Saturday, October 31, 2009

photo challenge failure :((

my apologies folks. surely you didn't think i'd actually have any pix today; after such a week? well, i'm sorry, but really, i don't. i was looking forward to doin this one with the Halloween theme too. i just wasn't out and about much , or when i was, well, let's just say, i wasn't in the photo snapping mood. i know. i'm a fuddy duddy. maybe next time.
NO wait - i take that back. next time - for sure. i do enjoy the photo challenge, it's usually my bad memory, and i'm sometimes a little slow gettin the pix up. this time it was just me and my bad attitude.
the worst part, is i don't even have any in my reserve stash :((
so anyhow -- i bet there are some real good ones out there, i'll be cruisin around to check those out in a while-.

ok back to your regularly scheduled souling :))

so folks, i hope y'all are doin well today. saturday. ahhhhhh. i don't know about y'all, but i was hopin to sleep in a little this mornin. did it happen? well, only if 5 a.m. is sleepin in... and to me, it aint. especially when last night, i'm finally asleep-- it's like midnight-- or a little after-- and what do i hear? the friggin jet tub in the master bathroom. lovely. 'soulman', since when do you take baths at midnight??? ugh.
nevermind, but that little fiasco cost me an hour sleep. then he gets in bed, and tells me his alarm is set to go fishin-- on the lake -- do i wanna go?
umm... hello? i've been stuck on my ass, for the better part of two days -- and it'll be like 35 degrees in the morning.. no, i won't be goin fishin. thank you.
he wouldn't even tell me what time he set it for after i told him-- in my devil voice "gawd, i may as well just get up right now". ugh. i told ya... i'm gettin just mean lately.
you can say it too-- 'soul, you're a downright bitch'.
so anyhow-- i did go back to sleep-- that time. til 5. then i wake up all freezin, with the blanket all on his side-- and all kindsa noise out here goin on. of course i covered up and tried to go back to sleep-- but i just had to get up. whenever he goes out on the boat alone -- well, i just don't like it. so i got up to see him off, make sure he had everything-- remind him to wear his life jacket -- all that 'wifey advice' ya know.
he asked again if i wanted to go. there i was , standing in front of the fireplace, shivering, --- 'ummmm, no thanks.. you just be careful, ok?.
then he was off with a kiss and a cuppa coffee.
and there i was , with my dog (eevee) and a cig, tryin to get warm. only wishing that i was goin. a year ago? you bet i'da been in that truck in a heartbeat!

it really sucks feeling left out of your own life. i know several of you feel this way, and know what i mean. it's just really gettin to me lately though ya know? it makes me angry. this entire thing over the last -- however long -- literally makes me think of the five stages of grief. and i have reached the stage of anger. off the top of my head i don't remember them all - or the order of them.. i do know there is denial, and anger, and acceptance , in the mix-- i am surely a long way away from acceptance. ugh.
(ya gotta watch this)

so. today is Halloween. i hope any of y'all with kids or grandkids that will be out and about-- don't worry too much. and that the young'ns stay safe, out of trouble, and come home just the way they left.
mine's gettin older -- and you just know i worry myself sick wonder how much trouble she's gonna find herself in... or allow to find her.
i'm just gonna say my prayers, send her off with a hug and a kiss... and HOPE she makes good decisions, and calls me when she gets where she's stayin tonight. ugh. i hate worryin about her-- but i spose it keeps my ticker tickin :)) for now.

as for us old folks? i don't think we've planned anything.. so it's prolly sittin home for us. no big deal tho. i'm really gettin used to that. again. just as i was beginning to grow some semblance of a life. grrrrrrr.

i reckon that's all i got for now.
oh-- besides the fact that anyone who likes "Train" needs to buy their new CD -- even if you don't like em... you will. go get it :))

happyy halloweeeeeen
ha ha ha ha ha
(i used to have a toy pumpkin that 'said' that. he was a bit creepy .)

be safe folks-

Friday, October 30, 2009

who knew?

hey peeps-- happy frickin friday-- finally!
it seems like it would never get here. really- it shoulda been friday, days ago. seems so, anyhow.

well -- want more on the comforter saga? it's in my car . why? well, i did take it to the cleaners yesterday. then after i went through my sob story about the whole cat ordeal. she tells me i won't get it back til monday or tuesday! hell. i knew it would take a couple days, but that just seems TOO long. i'm like why so long? she shows me the 'care tag' -- now shit, who in the world reads those!?
did y'all have ANY idea that down was machine washable? and actually NOT to be dry cleaned?? i had no idea. i always thought it was like crystal or diamonds or something. i treated that thing like a baby. i wouldn't dare have thought i could dare put it in a washing machine. it's fluffy, soft, delicate feathers people. who would soak it in a machine??? hmmmm..... apparently, everyone! except, me. (i wish i had every feather pillow i ever tossed in the trash -- ugh. machine washable. who the hell knew?

so. needless to say-- i kept it. i wasn't gonna pay them 30 or more dollars to machine wash-- and keep my blanket for almost a week-- and still maybe not get the stains out.
hell i can ruin it myself for free :)) so back in my car it went. and stayed.
i will work on it today --

i would have worked on it yesterday, because i do want it on my bed.. we really love it when it's cold. it's wonderful! but , well, you see.... the weirdest thing happened as i was runnin my errands yesterday. i had several real quick stops after takin soulkid to school. post office box-- pick up, and mail,, then pick up an rx, then hell i don't know one or two more quick things, then i had to go to target--- first i HAD to get a different cat food-- this daily cat puke surprise 'everywhere' was about to kill me, and i also wanted to get the new 'Train" CD-- if you listened to the 'hey soul sister' video the other day-- woo boy-- i love train... my kid says Train writes their songs for ME. i thought that was pretty funny.
anyways-- back to my story-- my back was hurtin when i woke up-- remember?, well, i took meds, and it chilled for a while-- but there i am , in target-- when suddenly -- i may as well have been shot in the back! (no, i've never been shot-- so i'm only guessin at the level of pain) -- but that's how fast, and bad the pain came. i didn't know what to think, or really even what to do. i had a cart-- which was good-- cuz i prolly woulda dropped everything - and maybe even dropped to my knees as well. it was just horrible.
if i didn't have pain meds at home, i would have headed to the hospital. that's how bad and sudden it was. so i just took what i had-- a fraction of what i went for-- but i did have my train cd, the cat food, and a couple other things i went for-- i paid for that and headed right home.
first thing i did was get my damn bra off-- if i could've i woulda took it off in the car-- it was killing my back. so was the tag on my shirt-- i just had to get those things OFF immediately if not sooner. so i did. then texted hubby to see if he could pick up soulkid, and swallowed some pain pills. i usually take two when the pain gets bad-- this time i took 3. i don't know for sure if i have ever taken three at once, but this was near crippling, crying, pain. and if you're wonderin-- nope-- not lucky enough to get stoned...and too chicken to find out how many it would take. i was afraid to go to 3-- surely you don't think i'd attempt 4? nevermind... i wouldn't.
anyhow-- the pain did ease up over the next half hour or so. thank God. (oh and yes -- hubby was gettin off in time to get the kid-- or no-- i wouldn't have taken more than the 2 pills.-- i'm not an idiot.) altho..... :))

ok--- one more topic and i am outta heah----

bah---- nevermind--- i'll save it--- i like to torture smocha like this :))
love ya sis hahhahahahahah (smoooooooch!)

y'all have happy fridays -- and even better weekends!

Thursday, October 29, 2009

from colon to eye ball - woo hoo !!

howdy my friends,

how are y'all on this fine fine october day? this october that is almost over-- i might add. that's the part i like best, you know. only a few days and october is behind me for exactly 12 more months. crap-- or is it 11 months? i aint doin math right now. i'll figure it out later. the point is -- one of my most hated months of the year - is over. at least as far as i'm concerned it's over. all the 'bad' days are behind me.

haha "behind me" ... funny i titled this post with the dreaded medical procedures in mind -- and -- i said 'behind me' at least a couple a times, without really thinkin about it. that's sort of a Freudian slip , aint it?

so anyhow -- i woke up entirely way too early this morning, but i couldn't help it really. it was all over but the cryin for the most part anyways. i kept wakin up-- and tryin to go back to sleep from about 230 a.m. on.
but around 3 ish -- here comes sushi jumpin on the bed-- all burrowing her head under my chin. i was kinda half awake anyhow-- so i say -- in a whisper - cuz i didn't wanna wake up soulman, i say -- sushi, you wanna go outside? -- she went all nutcase on me. so apparently that was a resounding YES!

