Thursday, October 20, 2011

gettin shot in the neck can't be fun

how's things peeps?  good i hope.

things here?  well, hard to say.  but i'm ready to leave and had a few minutes to spare and figgered i'd spend em with y'all.   i know my thoughts and words have been a total mess here lately, but hey, gimmee some credit for at least tryin to stay in touch eh?  anyhow  what am i ready for? to go get shot to hell. that's what. yeh.  i think i mentioned it a few days ago.  i have to go get more steroid shots today.  i have been needin them for several months , but putting em off due to lack of funds.  the pain has gotten to a level that i just can't stand anymore.  i did a little robbing from peter to pay paul and made it happen.  so i go in this morning - like in about 20 minutes to get the procedure done.  i've had these injections before - just not this many .  this time there will be four - in three areas.  two in my neck - two in my spine.  like i said before - i don't fear the shots -- i'm asleep when they do them.  i don't feel anything.  afterwards i wake up within 30 , minutes. then i leave. my hubby drives me and picks me up - he always has me a fresh cup of coffee - cuz i can't have anything (fast) before the procedure. so you know i'm ready to kill someone and have a bad headache by then.  anyhow - we go home - i sleep off the sleepy meds from the doc. and life goes on.  thing is?  this time - i just have a strange feeling about the whole thing.  one like i've not had before.  i feel like i will have a lot of pain afterwards. i hope it's just a worry, or a normal thing.  maybe it's because i am at the  level of pain that i am at right now.  getting better due to a few shots seems unreachable as a quick fix.  i don't know why i feel like it isn't gonna work, or that it may back-fire is beyond me. but the thought hasn't left my mind since i got this scheduled.  in the last few months i have learned to live my life as it is .. deal with the pain, and do the best that i can, when i can.  weird thing is -- since i scheduled the shots?  either the pain has gotten worse , or i fell back into the old habits, and gave into it again.  either way - i'm not liking the results.  and i can only hope that this round will relieve some if not a lot of this pain, and i can get back to where i was.  or better. 

i know you each have your own stuff goin on in your worlds - i hope it's gettin handled -- don't let it handle YOU !

i gotta go get shot up :))

i'll check in later -- when i wake up -- or sober up   -- whichever comes first

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

well hell - now ith part 2 (@1050 pm)

have i not had enough to deal with in the last week or two already?  yeh, it's not been all bad. i know that.  in fact, i can't even say that it's been 'bad'.  just nerve wracking. nearly every single day, it's been 'somethin'.  and yup, not every somethin is about me. but it does affect me.  i'm not a robot.  i've been trying to not be so 'revealing' on my blog since i kinda got back to posting more often.  not sure how that's going.  or if it's better or worse for you.  hell, i don't really even know how many are readin here.  i know of  the few who leave comments -- you know i love the comments.  sorry i haven't been answerin for a while - as i said - hectic in soul land lately.  i'll get back on track.  eventually :((

well.  looks like you get a break already -- soulkid just brought some lunch home -- i can't figure out how to save this for later -- yup i forgot -- so guess i'll post it and get back to it later.

hope y'all have good afternoons - catchya tonight i reckon -

'chow'  :))

----------  hello again ---

yeh, i know - took me a while to get back.  sorry.  i never really found anything new to add .  well.  i sort of had something ore to say when i left, just not a way to say it.  now, after a kinda lethargic feeling day, including a two hour nap, and a lot of TV . i decided i'd just let this topic go. it's too soon to be bringin it up anyways.  i don't even know why i'm thinkin about it.  i'll get to it when i get to it.

so, what i am close to - and gettin to right now is bed time.  and my bed.  so all i have to say at this time is goodnight -

or even good morning - if your just wakin up or comin in with your coffee.  wish this was a better post.  i know it sucks and i should just file it in the round - file.. but it's already here , and that would take effort.

so.  off i go --- til next i write -
til then - sweet dreams -
-- speakin of dreams ? never take heavy pain meds at bed time. yowza !  crazy dreams the last few days... i skipped pain meds tonight ! i might pay for it - but i bet i'll have better dreams -

or will i ?

Monday, October 17, 2011

i picked a bad life to quit smoking ~

dontchya think?  you know i was gonna say 'day', when it hit me ~ any day, is a bad day to quit smokin'.   that's prolly why i never succeed.  but .. i am at it once again . in of course , a half assed manner. once again . there is just too much goin on .  as always.  y'all know me. yall know how my life is.

if things are ever runnin smoothly - it's only for a matter of seconds. then it's chaos again. at best perhaps it might be controlled chaos.  if i'm lucky.  but we all know i have 'schleprock on my shoulder - and the devil on the other.  so anyhow, yeh a couple days ago i randomly decided to put on a nicotine patch and buy a electronic cigarette... along with a pack of smokes - just in case i failed.  so of course i couldn't just let perfectly good cigs go to waste in such stressful times - not with so much goin on.  Sushi was very ill, hospitalized even.  i read my own suicide note ! (from three years back) yeh , honestly - and it was very emotional for me i might add.  this month is a very rough time for me - 22 years runnin all in itself - without added crap.. and i have a lot of added crap.  this is also - i counted this time - my third year after almost dieing from a blood clot in my lung - know when that happened?  close to two weeks after i wrote the 'suicide note'.  can you believe that?  what a wake up call directly from God. don't you think so?  i have to say when i realized that - only a few days ago, i nearly fell out of my chair.  i didn't remember writing the 'note'.  it was on my computer.  not really entitled to be called such a thing... but i can tell that's what it was meant to be.  it was full of emotion, and helplessness.  defeat.  with no where to go .  i got sad and felt helpless reading it.  it was hard for me to believe that it was me who wrote it -- i sort of wanted to help 'that person'.  it was weird.

