well, i saw the coolest thing ever yesterday ! i went to pick my daughter up from a friends' house... and i had never been there before. these people had a extremely nice home. i really liked it. and the mom was nice. we talked about our bad backs , and physical limitations... and lazy kids. LOL. but anyhow... we went into the living room, and i saw something i had never seen in a private home before.... guess what it was.... a roll around laundry cart !!! i was thrilled ! i said... where did you get that!!!? she got it at "the container store"... due to her back problems... it is really a great help for her. so anyhow. today when i told my husband about it...and how i want one !!! i told him that my reaction to seeing that ROLL AROUND LAUNDRY CART (woo hoo)... was like that of a "normal" woman seeing a beautiful diamond ring ! my longing for this cart is obsessive ! i am going to buy it TODAY. even though i really shouldn't, because we are a little strapped right now... but man. i could actually do laundry...without hurting my back from carrying it all thru the house... and... i would probably do it more often, because i won't be dreading the carrying part ! yes, yes i am a simple person. ans so damn easy to please it's scary sometimes. a damn laundry cart is the main thing that will bring me longstanding happiness. not a new dress, or jewelry...sex could make a difference...but we won't go there. anyhow..... i'm gettin a laundry cart. and i might even wash my eight loads of laundry after i get it home !!! i wish i would have known about these things years ago.
ok... anyways. today is the last day of spring break. it has been all work and no play for this gal.
BUT... my med records are finally DONE...except for hi lighting about two hundred more pages. but, they are now in TWO binders... one is in order of symptoms/diagnosis...the other is in chronological order. i do believe that i have a very good "case" to present to the VA now. i am actually quite angry that they had previously denied my request for disability years ago...even though i was, and am on social security disability for the same disabilities, diagnoses.... but really...having read through all this stuff...twenty years worth of this crap.... it's all blatantly written out in front of "you" to see. ugh. how frustrating is that! the government and their damned money! ya right. i gave them my back, and my mind...and they don't think they should give me anything???? well, THIS time, they can't deny it. and if they do...i will fight til they acknowledge that i am right in this. i gave them eight years of my life and they took away the last thirteen. (you may be wondering, why the obsession with this?... well... the navy doctors could have and should have helped my son...the one who died at four and a half months old in 1989...because he had asthma, and I knew it. he wheezed since birth and was at the doctor every other day or week...for over four months. BUT because he didn't have a family history of asthma (that I knew of)..they REFUSED to test him for asthma. his cause of death... ASTHMA!)
soooooooooo.... for that.... and the life they sucked out of me because of it...... they are going to pay me what i am due...and in so doing.... it will ensure that my daughter goes to college, and leaves home with some money. not just a suitcase and a car, and a take care of yourself kind of send off. no. she is going to be set up, and ready. that is why i'm doing this. for her. and perhaps a little justice on my part. mainly... for my girl though. five more years, and she will be ready for college, and at this rate... we won't be ready for that. she deserves to have a good life...a good future. a chance at being and doing what she wants, and being who she is. that's what i want for her.
and for me.... well, maybe if the va...or whoever "the big guy is in that organization... will see, that yes, they are a HUGE reason that i stand where i stand in life today. in a life that not only affects me...but my whole family in many ways as well. maybe if they will just somehow, admit, they killed my son.... i will begin to heal. who knows. maybe i will be like this forever. but if my mind would rest...i could live better with the physical stuff. it's just hard to be so mental. for so long.
well. that's it...for now. guess i just needed to vent. or "explore my feelings"...as a therapist would say. "go with that".
ha! what crap. i would make a better therapist than many i have seen over the years...and my knowledge is not a college degree. i just can't believe the crap some of them spew at people with real problems. "try walking....eat yogurt".....MY GOD. i have paid people to tell me that !!!!
yo bitch...read my diagnosis for starters. walking and yogurt won't help ME! try doing your job for a change.
ok. i'm done.
little resentment flowin out there. oops.
maybe i shall write later when i'm not so frustrated.
but for now...i'm goin to buy my laundry cart! yippee. gosh am i retarded???? just tell me.