Sunday, October 3, 2010

here i am, where are you?

hiya peeps.  well, of course i speak to those who've decided to stick around. of course.  i am aware that my last few posts haven't really sounded the most stable.  if ya know what i mean.  but - that is why i am writing today.  i'm gonna keep it short - for now.  i just want to let ya know that i came across a post the other day that says , much more fluently, what i have attempted for over two years to say right here.  all i ever seemed to accomplish in my attempts?  sounding like a paranoid , impossible to understand , freak.   soul-speak.  i reckon that's what we could call my 'code language' i get into - when i try to tippy toe around things, and just never seem to get to the point.
well, this post -- from 'The Naked Soul' - Mark:  says it all.  i believe.  i hope that you will read what he says , and be able to understand that between what he says - and what i have tried to say here, so many times;  that what i write here - is my own 'original' thoughts, ideas, and words.  to me they are all that i own that means anything to me.  when i see them on other folks blogs an hour after i have written them here?  i cannot describe the helpless feeling that washes over me. nor the feeling of betrayal that i feel.  and to have this repeatedly happen - for so long?  and still trying to be original, and cordial, has rocked me to my core. 
anyhow-  go visit Mark, and please try to understand where i am comin from. 
i miss writing here.  many of you know that i have been robbed of many 'things' many times throughout my life.  if my own mind is to be robbed continuously of my own thoughts... i cannot allow it to go on.  someone just tell me you have seen it-- better yet WHERE you have seen it.
my words, used by others.. and i would love to 'come home, and be with y'all.  right here.