then -  later i realized that it was only two weeks later that i had the blood clot (pulmonary embolism)  that could have killed me. but didn't.  i was in extreme pain for two days before i saw a doctor for it.  apparently i wanted to die, then i should have died, but i didn't die.  i can still remember that pain.  i still remember fighting to live in the hospital.  i still remember how happy i was the day soulman took me home.  i even remember getting into the car when we left the hospital.  a friend called me right after soulman shut my car door !

all of this is very strange, i know.  when i read it all, it seemed strange and distant to me too.  even stranger is the fact that a person.. better yet that I, could sort of be shown the true options of life and death in a matter of a couple of weeks.  literally .  and how i was also shown, that i was feeling so tragically alone with myself - but when the truth was revealed to me while i was sick, my friends and people who loved and cared about me flooded my mailbox, my blog, my email, even my phone - i could hardly speak, and folks called me - just to say they loved me.  i was overwhelmed. 

the strength i gained from that experience gave me a whole new sense of life and love.  it gave me HOPE.  enough hope to share with a certain person that many of you still remember struggling a few years back.  we both nearly died around that time through a whole different set of circumstances.  but the love y'all shared with my entire little family is what brought us though that situation.  i hope you can give yourselves the credit you deserve for that.  because i don't think i've done it properly.  i felt it and i still do.  but i don't think i said the right words - or expressed my gratitude in the right way.  so many of you in your own unique ways saved the life of each one of us here.   only this last few days have i put it all together in an individual way.  i guess i wasn't capable of doing that before.  or if i did, you know how i am, maybe i forgot.  like i said - reading from three years ago really was like the first time.  there's so much stuff in these pages it is like reading a strangers blog sometimes -- well, if not for the soul - speak.  no one writes like me.  :))  

y'all gotta know i love ya.  if you don't know it - maybe i need to knock some heads around?

i reckon i should shut my self up , before ya run off. 

don't be a stranger eh?

be happy in your world tonight -
see ya soon -


Saturday, October 15, 2011

if dogs could read - would they take heed ?

 mornin peoples - and peoplettes -  how's things in your worlds today?  hope this finds y'all in a happy day ... 

things in my world are - well, fair to midland i could say .  the last  few days have been a true roller coaster ride.  lots of things goin on.  actually i spose i could say it's been a real crazy week.  i reckon i'll start with the most recent and work my way backwards.  the main, and the most  worrisome happinin lately is our youngster, 'Sushi'.  most of you know she is our pup, the miniature pinscher.  

 sushi- in her bee suit - 2010?

 well, our poor lil sushi  had to go to the doggy doc yesterday. she had been very sick for a couple of days.  she had been puking BLACK for two days.  ALOT. twice ON my bed! yup went thru two bedspreads ! in a matter of minutes.. i ended up havin to break out my grammas hand sewn quilt - that i have never had on a bed. ever.  luckily - it went unscathed - cuz we decided to crate the poor baby overnight.  these things happened near bedtime - but the puking had been goin on for a couple hours.

the next day she 'seemed' to be better .. but still vomiting some, but less - and not 'herself'.  - (we keep the dog dishes in the back of the house in the laundry room so i wasn't sure if she had been eating or drinking -- i assumed she was. ) - so that night we left her out of her crate.  she sleeps in our bed - so yesterday morning i woke up with her dry heaving on my bed.  and it sounded bad -- hard and painful.  i put her outside asap.  i didn't watch her - but i'm sure she got sick.  a few minutes later after she came back in.. she puked in my bedroom.  this time it was only a little bit - and was obvious she hadn't been eating.. it was only stomach acid.. greenish/yellow.  that's when i made an appointment with the vet.  it wasn't gonna be til three hours later.  in that time - i i planned to get bills paid and do biness stuff.  (payday= bill day) . i hadn't been in my office for a few days - where my desk-top puter and bills etc are ...
 that's when i  found the culprit on the office floor moments after i set the appointment. you won't believe what it was --- a package of 'desiccant' ! yep the stuff that comes in shoe boxes and such that says 'Do Not Eat - 1000 times all over it. welp , it was empty - she ate it. and  poor baby. she who eats ALL would eat nothing last night. 

 desiccant + Sushi = a very sick puppy 

she is in a lot of pain. she cried and whimpered at only the slight touch of a stethoscope!   
in the beginning of the exam - and the extent of her pain.. and the area of it ... the things the vet said -- ooh , i was terrified at what the outcome might be.  her pain was so severe -- and in the area of her liver, pancreas, upper gastro/stomach, and other vital organs - i almost collapsed at the possibilities of 'losing ' her.
i agreed to extensive lab work , stool sample / for blood, x-rays- for an obstruction, and other tests.  they don't do IV's on dogs her size - they somehow do a fluid injection into her back.  which caused a fluid sac to form in her chest!  it made her pain unbearable for her!  her legs shook when she stood or walked. she cried at the slightest touch .  it was so awful for her - that i almost couldn't stand it myself !
she had to stay at the vet for about five hours .. i couldn't stop worrying the whole time.  
the good news is -- her labs were great! (aside from excess fat :)) , but that was no surprise.. the lil piglet weighs 22 pounds!.. someone needs to go on a diet methinks .  her vital organs are wonderful.  no surgery- or imminent death. that was a huge relief.  because i was certainly preparing myself for the worst.  you know she is my tick. we are attached at the hip. when i am home and not movin around she is in the chair right next to me! always. i was sooo upset all day.  after she got home i tried to feed her- everything i could think of. that would be light on her tummy.  she wouldn't eat a thing. very unlike her - she eats anything anytime.

