Wednesday, November 26, 2008

oh the difference a day makes -

howdy folks---

i wish i could say i won't talk about medical shit-- unfortunately--- i will. but just quickly. let's start with the endo appt. yesterday. i really need a new endo doc. i just don't have the four month gap available to wait between endo's while i wait to get in with a new one that i may dislike even more. i just think this lade isn't very good at what she does. in fact-- yep -- i think i know more than she does sometimes. i really do. ugh. anyhow-- we did talk about my thyroid-- but she didn't have the ultrasound results - so goin by the CT-- she said that it (the cyst) was about 4mm, i don't do metrics-- so that's greek to me-- but apparently pretty small. it "may" be fluid filled, as it is "the same density as surrounding material". wtf? i had to ask wth? that's when she said that. so then she said the ultrasound will be more definitive on that part. then she did some labs and sent me on my way.
so i'm hopin to hear somethin more about the ultrasound results today when i go get my blood checked. soooo i spose i'll get back to you on that.

sort of medical, but not so much, but in a way---
i haven't had a cig since about 4pm yesterday. i really really want one. i won't lie about that. i have smoked for over THIRTY years. i'm 42. that is a long damn time. my only constant in my life. my security blanket. always there. except when i was pregnant with my daughter-- and the few failed attempts at quitting--that never lasted more than a few weeks.
but-- after the lung clot-- and seeing so many doctors since--- you KNOW they all have something to say about the smoking. yesterday-- the endo doc... just by puttin the stethoscope to my back--- asked if i was smoking. that's what clenched it for me. i did quit obviously in the hospital-- and maybe a week after-- but have been smokin since. but if my lungs are already sounding bad? i just can't sit here and kill myself. at first... from what i had been reading-- smoking wasn't mentioned as a contributing factor to embolisms. the docs didn't even mention smoking-- at the hospital. well... lately i been looking at recovery/relapse... and yep-- not only was it the layin in bed with mono and bronchitis for days--- it was the smoking on top of it. i must stop it. now.
anyone want to join me?

cuz THIS is about how stoopid i feel-

Plus-- there will be no more of

sooooo, what's next ?
ahhhh my house. it looks mahvelous. not totally done yet--- but the main rooms are, and i am soooo happy. sore as hell. but happy. i had to crawl around the kitchen floor on my hands and knees with a bucket of water and sos pads to scrub it ... but it looks better now than it ever has.

i would love to say i was finished with the laundry--- but soulkid didn't finish her room, so i expect even more to be flowing out of that hell pit.

the landlady is comin at 9 a.m. to pick up the lease, so i won't be gettin much more done before then.. perhaps soulkids bathroom (the main bath) fun, i know.

that only leaves my bedroom bath, and office. OMG this house is just too big for us. well.. too big for 'me' to keep clean. especially to clean after a couple months of not being cleaned right.
maybe if i do quit smokin i can get my maid with the cig money??? hmmm.
my own kid is the only kid her age i know who refuses to clean for cash. i have offered 20 bucks just to wash dishes-- does she? nope. i really think she doesn't know how to clean, and i had no idea that was even possible. apparently it is. and if i knew that five years ago-- she'd be a cleanin fool. buuuut-- well, you know. i thought people just "knew how to clean by nature".

but since she doesn't
does anyone have
some of these i could borrow for the day???

anyhow peeps--- i better get UP and get busy. i got thangs to do today.

clean the bathroom... what a way to start the day huh?
MORE laundry-
deal with the landlady-
run errands-
pay bills-
get t-day dinner-
clean my fridge (almost forgot that one-)
oh i can't go on.. i'm already tired just thinkin about it.

oh ps!!! Good news--- for ONCE in a blue moon----

i got an email from my childhood friend who i haven't heard from in like ten years. we met at four and five years old !!! stayed close into our twenties-- and lost touch.
funny how that happens.

hope you all have happy days in your worlds today---