here i am..
days behind on posting-- and over a month on my life. not a good place to be.
i have done a lot these passed couple of days tho playing catch up. but i have overdone it.
last night--well and during the day was awful for me. it was a non-stop day for me. and man i paid for it in a big way at the end of the day. nothing stopped til 9 p.m. that's when i was able to get into my jammies and go to bed... maybe a little later. but i had never been soooo ready for bed. i was mentally and physically whooped. just beat like a stray mutt. i hadn't felt that bad for like three days over the last month. i had to scold myself.
then this morning, soulman came in to wake me up--and my brain is so fried-- for whatever reason-- it really has been gettin worse that ever over the last few weeks-- he comes in to wake me up, because i have to take my child to school today. i was like-- why do i have to get up.? and i wasn't very nice about it either.
man i feel like i been hit by a train this morning. twice. ugh.
but-- on the good side-- i have one bill left that i must go out to pay today. kid to and from school.. and if i really wanted to-- the rest of my list could be put off without too many consequences- til tomorrow.
i do this all the time tho- and i really should know better. when i get down-- either physically or mentally-- the minute i feel the least bit better-- there i go trying to catch up on everything in one day. this is the longest i have been unable to do anything in like ten years. only one other time was i out of commission for over 30 days. and after that-- we moved-- that was a lot easier than all i have to do now. cuz we donated or tossed or sold almost every thing we owned at the time.
if i could do that now-- i prolly would. (sigh)
physically, and y'all know-- it is literally one thing after another with me--- this lung clot really must be the wort physical problem-- longest lasting, scariest, most pissin off, isolating, immobilizing, depressing, life halting, thing i have ever dealt with.
and OMG i can't stand it-- and i thought it was over. i was wrong. i just gotta take it easy for a while longer. no jumpin right back into things just cuz i can move better i guess.
and ya wanna hear about my brain? you know it never has been "right", ever since i started this thing. some of that is my warped sense of humor-- some is just my bad memory/or my senile. but i swear-- ever since the lung clot-- i just have not been the same. i cannot remember stuff. even stuff that my senile would have-- i forget now.
yesterday, i opened a savings account for soulkid--- oh man-- that girl really musta thought i was outta my gourd. (and nope-- it wasn't meds--i hadn't taken many -- maybe 2 , and hours before. ok it was 3-- now that i think of it .. but they were a bit apart-- but still hours before) but i couldn't remember things.. accounts, where money was or wasn't, numbers, etc. then i would try to explain..and talked 100 miles an hour cuz i was embarrassed and nervous for soundin like such a fool. and not remembering. grrrrr. i do it everywhere.
i saw my doc for my blood test-- remember last time i mentioned that? it had dropped to a real loww number-- 1.2 , from 1.9 from a few days before? and i didn't know why?
well i figured out why. cuz i am a dumbass. i have 2 bottles of that med-- warfarin/coumadin= 1mg and 5 mg. so yesterday i go in and it read close to a 5. it 4,6 somethin. the doc asked what did i do so different. i say umm.. i noticed that i was taking the 2 1 mg rather than 2 5 mg, so after i noticed i went to 10 mg a day-- and because i found the mistake i didnt go to 20 like you said. cuz i knew i hadn't been taking enough.
then i got scolded, because now-- i am "over - anti- coagulated". how special. i could bleed to death at any time gilbert. :)) so now it's skip 2 days-- then lower the dose again. gawd i hate takin meds .
then i asked her about the thyroid CT-- she did get it-- and will be scheduling me for a thyroid ultrasound-- they are beter for diagnosing if it is a solid "mass" or fluid filled. if it's fluid filled it is usually "nothin" if it is solid-- it could be "somethin".. i'll let ya know when i know.
i hate waiting--- more so-- i hate PAYIN. i wish i had ten for every hundred i paid to medical shit this year alone. christmas would be covered i bet ya. sickening. i wish i just ditch the docs and let what happens happens. nothin has killed me yet. well--- yes i know.. this last thing may have. but i mean the other stuff.. none of that has killed me yet. well the addisons almost did if they wouldn't have caught that.
ok, not a good idea.
anyhow-- for those i owe visits-- or email-- i really will try to get there today--- cuz i know i won't be doin as much as i planned to today. it is not in me. tomorrow is soulmans' birthday and i can not let myself be all laid up in bed in pain and worn out for that. i still haven't even planned anything-- bought anything.. not even a card. i'm a piss poor wife.
what a damn month it's been.
technically-- if ya toss my kid in there-- it'd make it a helluva 3 months. or more.
me thinks we need another vacation. ugh. yes i know-- i'll keep dreamin-- and y'all do the same.