age kids-- that was FUN huh? :)) i bet it was even more fun for the ones who have three or four of em. oooh i feel for ya--- i could barely keep up with my one! but yep--
today, it's back to school , and back to work, for most. or perhaps back to spending the day at home alone for others. or whatever it is that you do.

things here won't be a whole lot different-- yes soulkid goes back to school :))
but hubby has a couple more days off work. a week or two when he asked for monday and tuesday off-- he had NO idea that mid week last week would be what it turned out to be-- such as "sick days" because of ME! :(( and now-- HIS vacation days-- turn out to be days-- that he may not be feeling well. :(( . he felt like hell last night. i really hope he isn't getting sick. he survived the flu and other crap around here unscathed, but yesterday he just looked and felt like hell. i am hoping it is his lack of sleep for the last 2-3 weeks. really that alone can screw a person up--plus the stress of me and the dog, and work--ugh. poor guy. he did feel a little better after a nap and some meds, so hopefully after not stayin up til 1 am, and maybe sleepin a little late today-- he'll be better. we shall see.

soulkid MAY be getting released from braces jail today!!! woo hoo ! i swear i hate those things more than she does! mainly because it's me who is always reminding her-- and being ignored-- of what she needs to do-- to comply with the what to do's with the damn things. ugh. i just want them off and out of my face-- and wallet!! 500 friggin dollars-- IF they come off in time.. which would be like today or in the next couple weeks.. any longer-- means MORE damn money. i say-- if she isn't gonna do things right-- take them off now-- and let her future husband finish with them later!!!

well, since i'm on the soul fam thread--
not terrible today-- yet. of course i haven't faced the first day back to school argument yet. i'll get back to you on that. i will say it was NO fun getting her to go to bed last night , after a week of her staying up til God knows when .. then trying to get her to bed before 1030-11- UGH. i heard her in the kitchen after 1130. who knows when she went to sleep. it's gonna be real fun waking her up--and getting to school on time. she has been late to school more since we moved ACROSS the street from school, then she ever was when i drove her. WTF???

so much for the me topic.. guess there's just not much about me today-- so that could be good.
i guess i'm just stressin bout the other two today.
that and slothing.
my bills are DUE-- and i can't MAKE myself pay them -- again. my car payment was DUE yesterday-- not just needing to be in the mail-- but DUE-- did i pay it? uhhh.. NO. i got everything ready to pay-- but what did i do? i played with sushi, and peeps !!! LOL
i just can't stay focussed on any damn thing lately. oh well.

so-- i guess that brings me to my plan of the day---

pay bills---
mail said bills
either take--or have hubby take child to ortho--and shell out 500 smackers
clean damn kitchen-- to include washing dishes--and PANS (my favorite thing ya know)
change my sheets-- that sushi has ruined-- remember she's in heat-- the little beeotch
possibly bed shop later tonight--if hubby feels bettah. the child wants to re-do her room, and i must re-do my guest room.... maybe if jamie has a place to sleep i can get her to come to soulland???

anyhow-- what's on y'alls list today--
whatever you do-- i hope ya have good days!

Sunday, March 23, 2008

happy easter peeps! (plus late entry)

(no, i don't have any this year-- sorry erin.. :))

(this is me-- in my closet-- with NO church clothes!)
call me a heathen !
MAYBE, if i had something to wear to church, we'd be at easter service right now--
or-- maybe we just don't do church.
they say God sees our soul--
but they also say--
good intentions, pave the way to hell.
so.. i spose--
i'm damned if i do, and i'm damned if i don't.
i'm just a heathen , regardless.
so- if you went - or are going to church--
pray for my SOUL. :))

there also won't be any Easter egg hunting here today--

perhaps-- THIS, is why--
it just hasn't been my month ! :))

aside from that--
plans today?
will include FOOD, and movies, and not much else that i am aware of.
perhaps fishing, if the weather is any good.
we fished a little yesterday, but neither caught anything.
the water was real muddy-- from all the rain and wind lately-- maybe that's why??
but the weather has been great the last couple days. warm !!
i love warm!

tell me about your Easter plans...
and FOOD-
y'all know how much i LOVE food !!!

we're havin brisket-- did i say that already?
and a chicken-
(both on the egg-- YUM)
corn on the cob
brown and serve rolls
and a pie
i guess
i will have to venture to the store for the pie and salad crap--
which i am NOT lookin forward to.
as you well know.
oh, and i will prolly make deviled eggs too-- i lOVE them!

have very good days today in your worlds !!!

