Sunday, October 17, 2010

so damn much goin on- yet so damn little to say

as a matter of fact, yes i do have to swear. it makes me feel better. sometimes. even when i do it all by myself. out loud. to or at myself... or to no one. i just feel the need at times. so i do it. anyhow. now that that is out of the way-- i will attempt to refrain from more-- but if i fail, it won't be the first time. (at failing i mean).
some of y'all know i mentioned- once- recently, that i was 'attempting to quit smoking. i failed at that as well. i'm still managing to stay under a pack a day - which is much better still, than 3 packs a day.... BUT, i was at the half a pack mark. maybe ten days ago. i don't even like it that much any more. not the taste -- not even the effort. can you believe i even said that? 'effort'? to friggin smoke? but i don't mean it like you think. it's just that really, it doesn't give me the 'pleasure'(???)- or maybe 'comfort'(???) that it used to. yet i continue to do it. and don't really want to. i'd much rather get drunk !!!! ugh! obviously not guys. don't worry. maybe that's why i'm smokin so much. y'all know- or a lot of ya do.. me and booze don't get along. it alters my life. not so temporarily either. so when i get 'thirsty', i kinda get a little - ok a lot- stressed.

so.  speaking of stressed ... i still hadn't heard a word from the surgeon that i was referred to - so by friday- i called them.. just to see why the delay.  well.. just like the rest of the world.. they'd never heard of me.  -- but, it seems that they had moved offices recently- and thought maybe my doc had sent my referral to the old fax number.  i gave all the info - and now -- i wait -- again.  it will be even longer of a wait - if i haven't had an MRI of my C-spine in over a year-- i'm thinkin-- and hoping it has been less.

speakin of scans... yeh- i am the queen of green!  i glow.  not sure if  i mentioned it - but i had a CT a week or so ago.  abdomen. (adrenals/kidneys/etc). some interesting things came back.  but nothin to worry about.  at least that's what my -- soon to be fired endocrinologist said.  in fact he said "it's all good'.  i do not trust that man as far as i can throw him.. and y'all know-- all i can throw is a damn fishin lure... i bet i couldn't throw a softball four feet .  erg!  so anyhow...  when i heard that-- i just got suspicious.. cuz i know-- aint nuthin "good" in me.  i called the place that did the scan, and got copies of the report.  any how-- my intuition was right.  i have a NEW cyst on my liver-- it's very small.. but it's there- and it's new- and he didn't tell me .  also-- there's some kinda some shit goin on with my aorta (stomach one)- not heart.  so. WTF people?  what kinda doctor keeps this from his patient? the report has notes about being checked for malignancy of the liver-- to follow up with MRI-- did he tell me. noop.  belly aortas have aneurysms -- did he tell me -- to see someone?  not to worry about it?  noop.  actually - HE told me NOTHING.  his 'office mgr talked to me , and played relay msgr for me.  i'm tellin y'all... i am thinkin hard about suing him.. not about just this-- his nurse practitioner i used to see damn near killed me once.  i am not exaggerating.. and he acts like that 'incident' is not important-- but he does acknowledge it-- how can he not?  it is documented!  it's just one thing after another over there-- i am waiting for a second opinion.. once i get it-- and it proves he is not treating me properly.. and he is keeping me sick- and sicker --- i tell ya what-- his ass is mine- (i'm STILL losing weight! he of all should be able to tell me why!)  yes y'all i DO eat!  anyone know how much i'll weigh before i fall thru my a**hole and hang myself?  :)) 

"you'd smoke too!  LOL

anyhow--  did i tell ya we sold our giant couches?  well we did.  personally i was hoping for new furniture that wouldn't trap me like a friggin helpless animal....  instead-- i also mentioned new floors?  we opted to go for flooring first.  which didn't leave enough for furniture.  BUT we -- ok hubby- did move the office couch into the livin room... which - has a lever so i don't get stuck in there.  it's all workin out.

y'all knew already - once i got started , i wouldn't shut up-- didn't ya?
i wasn't sure-- but sorry if i'm boring ya.  i guess i should get back to writin more. 
i'll make a deal.. you talk to me more-- i'll talk to YOU more.  fair?

ok-- i'm sure i'm leavin a lot out-- but i don't wanna hold ya hostage any longer.

happy sunday in your worlds--
i shall keep you photo - updated on our flooring progress-- installed by soulman.. beginning today :))

speakin of photos -- i missed another photo challenge.. haven't been up to takin pics lately -- maybe that will give me a reason to leave the house when it's cold?  check back for the next one-- if i can remember - i'll enter it.

laterz folks-

PS-  on my proof read?  i found 2 freudian slips.. if that's what we want to call them.  one was where i wrote ' more' .. i wrote "mom".. in front of it.
and 2nd?  where i wrot 'me'.. i wrote 'ma' instead'
-- my 'deceased' mothers' birthday is october 21st. 
don't feel bad-- i don't.  it just seems weird to have written those words.  - always glad to catch my typos before y'all do'
anyhow-- i'm gone!  POOF!