Friday, July 30, 2010

HELL-OH again :))

howdy folks !

how's things? hopefully good, in y'alls worlds.
and, unless you use face-book, you wouldn't have a clue as to what's happenin here . that's why i'm risking life and limb to 'attempt' an update here.

ok, life and limb is a bit drastic, but not far off. i'm forced to use my desktop computer this passed several days- for any and all things computer related. well cept the few things i do on my phone - but i can't hardly see a thing on there so even that's limited. and here at the desk -- OMG - after the first 15 minutes , my back is on fire with awful burning pain, in my neck and back. it drains me, hurts me, makes me tired -- add meds -- what's that give me? a ruined entire day. for what? a couple hours of 'mainly work stuff' on the computer. cuz blogger has been doin me wrong on every computer in the house, (including a IMAC- i thought they didn't GET viruses? ) - and my laptop is flat lined! even after buyin Mcafee. - and supposedly killing 111 viruses. now it won't even connect to the Internet much less anything else. this mornin i was tryin to move all important pix and files to the desktop - so soulman could remove and replace ALL programs on there - in hopes of fixing whatever the hell is wrong with it. for some reason, all that will "move" is photos', why? how do i move my files , music, and movies? anyone know? i'm usin a chip thing -- whatever it's called. (it goes in your USB port - copies from one cpu to another -- course- not in MY case. :((

so anyhow-- surely you didn't come here to listen to all that junk? what else can i bore you with?

oh -- how 'bout THIS? i didn't make this one.. i hijacked it from my sises blog (yes, another one) i haven't had the means or the time to do anything with my pix - i didn't even take very many while i was out there this trip (arkansas) last weekend. so yeh enjoy her video - as my cpu troubles have disrupted my life all week. not to mention other time consuming 'activities' -- no, sadly, no fishin. all business, no pleasure. oh-- cept for lunch with a friend of mine yesterday -- this is so cool; a story all its own. i'll tell y'all about her when my laptop is fixed. which i hope to be very soon.

(click twice/then watch it big )

ok well, that's entertainment, eh?

i had more to say - but soulman is on his way home, and it looks like we're actually gonna go out for family night-- once again with boyfriend in tow. NO not mine :)) soulkids. dinner. anyone know what's at the movies?

OH CRAP! i just remembered somethin ! guess what y'all? i checked my bank yesterday -- no not that part - that's no surprise i know.. but get THIS --- know what was there? my refund from the massage place!!! every nickel i expected ! 199.95 !!! phew. over and done.

anyways -- i'm outta heah for tonight -- i'll be back when i can be.

happy weekends out there -
hugs all around!

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Posting for Soul from Mozilla

Soulman here trying to post under Mozilla for Soul.

Ran some scan and hop to have gotten rid of her virus.

Regards all

OMG ! I'm posting on my laptop !

i don't know how- or why, but it's working!! i'm on explorer - but it's working !
i have been sitiin at my damn desktop for two or three hours - and the nerve pain in my back and neck is fixin ta make me suicidal ! just for shits and grins - i did a 'test ' on my laptop -- and voi- frickin- la -- here i am.

i am also rendered speechless ! believe it - or not. really. i just don't know what to say. aside from that? i need to get ready to go run errands and such... but i shall return. no idea what i'll say -- but i'm sure i'll think of somethin :))

i hope all of y'all are havin happy days in your worlds ! mine just got a hjelluvalot better -- oh man. just the releif of knowing that i don't have to sit at this desk and be tortured any longer makes me happy :))

i shall talk to y'all this evening... and cruise blogland as well... from the comfort of my soul-chair, on my soulass :))

ahhh... the simple pleasures in my little life.

talk to me.. update me... what's goinin folks?

see ya later

Tuesday, July 27, 2010


Just jumpin in to say howdy !!! we're home from my sises place in Arkansas for this past weekend.

no time for deets right now . i am so screwed in computer land. my laptop AND my desktop have a crippling virus ! the DT may be saved.. the laptop -- well? it's F*^$#D.
oh and by the way -- as you can see , by the lovely arrangement and order of the photos above - i just did this post -- on the desktop -- on explorer.... and guess what?
well, folks better jump back outta here before i blow up or my desk-top melts. eegads! whaddabunchacrap!!!
well peeps -- next weekend will be the LAST of the soul- trippins' of summer 2010 . oh man. i am so done traveling. the drive across town and back today damn near killed me. i never wanna drive again...
oh wait.. what? oh yeh. :)) where to? Lubbock Texas. long weekend at aunt wandys place - gramma j - will meet us there for a visit with her soul-grand-daughter . so yeh - a family thang.
other than that? not a lot. recovering from the trip, and goin blind at the same time.
for now? grown ups have the house to themselves for the night. this like never ever neverever happens. soulman brought SUSHI home for dinner :))
see you folks again -- when i see you again :))
talk to me ! what's goinm on in your lives people?

Wednesday, July 21, 2010


would i be considered insane if i through my laptop into the living room wall? because i'm gettin really close to doin that. first, my favorite and only browser, Mozilla, got some kinda 'illness' and stopped working for blogger. at first it was only for posting here -- tonight, i have realized that on certain blogs, it now, won't allow me to comment ! i am oh so fed - up ! for a week, or so - give or take - my back -up 'explorer , has been my alternative. allowing me to post here and comment elsewhere etc. keeping my head from exploding , but now? NOW, what am i to do? i am now on the browser called 'safari'. my last and only hope. if this post won't publish, or has some other type of issue? i spose this could be the end of 'soul-survivor.'
could this be God's way of forcing me to finally shut UP? or maybe -- just maybe -- a way to put my writing efforts into the ever to 'never' be written book i been talkin about for the last 20 years of my life?

it very well may be. ya know, i had a bad night last night. neck pain from hell. waking up every single hour or two. up and down. to the couch, back to bed. it was a full fledged nightmare. know what it led to? well for starters -- i missed my day today. the entire day. just didn't exist. cuz i was asleep. if i wasn't asleep asleep/ or passed out... i was simply in a percocet fog. and i do mean the entire day. soulman called at five -- "how was your day?' -- 'what day- i didn't have one" -- you lost it?' - most definitely did.'.
that made me wonder for a minute that if when folks have those extra long days -- if they're being forced to make up time for the folks who 'waste' their days sleepin. the child suffering for their fathers sin.. in some whacky way. ya know? yeh- i'm kidding. not about having the thought-- but about it bein a possibility.
so ya. wasted days and wasted nights. another song - with me in mind. hmmm.

