Friday, October 23, 2009

welcome to my world

yep-- i can't count the number of times that phrase has entered my mind today. and this day isn't even close to half way over. is it? maybe it is-- i don't know-- and i am in no shape to attempt math. so screw it.

anyhow. yep, that's the quote of the day-- "F my life". know what else? "there's an ap for that" :))
i even have it on my phone -- i rarely read it- but when i do -- i think to myself -- i could top that one. IF only i could remember my log-in info.

it just sucks to be me sometimes.

look what time it is. goin on 1:45 in the afternoon. i've been runnin all mornin long- well, all day if ya wanna look at it that way. have i done one thing for 'me'? umm, not really.
what have i done?
well.. i woke up later than i wanted to. which could be good -- but it wasn't. i had to go into panic/rush mode and get the kid out of bed and motivated. -- then off to school.

while she was doin that -- i had to smoke and choke -- and at the same time -- do my bills and bank and that sort of thing -- and skip my blog time-- and shower. :((
and make my 'list' for the day.

then we had to go -- i took her to school-- imediately had to head to my doctor appointment--
which was at my pain management doc---
a story all it's own.... one that i dreaded. i don't know why. they treat me very well there. the only place in my entire pain-life, that has not treated me like a drug seeker-- drug addict-- liar-- scammer -- etc. ugh. but -- when you have been treated like-- told to your face -- and refused meds because you just have 'that look' -- it's just frickin hard to 'get over', and feel trusted.
so anyhow--- a couple days ago-- maybe yesterday -- i called my pharmacy -- to refill my meds -- i still had a few days worth left -- i just didn't want to run out on the weekend and be left hangin. did they call me to ask questions??? NO--- they called my dr -- THEN they called me. why did they call "us"?? to inform us -- that they were 'refusing' to fill my prescription. because i had been filling too many rx's for these meds.
ummm.... excuse the hell out of me!!!! i had explained -- more than once to these mother f'ers -- that these meds had been raised 'verbally' by my DOCTOR -- due to the many procedures over the last couple of months-- they --- the pharmacy -- should have something faxed over with the NEW dosage!!!
UGH!!! did they? ummm... NO---- instead they just continued to fill them.. then they call my doctor and ACCUSE ME OF ABUSING?SELF RAISING my meds. and refuse to refill ANY more.
i was totally on the defense when i went in today to my doc-- ESPECIALLY -- when i had to take a PISS TEST!
ugh--- come to find out-- it was just time for that-- and i was treated more than normal.. and human.. by my dr. she said 'fuck them'.. change pharmacy's"

lol-- half the time i was there -- i was crying. not just cuz of the med issues... just the bullshit i have been dealing with for three months. it's just gettin very heavy y'all. i don't know how much more i can take. i just wanna be left the fuck alone. ya know. i am not a healthy person. i don't need any crap from people. i just wanna be ok. i wanna go fishin. i wanna drive my car. i wanna hang pix in my house. i wanna clean my house. i wanna cook meals , i wanna go grocery shopping. i wanna take my kid to the mall. it's not that damn much to ask. i just wanna live my life without pain, and i wanna do it without people fuckin with me.

oh-- and i didn't mention this yet-- after i got back from my dr-- not to mention-- skipping the few stops on the way home that i really needed to make--- cuz i couldn't not cry.

i get home-- feed the animals, put the dogs out-- that kinda stuff -- my phone rings.
guess who it is? the gastro doc. guess what they say -- not the doc-- the 'lady' of course. well.. she tells me -- my labs came back. hmmm, well guess what--

1- i'm anemic (again)
2- not only will i be gettin an upper GI
3- i will be gettin a lovely lower as well
4 -- at the same time
5 - under full anesthesia
6 -- it doesn't get any better than this

happy happy weekends folks

someone please go get extremely DRUNK for me please
good gawd i'm thirsty!!!!