good news?  this morning, she is doing better.  less pain, but still has some. it's obvious, but she is getting around better.  i gave her some  cambells chicken noodle soup :))  she only ate the broth.  but at least she ate something. she woke up- went outside as usual, ate, and came back to bed.  i feel terrible for her.  but am so happy that she is getting better and didn't kill herself from eating that stuff. 


good lawd -- wanna know what it cost us to save her ass?  569.00  !!!!  thank God it was payday !!! (AND we actually were lucky enough to get a tax refund this year -- guess when it hit the bank? yup, yesterday.  there is a little luck in my world :)) - between the vet , and new tires on soulkids car?  we only missed under 100.00 bucks .. woot) 

i reckon this is a long enough post for one day -- but i do have somethin for a special friend of mine -- you know who you are -- LOOK what i saw at the store the other day -- watch your mail LBF -- i just may get a wild hair some day  :))

Thursday, October 13, 2011


in the day -

and the night !

it's a wonder i sleep at all around here .


Wednesday, October 12, 2011


yola folks and folkettes -what's goinin on ? !

how's things in yalls world?  things are runnin fairly smooth in mine. wait .  that's a lie.  i spose i'm just used to sayin that .  it works though .  there truly is power in positive lying.  i mean thinking.  but honestly now, this is my blog right?  this is where i'm supposed to be able to come and spill the beans about my real stuff isn't it?  i could lie if ya want me to.  do you?  prolly so.  ok.  i will.  the good news is -- my sister came out for a visit this past weekend. a real live just to visit  - visit.  not cuz i was sick.  not to help me work on the house.  not to catch a flight out of the country - really , she does those things on occasion.  and none of those visits are for any length of time - or much fun.  this time there was no other agenda or depressing stuff to deal with. just US. and LOTS of walking and shopping, and fewd. we were on GO from the mooinute she got here til the minute she left - and we had a real good time.  it was exhausting.. but it was fun.  i do hope she feels the same.  (ehem?) she got here Friday and left late afternoon sunday.  i will say this much -- i was happy to see her , she is leaving the country again in only a few weeks, i would have been sad if i didn't get to see her first -- but , yeh, i was also happy to find the OFF swith after she went home.  :))  she took my last ounce of energy with her.  :))

ok.. what else?  OH. while she was here - yeh, we did find a little down time.  one evening we watched some home videos we made back in the day -- around 1988-1990 ish.  those were great fun to watch.  as in belly laugh fun.  i know how folks feel about other peoples home movies - but these are just different guys. these are MY nephews.  the three lil monkeys you've read about for all these years.  don't you wanna see them when they were little brats?  :))  only a couple -- just take a peek - you can stop em whenever ya want to - but at least give em a chance -- k?

--- ugh - i just remembered -- i haven't put a movie on here in ages ... maybe i won't -- i'll wait til i fish posting -- then at least i can save my post before i potentionally screw something up.

ok-- continuing on -- and prolly gonna forget all about posting the vidz...

ummmm.....     hmmmm.  seems i got nuthin.  how can that be?  prolly cuz i'm liein thru my teeth. oh, not about anything i've written.  i mean just by omission. yep.  there's stuff i'm just trying not to say.  so with my fingers all tied up?  i have nothin to talk about.  lemmee go see if i have any new pix to show ya...

ok -- i found a few photos -

 this is our dog "Eevee'
when i get too hungry , i look like her 
like right now.  i am stahvin !

 these are the fish tacos i have mentioned here
i wish i could have some for dinnah !
but, Soulman is cookin - right now... and it smells

this is a gigantic grasshopper on top of my car -
i bet ya i could catch "WALTER" with him.
what do you think about that?
thing about that for me is -- i never use live bait :((

ok folks - ya wanna hear what i'm holdin back?  it's not any kind of bad news.  nuthin ya haven't heard before .  well some of it is.   damn whatever is cookin is gettin yummy and yummier smellin.  i don't even know what it is.

ok anyhow. i'll start with soulman. he finallllllleeeeee went to the dr today. a podiatrist. his foot has been causing him a shit-ton of pain for months.  he is a pretty big guy for those who don't know.  he also is a pilot instructor, who stands on his feet all day, every day. 8-10 hours a day.  so, he came home from the doc and gave me the rundown.  it doesn't sound like much fun for him.  in fact it sounds kinda scary for him.  it looks like he may be facing surgery.  for a man who has to stand on his feet for a livin.. and stands to fish for a hobby -- this could be life altering if they can't fix his foot -- or worse, if they screw it up.  they have to actually grind and cut his bone !  ugh.  i'm worried for him.  i'm sure he is too, but of course he says he isn't.  this could take place as soon as just a few weeks.  yeh, we are both worried.  

all i will say about me is my pain is just about out of control. has been for a few months.  i haven't had the money to do anything about it, but finally scheduled the shots i need to hopefully help.  this time it's a big thing. or maybe i'm just a worry wart. i knew all this a day or two ago and found out today about hubby.  mine is scheduled for the 20th of this month.  hubby could be having surgery only a couple weeks behind my procedure. i'm gettin shots in both sides of my neck and two areas of my spine this time.  i am not worried about the shots themselves - i have had this done a half a dozen times.  i am worried about the pain i might have afterwards .. it happens.. and if it flares up any worse than it already is.. it is just gonna suck.

