Tuesday, April 22, 2008

just so ya know

i survived the EGD (upper GI test thing) this morning. and am home now. in bed. fixin to go to sleep-- or pass out.
i remember feeling a million times worse last time they did this. right now i am just kinda drunk and tired, groggy. throat is only a little sore-- but it's still numb from the gargle stuff.. so i only hope it still doesn't hurt as bad as last time. they dilated my esophagus again. like last time. and it almost killed me then. (well felt like it. i wasn't able to eat, barely drink..or take my meds for like 4 or 5 days. ii finally ended up at the emergency room, i thought something was really bad wrong, and couldn't get a hold of any of my doctors. plus i hadn't been able to take /swallow any of anti d's for so many days it began to afect me in a bad way and i became depressed etc. it was jsut bad. not to mention the awful pain. turned out to cost me 600.00-- for a small amount of liquid pain meds only so i could eat and take my anti d's. it of course turned things around and i got better within a couple days... but i have to say-- i am fearing a repeat. and even though i talked to the doc today about all that-- he still wouldn't give me pain meds ! WTH?? i don't have any-- and even if i did.. it would have to be liquid-- which i never have even when i do have any. can we say screwed?
anyways-- yep-- i'm hoping, praying, wishing, knockin on wood, etc.. that for whatever-- for any reason at all.. my throat will not hurt as badly as it did last time, and i will be able to eat and swallow pills. if that happens-- i think all will go ok.

i did manage to drink one of these... cuz i wasn't allowed to have any coffee this morning:

i was afraid hot coffee would hurt me-- so went for the cold-- same as last time.

also got some jello, soup, and lozenges.. just in case. ( well hubby did..when he went in to drop off my rx on the way home. i forgot the name , but it's some kind of stomach med.. same as last time. (caltrate? or somethin).

ok.. so anyways-- i don't know much about anything at this pont , i was barely even concious at the hospital before we left. they talked to soulman about stuff.. but i was drifting in and out of sleep like literally every minute or two.
i do remember being told
"no asperin, excedrine, or NSAIDS (?) NASAIDS" ?.. wth? ( motrin, advil,,,etc ) "EVER AGAIN"

that one is gonna be the toughest of all. i live in a world of near constant pain.. somewhere. and no more otc pain relievers. i also live in a world of dr's that are afraid to rx pain meds.
i can only hope that now that i have documentation that otc pain meds can KILL me... they will realize that they can allow me to suffer .. or give meds to help me. somethin has to here.

because the doc said that my stomach is bleeding. it is the massive amounts of asperin and excedrine etc.. that is causing ulcers.. and bleeding in my stomach.. and if i don't stop taking these meds-- i "could die". this is why i have been anemic..and am SO anemic now-- as the pain worsens, the asprine etc increases... as does the belly bleeding.

aint life just fuckin grand?????

so anyways-- i gotta get some sleep.. hopefully i will feel good enough later to get around blog land a bit-- i miss y'all...

i hope you are ALL having happy days.

OH SHIT- i almost forgot --
VAL ( Charlotte gave me an award !)

she said cuz i got "attitude"
is that good or bad?
take it any way ya want-
cuz it depends on the day really
or the hour.
sometimes it is a good attitude-
and sometimes --
well i'm just a bitch
but hey
people love me-
and that's awesome

i love y'all too!

ok.. i must sleep now-