i had to get up then to put her out, so i put eevee out too. and just stayed up. my back of course was killing me -- which was why i couldn't sleep to begin with. so anyhow... i been up most of the time since around 230 or 3. i already know that i will pay for that later. or someone else will. :))

so -- i see that i keep gettin distracted -- 'from colon to eyeball' --- you do know where i'm goin with that right? the upcoming colonoscopy and endoscopy. which was, and has been scheduled for november 9th. it really takes -- at least for me -- prolly more mental prep than physical. i mean that part is no fun at all either -- but i really have to get my mind ready for all of that -- like the whole ball-o-wax "that".
and i have never had both done at the same time --- nor have i been under full anesthesia for this before.
i have only been 'all the way under' two times.... the first time , i was non stop pukin for about nine hours. the second, my BP dropped and the nurse freaked out.. til i reminded her of the addisons. ugh. it took me a minute of freakin out with her -- but when i remembered -- all was ok, they just watched me for a while longer til it went back up.
so anyhow-- yep-- there i was all 'ready' to go.. had my calendar marked to not make plans , etc... cuz well it'll be a 2 day prep for me , cuz i am one of the lucky ones who , well, nevermind, i just need a little extra help.
so-- i get a call -- yesterday-- the gastro 'lady' - tells me they can't get the anesthesiologist out here -- in podunk -- on my scheduled day -- so i have to re-schedule to the following week. woo - hoo. so much for my mindset-- now i have to start all over :((
BUT-- on the bright side? there's like three movies comin out the weekend of the 6th-
that i was a bit bummed out (hha- there i go again) abouut not gettin to see-- now i will be able to. so anyhow. that's that. (well , that part)

do y'all wanna hear more on the cat barf comforter? you know i'll tell ya anyhow-- so just agree -- or go-- i'll miss you if you leave, but i won't hold ya hostage. :(( ok--- well, first of all.. i did attempt-- intensely -- to clean the adult ass sized cat puke stain from my comforter. it didn't help. ever since i've discovered the miracle of peroxide -- this is the first time it has failed me. but -- it is also the first time that i have had such a stain -- on white. linen. ugh. so. peroxide fail.

later-- i figured i'd drop it off at the dry cleaners today -- because well, yet again-- i canceled my outside errands yesterday-- and worked on my office, bills and stuff like that here. just didn't feel like runnin around town.

so. the day rolls on. and on. gosh it was a long day.
anyhow-- i finally go to bed. early for me.. well.. regular time for me actually -- but i bet early for most of you-- but i go to bed.. and WHAT do you think is the first thing i see???? OMG! you're right! but this time-- it took some investigation. i called soulman in there-- i thought it came from the other end to be honest. it really -- to be honest-- looked like little sushi nuggets. we both decided , no-- it had no smell for one thing-- and for two-- it just was too similar-- in ways to the other -- puke-- we've been dealing with-- since bowl one of this particular bag of cat food -- which don't even bother asking -- my cats will be eating no more of. i will let the strays have it.
anyhow-- yep-- my morning and evening delights. i am sickened. soulman cleaned that one up-- but again. peroxide failed us --- is it the material of the comforter? or just the nuclear cat barf?? i am ill over it.

but i don't spose i need to say that i didn't get the new duvet cover yesterday. or did i already say that? oh hell. i don't even know anymore. but i didn't get one. i need to get one. and like brad said -- yup-- i just may go with goth black. ahhh-- maybe green, will match the puke stains nicely?

bleh. double bleh.

ya know-- i had somethin else to tell y'all-- but this is just too long and boring already -- so i'll save it for tomorrow.

it's almost the weekend -
happy days to you all in your worlds --

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

my body clock is losin time

hiya peoples-
another wednesday eh?
feels like it should be friday. this week is goin fast, but it seems slow, so it seems later in the week than it is. hmm, somehow that doesn't seem like i worded it right-- but regardless-- it seems like it's not wednesday. but more like the end of the week. and i wish it was.


but anyhow-- for only bein the middle of the week, i also feel like i should have accomplished a ton more than i have. i haven't done squat. almost. i have done a few things. but for the most part -- know what i've done? well, squat. yep. ya know how they say that back 'injuries' -- or back pain-- doesn't usually catch up with ya for a day or two??? believe it. somehow -- that little bit of trivia had slipped my mind the other day. you know, the day that i had tried to keep busy, and not feel sorry for myself. i went fishin, and to the movies, and did a few other things? yeh, well. i felt good, and kinda took advantage of that and did even more --- until-- mid day-- the next day.
that's when it happened. that's when the big bad back monster bit me. that's when the pain i had expected the day before-- from fishin, standin, walkin, etc etc.... hit me like a ton of bricks. i was pretty close to good for nuthin-- for the next two days-- or day and a half- or whatever. ugh. no need to ask if i've been fishin since-- or anywhere actually. i've been here at home since. except for school taxi-- and very little -- if anything else.

when i am housebound-- i become bitchy--(er) :)) -- and depressed.. and nobody likes me. even my sushi doesn't like me. she gets over excited about the goings on outside since she got spayed -- her yapping and barking is gonna kill me. so i'm even bitchy at her lately. poor baby.

i even called the moving company this morning-- perhaps in search of someone to bitch at? well -- i'm just too damn 'nice' for my own good. i couldn't be mean to him.
the man is losing his business, lost his house, living with his brother, etc etc etc. the mans life sounds like he has been touched by MY curse. i just let it go. my intent was to try and get a settlement out of court -- just because this resentment i am carrying about the robbery is contributing to my stress level, that is in turn, making me have belly probs. i figured if i could just get some type of 'closure' on this.. i would stop dwelling or thinking of it so much. right? well, wrong. i wished him the best in his string of bad luck-- and ended it. it's over. the whole thing. i'm just out-- out my jewelry-- out of luck-- and out of gas.

so what else? have i said one positive thing in this entire post yet? i don't think so. i'm sorry. this was not my intention. i thought i might have somethin good to say next-- but-- well the next thing on my mind is this:

about a month ago, i put my beautiful, 200.00, down filled , WHITE, comforter, in the cleaners. i got it back a couple days later... as the weather got chillier and chillier , i got more and more anxious to put it on my bed.
but with it being white-- and soon, TWO dogs in heat-- i couldn't put it on the bed yet.
then after that -- TWO cats gettin de-clawed -- i had to wait for their little feets to stop bleedin. then -- of course we had loads of rain. for- evah---- finally two- maybe three days ago-- i said screw it... i was cold, and i wanted to put my dang comforter on my bed--- still, with no new duvet cover--- shoot me, i been busy.. so anyhow-- take a wild guess what happened last night. just a shot in the dark. any takers? i know someone guessed it. who was it? i bet you were right. ready? yep. you guessed it.
i woke up this mornin, turned on the light, and guess what i saw at the foot of my bed, on my beautiful , down filled, white comforter???? GREEN hairball filled, cat barf!!!!!
OMG!!!! i am still mortified. there is also a heapin helpin of the same on the back of my 'executive' office desk chair-- which was also not cheap.
yes-- i will be breakin out the peroxide and toothbrushes and rags in a while. i know-- i shoulda done it already-- but i have had other things to do. but i am so not happy about this.
and-- i will be going to buy a duvet cover TODAY. i would already have one-- but if y'all recall, we kinda got raked over the coals last pay period as far as cash goes-- like with -- eevee gettin spayed 300 bill, soulkids 180 dental bill, my 190 medical bill, my car payment - that i won't speak of - cuz it makes me gag, which have all in themselves left us pretty broke for the last four or five days. (not mentioning life's own necessities ) broker than we've been for a while. it wasn't fun. lemmee tell ya. we had to resort to plastic just to get thru -- now we have to pay that back. ugh.

so. i'm sure there's more-- but holy cripes... is that a word? is it a word i should say? hmm. i don't even know where it came from. anyhow--- i think i should shut my mouth for the day.

i just thought i should post-- perhaps i was kinda wrong? don't answer that-

just have a happy humpday in your worlds--

Monday, October 26, 2009

jibber jabber

mornin folks--

how's things at your place?

here? oh just peachy. or would that be dandy? hmmm. i'll go with peachy for today. not a bad mornin so far. i actually slept til almost 9 a.m. -- but i was up til 1 a.m. so i don't know if i can get excited and call it sleepin in or not. but hell, i'll take it.

and besides that? it's one of those "our teachers are too busy to teach your kids today, so keep em at home" days. so hell, all the better. do they think i enjoy racin the clock every day? well i don't , so sure -- i'll take a day off. and you just know my kid and every other in the district is thrilled to no end with a monday off.
(even if mine does have an eye exam this afternoon-- she's the one that let a friend play with-- and eventually-- lose or steal her glasses--- so who's fault is it that she can't see in class? ummm not mine.)

as for me and my yesterday- ?
i just stayed busy. i knew it was comin, and i also knew that i was not gonna allow myself to sit in this house and wallow in self pity. the boy's been gone for a very long time, and me sittin here crying over it -- is surely not what he would want for me.

so--- i didn't. know what i did? i faced my pain and my fear of my pain, and me and hubby went and fished at the creek, and the pond. neither of us caught a single fish-- but that wasn't the point. i got out. i went fishin y'all. that was the first time i had been fishin since the 'rhizotomy'. THAT is what my son would want for me. that is what my family HERE wants for me--- is to get up and face the fear and pain.. and live again.

i was afraid i might end up in bed for the rest of the day for goin fishin-- i didn't -- i was only in bed for a few hours :)) and woke up feelin fine-- no permanent damage... and not a whole lot worse than before.

i then watched a couple hours of tv with the hubby, then -- we all went and picked up soulkids boyfriend, and went to the movies--- i never go see a 10 pm movie folks. i am old and set in my ways and 10 pm is passed my bedtime. but i went ahead and did that too. and i had a good day!

(the movie sucked though-- another -- let me suffer for you-- don't listen to the critics-- they lie! "paranormal activity" is NOT and could never be the scariest movie you've ever seen. -- like they say. it's ok.. to watch -- but the ending is just ridiculous.
half the theater said out loud
that oughtta tell ya-- save your money-- and move to the next one on your list!

anyhow-- that was my day-- and it was a good one. spent with the living. :))

happy monday peeples!

