Tuesday, April 1, 2008

holy cow---

well, hello--
what in the world do i say about all that was said -- or not-- yesterday???

and where do i begin?

with y'all? -- or with smocha? actually -- the misunderstanding between the two of us might be where to start. .
y'all know -- or at least some of you do ..... smocha is my sister. my one and only living sibling, or family member-- as far as "immediate family" goes. both our parents are dead, and our brother is dead, so that leaves US. and sometimes, it's just not easy. we live far from each other-and we don't get together or even "talk" very much at all. so when you live in a typewritten world, a lot is very easily misread, or misinterpreted etc. especially with sisters-- much less -- sisters like us.

i will be the first to admit-- yes, i did read her comment here yesterday in the wrong context--- i took it as negative and attacking in a way. it was neither. and she did email me early and tell me that. it's the sarcasm that just is a part of who both of us are. i just didn't catch it - at 3 a.m.

much of the post i wrote yesterday-- was not directed towards her-- i was trying to make a point-- that ALL blogs are not going to be peachy all the time. and if a person.. not necessarily HER.. ... can't deal with what happens "here".. then don't read-- or expect me to change my writing style or who i am... simply to make it seem like everything is ok. because it isn't. not always.

so-- needless to say-- probably- i hurt her feelings-- and she hurt mine-- and it was all because i didn't read into her comment as it was meant to be read.
maybe some of y'all did.
it looks like, by charlottes-- (VAL's) -- comment-- that she "got it". and i think a couple others did too. but, i missed it.
and i felt like an ass the entire day for it.

i felt like an ass because smocha had emailed me after i posted -- she explained and apologized to me.

ME- on the other hand--- by then, having already posted it--and having a comment or two-- there was no turning back. ( in my way of thinking).

i thought of her--and y'all all day long. i felt like a baby to be honest. running to mommy cuz some kid threw a rock at me, ya know? (btw-- that happened once at the bus stop when i was a kid-- got me right in the forehead! maybe that's my problem!)

i don't know. i did however have a comment-- ("auntie j" really is my aunt-- my moms sis)-- she said something about PMS...well... that's exactly what it was. well part of it -- the other part was just that i am a overly sensitive-- quite defensive type of person.
which explains part of me being such a bitch lately. not just yesterday but for a few days.


i do get hurt easily-- and i do misread stuff on here... it is so hard to find the correct tone or meaning sometimes in written conversation.

so anyhow-- i am in awe over ALL the comments y'all left on this ... when i read them last night before bed-- i just couldn't believe the things y'all had to say. i will admit, it was all very reassuring for me.. to know that y'all do care so much about what happens here etc.
but it made it so hard for me to contact my sis over this yesterday.
UNTIL.. i saw her comment here this morning.
just so y'all know-- it is very unlike her to say something like that "in public"... so .. not only did it make me very proud of her-- but again.. i feel like an ass.

i did email her-- and i am certain things between us will be ok. it's not the first time i have gone overboard with her-- we are sisters, afterall. that happens. but i'll tell ya--- it just can't be easy having a sister like ME.

so-- anyhow-- i think i will spend the rest of the day trying to take care of THIS:

aaand, if i succeed with extracting my head from my ass---
i will be talkin to y'all later on..
i am sorry for being such a baby at times.
but at the same time.. i love you guys-- and appreciate you and your support
more than you will ever know.

i'll be back later ...

have wonderful days out there!