well- if you're wonderin what i may have been doin in the half way lucid moments of the night and day? among various time wasters... i wrote a pretty long, and incoherent blog post. i didn't even know about it-- til about an hour or two ago. it's gonna take a lot of thought and pondering, before i decide if i should - or will post it or night. it's a real 'soul-post' - i'll tell ya that much. and from what i gathered -- it was intended to be - light hearted , jovial, and a fish story. trying to move away from the cry baby bullshit of the last week or so. unfortunately -- it was 90 percent of the same -- and 10 percent of the fish story -- which that part was sleep blogging typo hell. but a cool pic. :)) spose i can at least put the pic here now and tell the story later -- cuz somehow -- even after screwin a whole night and day of sleep and wake into reverse order-- i'm actually kinda tired right now. so i reckon i'll hit the sack -- and pray the pain stays away - at least enough to sleep. and have a real day tomorrow.

y'all fill in the blanks - and see if you were close when i tell the story manyana eh?

"soul wrestles alligator gar in TN !"

yee haw !!! safari worked !!!! woo hoo !

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

so much to blab about - so little time -- :((

all i got time for now is this -- which is actually a facebook post - or reply - or whatever - that refused to post due to is length. i haven't had that problem in some time. it's been lettin me blab my head off for weeks. oh well-- i'm runin late for my appointment - so i really gotta go for now -- i'll add more later .

somethin i didn't add in the body of this - cuz we were still workin out the deets -- is this --- i have a lunch 'date' with an old friend of mine from NAVY -A-school from waaaay back in the day --- i'm pretty excited about it. she's one of the few i never forgot about. y'all know i forget a lot. and many of those peeps were drinkin buddies. sure i miss a lot of them.. but half of em, i either remember a first name - or mainly a last name - and some, no name at all. i do remember good times. and of course the times we got in trouble. this girl always felt like a little sister. she was the youngest in our group-- and i always watched out for her. i can't wait to hear about the last 25 years of her life ! we're havin coffee this afternoon. (did i say that)?

so anyhow - here's the rest of my day-- in a - nut-house - umm 'nut-shell' :))

one more damn dr. - in less that an hour. yes i am still in my jammies, waiting as long as i possibly can. it's not even a 'test' - for once. i just don't wanna GO. it's painless, monthly - pee test - fill RX thing with the pain dr. plus we'll go over 'how i feel' fter the procedure' yesterday. all i can say is the numby is wearin off- it doesn't feel 'fat' in the back---and would ya believe -- it HURTS. well, before my magic pills. it's tolerable now. but i am highly disappointed. yet- still optomistic. there's still time for it to do it thing. it could work. look how long, and what hell i went thru with the rhizotomy... it worked for many months - and i didn;t even realize it! gimmee time - i'll try not to cry baby- happy tuesday peoples <3
ok- i am outta heah

smile - grin - or tell someone a dumb joke -- why not- right-

Sunday, July 18, 2010

i'm runnin as fast as i can ---

hiya peoples , how's things in y'alls world (s) ?
i hope it's all good. hard for me to tell, seein as no one's postin today.

as for me , and my world? should i even post about it? i do wonder. i also know some of you have been waitin to see how this particular situation would pan out. so i may as well , right? it's certainly not the way i wanted to spend my morning. and i sure didn't react the way i imagined i would. well, wait. maybe i did. perhaps that is why i 'couldn't' deal with it in the first place. or maybe i should say why i 'wouldn't' deal with it. regardless, i didn't have much of a choice , when my cell phone rang - the first time, at about 11 this morning. can you guess who it was? i didn't - not when i saw the number anyhow-- it was a unfamiliar number when i saw it on my phone. i answered anyways. turned out it was some guy who worked at the 'massage place' that i have been talkin about lately. (originally) he had called to inform me that the location i have been going to was relocating. the guy was polite and professional... and obviously had no clue of what I had been dealing with concerning this business. once he mentioned the relocating tho -- i became instantly pissed off. surely you knew that was coming right? well, yeh - it happened - and i first, let it be known that not only would i NOT be relocating with the business, but i had also cancelled this account AND been charged after the cancellation. i want my money back, etc etc etc. I
hate to say it - but i blindsided the poor guy. all he was doin was notifyin clients of a move. and i ripped right into him. you gotta remember that i have had this - and more on my mind for a few weeks now, and it was set free with only the name of the company. just like a chamagne cork!
first, i started with explaining -- ok, bitchin about the financial history of my beef with them... then -- i said something that i HAD to explain. i honestly had no other choice than to let him know what the hell i was talkin about -- or i would most likely have the police knocking at my door at some really near future moment. i told him that if i didn't get my money back "bad things will happen". OOPSY. he went totally silent. i bet fifteen seconds passed -- finally i said -- wait. not like that. ugh. so i went from there to explain that what i meant was that people would lose their jobs. -- OMG. i even scared myself. i can only imagine what he must have been thinking i meant with that. and do you know what he said after my first bit of explaining myself? and the jobs thing? he said that the guy i have been thinking and TOLD was the owner of this place -- is NOT. that, among other things he - the maNseusse told me - was a LIE. a way of 'protecting' himself? after he told me that? i sang like a damn canary !!!! told him the only reason i hadn't told anyone before this was cuz i thought he was the owner, and i didn't want people to lose their jobs ! he said he would have the 'new' manager call me around noon. she did. about 1230 actually. i tried to have her talk to soulman... he didn't know what to say - so i ended up with the phone anyhow--- and ended up friggin crying.. with both of em.. the first guy and her. bleh. who knew? i knew i didn't wanna talk about it-- but i didn't know it would make me friggin CRY. good Lord. so, of course, she feels terrible about all of this, and is tryin to make it all right etc. i explain to her how many times i had told different people to freeze and/or cancel my account -- to no avail.. etc... then of course -- the deets of ASSHOLE. this doesn't seem to 'surprise her-- but she does want a lot of details. which i can't seem to really get into. if ya know what i mean. all i can say is "inappropriate ,m and unproffessional" etc. but it still even just that much makes me cry like a bitch. finally, i ask her -- have there been more complaints about him... i can tell by her tone of voice -- it almost even sounds pat tense when she talks about him-- there have been others-- but she can't tell me. i knew i wasn't the only one .. but from the sound of it -- i think this bastart went too far with the wrong person -- other than just me -- got his ass turned in.. and it costs that business to go under. they didn't 'move'. they got shut down, and are moving customers to another place. sound about right to you? that fucker needs to - and i hope he gets arrested ! i bet i'm not the only one that fell for the -- oh he's the owner- people will lose their jobs' thing. finally someone didn't give a damn and spoke up ! well, good for her ! whoever she is.

it was a rough couple hours for me- but it looks like i will be gettin my money back -- after refusing the free massage she offered -- oh really -- no thanks - i'll live the rest of my life without another masssage thank you. only thing i'm left wondering is this ---- will i be called in at a later date to testify against mr. molester in court? ugh. i would do it -- but now i know i'll freakin cry.

on that happy note? i must foragefor fooood.

maybe i'll come back later. maybe i won't.

what are y'all doin today?

