Tuesday, January 1, 2008

day one of 2008

well, happy new year y'all. i hope everyone had a safe and happy night last night.

it's kinda hard to believe that another year is gone. sometimes i wonder if a new year, means any more than new struggles. or loss. although i always hope and wish for better than the last. it actually does happen. i just never seem to notice it until it's over again. the year i mean. y'all know i don't have a busy life. although at times, it really is busy enough for me. other times, i wish i had the strength to be active like i used to be. but well, that's neither here nor there i guess. doesn't matter anymore. i'm finally beginning to learn that everything really does happen for a reason. good or bad...or indifferent. it even seems that the indifferent or insignificant times, really turn out to be the most memorable-or important throughout the year. but of course i never realize that until i sit on the new day of a new year, and reflect. i always ... always, say the same thing... what a shitty year this has been, i'm so glad it's over, it can only get better this year--it has to right.

it never fails. whether i say it out loud or only think it... it's my every year end thought.
but ya know, it never takes long for me to realize that the year that just passed always held more good than bad. or some good came from the bad, that made it ok. or at least bearable.
there is always something to be grateful for in this life. it doesn't matter how much a person has or doesn't have. (material, or otherwise). or if they are sick or well. lonely, or too busy to keep up. it all seems to come together in the end.

i know i have done a lot of whining in this blog this passed year. it really is what i do best sometimes. but i have also laughed ... really laughed, more in 07 than any other other year since 96. that was a horrible time for me. a life changing , mind altering year. and not for the good.
but i have found so much good in this blogging year. i have made some changes in my life that i could have never done without y'all who read , and encourage me, and make me laugh...and give me a reason to try harder to be who i am meant to be. y'all have given me that.
i didn't even have a desire to get out of bed in the morning when i began this blog a year ago. i was agoraphobic and isolated in a way that no one should be. i can't believe the difference in the person who started this blog; and the person that i have become.

i didn't think i would ever care about another person ever again. i hated people, i hated talking to people, looking at people, listening to people. i hated people, and i hated me. today that hate is gone. well--- except for doctors... y'all know i still hate them..and the control that they have over me. i know if i was a dog, no doctor would have a problem putting me to sleep. much less giving me a pain pill. my dog whines when she gets up, or limps, or gets that--oh god i'm soooo tired of this look, and my heart breaks. but me? doesn't matter to them. only they matter to them. i'm trying hard to just let that go--but it's hard. it's just the way i feel. but i am me. right.

so anyhow.. i see i am rambling... and i don't really want to do that right now. so i shall stop.

but i do want to thank all of you new friends of mine that i have come here and stood by me through all my whining and bitching, and bein just plain idiotic sometimes. you have taught me how to laugh, how to enjoy people, and be interested in their lives, and who they are. again. y'all have taught me how to trust again. to just let loose and be me. you all are really the best thing that has has happened to me in 2007.

there really is no way to thank you for that. i don't think any of you know how you have impacted my life in your own individual ways. i only hope that i have made some difference in yours.

i do hope you all have the best year ever in '08. i sincerely do. i hope your health is good, your belly's full, your homes are warm, and your families are safe.

anything else is gravy--- sop it up!!!

i promised a poem...
so here ya go---
of course my sentimental side wouldn't show itself--
so here is a bit of my 'mental side

“An old lady new years eve”

It’s the morn of the new year, I woke up in pain,

The house is a mess, All the pets are insane.

I went for my coffee, yet all hopes were dashed -

the self timer broken, fresh coffee? My ass.

The final eve of ‘07 went out with a pop.

I was hoping for more but the night, a near flop.

Our small celebration, A toast with two teens-

I suppose it’s what married on new years eve means.

As middle age creeps into our small humble home,

These holiday things just seem to grow old.

Yet we struggle to stay awake, til the traditional time,

and break out the crystal , filled with cider, not wine .

We say goodbye to the old, as we welcome the new.

And promise ourselves of things we know we won’t do.

At midnight: 01, we now call it a day-

We head straight to bed, and fall asleep right away.

Whatever has happened to going out on the town -

Getting dressed up, and drinking til drowned?

Where is the dancing, and laughing with friends ,

counting backwards the seconds, as the new year comes in?

those days are gone – but I remember them well,

As I sit here and write of Souls’ new years eve tale.