Tuesday, June 5, 2007

If I Drank...I'd be Crackin a Beer Right NOW

yes i would... what a morning already. this summer school shit is for the birds. this is only day two...and i'm nearing suicide !!!! or perhaps child abuse at minimum. my GAWD. i understand what a bummer it must be to be 13, and have to go thru this.... but why in the hell make it shit for EVERYBODY??? if this kid of mine would ride a bike, you could be damn sure, that's how she would be gettin her ass to school !!! why do i put myself through this???? i was younger than ten, setting my own bed time, my own alarm clock, getting myself out of bed, and to school... and home too !!! MY kid??? she has a clock...she knows how to set it...she just doesn't. why...cuz she knows i will make sure she gets up. BUT... i wake her up... and she doesn't get up... i get "i am" "i will" I'm up"... and in a not kind tone either. and it goes on for half an hour before her feet hit the floor. then i end up having to rush her, and remin d her of the time as she primps, and lally gags... and does whatever it is that she does. almost always making herself late. also, almost always starting our days in a argument.
well... this time around... with summer school... and she KNOWS this... tardies count as absences ... a kid can be absent TWO times during the entire term !!! sooo, she can be late... or absent , only TWICE.... or she will FAIL the entire seventh grade. over ONE class. ONE class and two hundred dollars !!!
YET.... she still wants to drag her ass, and fight with me in the morning. all i am doing is trying to get her to school. no one cared if or when i went when i was a kid. shit... my siblings barely even DID go !!! it's a miracle that I somehow managed to get myself motivated enough to go. not that i graduated... but that wasn't why...it was cuz we moved too damn much.
but anyhow. this morning was pure hell getting her, and to school. and was she late? YES. why was she late? NOT because i didn't get her up. NOT because i didn't remind her of the time, or tell her to hurry, or tell her a tardy is an absence and she would fail the 7th grade etc etc. nope. she just dragged her feet, and fought with me.
i am soooo pissed. i just can't put it into words. i am more pissed at the freakin laws they have about dicipline right now more than anything i think. i would never beat my kid. or abuse her. but damn if a good ass whippin now and then wouldn't have given her a whole different attitude at this stage in life. now, because i was afraid of CPS getting involved if i "spanked" her... UGH... we tried the time out, and the talks, and all the bullshit child psychology shit.... SO guess what? ya know who gets abused this past 15 years?? instead of the kids.... it's THEY who freakin abuse the parents!!! y'all just don't know how close i come to slappin that child. but nooooo. i've never laid a hand on her, never called her a bad name, nuthin. see where it got me???
my advice to any new parent out there... it's even in the BIBLE!!!! why doesn't someone show THAT to CPS>????
"spare the rod, spoil the child"
and once you get passed about 8 or ten years old with them.... it's too damn late! they know EXACTLY which buttons to push. they know exactly how far they can go with you. YOU become the victim...not the parent. and what can ya do? by then you're ready to let out ten years of pissed off rage because you feel like you failed as a parent... when actually, you probably did a damn fine job. you haven't hit them, or abused them, or ridiculed them.
but turn it around... and you've created a manipulative, controlling, soon to be young adult, who has been coddled and protected all their life. and you worry, "how will they function on their own? if at all?" and YOU are the one who gets shit on.
THANKS CPS. i hope your kids beat you up when they turn 15!!!

ugh. the age of pampering. time out my ass. i'm the one who needs a time out. forever!

well... there, now that i've had my rant for the day... i have like ten entire minutes before i get to go pick the little angel up from school. 200 dollars for 50 minutes a freakin day! it's a bunch of crap. all i can say, if this shit happens again...she is gonna be cleaning out gutters, and picking up dog poop for the entire summer!

oh...but before i leave you...this time...i will say... on the way to school this morning... she actually DID say "I'm sorry". and for once, it sounded sincere. it's rare that her apologies don't sound sarcastic.
i do get pissed at her...but y'all know i love her with all i am. and all i will ever be. she tries. ugh. i just wish i could go back and do things differently. this respect thing. and problem with authority. i just pray she will see that it is getting her NOWHERE.

well... i gotta go.
i shall return. hopefully in a better mood