Tuesday, March 3, 2009

told ya so

mornin folks!

Bad Moon Rising by Padrone.
Inspired by the song "Bad Moon Rising" Creedence Clearwater Revival :

I see the bad moon arising.
I see trouble on the way.
I see earthquakes and lightnin.
I see bad times today.

Dont go around tonight,
Well, its bound to take your life,
Theres a bad moon on the rise.

I hear hurricanes ablowing.
I know the end is coming soon.
I fear rivers over flowing.
I hear the voice of rage and ruin.

All right!

Hope you got your things together.
Hope you are quite prepared to die.
Looks like were in for nasty weather.
One eye is taken for an eye.


=============thought i got the video here --not. -- i'm just exhausted. sorry.


didn't i tell you it would be a hell day today for me? well, if you missed it-- it's in the below post, from this morning. now, i'm sure some of you will say "be careful what you say--"
others may say--"you could have started your day over at any time."
well, at least those are some of the re-butts ya hear in alcoholics anonymous, when a person is being negative. and i was in my morning post. but it was the truth--- and the truth hurts sometimes.

sooooooo anyways---- it was too late for either -- from the moment i woke up til-- this moment-- that i happen to STILL be awake.
this day sucked for just about everyone-- and everything i know. that's not many, we all know that-- but - hell day, it was. and not only for me.
it sucked for the entire family. even the dogs had a rough day. shit, the cats even had a crappy day. and so did thing 2 -- the girl from the mall who witnessed soulman tackle assclown. UGH. what a fiasco. i know that's not the right word, but ya have to admit-- it sounds better than "nightmare.

where the hell do i start though? there's just soooo damn much to tell. well... prolly most , i shouldn't even put here-- but -- this is what i do-- and if it's too -- "whatever" ---for anyone -- well.. skip it eh?

hmmm,well, that rude little quip just answered my question. "start from the beginning." isn't that what "they" say? i'm not sure i remember the beginning of this day. or the middle-- and i can't really say that it's even ended yet-- cuz i haven't been to sleep. i woke up monday at about 8 am...and now it's tuesday--and, almost 515 a.m. ugh.

i'm beginning to think i should just shut up. and draft save--or delete this post. but then again..i've already invested a lot of time in this-- so i spose i'll just finish it and leave it, and let the shit fall where it may.

ok.. folks-- here we go--> the beginning, pretty much started last night. so let's go there for a while. (originally i started with the animals-- but moved them down.. in priority order-- i think.)

