ola folks -
what's happenin in your worlds these days? i would like to say the same ole 'not much in mine' - but i'd be lieing. it's about all i can do to not cry 24-7 these days. i try to be tough ole soul and hold it in - when that fails - i get in the tub -- for about an hour - or more and just get wet with the rest of me. in an attempt to fool even myself. i'm a mess. i know i shouldn't be. i guess i just can't help it anymore. the worst part? nothing is going on that hasn't gone on before in my life. i guess it's all happening at once this time.
well, the new thing is that i have learned that my husband is not invincible. i have never been faced with him having health problems. until now. everything is borderline. but it is all very serious. recently, we have learned that he is 'pre-diabetic'. i reckon it can be 'postponed - or reversed. by diet and exercise. but since it does run in his family - i am very concerned as to his pre disposition, and current 'condition'. it just may be inevitable for him. that 'diagnosis - plus his recent EKG - showing a 'possible - 'blockage - the reality that he might become ill at some point - rocked my world.
he had a 'stress test ' this morning - the initial report - came back 'ok'. but i'm not feeling so steady yet with that. we still have to wait for the final report .
then there's his 'foot'. i mentioned that he had surgery on his foot a while ago. the worst part of that was he accidentally bumped the dishwasher only days after the surgery- and the 'pin' got bent, and had to come out weeks sooner than planned. well- now - he has to have the surgery repeated . very soon, and this time- because it didn't heal properly - even worse than planned .. it will be SIX weeks NO weight bearing on his foot ! that is gonna be a major issue with work -- and everything else. the date isn't set yet for surgery -- but it is inevitable - and must be done ASAP, due to vacation plans and other things we have going on.
all this -- and we are in the worse financial situation we have been in since i can't even remember.
BUT --- here comes some GOOD news !!!!!
you ready ? (it is stressful for me - due to my level of pain - but we all know i can handle that - even tho i'm worried to death of it--- BUT
the soulkid is going back to audition for x-factor !!!! yup it's all planned out and reservations are made for her and i to go to austin in march for her to try again !!!! i have no doubt that she will make it this time! last year i watched the show and i was so mad that they had such bad people on that show -- she is so much better than that . my faith in her is over the top !
my faith in me? has me in tears. i am afraid i will embarrass her in some way. i think i will need some sort of walking aid. a push walker- with a seat, or a wheelchair - maybe even a electric scooter. i so hate the idea. i just can't do the lines etc. i cannot stand up that long. and i hate that - for her. i 'look' perfectly fine. but i'm not. i tried to talk to her about all of this today . her reply was ' if your this worried i would rather go alone' wow.
i'm just a mess.
but that's why ya haven't heard from me -- lots goin on.. but not much to say really -- without sounding like a mess.
i just wanna be normal --
i wanna go out to lunch --