Saturday, July 17, 2010

i need a re-fill

i also need some friggin glasses, that i can see out of. geesh. maybe i'll actually make that appointment soon. seein as i'm goin to one dr. or another every other day lately anyhow. i really can barely see. i swear it gets worse by the week too. for several months i've been waitin for soulman to get his glasses before i get mine. has he got his yet? noops. he did get his prescription. just not his glasses. so, as i get more and more blind -- his rx, sits behind a magnet on the refrigerator door. i can't wait any longer. not one more week. monday -- ok maybe tuesday - due to the 'procedure' on monday... tuesday , if he hasn't done somethin-- or even if he has -- i have to make my eye appointment. my rx, is at least two or three years old -- trifocals -- and they just don't even come close to working anymore. i must get re-checked and get new glasses. it's not fun to be unable to see, read, do business, etc. especially when i have been filling out as many forms and such as i have been lately.

ok, i'll get moovin on now.

sorry for that last little rant -- but this friggin -explorer' font won't go big like mozilla. or if it does -- it goes back to small, every time i change anything. does it make me mad? you know it does. - tear-

do any of y'all watch the TV series Saving Grace? ever since i got Netflix a few weeks ago -- i have literally become addicted to that show. i had never watched it before. i got netflix, and have in a matter of maybe 3 weeks wiped out the ender first three seasons. i have one last disc on the way. it could have anywhere from one to four shows on it. the last disc on the last couple seasons had one or two shows on em. i hope this one will have more. i just can't get enough of that show. i think maybe in some way i can relate to 'grace'. i also think i have 'claimed my own Earl". recently -- like within the last day or two. go ahead call me crazy. i don't mean that i see or talk to an angel. not a 'real one' at least. but i did acknowledge 'my earl' walking into one of these damn appointments -- the one yesterday i think. i know mary, and jamie, and a couple others really can relate to all this medical shit. the questions, the waiting, the wondering, and the asshat doctors who honestly seem to not care- or notice what we as chronic patients of one thing or another actually live with on a daily basis-- and how a simple comforting answering -- good or bad -- just to be treated like an adult - and to be acknowledged that we are talking of our own body -- might be nice once in a while. why they treat our own lives as a secret sometimes isn't right. i've seem to come to realize , that as much as i hate it -- my answers lie and will be found on autopsy. therefore told soulman, have an autopsy -- but do not, under any circumstance, look at me afterwards. have me cremated. obviously i won't know if he does that-- but if he doesn't i KNOW in my heart -- he will regret it if he does.

OMG -- sorry.wanna know what i PLANNED on writin?

let's start over k?


what's up peoples.
my coffee's cold and almost gone. sure wish i had a minion to get me a re-fill :))
come on in and smoke with me !

anybody do anything last night?
we did. we took soulkid and soul-boy-toy -- that name is just no good --* note to self - find better bf name.
took them to dinner and a movie. good and fun evening. we ate at macaroni grill. and we watched ---- inception. with decaprio and ellen page - and many other 'stars' in it. it was - i hate to admit - a bit over our heads. we talked about it afterwards. it was a 'good' movie. it was just kinda -- i don't know -- scientific??? somethin like that. it was a thinkin movie. but it's worth seein, i guess. good special effects, and acting, of course. i don't know what to tell ya -- i spose since most my buds here are women? wait for the DVD? yeh. how bout that. save some money, but do see it.

ummm... now what? AHA-- i saw somethin in world market the other day when me and soulkid went bummin around town. last weekend? maybe? i wanted to buy it.. but i was flyin on the cheap that day, and i really thought it was over- priced. i immediately thought of my pal 'debbie' :))
i'm sure the damn pic is gonna post at the very top and not let me move it down here -- so i won't even upset myself about it -- so the monkey up top belongs HERE. so Debbie -- one day when i feel rich -- i'mm gonna get him for you :)) hope ya like him. i do !

anyhow folks . i had a rough nite sleepin last night -- have a feelin today will require a nap. i'm already thinkin i'm up before the birds so i may go pond fishin before it gets hot. of course my fuel light came on yesterday when i pulled into the driveway :(( that may change things. but maybe not- i could use somethin to drink, and have nuthin here. other than that? it's cleaning day at the soulcrib !! woo hoo !

hope y'all have happy saturdays !

and a very happy birthday to my eldest nephew -- he turns the big 3-0 today :))
benna benna benna - come sit on da poach !!!!!

i'll take a raincheck wez ... maybe in arkansas eh?
love you!

Friday, July 16, 2010

howdy folks - is it friday yet?

what's happenin in your world peoples? hope it's all goin smoothe and well. happy too?

here? hmmm. pretty much the same as usual, for lately. cept the fact that it looks like i just need to get used to usin 'explorer' for anything blog related. no. i am not happy about that. i also realize there's not much i can do about it either. so, i shall adapt. if i do anything well, adapting is at the top of my list. like a cat i spose. my entire life has been about 'change'. so much so -- if i were around back in the day -- i could have authored "The Serenity Prayer".

