Saturday, February 6, 2010

they're off, like a herd of turtles !

mornin y'all -

who's off? well that would be my hubby and his dog. they left about half an hour ago on their way to the sunny (i'm guessin ) state of florida, to pick up the new bubba boat.

it feels very strange for me. even though it's just a quick turnaround trip for him, it has been quite a while since we've been separated for any length of time. well, at least for him to go. the last time we spent more than a couple days apart was when i went to iowa to visit a friend for almost a week. why is it, that when YOU are the one on the going end that it just doesn't seem so 'weird'? or, maybe that's just me? i have always had an easier time leaving, than being left. but at least they're comin back.

bye stez and eevee :((
have fun, see ya when ya get home !

that just made me think of how when i do-- on the rare occasion -- go somewhere, by myself. he always tells me before i go :
"just promise me you'll come home"
i've always come home.... but he still says that.
it makes me feel bad. every time, and even now, just thinkin about it.
of course i know why he says that, and why he feels that 'someday' i may go and not come back. but when he 'goes', that thought never crosses my mind - for him.
of course i worry, that he may get in an accident or something- something out of his control might prevent him from coming back. but i always know; and believe, that nothing that he could control would keep him from coming home. ever.

so. that's what's on my mind in these wee hours. we got up at 4 a.m.
i had actually been lying awake for about half an hour, just waiting for his alarm to go off. i had a horrible headache, that had been lingering for the last two days. i was sweatin like a pig, and freezin to death at the same time. my back was in knots. and i could only lay there and hope that when we did get up -- i wouldn't be a horrid bitch to him. hahaha-- i wasn't. i was sweet as pie. really.
well-- ok, maybe not so much at first-- but once i took a shot for the headache, and a pill for the other pain, and poured some coffee down my gullet? hey we were good to go.

don't hate me cuz i'm a bitch. it passes. i'm so like the ocean tide. perhaps it's menopause? or, do ya actually wanna hear my latest 'theory' of my 'mystery diagnosis'??
yep, i'm at it again. i know i shouldn't do this-- and y'all do too. but actually, dr google isn't always the enemy. most of the time, yes. but sometimes i really do find answers.
so. here's the thing. i watched 'mystery diagnosis' a few nights ago. (did anyone see it? ) the lady with the disabling headaches, and so many other symptoms similar to mine?

well.. her diagnosis, after being treated like a mental patient for SIXTEEN years--- ?
she had an adrenal tumor.

now, some of you know that i was diagnosed with 'Addisons disease' several years ago.
with many many of 'her' same symptoms. anemia, weight loss, lethargy, depression..migraines-- mood swings-rages, the list goes on.
go ahead and google it-- i'll wait.

hubby was watchin this show with me and we were both just in awe of what this woman went through. it was 'my story'.
well.. for the most part-- we all know i have other problems that aren't related at all to addisons or a possible adrenal gland tumor. but the similarities, were more than too close for comfort.

so. we decided that my appointment for next tuesday with the endo-- nurse practitioner-- that i had scheduled-- i would change, and demand that i see the 'real' dr. that i have been supposed to be seeing for the last three years anyhow. (now i see him on thursday--with my hubby in tow)
if he can't - or won't test me, or answer these questions-- and see me from here on out-- not only will i find another dr. but i will also call my insurance company and report them. i am FED-UP.

this is the same endocrinologist (nurse practioner) that i went to-- unable to walk-- in a wheelchair-- IN (potentially fatal) addison's crisis-- and she sent me away-- to go to the emergency room. - which i didn't do-- i don't have that kinda money-- hubby took care of me at home, by rehydrating me and monitoring my BP.

i have been in adrenal crisis at least three or four times that i am aware of since i have been under her 'care'... and not once has she done anything to help me.
you know , without my hubby taking care of me at home during these times-- i would be dead. that is a fact. and this is what i pay them for?
not anymore.

have i mentioned the fact that i hate doctors????
i used to think that doctors hated me, and didn't care about me... now i have realized that they just have no idea what they are doing. none whatsoever.

where did that rant come from? sorry.

i have too much stress-- i need a vacation.

i just wanna be normal-- i wanna go out to lunch

i wanna wear my vans, and shorts

i wanna go fishin

is that too much to ask?

i am so damn easy to please--- but i seem so unpleasable.

(anyhow-- there's an update- of sorts for yesterdays post in that comment box -- i really know very little - if anything at this point.)

and with that? i shall leave you, on what i hope to be a very happy day in your worlds today :))

me and my kid will find something to do. perhaps away from the cage-- i mean house :))

and by the way-- just so ya know-- if any bad guys think we are easy prey? you are very wrong-- wanna try me?

bwa hahahahaha