(late entry -- after a few hours of boredom )

EE -- look what i stole from soulkids easter basket !!!
JUST for YOU ! :))

this would be ME-
playing with soulkids easter basket-
well, i was putting it together-
then i decided to steal the peeps-
and play with the flower !
i don't think i will ever grow up.

along with several others-
but i'm sure i'll be ok---

Saturday, March 22, 2008

check this out

it's a smoke - n - choke ring !!!!

maybe a square ring would fit my puffy fingers??

crybaby alert

by the looks of all the comments from the previous post-- it seems that something was in the air yesterday in blogland. WTH?? all of blogworld had a crappy day in one way or another . tired and bitchy was the theme of the day.

i don't think mine ever did get any better-- i do hope things changed for at least some of y'all.

i know a lot of things are going on in many of y'alls worlds that would throw me into a funk myself;
so i do understand. so it kinda makes me feel like a crybaby-- as usual, when i whine about my crap here.

it gets to where i just don't even want to write anything. but then i feel bad when or if i don't. so then i just end up feelin bad all over. do i write and whine-- or not write and whine. crap.

some days lately haven't been so bad here lately. at least not until recently. i think the thing that hit me hardest was after i found out the tests were good, believed that i would be able to drive, then found out that i was wrong about that. and then--- getting sick, and hubby having to miss work. not to mention.. some soulkid troubles-- not "trouble" just the normal teenager crap--that i know i should handle differently-- ugh. some days though i swear-- that girl amazes me.. she's like a kid straight from heaven... then other days-- i just wonder if i can ever fix what i didn't do right up to now. i'm sure there are ways... but they can't be easy. it would be a whole new regimen, and transition. i'm talkin all the way to her wanting to eat like a three year old again. as in her own separate meal at dinner time.. i had thought i had fixed that crap! finally after years of fixing two separate dinners-- she now decides-- she can't or won't eat this or that. after she had been for weeks etc. wtf , is UP with that-- at this age? why now?

ok-- you know-- i'm just venting here-- not asking for advice-- or criticism. we were all 14 once. i remember being 14. admittedly-- i did alot more than pick at what i was served for dinner, and skip a chore or two. or even tell a fib or whatever. it's just that some of the things she's doing-- i did-- because it was self preservation on my part. she knows she isn't gonna get shipped off "somewhere", or get her ass kicked, or something ... yet she pulls the i'm gonna see how far i can go and still get what i want card. and i'm tellin ya -- it isn't gonna last much longer.

ok--- now that you know why i am awake at 4 30 a.m... again. seein as i had been sleepin til 530-6 for the passed several weeks. no she isn't the only reason. but yes , i have my mind full of crap yet again. seems every day or two another hour or two gets knocked off my sleep again.
in some ways it's alright. i sorta like having time in the morning to myself. i always have really. i like no tv, or talking, or anything like that. it's just weird that i had begun to set my alarm , in order to get at least a half hour of alone time in the morning and was even sleeping thru that, and now here i am ....up before the chickens again.

my damn back is in knots .. yep--still. goin on over a week straight. wtf. yes i know-- i bitch about my back all the time-- but this is stupid. soulman finally broke down in my agony last night and gave me a massage-- it saved my life. i was about to cry it hurt so damn bad. it helped, and i was able to at least get to sleep.
but what did i think about while he did it? all i could think was "this isnt gonna last very long, i hope it works".. and also-- i hate motherfuckin in the hell can or why, do doctors allow people to be in pain?"
i hate them. i do.

someone breaks a leg and gets a million pain pills, that they take four of and flush the rest--- another person who hurts daily for half their life , gets called a drug seeker---and can't get more than motrin without being treated like shit. so much so they become afraid to even ask for a pain pill. yep i'm talkin about me. i'm just sick of it. i have been in excruciating pain, "reduced myself" to go to the dr for meds.. finally get the nerve to go, and ask.. and leave in tears... after the lecture of chronic pain and narcotics, and all that crap. or other dumb shit. go to pt, go to a pain clinic. well, i went to a pain clinic.. he called me a drug seeker and told me to see a shrink, and take anti d's.. HEL_-LO--- hey asshole-- i JUST told you i have seen a shrink , And been on anti depressants for 12 years.. wtf difference is YOURS shrink gonna make with MY pain??
needless to say-- i left with nothing and never went back. if "counseling" hasn"t helped my pain or depression after 12 years--why the hell would it start NOW>?

