Friday, November 5, 2010

Well so much for that idea

Pen boggin  (11-3-2010)

Pardon my recent absence. I have been a busy sloth lately. If not busy, then recovering from it.
right now i'm 'pen blogging' in my car,  on my i-phone note pad.. whilst i wait for my child as she is in class.  i usually go find somethin to do.. but today, i feel like utter shit, so am not leaving.  just gonna wait in the car -- for two wonderful hours.  bleh.  so, i thought i'd talk to y'all for a while.

 I finally saw the surgeon yesterday. Omg what a miserable day. From beginning to end. I won't bore you with the drawn out details. I will say tho that it was pure torture in every form - for me.
*In no particular order :

1-I had the panic i get of running late
2- that was made worse when i got in the car and

1- noticed i didn't finish filling out my paper work - 6 pages of it!  I did that in a hurry / soul chicken scratch and surely incomplete. I know i didn't list any meds. Even tho i take a dozen or more a day. and have half as many allergies.

2- then. Ugh. whilst doin the papers i noticed a totally different address there than where i was headed!  I thought WTF?! I called- still in my driveway. I have NO idea where i thought i thought i was goin but at least i got that fixed. Or so i thought.

I was in hell. All f'n day. And this was just the beginning!
3- So. I get there.  The gps said i was there. That would be the same gps that is very close to finding itself on the highway one day in the very near future!  Yep really.  just like the day i threw all my dishes in the garbage!

4- I go inside. Of course i have not a clue where the surgeons office is. I can only hope that it is in gimping distance.
Ugh. So i ask. I'm actually pleased with the girl who helps me, she's very nice. But. Unfortunately,  my 'i'm so lost' instinct was right. Not only was i not in gimping distance?  I wasn't even in the right building.
5- So off i go. I am already limping. havin a frickin panic attack. I hurt. i'm cold.  I want to just go home and forget about the whole damn thing.
Oh have i mentioned that it was freezin outside? AND raining? Well it was. Did i have a coat?  A hoodie? Even a flannel or a sweatshirt?  That would be a big fat no!
can we say dumbass?  I was wearing a t-shirt and jeans! 
Ready for the good news??  I found where i was sposed to be!  Yippee.  Not really. My happy was long gone by the time i got there. I was in horrible pain. Freezing. Bitchy. Tired. i wanted to cry -- but i refrained. for the moment.

ola! now that nightmare is over.. the memory is still here.
i think i got PTSD from that damn day!
but now it's it's today - it's Friday! woo hoo!

to make that long story short?  yep, i found the office -- not an easy task.  it was like 50 degrees in there-- i was soooo cold. y'all know -- i don't do cold.  my body doesn't tolerate it.  at all. i got there , signed in -- and let's not forget they make ya PAY soon as ya sign in.  that was the ONLY thing that made me stay there.  i got there at like 1100- or so... know when they called me back?  at frickin.. 1230 !!!  i was in so much pain from sittin there-- not to mention the bein so cold-- it tightens my muscles and just plain hurts -- worse than i already hurt.  and get this--- i had no pain meds on me.  none.  AND i was hungry.  everything that pisses me off or hurts me was happening.  and i felt totally helpless about all of it.  i may as well have been chained up and tortured. (in my world.)  hungry, cold, in pain, waiting, and not knowing wtf was goin on.  i finally went up and ask if i got skipped or forgot about.  she said -- oh your next. i thought -- ahhh 'next' is good.  so i gimped back to my seat.  'next-- to me?  five minutes - or so.  right?  i waited another 30 !!  gettin more and more angry and hurty.  OMG i can't even explain to you how awful i felt.  anyhow-- i did finally get called back.  i 'vent' to the nurse.  she is speechless, at my mental attack.  she did at least give me a blanket and let me lay down while i waited even longer for the fuckin dr.
wanna know what he said???  after all that waiting and pain, and crackin up???   he won't do the surgery on me.  it's not bad enough yet.  i paid him 40 bucks and half a day for that!

so.  monday the 8th i am scheduled for the rhizotomy - that apparently i shoulda just gone with in the first place.  i fear the pain of the recovery.  i pray it won't last 4 months. or be as severe as last time..  and i hope and pray that i get relief from it.  i just can't bare this pain any longer.  it's ruining my life-- and my mind. 

so-- that's all i have time for right now-- gotta get this day rollin.

hopefully next time i'll have somethin better to say.
but i got thangs to do --
i'm fixin to go to the store with my child-- then later it's a movie (due date) and a steak dinner... i found out why i been so damn tired and dead feelin lately----  'iron deficiency '.  time for a steak  :))

catch y'all later --

ps -- yes peeps -- we did get the golf cart -- it's so cute-- i haven't driven it yet -- i have really felt like crap lately-- and been busy too.

i'll try to come back to life soon.. sposed to get some rx for iron and stuff.  maybe it'll help and i won't sleep so much.  yep-- i sleep a lot lately too.  bleh.

ok gotta run
talk to me!