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Saturday, October 24, 2009

what else ya got ? i can take it :))

please sir, can i have some more?

mornin y'all

terrific -- the great mystery underlining has joined us. hmmm.

anyhow-- it'll go away eventually. maybe. it's just one- a - those things that likes to mess with me ya know. i'm learning to just deal with it.

so-- where was i? nowhere really -- yet. so, let's get a move on. here it is, saturday morning. the day i was lookin forward to of stayin in my jammies, bein lazy -- an no-- i'm not 'always lazy' as some may think. but yeh.. my lazy , jammy saturday -- with no kid taxi or errands or dr's involved -- has kinda flown out the window. yes, already.
it began with wakin up --- for no apparent reason other than.. being me -- at 6 a.m. was i happy about that? hell no.
i may have been ok any of the days last week that i would have liked some quiet time in the morning, or perhaps a shower without having to come back from school to take it. things like that ya know. but as for this morning? nope. i woulda loved a mystery 'why did i sleep til 9 a.m. day.' didn't happen tho. prolly cuz i went to bed too early. but that was much needed too. no laptop. no nuthin. nope-- no sleep smokin, or sleep bloggin, and jlee-- no sleep eatin either... i guess i haven't told you those stories yet--- it's been done-- and soulman has PICTURES! ugh :))
it's a dangerous habit-- another i am trying to break. i thought eatin in bed would be safer than smokin--- it's not. trust me on this. best thing to do after xanax? lay down and do nothing! don't speak, eat, type, smoke, or move-- and everyone will be better off for it. :))

oh , i also had to have my first -- thrown into the fire-- sink-or-swim-- learn to use the new coffee maker -- or have no coffee -- lesson this morning-- guess what?
i passed. piece of cake. i kinda new it would be-- i just fear new things. hubby has had his truck longer than i have had my car--- i am still afraid to drive his truck. of course it is the size of three of my cars--- but it scares me. i refuse to drive it-- other than to pull the boat out of the water. ugh.

alright enough bs'n around ...

lemmee just answer a few things from my 'many' comments from yesterdays post. -- oh i know it's a weekend-- y'all have better things to do that blog. but for those who did say stuff-- better here than there-- cuz a lot of folks -- other than those who asked stuff in there-- don't go there -- so:

1- donna -- damn straight-- the only break i get -- is in a bone :))
and you just don't know how MUCH i hate to cry! -- i feel out of control or something.
i hate it , and i don't 'want to cry'. it sneaks up on me-- and 'i can't like it'
i hope you have a happy saturday!

2- Smocha -- as for --
'what is the gastro doc 'lookin for' ??

well -- i went in to see him with symptoms of --

pain, nausea, reflux/heartburn, and no appetite-and "early saity" - which is gettin full too fast. --- which can lead to malnutrition.. weight loss etc. (damn the bad luck huh? :))

well, that is why he ordered the upper gastro test-- "endoscopy" -- because YES-- bad me-- i have been takin loads of excedrine -- which by '' several'' dr's orders i am NOT supposed to take-- ever again.
sometimes i have no choice. i have a near daily headache -- all of which aren't migraines.. i take imitrex for migraines-- that is rx'd , and limited -- of course -- and obviously it does 'things to your veins, and shit in your brain-- which -- i already have problems with ("vasculitis") -- so -- anyhow -- yes -- i do eat tons of excedrine.. and i KNOW it's not good for me. so they were gonna go in and look for bleeding ulcers-- bleeding anything-- and just check on 'things. i've been too stressed -- and as you know-- i "stuff just about everything" -- even he told me i had to find something other than 'internalizing all this stuff.

and just so ya know-- if i didn't mention it-- during my mental attack at the pain doc yesterday-- she said the same thing-- suggested -- hypno-therapy-- a therapist-- acupuncture-- she knows what this is doing to me-- but i told her if i did 'talk -- or even whine about 'everything' -- no one would put up with it.
the mere 'how are you' -- is a rhetorical question, with me. there's no need for me to speak -- nobody wants to hear it.

anyhow-- THEN the labs come back to show -- anemia-- and that throws up a red flag-- so on top of lookin for a belly bleed -- they have to look for a rectal-- or whatever -- at that end-- bleed as well.

so y'all -- how's the weather at your place!!!!! ??????

please do have fantastic weekends -- enjoy the fams and friends -- and i'm buyin a round for everyone-- just send the bill my way :))

Friday, October 23, 2009

welcome to my world

yep-- i can't count the number of times that phrase has entered my mind today. and this day isn't even close to half way over. is it? maybe it is-- i don't know-- and i am in no shape to attempt math. so screw it.

anyhow. yep, that's the quote of the day-- "F my life". know what else? "there's an ap for that" :))
i even have it on my phone -- i rarely read it- but when i do -- i think to myself -- i could top that one. IF only i could remember my log-in info.

it just sucks to be me sometimes.

look what time it is. goin on 1:45 in the afternoon. i've been runnin all mornin long- well, all day if ya wanna look at it that way. have i done one thing for 'me'? umm, not really.
what have i done?
well.. i woke up later than i wanted to. which could be good -- but it wasn't. i had to go into panic/rush mode and get the kid out of bed and motivated. -- then off to school.

while she was doin that -- i had to smoke and choke -- and at the same time -- do my bills and bank and that sort of thing -- and skip my blog time-- and shower. :((
and make my 'list' for the day.

then we had to go -- i took her to school-- imediately had to head to my doctor appointment--
which was at my pain management doc---
a story all it's own.... one that i dreaded. i don't know why. they treat me very well there. the only place in my entire pain-life, that has not treated me like a drug seeker-- drug addict-- liar-- scammer -- etc. ugh. but -- when you have been treated like-- told to your face -- and refused meds because you just have 'that look' -- it's just frickin hard to 'get over', and feel trusted.
so anyhow--- a couple days ago-- maybe yesterday -- i called my pharmacy -- to refill my meds -- i still had a few days worth left -- i just didn't want to run out on the weekend and be left hangin. did they call me to ask questions??? NO--- they called my dr -- THEN they called me. why did they call "us"?? to inform us -- that they were 'refusing' to fill my prescription. because i had been filling too many rx's for these meds.
ummm.... excuse the hell out of me!!!! i had explained -- more than once to these mother f'ers -- that these meds had been raised 'verbally' by my DOCTOR -- due to the many procedures over the last couple of months-- they --- the pharmacy -- should have something faxed over with the NEW dosage!!!
UGH!!! did they? ummm... NO---- instead they just continued to fill them.. then they call my doctor and ACCUSE ME OF ABUSING?SELF RAISING my meds. and refuse to refill ANY more.
i was totally on the defense when i went in today to my doc-- ESPECIALLY -- when i had to take a PISS TEST!
ugh--- come to find out-- it was just time for that-- and i was treated more than normal.. and human.. by my dr. she said 'fuck them'.. change pharmacy's"

lol-- half the time i was there -- i was crying. not just cuz of the med issues... just the bullshit i have been dealing with for three months. it's just gettin very heavy y'all. i don't know how much more i can take. i just wanna be left the fuck alone. ya know. i am not a healthy person. i don't need any crap from people. i just wanna be ok. i wanna go fishin. i wanna drive my car. i wanna hang pix in my house. i wanna clean my house. i wanna cook meals , i wanna go grocery shopping. i wanna take my kid to the mall. it's not that damn much to ask. i just wanna live my life without pain, and i wanna do it without people fuckin with me.

oh-- and i didn't mention this yet-- after i got back from my dr-- not to mention-- skipping the few stops on the way home that i really needed to make--- cuz i couldn't not cry.

i get home-- feed the animals, put the dogs out-- that kinda stuff -- my phone rings.
guess who it is? the gastro doc. guess what they say -- not the doc-- the 'lady' of course. well.. she tells me -- my labs came back. hmmm, well guess what--

1- i'm anemic (again)
2- not only will i be gettin an upper GI
3- i will be gettin a lovely lower as well
4 -- at the same time
5 - under full anesthesia
6 -- it doesn't get any better than this

happy happy weekends folks

someone please go get extremely DRUNK for me please
good gawd i'm thirsty!!!!