see y'all i told ya i was a bitch.

and i tell ya what else. this no drivers license crap is killin me. i was thinkin last night-- ok.. i could drive around here-- wally hell is down the street, the pond is close, some other things i do are pretty close-- no highways involved etc....
BUT then-- i realized.. son of a bitch.. if i DO get stopped or get in a wreck--- that's another entire frickin YEAR without a license for driving on a suspended... isn't it????

and hubby cannot.. just can't-- keep taking time off-- to cart me around--and take me to dr's all the damn time. so what the hell am i supposed to do???

this is all catchin up with me .. fast.

and yesterday-- man i tell ya... i felt like i had been liftin weights. my arms and shoulders and chest-- from the heaving so bad--- good lawd. it took me a minute to figure out why i was so sore-- then it hit me... it was the pukin my heart out. UGH.

and dare i add--- my kitchen is a shithole once again. how it got this bad -- this fast-- is beyond me... but it looks like a friggin bomb went off in there-- well.. it did. i did everything except wash the dishes.. so it only looks like a bomb went off on the counter now. but geesh.

oh, and before anyone -- if anyone catches it and tells me-- i just now caught it myself-- the dropping the wellbutrin suddenly could quite possibly be causing some of the bitchiness etc. lethargy.. even a bit of depression... sudden med changes can always mess your head.

also the new dog-- she's a good dog..but apparently spent more time out in a kennel than in a house-- so we had one more accident yesterday-- only pee this time-- PHEW. but still-- no, i didn't expect it. i too thought we were getin a trained dog. it is a trained dog-- but apparently "house trained" wasn't part of the deal. it's trained for shutzhund and stuff.. not knockin on the door :))

she has btw, met the cats-- she doesnt care too much about them..they are afraid of her and hide most the time.
sushi is lightening up-- but still lets her know whos house and people this is. sushi is a bitch. and its funny to watch eevee back away from a min pin.
eevee is a belgian melenois-- not a shepherd. she's smaller-- but i still wouldn't wanna piss her off.

anyhow.. there's my crybaby attack for today-- perhaps something will lighten my mood today. i hope so.

Friday, March 21, 2008

it's fried-day

i'm tired
i'm bitchy
and that's about it for now


Thursday, March 20, 2008

don't know if i told you this before ??


has always been one of my biggest fears.
just thought i'd share that with ya.

OH-- somethin else ???

is comin on April 1st for the new season -
i just love this show-
Chef Ramsay is Such an ASS.
but he's a funny ass....
well.. unless he yelled at ME that way -
then i would prolly cry. :))

hiya peeps

hey y'all,
i don't think i'm gonna be around much today -- maybe -- maybe not. but last night was not pleasant here. so i will get caught up -- when feel more with it.

as for last night here?
'bout mid evening, i started gettin a migraine. always fun , right? not.

but -- i had -- well, hubby; picked up a new rx for headaches from the new neuro dr when he went to pick up the dog earlier . so i tried it. and OMG. not only did it make me sneeze for like ten minutes straight... which was actually kinda funny -- for a minute.
but a couple hours later, not only had the headache gotten worse-- and THREE soulkids running and screaming throughout the house only making it worse --

THIS- began---

and NEVER stopped !!!!
i honestly don't think i have EVER in my life
puked as much in my life !!
that's a lot of life people.
literally , EVERY ten-twenty minutes;
i would have an episode.
i was glad to have had a light dinner--
but by the time hubby insisted-
and i gave in- to go to the hospital-
i felt like i was gonna die.
(this -vomiting went on from like 10 pm - 4 am. -
it was about 3 am, when we left for the hospital-on a work night, with three kids ,
and a new dog here.
can we say SOAB!?)

