man, i'll tell ya what. this is not a kind day. it is only 2 in the afternoon, and i feel once again like the Lunch Special at Hell's Cafe. I don't even know where to begin, or end with it. i will say though that only like five or ten minutes before i was supposed to leave to go get my daughter from school, to take her to the dr appointment...the dr. office called, and told me that i had to call the insurance company. i only had like 35 minutes til the appointment time, mind you. we both knew i would spend probably that much time on HOLD, but it had to be done. so, what happens? i immediately, that second, before i even hang up the phone with the dr office... i go straight into panic mode. not good. i mean like full blown anxiety attack. (not panic...not the bad/ oh i'm having a heart attack, i'm gonna die one...but the can't think, can't talk, stammering, hands shaking, fast heart beat etc kind of thing.) so anyhow i'm calling the insurance people... i get put on HOLD...of course. i expected nothing less, but it still pissed me off. i sat there for at least ten minutes before a human got on the line. it took another ten minutes to get her to ... what i thought ... to understand what i needed her to do... apparently she did nOT understand. well, she gives me "another" number to call. so... i write down this new number... just to the side of the number i had just called her at... the thing was... as i was writing...and even as i was looking at it to call it...i did not realize something... the number she gave me , was the exact same freakin number i had just called HER at !!! i didn't notice it til i was , yep... on HOLD... for another ten minutes. i got someone on the line... who was apparently stoned. or perhaps, a bit "slow"? i had to get a supervisor before i cracked up. my anxiety was at hospital admission level by this time. i had been on the phone, and now with the third person forever... simply to change primary care provider name on my daughter... is THAT so difficult? it wasn't. it literally took less than four minutes. FOUR! yet i was on the phone for nearly thirty. THIRTY. and i still had to go get my kid from school and to the dr... in like five minutes? wasn't gonna happen. so i was a wreck. a mental case. i already can't think straight enough to drive anywhere. so here i was going some place i've never been. and even with the directions.... yep you guessed it... i got lost..... TWICE! my daughter kept saying.. mom calm down!!! it's not that big a deal. etc etc. she really was trying to help. but i was going mental. mother instilled it in me to NEVER keep her waiting! and in so doing.. i have a terrible fear of being late, or keeping anyone waiting. perhaps the military fed that fear too. but anyhow.. yep it was bad. i was all shakey and frustrated, and confused. blech. well, we did get there. by the way. and being a new patient, of course.. the curse ya know... well i had to fill out a ton of papers... with shakey hands, and no concentration level, not to mention the fact that i was in a rush. what a disaster. i'm surprised they could even read that chicken scratch! soooooo. there we are. all ready. and late of course. so , we wait. and we wait. aaand... we waiiiit. aaaand waaaaait. and our 11 o'clock appt turned into a almost 12 o'clock appt. i hate to be kept waiting! LOL
so anyhow... the first five minutes was spent with the doc walking in and i look at her...and she at me...and i say dumbfoundedly... you look familiar...she says...you do too. so we banter back and forth trying to figure out why/where/how...to no avail...so we finally gave up trying, due to time constraints and gave her attention to the sick child. after all, that was why we were there .
SO.... after some tests, questions, history, etc...and also..she put her on a "nebulizer" machine for a few minutes. it was determined to be bronchitis. (causing asthma like symptoms). earlier in the discussion...the word asthma...... scared the shit out of me ! i also had to discuss my first son dying from asthma..which i don't talk about much at all to anybody. so there i was, already all anxiety ridden, but somewhat calmer than on the ride there...but now... i'm thinking SHIT. i already "lost" one kid to asthma... now does THIS one have it too? can you say PANIC ?????
good LORD. so all the while she's on the nebulizer, i'm having little flashbacks of my son...and flash-forwards of my daughter...and feeling all guilty for being a smoker. and just in full swing panic attack mode. xanax time. but i had to wait. so anyhow.... like i said. after the "neb" thing, daughter could breathe better...so doc said bronchitis was restricting her lungs etc etc/ gave her a bunch of meds, and sent us on our way. with much releif i must say. i am so glad it is not asthma! but that was all i needed to hear to get the kick in the ass i need to , if not quit smoking.. then to at least not smoke around my child. ugh. well. so far, that's about my/our day. throw in some back pain and a tooth ache (oral cyst ache actually) on top of that there panick attack..flashbacks...and sick kid... and what do you get? Friday the 13th of course.
later peeps