Thursday, October 22, 2009

have i mentioned i hate october

hiya folks-

hope y'all are doin well when ya find yourself here.

me? ugh. just a mornin. same ol- same ol - for the first hour out of bed. fightin pain, and doin the smoke n choke . aside from that? freezin. it's damn chilly here this mornin. it rained all day yesterday-- and all last night. we had flash flooding throughout the area.. but the 'area '' (DFW) -- is enormous, as you know.. and the news only last so long--- so i really don't know what i will be facing on my morning adventures of takin soulkid to school and runnin errands. or soulman either, as he heads the opposite direction going to work. last night.. our street was like a flooded creek though. it was bad. they still have flash flood warnings goin on this morning.

anyone ever actually been IN a flash flood? well, i have -- three actually. those were all in vehicles. no fun. at all. i could happily live the rest of my life not repeating that.
let's hope the rain eases up shall we.

i hope to keep my runnin around to a minimum today-- but y'all know, i pretty much canceled my day yesterday, so there are a few things i cannot cancel today. my poor kitties are starving, and yacking at me this morning. they were out of food yesterday-- no, i didn't starve them.. they feasted on canned salmon actually. but , this morning they aren't very happy, and are sqealin at me to feed them-- the food that was 'on my list' yesterday :(( -- that i didn't get.

hmmm... i thought i was about done here-- yes i know-- a damn exciting post eh?
well anyhow... i know i almost never -- if ever-- have a nice thing to say about my mom-- when i speak of her. but ya know--- she was my mom. and if you haven't noticed-- this last couple weeks, she's come up-- subtly -- in several of my posts.
well.. that would be because i have been thinking of her for a while lately. not by choice-- trust me. i know how horrible that sounds.. and i apologize to those who don't know as much about her as some others do.

bottom line-- she is dead. her last years 'here' could have , and surely would have - been better for her-- if she hadn't been 'the way' she was. even so-- we -- her kids, her sister, maybe a couple of them... we really tried to help her -- it was impossible in some ways. in other ways -- for me -- she was too far away for me to do for her things some others were able to do. but when i could help -- i did what i could.
can you tell.. the gift that keeps on giving-- still gives (guilt)-
but like i said -- she was my mom-- and yesterday was her birthday. so yeh. not a great day for me. most years are much easier than yesterday, but none go by without her on my mind. i think the older -- maybe the 'sicker' -- i get... the more i think of how her last years were. i wonder if or how i coulda made them better for her. and i know i couldn't have done more than i did. i believe that. i tried . it didn't work. no fault of mine--or my families. it just didn't work.
so anyhow. one october birthday out of the way.

just so ya know--- there's another one comin.. in just a few days--- when i get over that hump--- maybe i can get back to my ole self.

happy almost the weekend folks

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

WTH - Wednesday

man o man peeples -
i really gotta stop that. - the sleep bloggin. it never turns out well.
i did do good about (not) smokin tho. (yes i was in bed too ) i usually just about burn the damn house down when i push myself to stay awake. and don't bother askin why i do that . i can't answer . i don't know. i always complain about not bein able to sleep -- but then when i am tired -- or even over tired -- i fight to stay awake like i'm gonna miss something. ugh. i have issues. what can i say? nuthin. no excuse for my bad behavior.

anyhow -- i noticed i skipped -- or missed -- forgot -- whatever -- the main part of my texting while driving story -- wanna hear??? anyhow -- i'll tell ya regardless.
i was trying -- very hard -- to tell soulman that i was driving and couldn't text. all i was trying to write was "drivin".. like i usually do. so anyhow -- all i could get out on my three attempts was -- "se" -- yep-- three times. finally -- i managed to type "call".
so, a few minutes later, he calls me. i can't see-- and i have a very hard time if i look at the radio-- gps- phone whatever-- then back at the road... so when i looked at the phone and back to the road -- ugh, well, i was over the line -- headin to the wrong side of the road-- luckily -- i was on the opposite side of one of the very few 'hills' in this town :)) --- but what do you think i saw coming over the hill??? i saw the top of a black n white !! yep a cop car !!! holy crap ! (i thought) .
could you imagine? hittin a damn cop - head on -- while cell phoning and driving??
that , i imagine, would NOT make for a good day. ya think?
so anyhow-- luckily -- very luckily i should say -- i had recovered my position before his windshield made it over the "hill". can we say "panic attack" ?
bleh. so anyhow -- i was very happy i did not hit that cop. and yes -- i kept the call short -- it was about eevee and her vet stuff. ugh. kids. what can ya do.

ok. so anyhow- WTH has happened ? did i blink? last week, i filled my car up with gas. i think i paid like 2.19 a gallon. maybe even 2.16. what the hell ? this morning my fuel light came on while takin soulkid to school. so, on the way home, i stopped -- at the same station as before -- guess what i had to pay for gas? 2.45 !!! WHY???
what gives?

i have to get to the grocery store today too... i'm afraid to go. y'all don't wanna know how long it's been since i been there. i'm sure the sticker shock will drop me to my knees. UGH.

i think i'm done.. another busy day ahead, but thank the Lord.. not AS busy as lately.

it's cold and raining and i just wanna get right back into my jammies and light the fire.
i'm hoping hubby can pick up the child today-- if so-- after my runnin around is done-- so am I --- :))

happy humpday my friends... stay warm, stay dry , and be happy today !

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

beyond sleep bloggin-

howdy folks--
how goes it? i hope you all had good days. from what i saw around the blogs, it didn't look too devastating.. so i hope that's true-- and everyone is doin ok out there.

as for here? ugh lawd. i hate to admit it -- but once again i am sleep bloggin. if i was smart-- and we all know my position in that category --- but -- if i was -- smart -- i would just close this thing up, and drift off to la la land. but nooo. i'm like a stubborn little baby -- and i won't do that til i get what i want. what is it that i want? to post. that's what. so-- here i am. sleep bloggin. again. sorry. apologies - in advance.

so -- about my day? not that you asked. but it is my blog , and my days and stuff are usually what i write about -- and mostly what you come to read about -- right? so-- as for my day today? busy. and long. again. i thought it would never end. in fact -- it still hasn't. and won't, until i get this post up-- swhut down the laptop -- and then maybe another half hour or so will pass-- and i am really hoping i will be asleep by that point.

so yeh. this day was another neverending day. filled with business, errand, kids, and dogs, and dr's, and stuff like that kinda thing.

OMG -- i gotta cut this short-- i just dozed off-- and nope-- i wasn't smokin :)) at the moment. better pop in some nicotine gum to last me til lights out. too close to dozin off with a lit cig. i'm gettin way too stupid about that.

anyhow--- part of my day included -- the obvious takin soulkid to schoool. then i went and had some labs done (for the gastro dr.) -- then came home-- let the dogs out while i took a shower.. checked out eevee-- noticed she didn't eat-- drink-- or even move , well, hardly at all. she was outside while a showered-- in for maybe an hour or so til i had to leave again. before i left, i tried to give her a pain pill. no easy task when she had NO interest in food. i tried to sneak the pill in a cat treat. finally i just stuck the pill way way back in her jaw next to her way back teeth til she eventually had no choice but to swallow it. then i had to crate them both back up and head back out for more runnin around.

hubby texted me at a very bad time btw. i cannot focus- refocus to text and drive. i either ignore it til i stop somewhere --- ignore it completely -- or-- if i feel extra-skilled i'll throw a quick text back. or sometimes a quick "i'm drivin"
a while later, i'll get a call or text later.
and i did. and when i did-- i attempted to send the --" drivin" text. usually, i do ok with that-- and folks know it means i'm drivin and cannot focus well enough to be textin at the moment.

shit-- soulman just came in and busted me -- asleep-- good thing i didn';t have a cig goin. i really need to shut up n go to sleep-- off the laptop, preferably.

anyhow-- i took eevee to the vet this afternoon... she'sok-- just sick and crappy feelin from the surgery/meds, etc. they gave her a shot for nausea. later she was able to eat, and looked a tiny bit better.. but has to sleep in her crate tonight. :(( poor thing. she's not feelin good at all.

and below- is sushi bitchin at the stray mama kitty on our porch-
she can be so jealous at times.
little nerd.

ok, that's it outta me-- i'm goin ta sleep--
nite y'all.

happy nite-- or happy humpday-- whichever it is when you see this.

to edit -- or not to edit -- to delete is the question

that's me lately--
yep-- scatterbrained.

i just read my post from last night. bah! did i consider deleting it? oh yeh. did i think about editing it? yup-- more than once. then i thought... why bother. y'all know i take meds at night -- and even if i didn't, y'all know i have those moments of just not bein able to think or type. so. i aint gonna try to correct the misspelling -- missed words-- or the typos. if i can fill in the blanks, and read the typos--- y'all have surely learned by now how to figure em out? right?
if not-- i do apologize. i was sleep - bloggin. and obviously -- i shouldn't have been bloggin at all.

so. to move on to other things. this 'person' on my mind -- is not any one of y'all. so you don't need to wonder-- in case you are. k?
i do have some real people in my life-- just not many. apparently just enough to make me crazy sometimes.

and the part i mentioned about crossin the line when bein teased-- again-- not y'all. just bs real life stuff again. really-- i wonder why total strangers feel comfortable with me as their target. sometimes it can be fun-- when i feel like playin. but i don't always feel playful. ya know. i just don't get it. i don't do that to people i don't know.

anyways. it didn't bother me... i just wondered about it.

so. i don't think i have much else to say this mornin.
i'm workin on my list.
gettin the kid up for school.
fed the strays on the porch.
already paid a couple bills online.
just gettin the day rollin.

eevee -- ugh. hubby said to keep her in her crate last night-- but i felt sorry for her. she just looked soooo stoned and pitiful.. so i let her loose and in my room to sleep--- well.. ubby hates to sleep with the door shut. sooo-- we awoke to a terrible mess.
at first we thought she peed -- but the more we thought about it-- we realized that might be difficult for her to pee -- like EIGHT times!!! and with a GREEN tint. so now we think she may have been ill from the anesthesia. hubby spent his first hour out of bed shampooing carpets-- in the living room, office, and hallway. poor guy-- and poor eevee. i'll have to keep her crated , and keep an eye on her today. hope she will be alright. sushi didn't get sick---- or pee inside. WTH?

ok-- well i'm off to start my day. another busy one.