THIS is all that saved me :

as even sips of water would not stay where it belonged.
hell, SPIT wouldn't stay where it belonged. :((

and, ya know what else???
just so ya know-
it's NOT a good thing when ER staff becomes familiar to you-
especially when YOU are senile ME !

so, anyhow.. they pushed IV's, gave me meds for

the headache
the puking
hydrortisone- for the addisons
and of course IV fluid

we were there about two hours i guess,
and we hated it-
but it was the only way either of us would get through the night.

soulman didn't even get mad at me, that he had taken that day off work already-
and would now be lookin at taking another day off-
no way could he teach after NO sleep, and a night like that.
but they were cool about it.
i feel so bad when i drag him to doctors in the middle of the night-
or at all really.
he's so good to me.

so ...
that's my story , and i'm stickin to it-

catcha latah

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

soulman delivered a healthy baby girl !!!

Welcome to the soul-crib
Eevie !!

she hasn't met the cats yet
but she had NO problem at all poopin ALL over my rug
without askin to go outside first !!!

otherwise, she is a very good dog,
and likes everybody.
sushi is a little dominant,
but is getting used to her.

hmmmph- day

well, hello again---

this was me this morning:

pretty chipper mood---
coffee was good---
i even had a surprisingly positive outlook on the day ahead--
i really believed that i would be getting my drivers license back
when i went to the doctor--
did i ???
well, no.
no, i did not.
and, i will not.
i have to wait for five more months
plus, two days if i must be technical.
how do i feel about that?
pretty damn bad.
how bad?


so , now what?
well, i don't really know.
but i'm not happy.
and i'm tired.
and i have plans that just got blown out the window.
and well,
i think i'm gonna go lay down for a while.

maybe the new doggie coming will help me feel better.
or maybe soulkid having company later will be a good distraction.
but for now?
i'm just toast.

soulland humpday-te

howdy peeps---

just a quick update on a few things around here---


she's better today-- in fact-- after her little episode in the morning.. and a few more hours of sleep-- she was fine the rest of the day--- had to have been dinner the night before. which was? chinese delivery = sweet and sour chicken. never again.


sushi- also better. late in the day yesterday, she began acting a bit like her normal assinine self.
not 100 percent, but she's gettin there. she IS in heat. i knew it. just somehow knew it. maybe she just had cramps? do dogs get cramps????? this is at least her third heat cycle. she has never once acted so out of it. i don't know what her deal was. i still really think she was mistreated in some way. we will never take her back to that kennel, just in case. i know something happened. i wish i knew what. i am wondering if maybe they put her out in the yard to potty with other dogs, and maybe she "mated"??? that could surely throw off her mood. ya think??? if i end up with little mutt puppies as her first and only litter, i will be quite upset. as i had planned on breeding her only one time before fixing her-- if that. i'm still not sure if i want her to have a litter or not. i don't know if she has the sense to raise pups. :))
but anyhow-- yep-- she is getin better-- playin with the cats, us, eating, runnin, jumping, much better-- and we feel LOTS better about that too.

now i am trying to decide if i should attempt doggie diapers-- i really don't think she would wear one without ripping it to shreds in the first thirty seconds.. so i may just be doing a LOT of laundry this next week. :((

ok.. what else??
oh EEVIE-- of course. soulmans new wife. :))
y'all know i'm kiddin when i say that. it's just that he has had dogs like this before .. and he really puts ALOT of himself and his time and energy into them. and .. well.. he gets very overprotective of them. truly like they are a infant. dogs like this are very valuable-- not only financially-- but in this case it could turn into a legal issue as well.

the thing with this particular dog---
she is some kinda very special dog-- i mean her pups sell for ALOT... and they are basically ALREADY sold... and she isn't even pregnant! nor is the daddy dog chosen yet! that's how well known this dog is in the dog world. her pedigree is like GOLD to these trainers.

so anyways...
hubby "somehow, someway.... found this "something".. deal? situation? hell if i know... online somewhere.... where he would get this dog as a "co-ownership--- BUT, his end of the bargain is to breed her-- basically--- through artificial insemination by a dog of the "owners" choosing... then he /we.. will raise and "welp, the pups... then ship--at "owners cost.. the pups back to the "owner" at about ten weeks of age... keeping "pick of the litter"-- if we want-- or "a fee", if we don't... and we then keep eevie-- get her spayed.. at "owners " cost..... we --- or hubby--whichever--- also gets to keep some money for each "surviving pup" that gets shipped back to "owner". cuz well, sometimes a pup will die.. but it is rare.

