Monday, January 18, 2010

oh i wish i had a brain

hiya peeps-- monday again... doesn't feel like it tho. hubby is off of work, and the kid is out of school today. it just feels weird. kinda throws my body clock off, or somethin.
in a way tho, it makes me look-- even more-- forward to summer. i'm already craving the warmth ya know... but also, the not havin to be 'on the clock.'

my days are so split up now it's just crazy. i have to get up at least an hour before i get the kid up-- so my pain pill will work before i have to 'do' anything. then i get her up an hour before we leave for school. leave around 830. then i do whatever it is i 'do' for that day. get her at 315 ish -- she gets out at 335. then at 415- we're headin back out to go to drivers ed-- and i'm back out again at 615 to pick her back up.

geesh-- for a gal who doesn't like to leave the house? (me) -- that's an awful lot -a - leavin. dontchya think? especially lately. gawd. i don't even want to get dressed, and i have to do all that, and more. some days-- ok, most days-- i haven't been getting dressed-- or at least completely dressed. i throw on jeans and a flannel-- over my un-bra'd self-- and slippers--- barely run a brush thru my unwashed hair-- run her to school-- come straight home-- and un-dress my half dressed self again, right back into my so called jammies.

(these bein days that stez isn't around to run her for me)

i don't know what has happened to me. do ya want my uneducated guess? i am thinkin that i tried so hard-- and succeeded too-- to get through christmas without some kind of major breakdown, like the past many years.... that it just had a delayed reaction.
i think that my holiday depression atttack--- attacked me -- even though i thought i was doing well, and bein all proud of myself for gettin through christmas 'intact'.

so much for that idea. eh?

so. now what? here i am, feeling like the damn 'cymbalta' commercial.

"where does depression hurt?" -- everywhere
"who does depression hurt ?" -- everyone.

even shows the damn dog bein sad and lethargic.

then there's the new seroquel commercial-- where everyone just meshes into the background. this is supposed to sell this medicine? ummm... skuze me.... ? is that how ya feel before? or after? sure makes me wanna try it. not!

by the way-- i've taken that medicine before, several years ago--- and just so ya know-- that's how ya feel before-- AND after. i don't reccomend that brain frying med to anyone. not unless you wanna be -- or take care of a zombie. literally. i swear to you-- when i took that med -- in massively high (rx'd doses) -- i slept approximately 17 hours every day- and could not function in life at all. it is horrible.

ok-- nevermind. i don't even know what i'm talkin about anymore.
see what i mean? my mind is just mush lately.

grits anyone? :))

nuthin up there-

anyhow, no worries peeps. this isn't the first time i've been like this- and i'm sure it won't be the last. i just need to do somethin... not sure what it is. but when i figure it out, i'll be fine. oops , there's that word again. :))

anyhow-- i hope y'all have happy days out there today--
i will- promise.