hope y'all enjoy your tuesdays-

Monday, October 19, 2009

yep-- one-a - those-kinda-days

i don't know where to begin-- i prolly shouldn't even bother.
it wasn't an all-bad day. i got several emails from people i enjoyed hearing from. they made me smile, they had good news, they of course gave me a heard time-- it comes with the territory ya know. just somethin about me. i reckon that cuz i am ME (you know the drill) -- most of the time i really don't mind. i do have a sense of humor. sometimes a line gets crossed -- but i guess that happens to all of us eh? rare for me. i can take it. most of the time.
so anyhow. like i said... or maybe like i began to say-- attempted to say-- tried to say-- wth-- i'm workin on it. give me a minute aaaaight?

oh ya-- i was tryin to figure out where to begin in the first place-- remember.

so. where was i?
the beginning, i reckon.

ya, well, i got email. real ones. which was good. and everyone seemed fine. that was good to hear.
i answered them even -- a reply or two - i didn't manage to get back to tho-- but i will-- manyana.
once i got my day rollin-- it rolled on-- and on-- and on. ugh. it's almost 11 p.m -- and i'm still awake. i don't want to be-- but i am. i took my bed meds at like 830-- hoping to be asleep by 930. obviously that didn't work out too well.
i am under entirely way too much stress lately. medical crap, pain crap, family crap, emotional crap, crap upon crap upon crap. and it is affecting everything about me. my attitude, my personality, my health, my sleep, my mood, my energy level, not to mention my tummy trubbles.

yep... i made it to the gastro doc today-- right doc-- right day--- right time. bad mess.
i'm scheduled for an upper endoscopy on nov 9th. i'm not the least bit surprised. i knew they would have to have a look in there. just too much goin on to not have a look-see.

so anyhow-- i did a bunch of runnin around today-- almost an all day long task (s)-- but i also managed to get my white trash mobile washed , waxed, and detailed-- and for quite a bargain too i might add. it looks really good-- i only fear the worst-- and kinda know it'll look like a barf bag within a week. if only i drove it-- i know it wouldn't look like that-- or have as many miles on it. it's so trashed i don't even want it anymore-- but i'm way to friggin upside down in it to do a thing about it. hail damage-- stains--- ugh.

have you noticed that even the little things are killin me lately?
you should just imagine what the 'big ' things do. anyone wanna shoot me?

i've had a headache and stomach probs since the end of july!!! it's killin me and every day it gets worse.
and i never know when to laugh or cry. i do both every day-- several times. i'm just trying to stay sane.
and there's just so many reasons that i can't get into that would help y'all understand.

part of it -- some of you may already know--- most of you may not- but i'll tell ya this much-- i can't say more than i just did-- and i know that smocha loves it when i write posts like this :) sorry smocha.
i'm trying to not lay so much of ME out here for all the blogworld to see.
vulnerability is just not my favorite thing these days.

so anyways-- i have somethin goin on with someone in my life-- so this is a dedication -- to a certain him-- or her -- :)) just in case this person happens to read this post.

i really just want things in my life to be ok again. i would say 'normal' -- but things have never been normal. ok is good. level is better.

i told ya-- i just hate october--- maybe i should take a couple weeks off???
but then , that may just make things worse. i'd miss y'all.. and i'd get even more bored.

i really need to go somewhere. even if it's overnight. i need to get away. i'm 'like a worm in hot ashes'!

why the quotes of 'her' come to me, i'll never know,. i hated every one of them .

g'night all
sleep well..
and good mornin and good day-- if this is bein read over coffee -


Sunday, October 18, 2009

for mois?

well looky what Gypsy gave me. it's been quite a while since i've got an award, actually. so i think it's pretty cool.
and 'over the top' even. that's even better. over the top - of what? i have no idea -- use you're imagination. fill in the blanks? i'm just kiddin with ya.

Thank You Gypsy! even though i had to work for this one. i think it's cool. and i think you are pretty cool yourself.

so-- if anyone is wondering what i had to do in order to receive this award -- well... that is -- aside from the obvious -- :)) -- or if ya want you can visit Gypsys blog -- you won't be disappointed . ---- or -- you can force yourself to read through yet another meme --- hey-- it's part of the deal k.... if i had known.. i wouldn't have put you through the misery of the previous meme hell. look on the bright side-- at least i didn't finish that one (2000 questions) -- plus -- this one is much shorter-- and the answers are only one word responses :)) so i think y'all are pretty safe.

oh -- but there's one more thing--- i am supposed to pass this on to 6 other folks that i find to be 'over the top' - hmmm... i'm never good at doin this passing out blog awards thing. both gypsy, and charlotte/val - who also posted hers -- found ways around singling folks out. i'll have to give that some thought for a minute.

in the meantime -- read on -- if ya wanna


Where is your cell phone? here

Your hair? messy

Your mother? dead

Your father? dead

Your favorite food? cooked

Your dream last night? odd

Your favorite drink? Tea

Your dream/goal? Happiness

What room are you in? office

Your hobby? fishing

Your Fear? pain

Where do you want to be in 6 years? fishing

Where were you last night? home

Something that you aren’t? presentable

Muffins? tops

Wish list item? handyman :))

Where did you grow up? everywhere

Last thing you did? smoked

What are you wearing? jammies

Your TV? off

Your pets? animals

Friends? bloggers

Your life? hard

Your mood? crabby

Missing someone? nah

Vehicle? filthy

Something you’re not wearing? jewelry

Your favorite store? dunno

Your favorite color? blue

When was the last time you laughed? yesterday

Last time you cried? yesterday

Your best friend? Sushi

One place that I go to over and over? school

One person who emails me regularly? mary

Favorite place to eat? kitchen

ok folks--
as for passing the torch?
i really do hate this part-
but here goes-

1- Mary at pathways- YOU are most definitely 'over the top' my friend- and we all know why! keep on truckin LBF !!!

2- Donna at Made In Heaven - cuz she keeps me in check :))

3- (forgive me and my senile self) --but -- @ Moohaa -- cuz she is one awesome lady!!

4- Donna at Gittin it outta my Head -- she got a email from Obama :)) haha

5- Brenda at What's up Down South -- she has a cool name :)) kiddin - she's on top o' things :))

6- phew finally -- i hate doin this -- i hope no one feels left out-- or hurt :((
but # 6 shall go to --

Smocha at Cats on The British Counter -- she overcomes whatever is placed in front of her with wit and attitude -- just like someone else i know. (well, there's a reason for that-- but i won't tell if you won't)

ok-- that's all for today-

you ALL deserve this buit only 6 could get it-- from me-- that leave you 6 -- to make it happen for the rest of em --
laterz peeps -- and
happy Sunday!

Saturday, October 17, 2009

i didn't forget-- but i would have -- thanks buddy!

here's my photo challenge pix --

"Highways and Bi-ways"

see-- i really did take a couple :)) i just kinda slept in this mornin-- sorry-- and thanks, for the reminder--- i'm sooo happy to be forgiven :))

(i'll get a regular post up later- maybe)
-- i did -- it's after the pix --

this is an old barn/house that i pass everyday
to and from school

and this is the traffic i sit in while i look at above house/barn
everyday -- to and from school

i couldn't resist to just toss this one in for fun
my eye !!!

happy saturday y'all
catchya later on

wait-- there's more :))

ok, i'm back. that was pretty stressful there -- scramblin to get those photos off my phone -- and through all the transitions to get it to the blog. phew. it actually took a little recovery time :))

anyhow -- looks like i have a couple questions to answer -- so i spose i'll start with those -- rather than the normal bitchfest of the day -

1 --- about the doctors appointment ? hmmm. well, ya see, a funny thing happened on the way to the gastro appointment. something that , as y'all know, only happens to ME. that would be, because, i am ME. so. i fought very hard to stay awake all day long. i was so tired i couldn't stand it -- or myself. i had that ' i'm so damn tired - i'm twitching!' thing goin on. well, back to the dr..... i made it there, on time, as usual. i wouldn't want to keep anyone waiting. i go in there -- an office i've never been to.

the lady says, "
you have to go next door, we're finished with all of our appointments for today."

of course, my lost and surprised self replies with -
"are you sure?"

she laughed at me!!! really y'all , right there - she laughed and says -
"yes, i'm sure, you have to go next door".

hmm, well, fuck you!
NO! of course i did not say that-- well, not, out loud at least.

so. like i said. i've never been there -- she said 'next door' .. so i left my car there -- thinkin i was walkin 'next door'.
NOT. more like the next friggin block.
i get to THE next door. i go in - say my speel.... she says
"no ma'am -- that's NEXT door. "
(an no i don't like having reached the age of ma'am being an acceptable 'name for me.)

terrific... another next door?
i trudge another half a block -- trust me, had i known? i woulda took my car. but obviously it didn't kill me, so it's ok.

so i get to the OTHER, next door. finally it's the right place.
geesh, i felt like i was on 'let's make a deal' !!
unfortunately? i chose the door with the donkey and wagon behind it !!!
ALL three of them!

