Saturday, September 27, 2008

saturday-- in the park - i don't remember the rest of the words- :))





It’s been hard to find time to post, much less energy—or subjects – to write anything other than negative whiney crap.
I know i’m known on here for the little crybaby pics, and can make my crybaby posts be ok – or, well, not so bad, sometimes. But lately - I really - really am a crybaby, and I just can’t be a crybaby without any sympathy.
crap. I don’t think that came out right. You know what I mean though. Don’t you?
I think I mean.. I shouldn’t be a crybaby, if it’s not my own crybaby attack.
Or else it just won’t “flow” right. How can I have a crybaby attack when it’s not my own pity party--- that’s how I meant it. I think. Oh hell. I don’t know. regardless... mine or not-- cry baby or just a baby-- doesn't matter... i'm sure no "tough guy" lately.



Anyhow -
I saw a movie the other day and the dad was a “hard-ass” in it—or really, more like an asshole.. but his line he fed his son all the time was :
“no sympathy for losers”.

I tell ya—I sure have been feelin like a loser lately. In more ways than one. Like I have failed in a major way. That I have done something that I cannot fix or change. And that I have done this to another person too. That they will or do feel the same way.
That I am, and have made this person – well, feel unfixable, unchangeable--- broken.



How do you come back from that? How do you bring the two of you back from that?

Major mistakes have been made while trying. On both sides. Pain is caused to and by both while trying. Yet ya keep on struggling through, and over and under the obstacles and you face the demons, and fight the battles. You defend, you attack, you bleed you heal, you protect, you hurt. You make things better, and you make things worse. But eventually you turn your wounded self around , not unscathed, and realize just how far you and your little Army have come as you fought against, and with each other , and although the war won’t be quite over for years to come, the worst of many battles with harsh reality of life, has been won.



don't waste your time doin the quiz here

just scroll to "submit" and click and it will take you to the regular quiz then just take it there. sorry. pain in the ass i know. i should just delete this, but it's kinda fun. so i won't. well, maybe i'm just easy to please. but anyhow-- movin on --











***afternote-- i can't get this right-- i tried to post my results= it keeps posting the quiz... wth?? anyhow i'm a "frustrated soul"
if you take the quiz-- lemmee know what your says eh?
sorry i'm computer illiterate at times.)

(see how UN-foused i am?)
i was gonna put a pic or two in the post and came across a quiz!. but geesh, how could i NOT share a SOUL- quiz???? come on peeps, what kind of soul do YOU have? come back and tell me k?

so anyhow, what else?
not much really. i'm still not at liberty to spill my guts about about all the drama around here these passed few months. but i do hope it is at its peak and will level out and at least just stay at a steady pace at this point. without any more surprises. and when i say surprises, i'm not talkin about, roses, and chocolate peeps. its more like, panic attacks to bronchitis and depression. fun shit i say.



so there ya have it----
my recent passed (past ? )
in a nut case !

i miss y'all...
and i'll be baaaack ,
next time i set my alarm on a day i don't need to :))


ALOT

21 comments:

ac said...

I miss you too kiddo!

Smocha said...

I hate that song!! LOL

I'm sure everyone misses you. Do you know how boring my life is ,when you never update? :)

Hope your battles are over for a while.
It's nappy time,
Love me

p.s. I updated too

Anonymous said...

I know I'm tired from working outside, but I'm like 'duh... what did you just say?' Hope you feel better soon so you can say what it all means. auntie j

Cheryl said...

Always great to hear from you, no matter what it's about. I think we might have some similar struggles. I'll write you one of these days, promise. In the mean time, keep kissing those fish, OK?

Golden To Silver Val said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Golden To Silver Val said...

That above deletion is mine...I forgot to say something.
.
Wow...glad to see you're back! Ok, I took the quiz and this is what I supposedly am....Quote
"Your soul is Happy. Your very optimistic and would often say the glass if half full. You love to laugh and half a good time. People love to be around you because you can make them laugh. At anytime you can put a smile on their face, even in the toughest of times. That is your best trait. Yet, just like all people, you have your bad/ sad days."
Please note that all misspelled words are THEIRS, not mine. LOL
And....yep, I guess that's me but sometimes I fake being happy (shhhh, don't tell anyone)
Take care, Soul-friend. Hope your enigmatic problem is soon solved so you can tell us about it.
In the meantime, pour me another cuppa coffee and hand me a cinnamon bun, will ya. I'm havin' serious withdrawals. Love, Charlotte

Jamie said...