wellp ladies and gents -- i just heard the dinner bell -- yall know where i'm headin.. you are saved from any family movies for this day.  maybe next time.  :))

have happy nights - or mornings in yalls worlds -- you know i will try -- i'm actually doin pretty good lately -- hope yall are too 

no time for proofreading -- i hope you got thru this mess

Wednesday, October 5, 2011


mornin peeps !  i reckon it's gettin close to coffee time for y'all.  come on in.  i'm havin my coffee, and smokes .  if ya don't know by now, this is what i call 'the smoke and choke'.  where i cruise around the computer - either business, or pleasure, i chain smoke, and pour coffee down my gullet for an extended period of time. i have learned to cut my intake of these small pleasures - but enjoy them just as much as before :)).

so anyhow - i hope y'all are stumbling in here  in a good mood -- or, even better -- i hope you leave feeling  better than when you arrived ! i hate to make ya feel worse.  it is surely not my intention. i have no bad news - so i don't think ya have any worries to forge on today.  :)).

this sure was an early day for me.  not how i wanted it to be , that's for sure.  245 AM.  yippee.  damn back pain woke me up yellin at me.  then i decided i had to go pee.  when i came back to bed - i noticed the tv was entirely too loud.  i turned it down// then realized the channel was on 'something' totally ridiculous.  obviously had to turn it down, and change the channel. then what do you think happened?  yup- found a really cute show that caught my interest! so i had to take a pain pill, light a cig, and watch what was left of it!  after that?  it was 3 AM, and i was wide awake !  what do you think happened next?  yippers -- i got out of bed -- and here i am, in my office -- talkin to you!  hello!

 i know it's been a few days since i've posted anything.  i have posted fish pix on face book the last two or three days.  but that's about it.  just tryin to let folks know i'm still alive .  well,  ok.  also to brag a little maybe :))

but i really was planning to not put them on face book - but here -- and let folks on facebook come here to see em.  if they made it over.  but i just didn't have the time or the energy to do that yet. -- so -- to go with my original plan -- and for those folks who don't use FB - or those who do still come by here-- :)) hello to you!! --

here are my recent catches - and more- i am gettin so close to Walter -- i can smell him!!!  he just might be at lake fork -- but i sure am doin good at the local ponds this past week... he just might be in one of em.  he's close.  he's real close.  and i am on a quest.  i think i am gettin a little help with my new found fishin buddy -- know who he is??  Jesus!  yeh , we talk when i fish.  and i am gettin some really niiiice fish when we have talks.  so i can't help but to acknowledge him.  it is the little things ya know.  he has been helpin with the big things too -- but i'm not here for a sermon.  i'm sure y'all know he works in my life by now.  i'd be dead five times over if he didn't.  right?

hmmmm... so, does anybody care to make a wager ? that i get walter before new years 2012?  that could get interesting.  especially since i never fish in the cold - and it is beginning to cool off .- this could give me reason to not hibernate this year.  although- if i freeze to death -- i might blame YOU.  :))   shall i show ya what a ten pound bass looks like?  then my most recent catches?  man i'm close.

i do not know these people-

(click all pix to enlarge)

this pic = girl has a ten pounder / guy has a 6 pounder
my quest is Walter - the elusive ten pounder !
i have caught more than one 6 + pounder.


9-17-11 TO 9-24






-same fish as above - (10-4-11)

thoughts?  think this is my year?  we have a raincheck from our fishin guide -- due to my stupid injury on our guide day.  so perhaps 'walter' is at Lake Fork?  maybe i can catch him there?  or just perhaps -- he is at one of the local ponds that i have been doing so well at lately???   either way.  any way?  i have pulled out my 'back to basic lures etc, and decided , the new fangled expensive fancy , pretty , baits they have coin out with over the passed few years are nothing but just that.  pretty and expensive.  this last week, i have gone back to basics.  the regular ole stuff we fished with back in the day -- and just look what happened!  people stopped using the good ole fashioned stuff.  i reckon it's like home cookin... there just isn't anything that compares.  basic basic basic.  there really is an easier softer way.
i hope walter can see that !!!

y'all have wonderful days today my peeps !  mine will busy again, but that's about the norm these days.  and that's ok by me.

my sistah -- my real life sistah is coming to visit us for the weekend -- i'm so excited!  i was afraid she would leave the country again and not get to see each other for another year.  but we will!  that makes me happy.  of course- it means i must clean up my house.  that's not a nightmare like it used to be though-- the place actually doesn't look so bad these days.  well -- if ya don't look up or down, at least :))  neck pain can have it's advantages sometimes - ha!

bye folks !ha - hey it's humpday -- make it happy !! enjoy yourself!

be 17 again for a day
- wouldn't that be FUN ?

Tuesday, September 27, 2011


'sup y'all?   not a lot around here.  well , other than a few changes . apparently that isn't anything new lately eh?  looks like everything is changing lately. 

Facebook is pissin me off these last few days.  i reckon i'm not the only one who's frustrated, but i think i have a reason or two other than just the changes there that are aggravating me.  i don't think i'll get into that issue right now.  but grrrrrr.  it's an issue.  gimme a tissue  :)) ha!

ok -- movin on..  how was your day out there in the world?   mine here was -- i reckon fragmented - might describe it.  i'd go out and do  one thing - come home for a bit - then end up back out with something else to do -- back home - and back out again.. it was like that several times for me today -- and i have to do it one more time later on - to go pick up my girl from work.  her headlight is broken and the entire assembly has to be replaced - so i dropped her off today so she wouldn't risk getting a ticket - or worse, having an accident with a headlight out.  hopefully her dad can have time to fix it when he gets home tonight .. if not maybe i can fix it tomorrow.  we shall see.

