Tuesday, August 16, 2011

come on in - smoke n choke with meh

howdy folks - long time no see eh?  sorry bout that.  i haven't ad much to say.  yeh i know. that doesn't sound right comin from me does it?  well.  even though i can usually turn nothin to say into a half hour of your day, i haven't wanted to make y'all suffer.  not that i have been sufferin.  well.  things have been a little bit rough. just not like you think.  well, let's say not like you are used to hearing me write about.

my theme around here for the past couple months has been 'change'.  in every way you could possibly imagine.  personal change mostly.  spiritually, emotionally, mentally, physically,  in relationships-and out,you name it -- if a person can work on- or change it -- i'm doin it.  and y'all know -- a person can really only change themselves right.  or the way they react to situations.  and any bit of that takes time.  and energy. and patience.  and if any of you really know ME?  i have none of that.  well.. til lately.  i don't know where it's coming from.  but i'm finding it.  it only comes in moments, or spurts, or or even at times bursts, but many days i get things done that even only three months ago i wouldn't have even begun to start - now i can see things getting done and i even feel better physically and mentally for it.

don't get too excited folks - it's still the early stages .. healing takes time, and that's what all this is. it took a long time to - i find no other word to say it - but 'give up'. i did that. i crawled inside myself and gave up on me and everyone , everything around me. it took a long time  to get there.

i think i actually backtracked to what i will call 'the straw that broke the camels back' - and i feel so stupid for letting THAT be what broke me.  saddest thing of that part?  i knew in advance that it potentially would-- and i LET it.  i left myself open-- i watched it happen- but ya know what -- it's ok.  i'm so over it-- and i'm good.

i won't say healed - i know my physical stuff will not be healed - but i manage my pain oh so much better.  breaking my ribs was a very much needed wake up call.  God showed me what REAL life stopping pain was.  so yeh, i tuff it out a lot of the time, i manage the meds in a much more mature way.  and i'm alert and making things happen.  gettin er dun . 

mentaly things are better too.  just gettin my ass off the couch and workin on the house every day, gettin out of the house and running errand or spending time with the fam or hubby or doing whatever -- out of the house is good.  opening the blinds - for christ's sake!    i haven't been a part of my own life for so long i didn't realize i was missing it.  

who in their right mind -- not that i ever claimed to be  :))  --- would ever say -- i'm happy i broke my ribs -- i heard God speak through that experience.  sounds crazy to some i'm sure .. but that my friends was surely my wake up call to live - or die .. and to know that it was MY choice.

well folks -- coffee's gone --- CHEERS --

hope you all have happy days in your worlds today -
it's a hot one again here -- but we did get a few nice days -- and it RAINED!!!