Saturday, May 23, 2009

saturday slurrs

hello my pretties,

i have nothing to report today. yesterday was quite the boring and utmost of unproductive days for me. i had woke up way too early, so i had several hours to myself. which is actually how i like it to be. but just as i was starting on the business part of things, soulman said the magic words that stop me in my tracks every time.... " "do ya wanna go fishin for a while?"
"well hell. you know i do. lessgo!"
need i say more?
we fished for a couple hours at the pond-- neither caught a thing. we got home-- i began on my phone calls, and business stuff .... only to pass out shortly thereafter. thank God he was here to go get soulkid from school and take her to her dr appointment. cuz i was friggin comatose! i don't think i woulda woke up. i'm sure she -- or maybe even he would have called to make sure i was up/ or ok if i was late - but still, that didn't make me feel better about getting so exerted so easily these days.
i have noticed that i have been much more quick to tire since i had the blood clot. i mean physically. i run out of breath more easily. i get really really worn out doing small tasks, like just dishes, or cooking-- i guess the standing does it. standing has bothered my back for many years, but now, it feels like i have been jogging for a couple miles just to stand up for half an hour.
it really bothers me. i'm the engine that keeps this train runnin... soulman is the caboose that kicks me in the rear to keep me goin. i'm afraid i'm runnin out of steam... maybe for good this time. i think i shoulda gave myself more recovery time after i blew the clot. i really do. but i always have to challenge myself. or prove myself. and y'all know this passed couple years... i always land flat on my back when i do that. how much more stupid can i get.
don't answer that. we all know. i have a major move comin up-- so i can get a lot stupider-- and will.
it's already affecting my sleep---again. if you can tell. these past few nights-- or more. or maybe it's been in patches, hell i don't know. but i am starting to get on mmy weird sleep pattern again. up at 2 or 3 a.m. again. , i think recently i was sayin somethin about not takin naps anymore-- well.. they---re baaaack. 3 and 4 hour naps. it seems only when soulman is home tho-- so i know soulkid is ok. or if she is at school she'll get picked up if i don't wake up. but yep. this is not the way i want to live . maybe i'm just mentally overwhelmed? at all this house stuff. the packing, looking, moving, money, soulkid whining...not here-- this one--i dont like it--i want this one-- ya know?? not to mention--- this next house really has to be the last. i don't have another move in me. i really don't. the last two nearly killed me. actually the last three. when we left here to go to new mexico-- i worked myself nearly to damn death-- literally. one night i collapsed like a rag doll on the hallway floor. out of pure exhaustion. ughhhhhhhh. i hate to move. my gawd i hate it with every fibre of my being. but, i also hate living in a house that doesn't feel like home too. the past many years has felt like moving when i was a kid-- just moving and moving and moving just to find a place to live-- somewhere we could afford... and temporary. this time-- i want to find my home. i want it to reach out to me, and tell me it is my home. that it is where i will stay. that i can unpack , and decorate, and be comfortable. that i am finally home. ya know. i've only felt that once in my entire married life. it was our first home we bought together. we all loved that house. my heart was in it. i haven't put my heart into any other house since then. and it's been obvious.

and why i am going on and on and on about this drivel i have no clue-- it just kinda fell out. sorry.
i shall get mo coffay, and maybe have somethin else to talk about on my return.

hmmm... i have returned , yet i have nothing new to say.
well, except that i didn't buy a new coffee maker yesterday. i didn't do much of anything yesterday. the main productive thing i did manage to do was figure out the best bills to pay to better our credit scores to be approved for a home loan.
i tried for the past three days to get a hold of the woman i'm supposed to be workin with on this crap-- but i keep missin her-- and she's not returning my calls. soooo, i think i will have to find someone else-- or go with the guy hubby has been talkin to. i want to get the pre approval..blank check in hand so we can move on. i want to know for a fact that we are fully ready to forge on. ya know? it is definitely a buyers market out there right now. we drove around yesterday for a while lookin at houses... we saw some awesome homes-- in very nice neighborhoods... the signs out front would say "from the 240's.. we'd drive in and drive around and see homes for 150 !! in neighborhoods with fishin ponds even. a few of the houses backed right up on the could open your livin room or kitchen window and look out at the water. y'all know we'd love that.
but the way i am... i just feel hesitant without the check in hand. i hate to get my hopes up--only to have them shattered.

welp-- i reckon that's all i got for now--
ore vois peeps :))
happy saturday