(which BTW - if F'N explorer worked the way mozilla DID - i would have put RIGHT HERE)

but as you can see -- i can't post on mozilla. i have to post on explorer -- which i am sure many of YOU do, and have done since the beginning of time. i bet y'all don't have these issues. do ya? bet y'all cut and paste, copy and cut and paste, all day long. huh? well... not me. don't ask me why either. cuz i can't tell ya why. soulman just spent at least an hour trying to fix this issue with my computer. to no avail. obviously. all 'we' came to discover? is that it involves 'google analytics' - and it is damn near impossible to get rid of. he tried and tried, to the point of gettin too irritated to go any further - for the time being. i don't even know WTF google analytics IS, save the fact that the only thing i have problems with on mozilla is BLOGGER. the main thing i use on here. the other being my banks and bills - occasionally facebook. my main contact with the world outside my front door is right HERE. with y'all. and some damn 'bug' or somethin has to mess up all of it and piss me off. ERG. i don't like bein pissed off. i like it when i can be all lalalalala and dumbassy. ya know? i hate to be all serious and angry all the time. it's just not how i want to be. and right now i don't need this shit. i need the distraction of bein a 'nut' as one of my pals calls me. it doesn't take much to entertain me. but lately i have been just wound too damn tight. so much so -- i backed out on plans to go on the boat and fish today. it's gotta be a first for me. well.. i prolly have done it before - but i bet only if i was sick or somethin. today i just have the blahs. plus --

i had the belly MRI this morning. it went alright. only thing that bothered me was i kept havin to hold my breath -- and folks i tell ya -- this smokin for most of my life has surely done me NO favors at all. i kept thinkin that if i were to ever 'drown' i'd go fast. i didn't count or anything, but really she pushed me to my limits of how long i could hold my breath, that's fo shizzle. it almost hurt at times.

anyhow--- i'll let ya know what they say when i hear back. she did tell me to drink a lot of water today though- and during the test - same as the one last week - i got an IV.. so i kinda figured along with that and the bah hum bugs today - why put myself in a situation where i might dehydrate? right. so as i write this i do wish i were fishin.. but it is pushin 100 degrees this afternoon, i'm kinda happy to be inside .

i would like to say that THIS was my final medical rodeo for a while. sad to say it was not. i mentioned the neck problems in one of recent posts - maybe the last one? well... i am scheduled for a "occipital block", for this coming Monday. can't wait. yeh. that's sarcasm. i haven't even googled it yet. sounds painful. also, i have researched that set of nerves and muscles a million times over the last few years. (occipital nerves, etc). they control and manage a LOT of what we do-- mainly without thought. like SEE. walk. move our hands and feet. and so much more. i have to go three times. prolly over the next six weeks. monday obviously #1. am i nervous? you bet yer ass i am. that's why i haven't 'seen' dr. google yet. i worry enough already. what if i go blind? what if i can't move my head? what if it HURTS for WEEKS or MONTHS - like the rhizotomy did? what if it ruins my plans to go to visit my family in arkansas? i haven't seen my nephews in a very long time! what if i am able to go - but can't DO anything? this is not to mention that each needle i take is costing us 150.00 ! plus -- i figured out that THIS is the place that wants near 350.00 .. and unfortunately, NOT the place that i paid 303.00 to right before TN. nope THAT went to the place that just did the belly scan. i'm just screwed y'all. i am in a pit of medical and financial HELL.

and ya know what else? i just realized i'm hungry. my neck fuckin hurts! my house looks like hell ran thru -- 180090 times! i have been crying almost daily for five days -- for things i would laugh at on any other day. i am crawling under rocks that i hurl at someone on any other day. what is happening to ME guys?

is it age? pain? fed - up-ness? i'm t-i-r-e-d. of e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g.

just love meh.

spose i'll feed my face and check up on you folks in a bit.

hope you all are happy in your worlds today --

it IS fried-day !!! whooooooT

happy weekends to you -

Thursday, July 15, 2010

well i'll be . . .

this belongs with the facebook post
but explorer won't copy / paste
delightful. no?

it's a pain in my ass, but it looks like i can post. only thing is - i gotta do it on explorer. i hate explorer. WTF is up with my mozilla? i don't know either. but i can tell ya this much -- if YOU are havin the same issues? i solved the problem. switch to explorer - and the problem is solved. ugh. why can't anything be easy in my world? why is it always bullshit? even the little irritating things. things like this. a damn blog? no one else in the world would think this to even be an issue in their life. would they? would you? really. i'm askin. whoever's readin, i'm askin.

or how 'bout 'this' --- today i get a call. actually two calls. one is an easy fix. i hope. i am pretty sure i can get outta payin it , cuz i am all caught up and it's from this current year. so- no biggie. just irritating. a while later ? yup - another friggin DR's office (billing , of course) calls me. says i owe them .. OVER 300.00 !! i'm stunned. whaddabuncha crap! just before we left for TN some OTHER dr place called and i DID shell out over 300.00 -- i don't even remember who it was to or what it was for - not to mention the correct amount that i even paid !!! but i paid it. i do remember that it had somethin to do with one of these tests i'm doin/done. i really hope it's this place. i don't have another 300.00+ to shell out. shit. ugh. it HAS to be this place. right. can't be coincidence that i owed two out of three places the same or close to it amounts. could it?

bah !

ok. i'll move on. but i'm pissed off about that. i'm pissed off about a few things at the moment actually. BUT.. i reckon they aren't what i should be focusing on right now. right?

then you tell me. what should i be focusing on ? hmmm? well - there's always the massage place -- that 'crossed the line'. then AFTER i verbally, and in an email, cancelled my account - STILL took money from my checking account. wanna talk about that? the money cleared BTW. i've been hoping -- i guess that they would find their error and reverse the charges. but ya think that happened? noop. do ya think i have the teets to call and 'confront' them? i do not. i don't know which angle to start from. i don't know who to speak with. which tone to start with. i don't know shit. all i know is that i, personally, do not want to deal with this situation - AT ALL.

i also know - they owe me almost 200.00 in charges that they continued to take -= after i began asking them to 'freeze my account' .. prior to this 'incident'. BLEH

so anyhow --- looks like i got off at the wrong stop folks. someone peed in my wheaties. sorry 'bout that. mood swing attack... oops. i was actually in a decent mood when i began this post. then the phone thing --- the call i got right after i got on here just kinda set me off-- i don't know why- it's an ongoing thing. just another heap on the flames i reckon. i'll get over it.

anyways -- for anyone who doesn't use facebook.. or may have missed it? the last few days i've been usin facebook cuz i couldn't post here--- so first i will say - today i got the results of my thyroid ultrasound -- it was good. whatever that means. just that nothing has 'changed'. so ok.

other than that? i reckon -- here's the latest in the medical realm of soulland - might be other stuff - not sure- have a read -- but get a coffee and a couple cigs first :))



(insert soul-shirt pic here :))

blogger is bein a pain in my A** ! it will not let me post - or even load the post page. ERG. so. i will tell y'all here. in about 2 hours or so, i will be sittin in my neurologists ofice, listening to the details of the report of my recent brain MRI. i would be lying if i said i wasn't concerned. ok fine. worried, about what i may hear. if blogger is working when i get back, i will post the 'report'. among a few other things. the symptoms i have been having over the last month though-- are real reasons for concern. i really don't think it's something fatal. i do think it's something that will not 'heal' though. which i will admit , scares me.
if you have seen the movie 'The Notebook." you'll know why i say that. i'll be seein ya. oh - and this is for my long term blog friends -- especially JAMIE :)) do y'all remember the 'soul-shirt?' i deverginized it yesterday ! it don't look 'so' bad.


