Saturday, September 27, 2008

saturday-- in the park - i don't remember the rest of the words- :))

It’s been hard to find time to post, much less energy—or subjects – to write anything other than negative whiney crap.
I know i’m known on here for the little crybaby pics, and can make my crybaby posts be ok – or, well, not so bad, sometimes. But lately - I really - really am a crybaby, and I just can’t be a crybaby without any sympathy.
crap. I don’t think that came out right. You know what I mean though. Don’t you?
I think I mean.. I shouldn’t be a crybaby, if it’s not my own crybaby attack.
Or else it just won’t “flow” right. How can I have a crybaby attack when it’s not my own pity party--- that’s how I meant it. I think. Oh hell. I don’t know. regardless... mine or not-- cry baby or just a baby-- doesn't matter... i'm sure no "tough guy" lately.

Anyhow -
I saw a movie the other day and the dad was a “hard-ass” in it—or really, more like an asshole.. but his line he fed his son all the time was :
“no sympathy for losers”.

I tell ya—I sure have been feelin like a loser lately. In more ways than one. Like I have failed in a major way. That I have done something that I cannot fix or change. And that I have done this to another person too. That they will or do feel the same way.
That I am, and have made this person – well, feel unfixable, unchangeable--- broken.

How do you come back from that? How do you bring the two of you back from that?

Major mistakes have been made while trying. On both sides. Pain is caused to and by both while trying. Yet ya keep on struggling through, and over and under the obstacles and you face the demons, and fight the battles. You defend, you attack, you bleed you heal, you protect, you hurt. You make things better, and you make things worse. But eventually you turn your wounded self around , not unscathed, and realize just how far you and your little Army have come as you fought against, and with each other , and although the war won’t be quite over for years to come, the worst of many battles with harsh reality of life, has been won.

don't waste your time doin the quiz here

just scroll to "submit" and click and it will take you to the regular quiz then just take it there. sorry. pain in the ass i know. i should just delete this, but it's kinda fun. so i won't. well, maybe i'm just easy to please. but anyhow-- movin on --

***afternote-- i can't get this right-- i tried to post my results= it keeps posting the quiz... wth?? anyhow i'm a "frustrated soul"
if you take the quiz-- lemmee know what your says eh?
sorry i'm computer illiterate at times.)

(see how UN-foused i am?)
i was gonna put a pic or two in the post and came across a quiz!. but geesh, how could i NOT share a SOUL- quiz???? come on peeps, what kind of soul do YOU have? come back and tell me k?

so anyhow, what else?
not much really. i'm still not at liberty to spill my guts about about all the drama around here these passed few months. but i do hope it is at its peak and will level out and at least just stay at a steady pace at this point. without any more surprises. and when i say surprises, i'm not talkin about, roses, and chocolate peeps. its more like, panic attacks to bronchitis and depression. fun shit i say.

so there ya have it----
my recent passed (past ? )
in a nut case !

i miss y'all...
and i'll be baaaack ,
next time i set my alarm on a day i don't need to :))