Finally, a post from you. Yes, I know I have no room to talk, afterall----I gave up blogging. But, I am happy that you are writing, I believe you need to write, if for no other reason than to keep your own self sane. Isn't that why ALL of us began this journey? And look what it has turned into, tons of love and friends that we never, ever bargained for. And that is a miracle, a gift to us...and obviously everyone loves you and waits impatiently for your next post, so get to it woman!!

Happy Sunday. Love ya. xo

SOUL said...

hi everybody--
good to see ya--
(glad you can't see me tho ! :)) ugh

ac-- :))

smocha i know you do--that's why i put it there - :))

aj-- if you can't get it now-- you never will.. so just roll with it- :))

hey cheryl-- ithink you might be right-- in fact i know you are on part of it-- ugh. hope things are quiet at your place. :))

hiya val--
thanks for doin the quiz-- sounds about right for you-- i'll put my "results up in a sec-- no idea why it won't let me just post it. grrr.
anyhow-- i got the coffee on-- but i don't think you wanna hear the noises that emit from my chest at this moment. blech.

jamieeeeee--
you say you quit blogging-- i say you are on hiatus.. and that's ok. you just take care of you-- we willll see you when you get back-- well, I better see you before then.. but you know what i mean.
good to see you here tho--

"i could go at any time gilbert!"

oxox

SOUL said...

OH CRAP--
almost forgot-- my soul results--

Your soul is frustrated. You seem to block people out and like to be on top of everything. You have a pretty short temper at the moment. Yet you werent always like this, were you? Some big event happened in your life to make you seem bitter. Learn to forgive and think things through. The famous quote forgive and forget. You might be much happier. One of your best traits is that you are very strong and stick up for your friends.

what do YOU think..
me? no? yes?
who knows-- it's a gamne right.
fun anyhow.

happy sunday my friends...

who wants to bring some chicken soup for the SOUL??? :))

desert dirt diva said...

Your soul is Youthful. You love to play and laugh just has a good time! If there is anything funny in it you are there right away! But you like to get your way, right? And when you dont you can get pretty pouty. But turn that frown up side down! Dont throw a fit! Your best trait is that people love to be around you because you always smile.

hope things get better......I missed you.....

Smocha said...

Well, apparently I flunked. lol

Your soul is sad. You may not always act it but you feel pain a lot of the times and isolate yourself. Maybe it's from past experiences or from what you hear. Remember not to always believe what you hear. Learn to trust others and open up a little. If you always stay this sad and unhappy thats all you'll ever be. A good trait of your is that you seem to think a lot. So if you keep this up maybe you'll realize that just acting happy, isn't what life is all about.

I refuse to accept those results. LOL
My soul is happy ! damnit!

Update hawg!

Love me

JLee said...

I'm sorry things have been rough, but things will get better. We are here for you!

Blur Ting said...

Oh Soul, I'm sorry you're not feeling too well. I was home for the weekend and saw my mom looking depressed and ill, and I think to myself, isn't it just so sad that one suffers alone. I feel so helpless. All I can say is I hope you and my mom get better soon.

Mary said...

This has been a dy of good things. It was so good to see you updated. I know I am a day late finding out that you did but - well, I'm usually a day late and a dollar short.

I think about you every day and wonder how you're doing. Take care my soul friend.

Angie Weid said...

OK, I can't get the quiz to work.....grrrrrr!

I'm thinking about you.

Thanks for your awesome posts. Yes, I am quite please to be your rocket scientist friend.

ac said...

my soul is dark and black. ha!

Thinking of you. ac

The Real Mother Hen said...

We all miss you.
And I bet the fish misses you more than we :)

Brad said...

Sorry sweets - I'm late to this party - I couldn't get the soul quiz to work so your just going to have to go on beleiving that my soul is pure light and love and happiness, unitl some son-o-bitch crosses me and I cut 'em. Bad. With a rusty knife.

Oops - sorry Bad Brad got out there for a minute.

So I leave you with sparkles, sunshine, happiness and fairy dust - cause that's just the kinda fairy I is.

Peace Sistah - Loves Ya.

EE said...

I didn't quite understand all of that, but I hope that everything gets worked out!!! Smiles:) Hugs!!!!!

Karen said...

The quiz wouldn't work for me either which is a bummer cos I do love me a quiz.

Sorry to hear that things aren't going too well in your neck of the woods Soul but like Cheryl said, I'm just glad to hear from you no matter what it's about. As you can see, I'm still a bad blogger and always late and last to get here. Turn that frown :( upside down :) just as soon as you can.

CRUSTY MOM-E said...

I miss you and wish you no more pain too!
I really love what Cheryl said, "keep kissing the frogs."

Rough times for all.