- what the freakin frackin froo is UP with blogger? is it only me? my computer? i'm pretty upset about it - whatever it is. i cannot go without blogger. i just can't. y'all know how MY mind works. maybe ya don't. i don't really know how it works either. what i do know - is that i must write. a lot. facebook doesn't have the ... space i need to babble the way i do. WTH? can y'all post on blogger today? it seems some have. i haven't been home long, so haven't had a chance to look around. but i think it's simply cuz i am ME. as usual. SO, anyhow. i'll TRY to keep it short . haha i know right. it's a task, but i will really TRY. the dr. seems to be optimistic to the fact that nothing too serious is goin on. he said the 'infarct', lesion, scar, whatever -- was caused -- most likely by the damn chronic migraines. over 20 years of them. he didn't explain 'how' , just his theory. so i'll take that over a stroke or anyeurism any day ! wouldn't you? i'm pretty sure that has a lot to do with my memory - or lack thereof - issues. best guess havin. didn't ask though. my research, and pretty much common sense tells me - dead tissue in a human brain would certainly cause some type of problem, dontchya think? and i do have many. mainly no memory, sayin the wrong word, mis spellin basic words, things like that. then we have the headache from hell.... i think that question was pretty much answered - and hopefully soon will be taken care of. on the c-spine (neck) MRI -- there were several new things found - that i haven't heard of - on me - to date. so it could very well be the root cause of the 6 week long headache and MORE. there is a bulging disc at c-3 and 4. AND c- 5 and 6 ! there are 'spurs' all over the damn place -- and stenosis everywhere. (narrowing.) NOW i don't feel like such a big baby. i feel pretty damn tough actually. most folks woulda laid down and died by now. not me... cuz i am soul. and i got soul. and i got y'all to keep me goin. i bet i woulda laid down and died , months ago if not for y'all. i hope you know that. not a single one of you have a hint of what you mean to me. i wish ya did. cuz you are all angels in my world. my guardian angels. you give me strength, you make me laugh, you give me a reason to find humor in my medical mystery of a pain ridden life. really. i have no reason to make this shit up. you are the wind beneath my wings :)) me and my sis have been sayin that to each other since the movie 'Beaches" came out. aside from me sayin it the other day -- i never said it to anyone else. but i'm sayin it now-- to all my peeps. you know who you are. and i love ya. thanks for watchin out for me guys. happy hectic humpday -- looks like you're stuck with me . for a while
anyhow. love , souliolio


ok guys -- i give up -- i'm gonna watch the final episode of 'saving grace on season 3.
then i shall stuff my face -- of with what? i have no idea.
then i think i'll call it ni-night time.
belly MRI is tomorrow - 8 a.m. sharp.
wanna make bets on the number of ulcers?
bleeding- or- not?
i'll throw a 20.00 in there - 3 bleeding ulcers is my bet.
here's a heads up-- last one said 'bleeding ulcers - no # and NEVER use aspirin for the rest of your LIFE!
hint- for the last six weeks i been eatin excedrine migraine like CANDY-
but until then -- stopped altogether.
you read here?
do the math :))

g'nite my friends

is there anybody out there?

holy crap - i think it's working !!! woo hoo !!

i'll be back later :((

i had to get on the desktop - then tried 'explorer' - deleted the damn chinese spam.. and voila !
here i am ! did ya miss me ?

i been updating on facebook - i will transfer that to here in a minute -- IF my laptop will work now (for blogger)

anyhow-- i must go, and pretend to be productive today.


Monday, July 12, 2010

wanna meet our new addition ? plus more stuff

mornin folks -- i would say happy monday -- but that doesn't usually go over too well. no one seems to welcome a monday as much as any other day. they all seem the same to me. well, at least until school gets goin again. then it'll be a real monday for me too. (again) - with real schedules and stuff. bleh. for now, and in other summer schedules , it's just touch and go. there are always appointments, and other things to do, but not a daily alarm, or the other regular pressures of life. of course -- as you have seen lately -- the medical crap i deal with -- is ongoing, and has been - for way too long. it wears on me. more than y'all prolly realize. even without the damn dr's and the waiting for results and all that crap. just the daily BS , meds, and pain. gawd. i'm just tired of it all. but let's not go there. shall we.

anyhow. there's been a delay in soulkid getting her drivers license. which also puts a strain on the emotion level around here. you know how teenage girls can be-- add 'waiting', and added stress, and not knowing -- ugh, and other things to that? she is at a boiling point -- constantly. waiting on, and hoping to be able to trust "the system" - must be horrible for her. and guess who catches the fall-out?? yep, dear ole mom and dad. the yelling, the crying, the fits, the everything . and it's crap i say. as if we didn't have enough of our own grown up bs to deal with-- we gotta put up with teenage emotional war too? ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh healP me . we need an intervention. super nanny ? where are you?

oh. pardon me. have i run off-topic ? again? you know that's why you love me. why you read here. cuz every read is a surprise. you just never know what kinda crap you'll find here. aint that right? my mind runs 100 MPH every second of every day - and i don't sugar coat it one bit. what you see is what you get. whether you like it or not. well, i spose if you don't like it -- you don't have to read it. do ya? ugh. i don't even care anymore. i love ya -- but i can't make ya love me back. can i? noop. that's alright tho. i'm a damn brown recluse anyhow.

i came across a video i made a long while back. about my bloggee peeps. haven't watched it - prolly since i made it. so many of y'all on there -- i still think of near daily -- but now, seldom even hear from. several newer peeps obviously aren't on it. wish ya were. perhaps i'll put it on here, while i'm thinkin of it-- lest i forget.