the "owner" will pay ALL vet bills, not related to negligence on our part-- like if a cat scratches her eyes out--- or if she breaks a leg..etc.. but if somethin like that happens-- they have the right to REPO the dog.
they in fact have the right to take the dog back at any time.. for any reason. which is the catch all-- that bothers me.
the dog is our dog-- but it's kinda not at the same time. very weird. i have never heard of co-owning a dog before in my life-- but i guess it happens, and is common...
but apparently---other people end up paying a lot of money to do it--- and don't GET a lot of money for the pups etc.
soooo... hubby stumbled onto something really good actually--- as long as they don't decide they miss the dog and take her back.

my only fear? or two?
1)- something happening to the dog-- and getting sued some outrageous amount of money--and losing the dog
2) getting attached to the dog --and them taking her back.
3) soulkid is already worried about getting attached to the pups- and getting rid of them... that part i know whe can handle though-- she's done it with cats before--- but the thing about that is she always kept a kitty :(( BUT--- i have a very very strong-- and uneasy -- feeling-- that hubby just will not be able to pass up "pick of the litter" on a "famous" champion dog.
so-- i may not need to worry about that really... cuz i actually think we will end up keeping a pup.
therefore , in a few months... not sure about dogs--- 6-8 months??? hell i don't know-- but i think we will be a THREE dog family again. just kill me NOW.

ok... what else?

apparently nuthin....

well.. it doesn't sound like it's raining-- at the moment--- but it is cool enough to have the heat on. so i don't know what i will be doin today.

i know what i want and need to do though---

i MUST get my hair cut before i die---

oh yes, and i do have my follow up appt with the neuro-- for the seizure-- and am HOPING i get some kinda clearance to legally drive again!!! (hubby is going, but has to work afterwards)

then... i really really have to go to wally hell. if food poisoning doesn't kill us.. the price of eating out will. so i gotta get food in here and start cooking again.

(see that jlee? if we're doin lunch,
let's do it soon...cuz i really am gettin sick of goin out to eat!!!)

and i spose that is about it-- aside from a few errands.....

hope y'all have great days in your worlds.....

i'll try---

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

weekend photo edit

ok y'all here's my photo journal to go with the weekend post below---
(click photos if you can't see the deer
they're camo ya know :))

(look a deer !)

soulman- one of day 1 fish

me with my only scrawny ass bass
goo-lawd i NEED a hair-cut !

i couldn't not kiss my bass ya know

this was where they moved us--
the one they keep tryin to make us buy
(just so ya know how rich we are NOT--
we paid 7000.00 for our po peep place--
they keep trying to get 20-30,000 0ut of us)
they will NEVER get it!

however--- the elevator WAS tempting!
just kidding.
but it was very nice.


i love deer

pret-tteee deer

soulman day 2 fishy

this would be me--
freezin my ever lovin ass off
on day 2

this is hubby day 2
happy as a lark
with fish 2
not caring that he's cold

does this look like a 32,000.00 living room to you???
me neither
crazy bastards!!
it was nice-- but NOT that nice
(ours is a cabin btw-- and personally,
i like ours MUCH better than this frilly crap.)

ahhhhh but the tub was very nice.
i want one.

the view from the balcony-

the balcony-
with the very hard -painful chairs-
see why i smoked inside?
bad me.

(exotic ram hunts?)

this was in austin at
the drag.
i do not know this person..
just like the grafiti
and thought i'd say hi to y'all :))

surely at least some of ya know why i took this one???
it's just a thing .
but it made me smile.

soulkid with souldad

goodbye hill country
we'll miss you.

it was very nice there
i just wish the weather would have been better.

i did get some good pix of the girls--
but i can't post soulkid 2 due to her request.
sooo that kinda sucks, cuz they're cute.


happy days to all of you.

looks like i'm stuck at home today--
i may venture to the store cuz we have NO food here
but the weather is really BAD so i dont know--
maybe i'll have soulman grab some stuff on his way home.

oh i just remembered--
his baby's' flight was canceled because of the storm..
she will be here tomorrow if the weather is better.
he will be really bummed when he gets home.
he was really excited about getting her today.

i need to get her pic reposted up here .
i'll do that later though.


there she is
her name is Eevie
soulmans new wife