turns out-- because, -- let's say it together shall we?
"because i am ME" ---
i was supposed to be there YESTERDAY (actually that would be thursday) -- rather than friday! same time tho-- so i DID have at least something right. ugh.
soooo-- yes, i rescheduled--- luckily -- yes i'm shocked as well -- i did have a little luck -- i was able to reschedule for this coming Monday. ahhhhh. right?
WRONG. i haven't broken the news to soulman yet -- but his day off is kinda shot to hell -- oops. that is soooo not a good day for me to have a place to be.
why? cuz eevee gets spayed on monday-- drop off in am.. pick up around the time soulkid gets out of school -- IF she didn't have an appointment too--- around the same time as MINE. OMG. he absolutely hates last minute crap and schedule changes to be thrown at him. and i absolutely hate to be the one delivering the news. for weeks... all he 'thought' he was gonna do monday? was take and pick up HIS dog. umm... sorry hun.
as momma used to say? ' that's the screwin ya get, for the screwin ya got."
now he gets to pick up the kid, take her to her appt, then go get the dog-- she's too big for me to handle with her all stupified on anesthesia --and he will not be a happy man for it. remember-- to go anywhere in this area -- you have to spend an hour in the car --- in ANY direction.. in traffic.
anybody want to call him and break the news???
bwa haha.
sorry i can't help but find the humor. if i don't i will cry.

holy crap-- i didn't know i would write aq book about goin to the dr. i should stop here-- but i have more to say. so just try and shut me up-- go ahead -- click on out. :)) i knew you wouldn't . y'all are great!!

so anyhow-- next ? i had to keep pushin myself even further to stay awake. it was killin me. anyone seen "A Clockwork Orange" ? good lawd that's a strange movie.. but i felt like the scene where the guy had toothpicks (or whatever) in his eyes. bleh.

but anyhow-- we ended up with the night wearing down, we went to the movies-- not without conflict or error i might add--
but we all know--
that's because -- yep-- you know.
anyhow -- finally we get there and we saw "where the wild things are"
and good Lord.. if anyone is anxious to see it-- i say wait for the DVD and see somethin else on your list!

it was so SAD! i did not remember the book being sad in any way. this entire movie was filled with SAD characters. human, or not. they were depressed!
they needed medication! it made soulkid CRY!!!
WTH kinda kid movie is THAT!

so other than needing shock therapy afterwards -- it was a good movie. as far as kid movies go.

and last but not least-- why do i say that, when it makes no sense at all to me?

anyhow-- i did 'something' to my damn shoulder yesterday. it could be any number of things. besides the kitchen that i did not clean.
but i did do a lot of other things i knew better than to do-- i won't list it-- but it was more physical than i shoulda done at this time. somehow-- i really messed up my shoulder. the rhizotomy pain had left that area and was mainly located in the back of my neck-- bad-- but pretty much out of my back , shoulder and arm... til yesterday.

ugh. it felt like i dislocated my shoulder or something. so to answer any questions about fishing??
no i did not-- and it looks as if i will not. at least for a while.

ok... i have spewed enough typage for one day-- and that didn't even include this mornings tale of woe. :))

y'all have excellent weekends in your worlds--
i will attempt to reach for the same-

Friday, October 16, 2009

runnin on empty

mornin folks-
yep-- it's mornin, at least for me. in fact, i just heard the final blurbs of the coffee pot-- i reckon i should go fill-er-up.
ahhh, that's better. why is it , that aspirin tastes better with coffee? it's almost like booze tastin better with a cigarette. in a way. not that i know-- at least not from recent memory. i mean i do remember. ugh. i'm tired. and i have a migraine. i was awake late-- for me. and up early-- obviously. i tried to go back to sleep, but ended up talkin to the cats, smokin, and watchin tv for about half an hour , before i gave in, and got up. at least i didn't throw in the towel the first time i woke up-- at 12:30. i made it to about 1:45. uuuughhhh. i'm already not lookin forward to this day. once again, i have tons to catch up on, and a dr appointment. all the bs that has been stressin me out lately has gotten to the point that i have actually been forced into makin a gastro appointment. i know-- i'm past due anyways. but i have been sort of symptom free up until this last couple months. seems about the time of the robbery-- and it worsened -- aggressively-- when a certain someone resurfaced in town. ugh my gawd. i swear. just to think about that kid makes me tremble, and nauseated. i don't think i have ever been so angry for so long with anybody in my life. really. not this way. this is a different kind of 'dislike'. i honestly think i may hate this guy. if it is at all possible for me to hate. i do. i have a physical reaction just hearing or speaking of him. and you don't even wanna know what happens when i 'see' him. i see his picture-- on my space -- ugh. i literally get stomach pains, flip flops, and sick feeling.
it's unbelievable .

so. obviously-- it looks like i need to find something else to talk about. what could that be??? well, for starters... where the hell is everybody?? i still seem to get 30-40 hits -- or visits-- to my page every day.... but very few of y'all have anything to say lately. what's up with that? who's wheaties did i pee in??
honestly-- far as i know-- no ones. if i've done or said anything-- someone should tell me--

well, what the hell else should i talk about?? not much. as you already know- i'm dying to go fishing. that may actually be a possibility today. but-- it depends on a couple things. one-- the weather. it's been a bit drizzly-- if not raining.. for several days. two- i really really have to clean my kitchen today -- lest i die. hubby offered yesterday-- but really, i meant to get to it-- i just got busy. so i told him i would do it today. so i have to. then, of course there's the possibility that i just may be clean wiped out-- due to my two or three hours of interrupted sleep. aaaaand---- that isn't even mentioning the fact that i have a dr (tummy) appt. at 130 this afternoon.

so. the day is kinda broken up anyways. and doesn't it fugure-- i'm gonna run outta smokes at any time. i have like 5 'good ones' left, and maybe half a pack of extra stale two week old ones that i got off brand just cus they were on sale. -- obviously i didn't like them. :(( so-- i have enough-- i hope to last til i take soulkid to school. after that -- i'll decide if i'm gonna clean-- or go fishin-- then i have to clean myself up and get to the dr. and maybe-- just maybe squeeze a nap in there somewhere. cuz by the time i'm done with the doc-- it'll be time to get the child from school.

how does an unemployed persons day get filled up so fast? if i had a real job i would surely be screwed. i am actually very busy most days. and ya just wouldn't know it from lookin at me-- or my house. ok-- the house actually looks pretty decent -- it could use some pics on the walls tho- :(( next week folks. that's my goal. apparently it's in my lap-- and i'm gonna do it. i'm hoping i'll be able to get my damn arms up and hold a picture frame by then. either that or i'll pay some-damn-body. i'm sick of nekkid walls !!!! soulkids boyfriend wants to quit his job cuz he doesn't get to see her enough-- hell, i have enough work to keep that kid employed for a year!!! :))

ok fine-- i'm bored too--
so-- i'll show ya some pix that me and the kid took the other day for her photo class. she took some of the statues-- these were extra--just for fun, since we were there.
i look like crap-- but i'm not so walrus-ee anymore--- and she just looks GREAT -- if you recall like last summer???

(could this be the only fishless pic of me on this whole blog?)
-- well, aside from my wedding pic?---

is it me, or is she beautiful?
i thought so :))
i do make pretty babies :))

happy friday peoples- some good movies come out today-- anyone gonna see any???

Thursday, October 15, 2009

since i have nuthin good to say --- THIS is dedicated to the only one i know who's countin down Already (TX) Donna

this is my most favorite version of this song -- turn down the lights-- it's AWESOME!!

and here's one i've never heard before-- same song -- instrumental version---
i would have to say-- unsurpassed to date !
(keep the lights down on this one too)

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

life makes my head hurt!

howdy folks-
i'm just gonna start blabbin. either that - or fall asleep. and don't worry-- no me me shit today. i'm either done with it-- or at minimum , on hiatus for a while. that thing was kickin my ass. and apparently y'alls too. seein as not many folks had much to say about it. see why i wanna write a book? no idea what genre this crap would even fall into. what if it was a movie? horror? drama? tear jerker? or perhaps i could do a charles bronson vigilante type thing? get all my revenge in the end? ahhh. anyhow-
sometimes even i can't believe all the shit i've been through. i really am surprised that i'm not dead or in jail by now. i will admit-- i faced both a few times along this road of my life.

so. enough of that. i am so thoroughly exhausted right now i don't think i can find words for it. i am mentally, emotionally, and physically, just depleted. this has been a terribly hard week for me in every way possible . and to top that off-- i have fallen way too far behind in the things i am supposed to be doing. refillin rx's , bills, house, other wifey stuff. i oughtta just be gettin my 40 lashes with a wet noodle.
aaaaand -- i still haven't made it over to my old house to see if these people wanna pay the bills or go to court. i been busy. i just don't know how i've been so busy that i'm not accomplishing anything.ugh.

today was a good day -- well in many ways--- aside from the fact that i just can't seem to stay awake-- even as i type this... and i had things i needed to get done today-- that i didn't. -- i did manage to make my lunch date with JLEE. i enjoyed that. i really needed to 'talk' some things out. and she did too. i'm afraid if we weren't in public, i might have spent the entire two hours crying like a little baby. it seems like forever since i have been able to 'really talk' to someone. you know , the way 'girls' talk. the no holds barred kinda verbal vomit. sorry no better term came to mind. so anyhow-- we had a good time... even considering the fact (s) that we both have a lot happening in our lives. on different levels of course. but you know how it is.

anyhow-- after we split up-- i came home and did a few things here-- then i went to retrieve my child from school. we went and took a few pictures for her photo journalism class -- which was fun. then we went to a bookstore, then party city. i got a few cook books.. she got candy and halloween decorations. i also got a coke at party city-- which - just so ya know - she asked me the MOST shocking question in the car, that i choked/laughed/ and spewed coke all over the place-- my steering wheel, and myself.... i had to pull the car over as to not get in a wreck. i can't even tell you what she said. but never in my days of mothering that girl-- did i expect she'd ask me that question. eegads. dare i say---- what in the world is next-- if she has the nerve to ask that????