but-- anyhow-- once again -- an introduction of the new soul-addition-- the cat -- erg has been lost in the fog of my ramblings.
s0 without further insane babbling -- i bring you


the 'deal' WAS- soulkid could 'rescue' douglas' from his fate of the pound -- on ONE condition. that being = he was to LIVE IN her room upstairs. never come down. i do not want to ever see him. he is NOT to disrupt the other animals.he will eat, drink, shit and breathe IN her bedroom. she will CLEAN up after him and take care of him on her OWN. AND she is to find him a home BEFORE we leave for arkansas -- on the 23RD !

do you think it's goin down that way? oh hell NO ! aside from the food, water and litter in her room? she has not only brought him downstairs. she has also -- found ways - sneaky , devious ways -- to 'make me' HOLD him, watch him play, watch her love him, and play with him. she has offered to pay for his neuter, and also 'reminded me that he is only three months old -- my attachment to sushi- and the age of our other cats. these facts -- making it impossible to take anyone - except douglas when she leaves home.

she's workin me folks . and i hate to admit it-- i do believe she's winnin. again.


anyhow-- we-- me and the soulman - are supposed to be out on the boat fishin right now-- but the wind gods are frowning upon us. i am highly disappointed . i been lookin forward to this for days. my happy is nowhere to be found at the moment.
has anyone seen it?

i hope y'all have yours !

do have happy days in your worlds today -- i insist ! :))

latah folks

Saturday, July 10, 2010

just to keep y'all occupied for a while :))

mornin folks - and a happy saturday to ya !

i was just tryin to see what i could do for a post this mornin that wouldn't be bitchy, whiny, or medical.. or worse -- depressing. the last part was just a guess. i don't know if i've been bringin y'all down lately -- but i know i have been gettin dragged to pits of hell. slowly -- but i'm beginning to feel it. and no -- i can't like it. i sure wish i coulda just stayed in TN. cuz really - it's just been one thing after another -- and mostly not fun things - since i got back. cept gettin my dogs bac. and my cats. they are great animals, and they missed me, they were happy to see us-- and us them too . of course.
speakin of cats -- and my disdain.. i mean absolute love for them.. we have a new addition . a rescue - if you will. ugh. more about that later, but his name is "douglas" , and i was suckered right into that little situation.

anyhow. i was sittin here doin the smoke - n- choke, chillin, cruisin, checkin e-mail, that kinda stuff. i began feelin kinda low - as just 'thoughts, began seepin into my feeble mind. so i went to look at my vimeo video. some of those are of some good times. i came across my 15th anniversary video. 15 years of -our- life all wrapped up into a few minutes. anyhow-- i figured i'd toss that up here - it's a re-run , but the original post was three years ago. so i reckon a lot of y'all haven't seen it.
we just past our 18th you know - july 1st. so have a look. the music is good - if nothin else. ;)) - in the meantime -- i have stuff to do today -- i reckon i will keep tryin to work on our TN video -- i should stay start workin on it. my photo files are a frickin disaster. i just have had a lot goin on. i think i may wait til the end of the month til after we get back from our next micro-cation - and just make one big ass summer-vacay thing -- with all the mini vacations, tn and all wrapped up into one video. then all i have to do is make a part two - with the last one lil micro-cation to lubbock. i think that's the last one. hmm.
anyhow-- again - i must go for now -
i'll be around.

Untitled from brezz on Vimeo.

happy weekend in your worlds my friends
and hugs all around !

Friday, July 9, 2010

comment to post - cuz i can't shut UP

hi peeps -- thanks -- i so wanted to do that - i was just too pissed off . all freakin day. i don't have enough body parts to count the number of times that i have been stolen from. the thought of that - and the damn feelings that come with it overtook me the entire day yesterday. i really could have caused some trouble -- probably for my own self -- if i would have called anyone about this only would make myself look bad.

yeh, the police is a good idea.

the bank? maybe even better.

i can't close my account - i've had that account for years, and i have too many automatic payments come out of it. i'd screw myself if i closed it - over 40 bucks.

so. as of now? i'm just tryin not to get overly pissed. which yeh i know- i already am. this is like the straw breaking the camels back. i have literally been stolen from my entire life. everything from a pack of cigs out of my car- to an entire vehicle - to my most recent jewelry theft by my movers -- now this. i'm just angry. and i know the best thing to do is keep MY mouth shut.

at this point - the charge is still pending -- so - i reckon until it clears.. i will just wait . and get more angry. i need to find someone else to deal with these people. i'm just a liability. i'll make everything worse.

anyhow-- to change the subject -- i have yet another lovely appointment soon. and yup -- THEY called ME -- again. this one? a six month follow up... thyroid ultra sound. (remember the 'nodules'? ) yeh well, time to see if they've 'changed'.

i'm so sick of this shit.

2 MRI's and an ultrasound , in less than two weeks. it woulda never happened if i wanted it this way. here i am, just cruisin along , wantin to be left alone-- and every other day some damn dr. calls ME. WTF?

anyhow-- i must go. i reckon this will be my post for the day. cuz i cannot shut UP.

happy days to y'all.
i never got a chance to work on the TN video. maybe later. i shall try.

latah peeps-

Thursday, July 8, 2010

i'm fixin to go 'gran-gran' on someone -- haelP !

ok peoples . i need help. seriously. i have no one to talk to about this. not to make anybody feel bad or anything. i do have a few of y'alls phone numbers, but i am aware of the fact that y'all have jobs and lives, and schedules too. unlike myself. not that i'm complaining. i woke up this morning to a completely people-less house -- and it has been nice. i haven't been 'alone' - in like two weeks. i have missed my 'soul-time'. some folks get lonely bein alone a lot-- me? i like it. well, most of the time anyhow. i just like the silence mostly i think. no tv, no music, no conflict. just silence. i guess i just get irritated easily at 'noise'. to me, silence really is golden. but in all honesty? i love my little family - and i couldn't survive without them.. y'all know that right?

so anyways, yeh, i know -- my mind has wandered way off track -- again. i'm famous for that - and i'm sure you've noticed it has gotten worse. i reckon that's the main reason that i have chosen to write less often here. i just can't seem to keep my shit strait anymore. it bothers me , i'm sure, more than y'all. well, maybe. i have noticed a drop in readers, and comments, so perhaps it's a tie.?