holy cow.  sometimes i just can't figure folks out.  i can spend five minutes / or five days tryin to just understand a person.  i never get there.  sometimes i just gotta let it go.  not always the person ("it")  - the 'it' can be -- see?  i don't even understand "it" myself.  grrrrr.  this is how i sometimes end up just not talking or writing or communicating at all.  i just can't figure people out. obviously  - i'm having people problems at the moment.   i'm not arguing with anyone. no one at all.  maybe i just try too hard.  who knows.  maybe i just need to chill.  ya reckon?


i'm chillaxed now.  ahhhhh.  i saw this on facebook.  i know what i said. you shush.  just look -

how could anyone not melt their soul , lookin at that baby ?

that is my new 'great-neice' , Hayden. isn't she the prettiest baby in the world? no. that isn't really a question.  i already know she is! awwww.  i haven't been out to Chicago yet to see her, but we all will will be seein her and her lil family soon.  i'm not sure when. but i hope it isn't any later than Christmas.
oh! i want to hold her more than anything. i'm so excited.  for me and her new happy parents as well.

welp guys , i spose i should get outta heah and greet my spouse.  he just got home from work a while ago , and i haven't said much more than hello to him.  i reckon i shall talk to you another time.

until then you all be safe and happy in your worlds -- i will do my best in mine :))

the below pic is for a certain friend of mine -- i hope she stops in and sees it .  if not  -- i want you all to know -- i am not on crack.  :))

Sunday, September 25, 2011

playin catch up

howdy folks -

have you seen the price of coffee? 

 this is at my wallgreens -

how have your last few days been goin?  not a whole lot has been very different here in my world.  sick people, fishin, biness stuff, just pretty regular ole junk .  i spent three sick days on house arrest. that was really no fun at all.  i had got used to staying pretty active since my ribs healed.  i made myself a promise after that happened.  and that was to stop living such a sickeningly stagnant lifestyle.  it was killing me.  and once i changed so drastically in that way.  i noticed that physically and mentally i was like a different person. well, not really a different person.... but i was ME again.  i could carry on full conversations, i could even hear better.  i could think more clearly, and i physically felt better. i had less pain and more energy.  it was crazy.  then suddenly a few weeks ago - i hit with bronchitis - ouch -- a couple days laid out -- then boom ! literally the day after my antibiotics for bronchitis were done? day eleven? strep throat ! bah !  but -- it wasn't as bad as it coulda been.  both of those usually really lay me out -- but i handled them both better than i ever have in my life.  of course it was no fun.  but neither was worse than any other type of any other cold .  so i felt pretty lucky there.  on the other hand?  my poor soulkid is takin a lickin.  she has missed several days work and it is kickin her butt.  she had to go back to the dr yesterday and get stronger antibiotics.  poor thing.  she looks , and feels , even sounds really bad.  i feel awful for her.  it's been a long time since she has been this sick.

on a better note -- like i said -  i have been able to get out of the house more this last couple days -- and of course i used my time wisely - and went fishin a couple times :)))  y'all know that is my favorite thing to do --

 above- was yesterday - umm, before i fell in the water :))
yes - it's true , still a little lopsided from the sick

 so - i switched to 'drop-shotting', and sitting to fish

 of course, the size of the fish changed dramatically 
but i didn't mind !

 time warp -
friday night

 this is a really bad picture of me -
hubby looks pretty damn good 

we took the girl and her boyfriend - to dinner and a movie-  saw "Moneyball"  not terrific , but good enough to see.  maybe.  it was long. and us girls were sick.  i wasn't awful sick, but like i said , poor soulkid .  wow. her boyfriend isn't sick yet .. and boy am i surprised.

welp - that's about all i got to say for now -- i'm all caught up for now.  
hope you all have really good days in your worlds today!

Thursday, September 22, 2011

to blog - or not to blog

howdy folks!  long time no see eh?  yeh well.  i won't make excuses for that -- this time.  at least i'll try not to.  anyhow.  some peeps have tellin me they would like to see me blog more often.  some folks enjoy my blog.  of course others -- at times, find that i get a little distracted and tend to drag things out and get a little too long and discombobulated.  personally, i used to love to write here.  i almost found it impossible to NOT write on these pages.  i met folks that i absolutely fell in love in love with!!  we formed bonds that remain unbroken to this day !  true friends for life !  there are a few that lines of trust were broken beyond belief as well.. of course time has taken care of that - and as they say , 'time heals all wounds' and that is very true.  no anger or pain is left.  that board is erased and i am happy and not afraid to make new friends anymore.  that makes me happy and so do the new friends i meet and continue to meet and bond with.  i learned some valuable lessons through that experience - it took some time -- but it was worth it.  and i am stronger for it . 

through that and those people who tried to bring me to my knees ?  i grew stronger as a person and only learned to love more.  not less.  i have reached out to my brothers' son - and am getting to know him - and am teaching him of his family background. although i don't know very much of my family background myself; he never knew his dad- my brother.  or any one else in our family.  we've been talking via facebook, and i have been getting together family photos.  he is thrilled with the information.  a little overwhelmed.  but thrilled.  the only picture he had seen of his dad was when he was 10 years old.  it made me sad to know this.  but i am happy to help him learn of his roots. and more to teach him more about his dad -- and so much more happy to be able to get to know my nephew !  he is such a great guy! and very very talented ! my brother would be so very proud of him !

ok - i should stop bein so sappy now.  it's been a while since i wrote a 'real' post in here.  i have been posting just for the sake of postin when or if i do for so long i forgot how to.  when i do open up and write i don't really think about it - stuff just flies outta my fingers.  it lands on the page before i know whats said. i can't really help it.  so sorry if it ends up too long - or confusing.  it is what it is.  it is my 'soul'

Fall is here -- change of seasons.  change on Face Book - my friggin Cable company even made changes.  have i mentioned that i absolutely hate CHANGE!???  i almost cannot handle change .  i have cracked up mental - just from moving !  we could move across town and i could have a nervous breakdown! 
but all these changes are right here - right now.  so- why not one more to throw on the table.  i reckon i can blog again.  if you'll read it.  if no one is gonna read it - i might not. maybe i will.  i do like to write.  then again my life is back to busy.  we shall see.

have happy days in your worlds today folks !
i will try !