holeeeee crap.

so anyhow-- i'm home-- jamyfied--- and i just may go to bed.
soulkid and hubby are out hangin in the hood--- she's surely talkin him out of some money for 'something' that she desperately needs. :))

anyhoo--- i'm gonna eat somethin.. not sure what-- then i'm puttin my old, worn out self in the stable.

night y'all-

before you go-- here's my song of the week :))

Friday, October 9, 2009

it's raining, it's pouring, eevee is barking like her crate is on fire

ugh! once again, eevee woke me up at 145 , barking like her cage was burning down. good lord. know what was wrong? not what i thought. i thought she had to pee. so i of course tried to ignore her at first--- like any neglectful mother does -- but that didn't last long. i got up and went to put her outside... i open the door -- and what do 'we' see? rain, lightening, then... a crash of thunder! surely i've mentioned she is terribly afraid of thunder? don't ask me why. she was like that when we got got her. in fact, i have since nicknamed her 'thundercat'. as big as she is , she climbs on me and sits in my lap-- if i let her-- when it thunders. i've never seen an animal so afraid of thunder. it's actually sad. she literally has panic attacks. it has to be from something the 'bad adoptive family before us' did to her. firecrackers? guns? i do not know.
what i do know, is that part of shutzund training.. the type she went through before the bad family--- gunshots-- or most likely 'starter guns' are a big part of the training. if a dog is what they call 'gun-shy, they can't train. obviously, her being this afraid of thunder-- she would definitely be gun-shy as well.

so anyhow-- i don't know-- if i was eevees kennel people? i think i woulda sued the people that did whatever they did to her. but , if she was still at her prime? we sure wouldn't have her... so it worked out alright i spose.

don't even ask how i got onto all that stuff... i was just gonna complain that she woke me up at an ungodly hour. it turned into her history. see what happens when your babies aren't babies anymore?

i forgot to mention... we did manage to get us a new coffee maker before the weekend ended. :)) and i love it. it is actually the same make and style of the one i praised that we had gotten as a wedding gift-- that lasted so long. i really didn't think they made em anymore-- ahhh but they do! only much more sleek and modern. do you think i have learned how to use it yet? ummm no. do you think i will be forced to soon? ummm, yep. hubby got it on sunday, and has been setting the timer every night since. except-- yep-- last night. whaaaaaa. at the moment i am drinkin yesterdays nuked sludge. sorry, but i am just not prepared to learn new things at 2 a.m. one more warm-up.. and i reckon i'll have no other choice. it'll be sink or swim then. whenever he gets consistent in making the next days coffee- on the timer-- then abruptly stops?? ya know what song comes immediately to my mind?
neil diamond -- "you don't bring me flowers"

haha. what can i say. i'm a loser baby.. so why dontchya kill me. (that's a song btw-- don't get all jiggy on me. it's by 'beck'.)

i know-- i'm just goin nowhere at all with this. i guess i have nuthin to say today. just spewin typage.

i shall letya go.

enjoy your fridays!!!!!
it's a soggy one here :((

Thursday, October 8, 2009

it's official- i'm sick

mornin peeples , and peeplettes,
hope all's well, and y'alls well where you are...

i did keep my dr. appointment yesterday. i had no choice really. hubby sort of insisted i go, and i will admit , i was a bit concerned that i -- who just about never runs a temp, had been runnin a temp for two days. so, i did go in. i pretty much had all the symptoms that the nyquil commercials ramble off, and a couple more. but no pukin -- or other reversal of other 'things'. :P bleh. you know what i mean. (sorry)
so anyhow. the doc tested me for swine flu. not something they do on everybody -- but due to the immune thing, he did it anyhow (i usually have a woman doc, but she was out for the week-- figures).. so-- thank God, that only took a couple minutes to come back-- NEG :)) -- and then i got a flu shot -- which i never get. but if you recall.. last year i got the flu--- i ended up in addisons crisis-- and had a seizure -- with no explanation. but with a BP of 60 over 40 and dehydration so severe that i couldn't even walk? it's a possibility that was the culprit. so i got stuck and left with rx's and a diagnosis of the wonderful bronchitis. which is something i usually end up having at least once a year -- oddly around this time. if not for the temperature -- i wouldn't have caught it this early -- i'm usually near bedridden before i know i'm sick. so hopefully catching it this early i won't get as sick as i usually do. (knock on wood)

other than that? not much else to report.

both cats are now free to roam, and they love it. they love to sit in the office window, and look out at the world. i spose i will need to get a second litter box until they figure out where to "go" now. i think they may be a little confused for a couple days-- since everything was moved to the master bathroom for the last week or so. ugh. these cats are still gonna kill me. their feet still hurt, so i don't think they'll be attempting to scratch anything yet-- but when they do-- i'll be laughin at em, and posting pix.
i know-- i am mean. but you know i love em. i would have never paid for the surgery if i didn't.

hope you all are healthy and happy in your worlds today

i'll be tryin to make some rounds after i take my child to school-

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

new day-- new crap to bitch about :))

howdy folks--
hope your day is starting well -- or going well -- or ending well --
hell, i don't know when you stop by--
so -- hope YOU are doin well -- whenever it is. :))

yup-- new day -- new can - o- worms
eegads. if it aint one thing, it's another. i shoulda known better the other day when i say those cursed words -- "what's next". in fact, i DID know better, and i almost changed that phrase to something else. i just wasn't in the thinking mood so i left it. ha-- big mistake. i know i should never say that-- i even wrote a poem about never asking 'what's next'. (a long time ago)

ok-- enough of the rambling . ugh.

whaddaya wanna hear first? the good, the ok, or the not ok??

crap! i'll start with the good... cuz you already know i'll crybaby in here somewhere -- right :))

anyhow.... looks like soulkid is on the mend. she survived yesterday with no more puking. yippee. no fever. looks better. and she talked my head off aaaallll day long. so. she is getting ready to go to school, as we 'speak'.
that's good.

as for Spot. she's better as well. i left my bedroom door open for about two seconds too long and she was ooutttaaa there! she took one look at Eevee and ran upstairs. then came down a while later-- i was at my door at that time , eevee looked right at her-- she had the choice to run in my room for safety, or turn the other way- and take her chances. (all her fear of eeveee is in her own mind-- eevee is scared to death of all cats! :))
but she went the other way. she's done with her jail sentence and is roaming free now. happy happy happy. somewhere. my little brown recluse.

jitterbug is still in recovery-- i need to keep her in there at least another day or two. she is still in obvious pain, and taking meds for that. spot is off pain meds and doin fine. both are still on antibiotics tho.

ok. now. can i whine? i'm not really gonna whine. it might sound like it-- but i'm just gonna tell ya what's goin on. well. i told ya how soulkid is seeming better, and goin to school. i told ya her symptoms didn't sound flu-like -- not really anyhow. but i was worried about that. k.. well. anyhow-- yesterday, i made her a dr. appointment for today anyways-- just in case she wasn't better she could get checked out by the doc.
but wait there's more. isn't there always? well.. yesterday morning... i was playing with the new 'futuristic' thermometer :

(similar to this type)

i had bought to keep an eye on soulkids temp--- but what do i find??? just guess.
ugh. yup- you guessed it--- I had a fever! ME. I never ever ever have a fever. EVER.
in fact my 'normal' temp is a complete degree lower than 'your normal'. always. 97.6
is what my temp runs. almost always. give or take a point. yesterday-- i ran three degrees high--- two after tylenol. all flippin day! did i panic??? you bet i did.
i didn't even run a temp when i had mono AND bronchitis at the same time. not one degree. not one point. nuthin. i never get a temp! i always contribute that to the Addisons disease. i've heard folks with compromised immune systems rarely- if ever will run a temp. that's why 'we' have to make sure we aren't sick in other ways .. watch for other symptoms.. etc. and also-- stay away from sick people.
but what do you think i did the other day-- well night? oh yes i did. i think it was saturday night. maybe friday. right before even soulkid got sick. we all went to the movies. again. THE dumbest thing a person could do in FLU season!!! eegads! someone needs to kick my ass!!!
so. guess what else? i have a fever this morning as well. peachy. just flippin wonderful! guess who's goin to the dr.???? yep. right again.
ME. with my sneezing. coughing. head-aching. fevery dumb ASS.
omG--- someone haelP me-- and cross your fingers that its 'just a cold'.

holy criznap. i never said i was the brightest crayon in the box-- but holy cow. the movies???? in flu season? with addisons??

niiiice move soul.

stay well folks-- it's a dangerous world out there---

oh hell how could i forget THIS---
guess what ELSE!
thank GOD it aint MY girl-- but y'all do remember dumbass don't you--- oh i guess i should elaborate--- since there are so many in my life----

i speak of the one and only --- dumbass that has kept the drug rehab system alive in this area. yes the dumbass that soulman beat up at the mall last year. remember now?? yup. him.
he's baaaaack. ugh. just hearing his name the other day made me tremble with rage.
y'all just don't get it. soulkid told me one of her good friends--- who has also been to rehab -- because of dumbass i might add. ugh. is once again hanging out with this guy. he must be 19 years old by now. still hangin out with little kids. there MUST be somethin i can do. i know she isn't my kid. but we all know she is only settin herself up-- and he is right there to pull her down. it's just a matter of time.
i've already told soulkid-- she is strictly forbidden to get in a car with that girl- or any of that girls friends... NOR will she be staying the night over there. those kids they will only set her up to end up where he is. she knows it and i know it--
she of course then regretted telling me about any of that at all. but what am i supposed to do???? that boy is the devil. EVERY kid in this town that has shared air with that guy has ended up in rehab--- some more than once. thank God none have died. that i know of.