so. back to what i was sayin. or tryin to say. i need some help here. it's about the massage place - issue. money etc. i entered my online banking thing this morning to check on things, like i usually do. it's almost a part of my daily routine -- i think it's actually an OCD thing. even if i don't spend any money - i'm in there every day to see what's goin on.

anyhow-- i go in there this mornin-- and what do you think i saw? yup-- an automatic withdrawl --- from the massage place ! AFTER not only a phone call -- with a verbal cancellation of my contract, and request for a refund of advance payments--- BUT also an email ! 7/2 and 7/3. WTF??? what do i do now guys?? i so wanted to call immediately, if not sooner, and start the heads rollin. i refrained though. i have a tendency to get too emotional about things like this. especially at times like this-- when i have so much other stuff goin on. i just know that i would handle it badly.
i cannot bring soulman into it -- he is already pretty pissed off - and doesn't really have all the details of 'what happened'. he doesn't want to hear it-- and i don't wanna tell him. also, like i said in the comments box - somewhere -- i really do not wanna be responsible for people losing their jobs -- cuz the owner is an asshat. the thought crossed my mind to stop payment on the withdrawl -- but that would cost me 20.00 -- yeh i know -- it would also save me 20.00.
i am in a quandary. a big mess. and i don't know what to do. or how to do it.
i could call the board of health, better business bureau , a lawyer, any number of 'people.' i just don't know WHO.

and i have no idea why i just went to italics ! dammit! make it STOP!

any--erg!- ways... i don't guess i have much more to say right now-- this stupid text is killin me. i'm a stressed out soul, and stuff is just irritating the piss outta me.

anyone got any advice? soulutions? wanna make some calls for me? this place now owes me $199.95 --- it just aint right !!!

i'll catch up with ya later --
have happy days in your worlds today !
i may work on a vacay video for later so check back k?
laterz -

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

is no news really good news?

mornin folks.

well, i guess it's not really 'mornin' anymore is it? i'm still doin the smoke-n-choke, along with some intense Dr. Google consulting. ( yeh, i know - don't say it) - so to me, it is still morning. kinda.
bleh. do i sound frazzled? perhaps i am. nothin major; just a lot on my mind i reckon.

i got up this mornin and started my day with the normal routine, coffee, cigs, meds, just the chillaxin thing. ya know. after a while i realized it was 9:04 A.M. my first thought was -- hmmm, i bet someone is answerin phones at neuro about now. so -- yup, i called.

i wanted to call yesterday. i was told by radiology that the doc would have the results by afternoon . so, of course, i was dying to know what or if they found anything on the MRI (brain w/and without contrast - brain veins - and cervical spine (neck). ugh. i swear - i looked at the clock every hour yesterday. (minus my long nap ) waiting - impatiently - for the call.

i was at the point that i didn't even care what they had to say -- i just wanted to hear something. anything. of course -- i heard nothing at all. i tried to not think so much about it-- and i did refrain from calling the office.

until this morning. i had to know something. even if it was nothing. no one has a headache for a freakin month. - so. i called. wanna know the first thing i learned? my dr. is out of the office til next freakin monday !!! wo hoo! isn't that just the way things go in my world? but hey - there is no way in hell i would be able to wait - patiently , or otherwise , for a whole nother week waiting on the results . this is MY brain guys. so -- i asked first - if they could have my dr's partner look at em and call me about it... she could have done that - but i spose it's some kinda toe steppin thing. i don't know. so i went ahead and asked her what - if anything she could tell me. she let me know - she was not a nurse or dr - or any of the sort - so i tried to not get too detailed in my questions. knowing that she was doin me a favor goin as far as she did already. the little i did get from her??? has me concerned - to say the least . but at the same time-- it's not as bad as it could be.. considering my many "symptoms".
there were several minor things - some i already knew --- from the last MRI. well, i say minor - only cuz it hasn't killed me yet - and it's been a year or two since the last one.
but something she did mention - that wasn't mentioned on the last one???
an "infarct". which is basically dead tissue (necrosis)- scar tissue. that kinda stuff.
the first thing that came to my mind was the fact that when i blew the clot in my lung -- that word - infarct- was mentioned. permanent dead/damaged, part of my lung due to the force of the clot when it blew as it hit the wall of my lung.
so-- right away -- i'm thinkin .. and ask -- is that evidence of a stroke .. she reminds me she's not a dr, etc. most likely covering her ass etc. so - i just schedule a follow up with my doc - for NEXT freakin wednesday -- ERG! to discuss all this crap with my dr.

so, of course i turn to my best friend- and worst enemy , Dr. Google.

what did 'we' discover? well, aside from several worms to choose from out of the large can of such that i happened to once again open :))) the two most logical, causes of a ' cerebral infarction'???
1- a stroke
2- a blown clot (anyerism / or embolism)

so. yes - i am an asSoul. i should have gone to ER the night that i had that horrible headache nearly a month ago. live and learn i reckon. perhaps i'm just too stubborn to croak???

i'll let y'all know when i have the 'official report' - for now this is all i got.

oh yeh - as for the manseusse crap? haven't heard a word back from them.. i'm gettin pissed too --- they wouldn't like me when i'm angry --

have a nice day -
i'll see about that here -- so far -- not quite feelin it.

Monday, July 5, 2010

mornin folks - i reckon this is the day -

i have tried and tried , for several weeks to not think of , or worry about 'today'. but now it is here, and looming upon me. i mentioned a couple weeks ago, my neverending headache. right? well, it still lingers. it leaves, and returns, it comes back, or sometimes stays for days without a reprieve, before a rest of a few hours. but then it's back when i least expect it. i reckon i'm on at least the tail end of week four with this damn headache. it hasn't been unusual over the last maybe ten years or more to hold onto one for a week or so, but never a month. so yeh, around 2 1/2 weeks of it, i got concerned and scheduled the mri. and yep - i go in at 9 to get sucked into a tube and listen to bang-bang-bang , for about an hour and 1/2. i usually don't mind these too much, except for the fact that the last one i had-- i'm had some sort of damn panic attack. for some unknown reason. so, among other reasons , i'm just not lookin forward to it.
i know i joke a lot about my senile - even sometimes my aneurysm. knowing that neither is funny - but both lighten the load of what might be the reality of what i could be facing. not easy. and today i look it in the eye -- again.
i'll let ya know what they say -- but we all know that will take days or more to know anything. at least it's gettin done.