Sunday, September 11, 2011

best movie quote of the year

Blogging isn't writing. It's graffiti with punctuation.

from the movie "Contagion"

see clip number 6  (i couldn't get the embed code :((

Friday, September 9, 2011

my new great neice and fish :))

you might be a redneck :))  great fishin punk'd    

(video link)

click pix to make em bigger ---

my baby nephew - and his new baby girl - Hayden !!!

Tuesday, August 30, 2011


mornin peeps -

greetings and salutations :))
so.  what's happenin in your worlds?  i am really thinkin about my east coast - ish peeps.  i haven't been keeping up with the news on Irene as much as i would like to have.  but i sure am glad it's over.  well - at least the storm part.  i did see the - finally - only last night , the damage it left in its wake.  i can't believe that i got so far behind in that news.  things have been crazy busy here.  not much time for tv - and i never see a news paper.  i'm sure i have seen all you folks on facebook since the storm , so i at least partly sure you all are at least alive.  which is a wonderful thing.  i hope you are all injury free, and that your homes and families  are safe as well.  i reckon mother mother nature is quite angry.  flooding some and droughting others.

my area here in TX is still bone dry.  and still battling 105-106 temps.  still praying for rain.  yet knowing when we get the amount that we need -- we will be bitchin about the floods that will surely follow.   due to dry ground.  water in any amount will come so fast the soil won't be able to soak it up -- we just won't win.  not for a while.  cows and horses are dying, along with people,and  other animals, and of course crops etc.  some livestock are being sold - or shipped out of state just because there is no water or grass to sustain them.  it's just a really bad situation here.  of course lakes are low, and our local ponds that we usually like to fish in are extremely low - creeks are bone dry, and fishin simply not an option -  in town.  i'm no 'grab a sign and picket for goin green, or conserving water - or any of that eco friendly stuff'   but ill tell ya somethin.  it's tempting lately.  it's a sad thing to watch --
this is my town.  my little world.  and it's suffering.  the people and animals are suffering.  the fish and lakes and ponds are suffering.  the entire area is suffering .  and i feel helpless in any way to actually help in any way.  all i can really do is try not to over use electricity -- and we do that.  cut back on water usage - we do that.  i can't really go fill cow troughs . or lakes or ponds.  i can't pull fish out of ponds and babysit them.. i have no where to put and care take them.  although there are fisheries who have done that in a few ponds around here.  (after fish kills.)  i honestly don't think i have ever seen anything like this.  it breaks my heart !

anyhow -- that's my new view on the state of the environment and it's needs.  i certainly have a new outlook on things there.  i have learned a lot about conservation, i'm sure i won't forget those anytime soon.

oooooh noooz - soul has lost her mind -- again.  :))

so -- ya wanna hear the scoop on soulkid and AI in houston?  she didn't get through.  :((  they spent almost a week down there.  they registered on tuesday- and didn't audition til friday.  expensive trip.  the day of the audition, it looked good -- for a minute.  they took em in four at a time.  she was the only one in her group who was asked to sing two songs.  it looked promising -  i was getting the play by play by text from her dad-- i was nearly having a stroke!  it was horrible for me to be there to see what was happening.  she didn't tell either one of us exactly what the judge said to her until the day after they got ho,e -- after being told 'no'.  ugh . we were all so confident that she would get thru.  even if not all the way thru.. we felt she would at least get through the auditions.  anyhow -- the word was -- the lady judge told her ' i love your voice - i want you to work on your performance, and work on making eye contact, please come back next year.'.

i didn't see that in any way as negative feedback.  soulkid has always been afraid to sing in front of people.  so.  i can see how she isn't used to looking at anyone.  she does need to work on it.  and we will encourage her to go back.  the word is only TWENTY people from houston went through.  20-- from thousands.  and you know half of them were for the entertainment value.  and half of the other ten can't sing.  but again -- soulkid took it in stride - and understands all this.  she will take the constructive critisism and run with it.  she will take advantage of the several 'open mic' nights they have around town, and work on her 'performances.'  and next time she will show them all what they passed up.
the kid has a voice like no one i know her age.  or some i even hear on the radio.  i wish she would let me video her so i could show y'all just what she can do-- she really is amazing !
she did sign the rights of her image to x-factor and AI -- so ya never know she may be on TV even tho she didn't get thru on either -- so do watch them.. she might be on there somewhere -
watch for this face - this beautiful little face !

aside from that ?  there has been lots of other things goin on round here too.  but lack of blogging or other means of keepin track - and my bad memory makes it hard for me to remember much of of it.  all i know is i have been a busy busy gal lately.

part of that is trying to keep up with the animal clan around this place.  we have way too many animals.  they are driving me half insane lately too.  if it's not chasing behind behind Eevee, cleaning up her near constant vomiting.  ugh. yes i know.  i do not know why it happens but the poor girl pukes almost every time she eats or drinks.  most of the time it is clear and foamy liquid.  it concerns me.  but some folks around here like to call it a 'sensitive stomach. hmmmm.  well, if i puked every time i ate or drank?  i do believe i would see a dr.  denial is a bitch.

