Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Smoke n choke blog 1- 2012

Mornin folks! How's the new year treatin ya so far? Me? Busy and mean already, if you haven't noticed already. Last time I posted I think we all had the idea that I was 'back' to my good ole blabbathon blogging at least almost daily. At least it was my plan. Initially. Seems I forgot that things are a little diffent here lately... As in months long lately. First of all is my damn pain issues, and I think that might be what began my entire disappearing act in the first place. Some of you know that pain.. To the extent that some of us here just becomes life altering sometimes , and yeh it does me, and and when I get to a point of non- tolerance with it- it gets flat out depressing. So.. Yesterday was the 3 rd , and if you read my last post.. It was the day of my spinal injections. I had high hopes for this round. They haven't done any on my lower back in a couple years.. And I was really trying to be positive that I would get much pain relief. I did not. I did however, spend the rest of the day unhook for the fact I had zero pain relief from the procedure .. There usually is at least some percentage of less pain even as I leave the clinic. Instead it was a bad pain day, spent in bed, or in my chair... Not far from the new norm. Depressing. Next step? Remember the "rhizotomy" ? The first one I had nearly crippled my neck and back for nearly five months. Since then I have had at least one more which was very helpful and worked for several months. ,but that was like two years ago tho, i think. Damn insurance crackin down. So, even tho it can be scary, especially since this will be my lower back, targeting my back and legs- if it happens - it's hard to not be afraid that if it goes wrong.. I may face a wheelchair for who knows how long. Legs happen to be quite important ya know, and mine seem to only worsen over time. Sometimes I think I get like a wounded animal. " don't talk to me, don't look at me, don't make me go anywhere..just leave me alone! And we all know, that is a 'bad place for me to be'. Anyhow, that was a long version of why no one saw me yesterday.

The day before yesterday, I was actually somewhat communicative to some, catchin up with a few folks online, even catching up with some way far behind games online. Many I hadn't played or responded to 'chat comments' in over ten days. Three folks I'd been playin with for several months- and gettin to know , resigned- obviously with hurt feelings' and not knowing why I 'disappeared then came from nowhere. Only one will be missed' a young guy goin in the air force soon.. We talked often when we played , having military in common, he had many questions, and we just had a good time playin. Was I surprised that people were upset? Nope. Did I see it comin? Yep. Yep I did. I even, as trying to at least motivate myself.. Would say 'self.. If don't reconnect with your friends, they aren't gonna be there much longer. It happens though. It has happened with me before. It ain't easy earning that trust back... That I do 'go inside myself sometimes'. And not always do folks understand how to not take that personally. Ya just gotta know that it isn't.

Oops- got off track.. But day before yesterday, I was getting back on track in the morning.. When guess what happened? Mr. Douglass - one of our many kitty cats, suddenly had a bought of uncontrollable runny poops. Everywhere! It took a bit to find the cause and location of the suffocating odor. We thought it was big dog Eevee. It was not. Poor Douglas ha 'lost it' in at least four different locations around the house. The most concerning being near the cat food bowl!! I began 'inspecting kitty butts'. We have four of them, you know. He was third .. And with his fluffy hair, and plumes tail.. It was not a fun discovery. What scared me terribly was that we had a cat when soul kid was about four or five.. The only cat I had ever seen before or since to 'lose control' that way. And the outcome was not good. So, I put him in his crate and got the earliest vet appointment I could get. His diagnosis? Colonists. Don't ask me. He doesn't eat people food.. All the cats eat the same food. No recent changes. Just an expensive mystery illness. And meds. He's been ok since. Happy about that obviously. But WTH? A 90.00 vet bill? What a way to start the new year...with one of my goals being to save money, yeh, not doin so well in that department already. Aside from the vet bill, I had to drop four hundred for yesterday's co-pays. AND, today I get to pay off soulmans surgery. An easy 1000.00 + that would've been a good start in a college fund. Whaaaa.

Can ya tell that I'm not using my 'Dragon software' this time? I think it's takin longer to type it out, but soulman was asleep when I started the post, and I thought.. If he wakes up, and I'm in here talkin to myself? I don't think it would go over too well. HA!

So anyways.. Here me is! I have no idea what I just said.. I'm lookin at a microscopic blog post.. And have been up way too long already. But I'm checking in, just like I said I would.
I have lots to do today.. Or at least planned to do.. Wish me luck on at least some success there. Gotta start somewhere right

I've fallen and I can't get up!,,, soul down !,,
I get knocked down, but I get up again.
Don't fall down now, you'll never get up again.

Name those tunes.
And have some really good days in your worlds today!
I am doin what I can.. Todo what I can.

And I miss ya!
I'll getmy shit together soon. Some things need to come first tho... I reckon I must learn to prioritize. It's been tough with everyone home for so long. My routine got tossled.

Later folks...