<----------- that pic ovah there? that would be my child: " incognito soul jr." (sushi is her "mask"). well.. anyone who knows a damn thing about an alcoholic or an addict, knows that recovery-- quitting use of such things-- all of it-- not just one or the other; we all know it isn't will power. it isn't anything less than a spiritual thing. not always God to ALL 12 steppers--- but a higher power... to me it's God, and to most it is God... to some it could be any number of things. i had a friend overseas--- her HP, was "the ocean". (yes i know, i saw your eyes roll) -- but she was a good person, and if that's what she beleived in-- it is what helped her lose her craving for alcohol. well.. sk-jr is having some trouble in the higher power department. with that problem... that is , if i am looking for an excuse--- is preventing her from staying off the drugs and shit. yes, she relapsed--again. she did at about 40 days--- then this weekend she had about 100 days clean and sober--- and she used and drank. and it breaks my heart to watch. i am happy that she told us--about both times, at least we can get her help when it happens, or get her to a na meeting. but i'm begining to wonder. is she gonna be one of the ones who doesn't make it???? i can't help but think that way. it is killin me. just killin me. and tonight-- which was actually last night--- her and her dad got into a screaming match. that hasn't happened in a long time. i have been just loving the way she has been treating both of us. hugs, kisses, calm level tone when she talks to us. no one has yelled or even had to in three months. not daily anyhow. and NUTHIN like last night. i don't know how my --- our---lives became this way. but while they were arguing....i'll get to the "STUPID WHY" in a few. anyhow-- i had a damn migraine--- i don't even know if it was a new one or the one from this morning--i mean yesterday morning. all i know- is my head HURT. and nothin was helping it--and them SCREAMING at the top of their lungs--- ugh-- i wanted to just go somewhere in my car--- i just didn't know where--- so ya know what i did???? i called the cops! i sure did. they came out-- one talked to hubby, and one talked to jr. kinda the good cop bad cop too. the kid got the firm, threatening, fear of jail and God put into her---and soulman, he got the one that was able to calm a 300 pound extremely hurt and angry man. ugh. oh? me? anyone wonder that part? i went to my "happy place"--- it's not really a happy place-- it's just a blank place-- it's dark and music plays, and i can't hear my surroundings. much. anyhow the cops got them both settled down (speaking in different rooms.) and they left. it aint over tho-- i know it aint over. there is more to this story-- but i won't fault them any more than i already have. but i do have good reason to be afraid for my kid. and it tears me apart. maybe it always will. i can only pray NOT. so anyhow--- what started the drama???? soulkid had just got home from a outpatient group meeting--- she was in a good mood, she hugged me, she talked to me, she got ready for bed---it was late-- like 1030 or 11pm... (it was like 130 when i called the cops.---anyhow-- yep it was 1130-ish, and the kid that went to group with soulkid---her mom called--- she told soulman, her daughter had taken "a bottle" of anti depressents !!! RIGHT after--or before getting home from counseling?!!! she called from the emergency room. we can assume and hope that they got there soon enough. God, i hope she's ok. So-- soulman was only going to ask soulkid about it-- did the kid go anywhere, talk to anyone-- say anything? etc. and that was that-- the kid blew up on her dad. he is a big man, and he will not be yelled at by a 14 yr. old-- especially over this kinda thing. it was 130-- after they had argued back and forth-- killing my head--- and soulkid runnin down the street--- at 1230-- omg it was horrible to witness-- but i thank God -- once again..that hubby is not abusive to her. i couldn't handle that, if they hit each other--or if he hit her. i drove out and picked her up-- the fight continued the cops were called-- they went to bed---and needless to say i am ruined for the day. one more thing-- well... i'll have to write a part two--it won't be near as long as this, but i'm friggin blind and alarm hell is starting. but when you hear MY monday morning--and combine it with my monday night--- it's just frickin BS. and i just don't kknow what to do. except for now-- i gotta pee-- so i do hope y'all have happy days out there. no tellin what this day will send my way first of all the cats were out of food until like 7 pm. poor babies were starved, but that was the first chance i had to get more food. they did love me for it tho. now, if only we could keep sushi from gettin her dumb ass up on the table to eat it-- things in that department might be just a bit better. next, we'll move on to Eevee... our poor poor eevee. i'll put a short video of her up here, so yall can see just how healthy she looked and was maybe a year or so ago--it was taken before we got her-- obviously. she was a champion shutzhund dog... full of life , love, and energy.
eevee at her best

(the video screwed up-- it plays but only about 15 seconds of it..it's still cool)

then someone else kept her for a while-- and they abused her. when we got her she was still full of love and life etc... but it is very obvious that someone has abused her in the past. she's getting to trust us all more now-- and of course--- i did what i said i wouldn't-- i feed her-- i water her-- i love her-- i put her out to potty-- i am her mommy. and i did not ever want to love another dog after losing midnight. but here i am, in love with eevee-- and her with me. she is soulmans dog-- she just sees me more . so-- a couple nights ago- i was sittin on the floor sorting through some tax papers... when eevee came over and sat on me. :)) she does that often, but only on the floor-- or my legs if i'm at the desk. but we were on the floor and she rolled over for a belly rub. how could i refuse? she's such a sweetheart. so i was rubbing her belly-- and i noticed a lump. not just any lump. not a mole-- not a tick... it is a LUMP -- it is the size of a lime?! and it is on her breast! do dogs get breast cancer? it is huge.
not to be crude -- sorry if you take it that way-- but the best way to describe the way it feels?---- it feels a lot like testicles!!! no shit. we are worried sick-- but y'all know--well, some of you-- that we aren't allowed to take her to the vet-- or certainly a possible surgery or biopsy -- or whatever----- without the consent--- not to mention the money-- from the co-owner. so holy shit peeps.

if we lose another dog ...(i aint even gonna finish that sentence.) it better NOT happen THIS month tho-- nuthin else bad better happen this month. i'm barely scrapin by as it is.
(i don't have a pic of her lump-- but you see the video--and that's a pic from a couple months ago. )

it all just makes me wanna go fishin. the weather has been pretty good here lately-- out of the last seven days we pushed 70 degrees at least four of them. today was one of em too. i just had too much goin on, and too much on my mind to even consider it. well, i did consider it-- but i am just too far behind on shit to spend time fishin right now. dammit.
it really seems like forever since i--or we-- have been fishin. and man-o-man, i miss it.