then we come to sushi - the min pin - she barks - yaps the yappy dog - ear piercing bark.. incessantly - all day long at every sound - or sometimes nothing.  a doorbell or buzzer on tv -- omg - she has issues.  but yesterday ?  i had put her outside , and soon after i noticed her barking was 'too distant- for her to be in 'our' yard. i hurried to look outside- she wasn't there.  i followed her bark - she was in the backyard neighbors yard! luckily she came back over right away when i called her.  i saw where she came through the fence --   HERE

at first - i didn't get a close look - i just brought her inside - thinking she dug a hole.  man i was angry at her.  i spent half the day thinking how to fill a hole that size with hubby in wichita - and me in pain.  all i could think was a bag of sand.  which usually weighs fifty pounds.  ugh.
later on in the day - after hours of business stuff and running around out in town of business stuff. i was exhausted and tired .  i felt awful and sick.  i left many of my tasks i needed to do undone.  my main focus was the fence -- the rest could wait for today.  but the fence had to be fixed .  i went out back for closer inspection.  that's when i noticed that it was a broken fence panel...

so -- what did i do?  i considered goin back out to buy a cinder block -- but i just didn't have the energy to do that.  so i took a look around the garage -- and voila ! a filled with crap tool box ! ( 40 pounds worth!) but,   a soUlution !

sushi tested - sushi approved.

welp -- i spose that's all any of us have time for right now -- so let's all say laterz for now -- 
until next time -- have a pleasant day - and a better tomorrow -  let the day be good to you-

Sunday, August 21, 2011

i don't know where to start - these are the best ones eh? :))

mornin folks -
how's things?  well and good i hope?
here?  well, i reckon that's a starting point.  ok.  yep.  just ok.  for now. 
not that 'this' is where i would have wanted to start but it looks like where i'm at -- so - let's keep goin eh?

well or not -- i could start with the most recent of events - and then go backwards?  yeh -- ok- so, i'm sleepin this mornin , or sorta this mornin.  it was 3:04 AM, when i looked at my clock . after the phone rang.  yeh.  i kid you not. my phone rang at 3 in the morning.  for me, that is never a good feeling.  and my first thought when such a thing happens, is never -- hmm LOL must be a crank call.  how freakin funy is this gonna be? hmm.  nope -- in my world -- my heart jumps out of my chest, i frantically search for the cell phone, try to see who it is , then answer -- in a panic -- because i absolutely know that something horrible has happened.  so -- yep,  that was the series of events of the first seconds of my rude awakening at the wee hours of this morning.  not to mention the worried jump and groan from hubby , lying next to me.
But -- when i answer the phone -- who do you think i discover on the opposite end of the line?  yeh.  my sisters' friend, with my sisters laughter behind her -- crank calling me.  mind you -- at 3 AM.  do you think i found any ounce of humor in this situation?  well, sorry - but no.  not because it might not have been kinda funny -- if i didn't worry so much about the next great tragedy all the time.  or sense the WTH, and worry from hubby from the same concern of hubby with late night phone calls... but i take sleep meds - and man -- my brain is mush when i'm asleep at night.  half the time if i'm awakened suddenly -- only God knows how i might react -- but phone calls are never a good thing.
so this call didn't end well, and as i laid there for a moment reflecting on my -- ummm, bitchiness... i decided i should get UP, and make amends.  so i did that . i got some coffee and a cig, and i called the girls back. we had a good, and a fun filled conversation for about an hour- til i couldn't hold my arm up to hold the phone anymore.. and we let it go.  but i was glad i didn't let it go - with me feeling bad - and them feeling hurt, or angry.    -- NO -- that is not an invitation to call me in the middle of the night - the next time may not go the same way  :)) 

so that's how this day has started.  very early for one thing.  i hope i don't drag my ass all day - especially after the way the last few have been going.  but if i do -- what's one more. right?

cuz the last several days - maybe up to a week have been rather strange for me lately.  i was feeling pretty good. both physically, and mentally.  then almost as quick as it came -- it was gone.  mental part - was no more than bein majorly stressed.  but physically?  i was goin nowhere but downhill - fast. 
they symptoms i have been having all lean towards Addison's crisis.  i was trying to treat myself at home.  liquids - to rehydrate, raised my steroid meds, rest -- which couldn't be helped - since i was so dizzy at times i couldn't stand up straight.  pain in low back and leg - not related to my 'normal pain'.  my mouth breaks out in ulcers - on the inside - in times of stress - that was doin a job on me / still is.
well, after a couple of days of that - i decided -- after almost falling over sideways like a toy soldier - to go to ER for an IV, and other treatment.  that did not go over very well at all.  they didn't know how to treat me .. and did nothing for over two hours -- not until i had yelled at everyone from the nurse, to the lab tech, all the way up to the doctor! i finally was given AN IV. and a hydro cortisol intravenously of 100mg. which should have been done immediately on my arrival.  but was done about 3 hours after i got there.  good lawd i was mad.  i wasn't even able to drive there-- my kid drove me , and hubby picked up-  when the doc was literally on his way to discharge me - he revealed he 'forgot to check my labs !!!"    how doe you spell INCOMPETENCE!    so- i have been feeling bad , sick, and dizzy since then - and before - and still treating at home.  and at this point only feeling a tad better.     except that last night my heart rate was skyrocketing, and BP was low.  not terrible low , but low.  this shit's really gonna get me one day -- and i hope if it does someone who knows me will be smart enough to go after the dumbass who doesn't listen to me at the hospital.  i even brought web pages about the disease - and treatment along with me -- no one looked at them.  am i angry?  oooh more than i have been at a dr - or med person - peeps in a long while.    do they see iv and steroids as drug seeking?  WTH?  why don't they listen?  people can and have died from this stuff.  and so few even know what addisons IS. or worse how and when to treat it.  this isn't the first time this or worse has happened to me with a dr.  what's it gonna take to get em to listen.  it scares me to wonder sometimes.

