Thursday, March 19, 2009

waking up on my death couch - ugh

couches are not meant for sleepin on:

that there is called a coffin-couch. lemmee tell ya, at 2 a.m. i may as well have slept on that thing. it's been over an hour since i woke up, and i still feel like i got run over. TWICE!

yesterday was another rough one. one more night with NO sleep,makes the days get worse and worse.
i did get a nap after i ran around and did some other stuff, but that wasn't til like 2 iin the afternoon i think. and after waking up behind the wheel of the car on my way home from the doctor-- half way on the wrong side of the road !!! i am surprised i didn't get pulled over. my happened like four times. i didn't think i'd make it home.

at about 6 hubby woke me up .. so i woul be able to go back to bed later and not stay up all night again. my gawd that shit's gettin old. it's unnatural to not sleep for days at a time--and it is really beginning to affect me.

we had salad for dinner, and watched american idol. well.. i watched part of it. after i ate-- i had to lay down, so i moved to the couch to watch. within minutes i was fallin asleep-- but denying it when soulman would try to send me to bed. i really just wanted to spend time with him,,,, seems we've not seen each other in days-- and i never sleep--so what's wrong with that picture? so anyhow-- he'd say go to bed.. i'd bitch, "i'm watchin. i'm awake. leave me alone!".. i was a bitch, didn't mean to be, but it's not like i plan it when it happens anyhow. guess that part of me is inbred----i am my gran - gran. ha-- that would be my mother. she was mean too. and i am beginning to get mean... not the "sarcastic" bitch " i claim to be. i have crossed that thin line.
i reckon blood clots and seizures, and drug addict kids, and xbox addicted hubbys and messy houses and too many shittin , peein, pukin , scratchin furniture animals, will do that to a person.
i hear "this will pass"--- but ya know what i have learned? the shit does pass--- only to slow down in front of me like "a damn not knowin how to drive driver on a cell phone so i can run into it again".. ugh.

so anyhow- i wake up this morning, at 2 am. on the killer couch-- apparently , he did "leave me alone".....cuz i swear-- i feel like hell. from head to toe i hurt everywhere! i think i may sell that couch today. it is not a layin down on couch. in fact, i don't have a layin down on couch--and i want one! but it aint this one.
this one damn near killed me. so it is outta heah... today if not sooner. money or not--i'll donate the son of a bitch, and buy one i can actually relax on.
the theater seats were a big mistake. anyone want to buy or trade? i'm sick of em. but hey-- they're paid for. which is more than i can say for my bed. :O

sleepin all contorted on that thing left me feeling like hell swallowed me whole when i woke up. ooooohhhh the pain. even my hands and feet hurt---not to mention my head, back and legs-- and neck. ugh-- my neck. someone just kill me.
but hey, i am slow at posting-- so since i started this post i have taken aleive , had 2 cups of coffee, and sat up in my soul chair--- for like 2 hours. so it's not quite so bad now-- but it's still bad. and aggetating. this body of mine. and couch.

i think i am learning to live with the pain. i do have a decent doc finally who understands and does prescribe pain meds-- but they really aren't enough, not in strength or numbers, but they help. and i appreciate that. even though i have begun hiding them..even with soulkid in rehab, i hide pills...and then cannot find them !!! like this morning. ugh. yes, that's why i took the no no alleive. cuz i forgot where i hid my pain meds. how stupid.
i swear i'm losin my mind, and the forgetfulness is gettin so bad--- it is beginning to get me in trouble. i make promises, or say things-- then i don't remember it. then the end result is lettin someone down. sucks to be me. but oh well. time for an altzheimers test.
cuz apparently-- i promised soulkid i would take her to austin-- for a "fun weekend"--- when did this happen??? i have NO recollection of it. but she and her dad do. so i guess i said it. i did plan on takin her on a trip-- but it wasn't to friggin austin. there is nuthin i want to do there. i would love to go tubin again-- but the water is too cold right now. so that's out. wtf?
anyhow-- to cease an argument-- i agreed-- fine we'll go to austin. even tho i don't remember talkin about it-- and i don't wanna go. dammit.

i don't know why i worry right now-- i don't have any idea when she's gettin outta rehab anyways. by then maybe she will change her mind...or i will. or perhaps someone will forget about it. like me.

welp-- i think that's about all i got for now. except the mysterious underlining. always shows up when i seem to be frustrated about something.

what might that be, i wonder? hmmmm.

one thing that i'm pissed about is yesterday i went into a damned convenience store to pee and get somethin to drink... i bet i sneezed thirty times in that store. then on the way out i noticed i didnt have my phone. ugh. the cashier wanted me to fill out some form for a store card-- when i said no i have to go find my phone--- she said whats it look like?
SNEEZE__SNEEZE---- it's in a black holster.
she held it up--
SNEEZE..thank you!
i haven't sneezed since-- but my nose is like a broken faucet. i've sprung a leak.
it better be some new allergy to somethnin in that store-- cuz i do not wanna be sick right now.

the second video--i was surprised it took the right song--- but when i redid it-- i had two songs and a whole lot more pix that did not go on it. how frustrating. makin those things can be a real bitch sometimes.

so-- do have happy days in your worlds today---
i'll get back to you on mine.