Monday, March 31, 2008

oops-- an early morning defensive rant

mornin peeps--

question of the day-----
ok-- maybe a couple questions of the day---

A- i have several regular readers and commenters here-- most of you i call my blog-friends. some i call my friends. a couple of you are even family--- more than a couple if i count the ones who don't comment.
there is a reason that you read here. nearly daily for many of you. i'm sure you have different reasons for coming here. so----

1- do you read - and/or comment here because you like honest writing. no fluff, no bullshit??

2- or do you read here for some sort of peek into the life of a person who has some problems getting through life? physical, mental, family, whatever?

3- why do you keep coming back?

i'm asking because, it seems i got an ultimatum of sorts. "be positive, or i lose a reader. " hmmm.
well.. this person, is one who one would think would be the most understanding of all of you. so i will admit-- 3 a.m. this morning, i was a bit .. well, shocked isn't the word. not at all. maybe pissed is it. actually-- i don't know the word right now.

if there's some of y'all that can't deal with real life issues.. and you want to read someone inflate their ego and live in denial of what their real life is... then this isn't the page for you to be a part of. there are thousands of blogs out there who are full of people who live in a fantasy world, and are 100 % positive 100% of the time. how honest are they? not very , not in my opinion.
therefore-- you don't find links to that type of blog on my list of links.

i began this blog -- for ME. as a stepping stone to something else. in the beginning, i had NO idea it would become what it has. sure, people have come and gone, and that is bound to happen. i'm sure it will continue to happen. sometimes people just don't click.

but anyhow-- i don't , i won't , and i haven't..since the beginning--- pretended to be anything i'm not. if anything i think i may have improved who i am... in many ways. because of all of you.
one thing is-- i have toned down my language quite a bit. sure-- you will see me cuss a bit-- a lot sometimes... but not like i did early on.

i've gone from "all about me" - to what's goin on in YOUR world. and i truly care about what goes on in your world.

y'all have been , and are a fantastic group of people, and support system for me. and many others who you have found through me-- or vice versa.

i don't have a fairy tale life-- i never have , and i don't expect that i ever will.
so if you're waiting for the happy ending here? don't expect it any time soon.

some days i will make you laugh-- some days i may piss you off, some days i'm a crybaby-- some days-- i make no bit of sense at all.

but i don't lie to you-- or me.

and if that's what you're looking for -- you won't find it here.

so just know this--
i have changed as much as i am willing to here.
this is my life-- it isn't fiction, it isn't glossed over.

i just don't know what a person wants or expects when they demand "positive", from a person who isn't always positive.

want positive?
read the Bible ... and good luck with that-- believe it or not-- even THEY had problems.

anyways-- here i am, i find myself defending my writing, and my character-- seemingly not for the first time. i don't think that's right or fair .. for me to be put in a position to even FEEL like i should need to do that.

so anyhow-- either stay-- or go-- if you can't handle who i am.. or what happens in my life--
then you are obviously living in a fantasy land. one without conflict. i suppose that's a good thing-- for you.
but if you can't deal with the real side of things-- find some fairy tale to read...there's plenty of bloggers out there who really are full of themselves, and their trophy life in a glass case.