k.. other than that?  hate to admit it but due to bein laid up for several days i don't think i have much to say.  WAIT i lied !  i DO I DO!!!

guess who is goin to Houston next week to audition for american idol????  yup -- my one and only favorite girl in the world !!!!

i didn't tell y'all this before -- for the first long while it was 'confidential.  if ya told anyone - or especially put it online - it meant certain disqualification.  so i got so used to not talking about it --
that by the time i was allowed to it was over , and i just felt i just wouldn't mention it -- until i knew how this -- next round (American Idol) was gonna go.  and now that i know for sure that is set up -- motel reserved etc -- here i am to blab my proudness :))

a few months ago - soulkid auditions for X-Factor.. right here in Dallas.  she and her dad went - three days in a row, stood in lines of thousands of people for the auditions, for days.  the first day, over ten thousand people showed up.

each day the crowd dwindled in size, but my girl continued through each of the four audition rounds.  the worst of the four was the last day. it began with 75-80  of the 10,000+ of the original contestants.  the last audition was pruned down to only a handful, and  instead of being told weather or not she would go forward -- she was told would be contacted.- along with the rest of the others who were left.  that was a very difficult waiting period.  THE day of the TV taping she received an email stating she would not be sent through.  we were sad for her, and of course she was disapointed.  but she handled it with grace and style.  she understood that it wasn't her voice that lost her a spot -- it was the shows need for the comedy/drama factor that cost her that spot.  now the rest lies in the future weeks and months with American Idol.   i won't be able to speak much about that as you all know - there are rules, and contracts etc.  but i want y'all to know to watch for her.  and pray for her -- she has the talent -- she needs the support and confidence to go forward.  the kid has sang all of her life.  i wish they could bring a shower onto the stage there -- that's where she sings the best!!  i always know when something is wrong with her-- when i don't hear her sing from the shower.

so peoples -- that's my life in recent past -- up, down, backwards, sideways, and forward.  i reckon.  it's a busy life but someone has to live it.

needless to say - between all that's been goin on, and the three digit temps out here -- no fishin lately -- but hopefully soon we'll get another break, and hopefully hopefully hopefully some rain.  

love y'all - and you know i think of ya lots !
hope you all have a perfect sunday in your worlds today -- i'll do my best - i always do - yeh that's a new one eh-- i try guys - hard work for such a small word -- but it's amazing how far just trying can get ya some times!

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

come on in - smoke n choke with meh

howdy folks - long time no see eh?  sorry bout that.  i haven't ad much to say.  yeh i know. that doesn't sound right comin from me does it?  well.  even though i can usually turn nothin to say into a half hour of your day, i haven't wanted to make y'all suffer.  not that i have been sufferin.  well.  things have been a little bit rough. just not like you think.  well, let's say not like you are used to hearing me write about.

my theme around here for the past couple months has been 'change'.  in every way you could possibly imagine.  personal change mostly.  spiritually, emotionally, mentally, physically,  in relationships-and out,you name it -- if a person can work on- or change it -- i'm doin it.  and y'all know -- a person can really only change themselves right.  or the way they react to situations.  and any bit of that takes time.  and energy. and patience.  and if any of you really know ME?  i have none of that.  well.. til lately.  i don't know where it's coming from.  but i'm finding it.  it only comes in moments, or spurts, or or even at times bursts, but many days i get things done that even only three months ago i wouldn't have even begun to start - now i can see things getting done and i even feel better physically and mentally for it.

don't get too excited folks - it's still the early stages .. healing takes time, and that's what all this is. it took a long time to - i find no other word to say it - but 'give up'. i did that. i crawled inside myself and gave up on me and everyone , everything around me. it took a long time  to get there.

i think i actually backtracked to what i will call 'the straw that broke the camels back' - and i feel so stupid for letting THAT be what broke me.  saddest thing of that part?  i knew in advance that it potentially would-- and i LET it.  i left myself open-- i watched it happen- but ya know what -- it's ok.  i'm so over it-- and i'm good.

i won't say healed - i know my physical stuff will not be healed - but i manage my pain oh so much better.  breaking my ribs was a very much needed wake up call.  God showed me what REAL life stopping pain was.  so yeh, i tuff it out a lot of the time, i manage the meds in a much more mature way.  and i'm alert and making things happen.  gettin er dun . 

mentaly things are better too.  just gettin my ass off the couch and workin on the house every day, gettin out of the house and running errand or spending time with the fam or hubby or doing whatever -- out of the house is good.  opening the blinds - for christ's sake!    i haven't been a part of my own life for so long i didn't realize i was missing it.  

who in their right mind -- not that i ever claimed to be  :))  --- would ever say -- i'm happy i broke my ribs -- i heard God speak through that experience.  sounds crazy to some i'm sure .. but that my friends was surely my wake up call to live - or die .. and to know that it was MY choice.

well folks -- coffee's gone --- CHEERS --

hope you all have happy days in your worlds today -
it's a hot one again here -- but we did get a few nice days -- and it RAINED!!!

Sunday, August 7, 2011

funny fun taylor vid

taylor swift - havin fun :))

this is for my soulkid

what's up peeps?
just a soul roast here in Tejas -

i just noticed THIS--

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Y'ALL do remember my 333 thing right?  that's just freak-ay :))