ok.. that was a bitch fit-- but that makes me angry. y'all know that. ugh. i was actually chilled while he was moved away-- now he's back to poison all these kids who were cleaning up their lives. ummm... not if i can help it!

ok-- y'all can go now--

happy trails- :))

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

eevee, jitty , sick soulkid, and other junk

howdy peeps... howya been? sorry i haven't posted -- but hey-- i have been keepin up in the comments below... that oughtta count for somethin , right?


anyhow--- donna, was askin about Eevee- so, i had to try to find her video and some misc info on her. i think the video i had on my laptop was there before my hard-drive crashed... cuz i spent forever lookin for it on here, and couldn't find it. finally i had hubby find it on his when he got home. well, after dinner and stuff-- and by then, y'all know i had to watch 'my programs'. ha. i love to say that now-- i always say it sarcastically. but you DO know when one starts sayin "MY programs!" it is most definitely a sign of age. i figured , if i start jokin around with it-- when i actually do start sayin it? no one will notice! pretty slick eh?

soooo anyhow--- just kick me-- i'll get in the right gear eventually.
like i was sayin... below is Eevee, a few years ago-- before she went to the 'bad family' before us. she still flinches if you reach from behind her head-- or touch the back of her neck. i don't know who these people are-- or what they did to her... but i wish i could do to them whatever they did to her. she is a great dog. but obviously-- she has gone from 'champion to pet' --- you can earn the trust of an abused animal... but there's no way they could train the way she did in this video-- after obviously being 'beaten'.
but we love her. and she loves us. she even is learning to love sushi--- - remember when she took a chunk out of her back for a snack?--- owwww!

ok here ya go-- the video is very short-- but you get the idea
the link below shows more info about her-- and about her champ puppies.
poor eevee is gettin fixed in about a week tho. no more babies for her. but she sure is leavin a legacy behind her.
did i mention-- she is in -- the hall of fame???---
noooooo--- i wouldn't brag :))

eevee at her best

this is her 'real name'
J'Eevee Ot Vitosha

------------------------------------------ok--- mooovin on---------------------

oh.. jitty, i almost forgot. that's a big surprise huh? well, she is doin fine. she had a much harder time than spot with this whole thing. just like i thought, she is in more pain, but of course she got a higher dose of pain meds, and the ones they sent home.. so she spends much of the day knocked out-- or just not caring. but the first day she came home... saturday (?) - she hated the bandages. hated them. i knew somethin wasn't right. Spot didn't like hers either, but once she settled in, she just kinda let the meds take over and let herself go to sleep. but Jitterbug-- she had a bad time with them... she licked and chewed those bandages.. spot ate first and asked questions later-- jitty didn't even wanna eat-- or drink -- nuthin. she wanted those things off her feet-. i was worried. i called the vet. of course-- what do they want me to do? haul my lard ass cat right back to them! ummm, no. she finally chilled a little but did continue to lick the bandages. she was supposed to go back the next day - sunday- but of course they weren't gonna open til 1 on that day. no way was i gonna make that poor kitty suffer that long. i knew from takin spot in only a few days before-- all they would do was gonna be to take the bandages off, return her to be with bloody paws, and tell me what to watch for. soooo---- i had soulman play vet-- and help me take the bandages off on our own. he had plans to take soulkid to the mall and it would be up to me to haul the lardo in on my own... i am not ready to be haulin 16 pounds around. so he helped. she was thrilled to have those things off--- and we were able to see why she had such problems with them. her little paws were shriveled up to nuthin! i was really angry with my vet that i had just bragged about. they had her feet wrapped waaaay to tight. poor jitty. so we played vet-- unwrapped her feet, gave em both their meds, and they were just some happy kitties.
they want soooo bad to get out of that room though and roam the house--- but it's just too soon. they are healing real well. and they are happy to be together in there. but the way they are with eevee? no way. that and possibly attempting to scamper up the stairs? nope. they need to stay confined at least one or two more days. then we will assess the situation further. :))

my child is sick. this is not the time for my child to be sick. i was really hoping for all of us to fly through the flu season without a sniffle-- or a gag i might ad. but--- no such luck.
she came into our room night before last 'post pukin', and feelin like crap. needless to say, i kept her home from school yesterday--- she puked a couple times-- but no fever. she has body aches tho. and really is NOT the picture of health. she usually looks really good-- make-up or not. but now-- she 'looks' sick. ugh. i spose i shall keep her home today-- and try to get her into the dr. but it seems all the dr's a overbooked around here lately. plus-- what if it's just food poisoning, or a virus? then i take her out and expose her to a ton of people at the dr who really do have the flu-- or worse the friggin swin flu?

anybody have a great gramma still kickin? what'd they do back in the day? really. it doesn't 'seem' that serious. why don't dr's make house calls anymore? dammit.

ok-- well.. this seems to be long enough without bitchin about my own boring stuff-- so i won't. maybe tomorrow.

hope y'all have happy days in your worlds -

Align Left

Saturday, October 3, 2009

another early morning -- AND the PHOTO challenge

howdy peeps---

i would say guten morgen to ya--
but i actually remember the 'good ole days' when i'd be draggin my ass to bed right about now. of course, i don't think any one of the group of 'us' do that anymore. ugh. isn't aging just loads of FUN?
i just don't know how i ever did it. work til 4 or 5 pm.. party til 2 -- after party til 3 or so-- 'sleep' til 5 or 6 -- drag my ass in to work at 7 -- and do it allll over again the next day. and here i am, wonderin my my body and mind are worn out???
that kinda seems to be a stupid question now that i think about it.
i did that for yeeeeears. know what? i did it , knowing , what i was doing to my body too. i wonder if i was a secretary or had some other 'cushy ' job though -- if it would be any different. i doubt it. i prolly woulda just got busted for bein a drunk a lot sooner than i did :O . bleh. but hey.. i bet my back wouldn't be so bad. it'd prolly be my legs though .. from wearin freakin heels or somethin. just can't win can ya?

can ya tell i'm bitchy this mornin? well, hell -- it's flippin 3 somethin in the mornin. i woke up every twenty minutes all night long. i finally gave up at 2:45. then the coffee pot had fits. what is it with me and coffee pots? i go through freakin coffee pots like damn toilet paper around here!!! i'm just gonna start buyin the el cheapo mr coffee ones if they're gonna be disposable !!! i bet we need a new pot every 7 or 8 months. other people have pots they've used for five years and they're just fine.
the one we got as a wedding gift-- i swear it lasted about 12 years! obviously- they don't make those anymore. the one we have now is at least # 3 in a year and a half. and if i don't have a new one by the end of the weekend? i will scream !!!

(suggestions??) -- oh, that would be for good coffee pots, NOT mental institutions :))--

so, anyways, on a happier note --- Jitterbug comes home today. yippee! the vet called yesterday, and said she came through surgery just fine. i like that about our vet. every time one of our babies goes in they call and let us know how they are. they understand that these are peoples babies, not just 'animals'.
she is sooo fat though. i wonder if that will make it harder on her, as far as healing goes. like walking etc ya know? that much more weight on her little feet etc. she's just not as graceful as Spot. you can tell Spot hurts some when she walks, but she can kinda take her weight off of her front paws a little. i don't know if jitty will be able to do that. i hope she does alright.
as far as Spot goes? she's doin perfect still --- for anyone worried about de-clawing an older cat-- or any cat-- if they're ruinin your crap, and it's them or your stuff -- so far - so good. and yep -- i do regret waiting this long cheryl (? i think it was you). i do. i have put this off for years, and it has cost me lots of money and 'stuff'! -- not to mention mental anguish, and stress.

what else???? not a lot. still no word from my cop. and i haven't called him either. maybe next week i'll give him a call. but i really think it's over. i don't know what to do. i don't want to dwell on this, or have some big resentment for the rest of my life. i need to just let it go. maybe.

oooohhh i just got a big ole whiff of dog pooh !!!! eevee is the only one loose. i already had her outside-- if she did that in the house-- you don't even wanna know!!

anyhow-- i guess that's about it outta me . i will pick up my el gato about 8 or so. i will let ya know how she is doin.

other than that-- i'm just bein a big ole baby lately. at this point... i do NOT recommend this rhizotomy thing to anyone! the other day the dr reminded me "it does get worse before it gets better." --- oooh i'm sick of hearin that line!
and also-- she said -- there is a four week window.
so. perhaps i still have some hope left. y'all if this does happen to heal up the way it's supposed to-- i 'could' go 6 months to a year without any pain! so i'm still trying to stay positive on this. it is sooo hard though. a person can be in pain for only so long before they turn into the bitch from hell ya know? well, that or become the biggest crybaby in the world. right now, i'm somewhere in the middle.
obviously-- it's grabed hold of my mood, and sleep at this point-- what's next???

haelP meeeeee

happy weekend peeeps

OH, and once again, i 'almost' forgot the photo challenge -- THANKS Donna ! :))

"my pet pouurri"





my sises "Cavuto'
(yes! she actually takes him for walks in that thing !)
just love her :))