Saturday, January 26, 2008

how long can a person pretend to be ok?

ya know i heard an acronym a long time ago. because my main response to "how are you".. was always "FINE". sometime it would be "just fuckin fine." well... someone asked me once.. "do you know what "F.I.N.E." means? i said what? (yep-- i did have an attitude) she said...

"fine= fucked up, insecure, neurotic, and emotional.")

well. who knew? that fit. that was me. over time, it seemed to change. along with my answer to how are you. for a long time, my answer seemed to actually fit how i actually was feeling, at the time.

well... lately, i notice.. i don't say "fine" so much anymore.. but i do say-- the ever popular.. ok. but mainly-- "dandy.. or peachy" in an ever so sarcastic manner. well.. the ok-- i can pull off pretty well. but can't everybody?

anyways i just wonder , how many of us , are really honest when we're asked that question? and how many even really ask it out of true concern? is it just a reflex question. just a conversation starter? no one really wants to get into a conversation about someones truly shitty day or problems do they. maybe a spouse or best friend.. that's a given. i mean aside from that. the lady at the bank.. the checker at wally hell... who really gives a damn. and who always gives a damn.

pretty soon... it always gets back to-- fine. peachy. dandy. ok.
because .. you know, that in the real world-- other people have problems too. other people have problems bigger than yours. other people have problems bigger than YOU.

so then what?

what happens when you trip and break your damn face on the rug that you swept so much shit under for so long TRYING to be ok????

just askin.