also - no sooner than i got that appointment scheduled another radiology place called me... know what they want? yep- you guessed it -- my 6 month follow-up for my gastro (belly) mri. i told the lady -- shit, i have an mri on monday, when are you thinkin about it? will i turn green or somethin? she laughed. which helped. making me assume that's all rumor- or insurance bs, when they say you shouldn't have more than one or two in a year. know when she 'wanted to schedule me?' yep -- like wednesday ! uhhh, no! how far out can i push it? to the 15th. okay then.. let's do the 15th. shit are they really tryin to kill me? maybe i won't turn green , but hell.. MRI's two days apart - really people, that just can't be good for a person. at minimum my fillings would fall out-- dontchya think?

all this medical crap ... right now? i'm not even caught up with my house-- or my vacations, etc. i have shit to do, and here i am, back in the dr and appointment saddle again. thank the good Lord my out of pocket has been emptied for the year. oh hell.. i just remembered - i still have to schedule something to be done to my back too! whether it be steroid shots or the big bad rhizotomy. ugh.

oh and here's one i haven't mentioned. i couldn't really. not yet. but now that it's all out in the opened i spose i can. i think at least some of you know that i have been getting near monthly massage , since the end of -09 ? or somethin like that. well, when i had that last rhizotomy, it messed up my advance payments taken out of my bank every month, since i couldn't be touched at all for about 4-5 months. i couldn't get the massages at all. so they kept takin the money- while i fell further and further behind on my schedule- and my money. i called several times to have my account frozen until i could get caught up-- even doubling my session times -- but they never did freeze the account - and again- i kept falling behind. so , in the mean-time, my female masseuse - her dad got sick, and she moved out of state to help him. so i go back - lookin for her - and the only alternative - due to my many back and neck conditions - i end up with a maNseusse. never had one- ok , once. i was always uncomfortable with a man massager - always asked for a woman after that.. but i knew this guy was good, and the owner. and knew my med conditions . so i - like a fool -- requested him, when i started goin back a few months ago. ugh.
long story - short ---- the last time i was there - a couple weeks before we left for TN? he came on to me !!! i didn't have time to deal with any of it til we got back, so i waited.
well, saturday -- or sunday --? - i email a letter to the company - owned by my maNseusse. :(( requesting my 'contract' be cancelled , and the 4 months that i am paid ahead be refunded to me asap. i still haven't heard a word back -- of course it was a weekend.
anyhow-- i tell soulman this is all due to the fact that i will never get caught up financially - not with the pain, and procedures etc. he was cool with that.
bad thing? i had already told soulkid that he asked for my phone number last time i saw him. i skipped a little bit -- but even the phone part pissed her off and she said i better never go back. which i knew -- i just needed to hear someone else say it. and y'all know i lack in the girlfriend department out here. so soulkid was my confidant .
well.. whenever i was on the phone- and writin the email? the truth came out. they both were askin questions, and soulman was PISSED. ugh. sometimes bein honest doesn't pay off. ya know that? I didn't even do anything but leave -- then cancel my shit to never go back.. and i'm left feelin like i did do somethin wrong. where is the justice in that?

anyhow-- other than tat -- i must get ready fo z doctah
catchya latah peeps -- bet ya can't beat my excitement meter for the day can ya?
bwa hahahahaha

i'm still tryin to get to the tn update post -- just so much to do - so little time :((

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Don't Be Hatin , it's "Freedom Photo Day"

here I am! yep. once again, i 'almost' forgot about the photo challenge. ok. i admit it. i DID forget. only by about ten hours though. i'm still in there. aren't i ?
i'll toss some pix up anyhow. there are a couple i shot on vacation just for this challenge.. my brain is just a bit toasted still. i'm on the verge of bein all caught up on my physical and business end of things, and after havin taken a break for a few hours of 'saving grace DVD's' i just got back online to finish up some more things... that's when i realized i almost missed the photo challenge. so anyhow-- here ya go --

the topic is


Thursday, July 1, 2010

1052 posts, and 18 years of marriage - i'm toast !

cheers peoples !

how goes it? hopefully all is very well in your worlds today. i must say i couldn't have asked for better in soulland . well, i could have, but i won't. all went just fine. my day is ending with eightteen years of marriage completed without one night of separation in anger . i spose that might be sayin somethin in this day and age. at least it seems so anyhow. perhaps the ole soulman and i are in the 50 percent of the 50 percent that happens to stay married. ya think? i think so. whatever we've done up to this point seems to work, so i reckon we just won't mess with it, and see how the next eightteen years go. whaddayathink?

anyhow, no flags and whistles today for the anniversary babies. we got up , chillaxed a while. and just played the rest of the day by ear. no big plans or anything. we of course did end up on the lake for most of the day -- and as luck would have it -- we for only the second time in our married life , had another 'simultaneous fishasm' :))
perfect photo op for the big day - don't ya think? here - look --

obviously, not an easy task for soulman to hold a fish, take a pic, and kiss me at the same time, but it worked :)) - and the fishies even got to kiss too :))

later on i got a hybrid bass, (a cross between the striped bass and the white bass)

and right after that - soulman got hung up on a line wrapped around a stick - up out in the water. when he went to pull it in and get un-hung, he found that there was a live , and starving to death poor catfish on the line. we rescued the poor fella. i tried to take the hook out of his mouth, but i ended up gettin hooked -- owie -- so when we got the boat back over - the wind moved the boat -- i ended up cuttin the line. the hooks dissolve over time, just not sure how long. i hope he found some food. we felt bad for him.

have you ever seen an oompa loompa catch a fish ?

we both caught several fish, of course soulman out-fished me...again. he got this big boy at our last spot.

he's the man :))

after fishing , we thought we might go out to dinner -- later, we decided to eat leftover enchiladas from last night. made by el chef soulman :)) and we watched a movie on pay per view ' when in rome' - with soulkid. it was comfy and cozy at home just the soulclan for the night. i'm still recovering from vacation, but was happy to be on the lake today - with the man that i love.

soulkid has a friend over for the night - dying hair and doing girl stuff. they're funny.
i like bein a girl - mom. i think i'm still in training - but i'm gettin the hang of it :))

see you folks latah -- i'm old and i am outta heah