Tuesday, April 29, 2008

just poppin in to say howdy (w/video -n-pic)

and also to say THANKS for all the birthday wishes !
it was a good day today. busy, but good.
we went about our days, and after everyone got home and chilled a while, we went out for dinner.
soulkid was happy, and very talkative.

HERE"S THE VIDEO (she only was singin the rappy faster part;
the first verse-edited, of course)

she even tried to teach me and soulman a song.
a hip - hop song of all things. :))
i had fun with it.. but soulman was too cool to sing along.
we didn't sing very loud of course, nor did we sing very long .. due to my senile .
she had to go with about four words at a time,
and it got a little tough.
but , it was fun , and it made all of us laugh.
she sang the song about five times all the way through .
she made my day today.
i love it when she's in a good mood :))

she knows how much i love pictures, and she brought her camera
to dinner, and OFFERED to take our picture !
(she refused to let soulman take it- she wanted to do it herself-
that's why half her face is missing :))

as for gifts -?
she and soulman got me a digital photo frame.
i love it- but i haven't seen how it works yet.
too busy today, but soulman is workin on it now.

my sis sent two snowbabies - i collect them.
one is only like 1 1/2 inches tall,
and the cutest thing ever ! (with my birthstone in the middle)

and jamie sent flowers. :))
really pretty spring lookin flowers.
they smell real nice too.

i didn't expect anything at all from anybody-
i usually don't cuz it's rare i get more than a card and dinner out.
so ya... this was a special birthday for me.
and the extra greetings and friends i have this year
that i didn't even know last year this time...
makes tonight a lot less depressing than last night when i thought about
my birthday has never bothered me before-- ever.
til this one.
but it's all good.

i hope you all had good days in your worlds...

Monday, April 28, 2008


take a guess where i am goin ---

yep -
i'm takin my bad attitude out for an adjustment -

and the way things have been goin lately --
there's just no tellin how it will go.

all i know at this point is that it's 40-somethin degrees,
so i will be donning the ole "oompa loompa suit " :))
i'm sure it's like 35 on the water.

it's sposed to get around 70-ish this afternoon, so hopefully i won't be a cold crab-apple all day.

catchya when i get back this afternoon.

happy monday to all of you

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Summah made me do it (sunday pt 2)

skewered again!

1. Do you like blue cheese? Hells ya !

2. Have you ever smoked heroin? Nope- but, Call me stupid—but I didn’t know ppl smoked it!

3. Do you own a gun? Hubby has a couple.

4. What flavor do you add to your drink? Sometimes mango to unsweet tea.

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? Sometimes.

6. What do you think of hot dogs? Depends on what they’re made out of.

7. Favorite Christmas movie? Not sure. I’m not too christmasee

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? LOTSA coffee (black)

9. Can you do push ups? I doubt it—haven’t tried in a LONG time.

10. Are you thinking about someone right now? Yes—a few someones actually.

11. What's your favorite piece of jewelry? My wedding ring

12. Favorite hobbies? Bass fishing, writing, blogging

13. Phrase you use most often? Can’t have nuthin!

14. Do you have A.D.D.? I’m beginning to think so

15. What's one trait you hate about yourself? Only one? Inconsistency perhaps.

16. Middle name? for almost 16 years , it’s my maiden name—mckinnon

17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment: I wonder if we will fish today? Will this damn headache EVER freakin end? Have I hit a midlife crisis – or am I ruined for life?

18. Name 4 things you bought yesterday? I didn’t leave my house. Damn I’m cheap. So why am I so broke?

19. Next vacation? Maybe jamieland!

20. Current worry? Will summer school prevent my “vacation” to jamieland”?

21. Current hate right now? I hate feelin like crap all the time.

22. Favorite place to be? Fishin. (although.. it has become a rare thing for me lately)

23. How did you bring in the New Year? Same way as I have since soulkid was born.. home, watched the ball drop—toasted sparkling cider—and kissed soulman.

24. What’d you get for your birthday? So far—something unkown/unopened from my sis in the mail…my baday is still a couple days away yet

25. Name three people who will complete this? Hmm.. smocha, desert diva, foster/jess

26. Do you own slippers? YUP—I’m old and have cold feet.

27. What shirt are you wearing?
Burgundy t-shirt that I slept in.

28. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? Hell no.

29. Can you whistle? Not very well. I’d almost even say no, but I can get by.

30. Favorite colors? Dark blue, black, perhaps khaki ?

31. Would you be a pirate? Oh ya—bad teeth.. no bills.. sailing… let’s roll!

32. What songs do you sing in the shower? I’m not sure that I do.

33. Favorite girl's name? Danielle, and skye

34. Favorite boy's name? caleb and Jacob

35. What's in your pocket right now? lint

36. Last thing that made you laugh? Golden girls—on friday

37. Best bed sheets as a child? Hell if I know—I was prolly lucky if I HAD sheets!

38. Worst injury you've ever had? Prolly some facial cuts and a back injury in a car wreck. (which most likely led to fybromialgia)

39. Do you love where you live? I guess so. Not enough to buy it. but I like the area. This is home to us. Someday we will find our dream home here.

40. How many tvs do you have in your house? 4

41. Who is the loudest friend you have? I gottta go with my sis here. Not always – but sometimes. ( but y’all gotta realize—I don’t know many peeps in “real life”

42. How many dogs do you have?? 2.

43. Does someone have a crush on you? Only if I don’t know about it.

44. What is your favorite book? Hinds feet on high places.

45. What is your favorite candy? Peanut butter M-N-M’S!

46. Favorite Sports Team? Hmmm.. not a team.. but UFC

47. What song do you want played at your funeral? I’ve never thought about it.

48.What were you doing
12 AM last night? Trying to go to sleep

49. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? Dammit!

odor update

not a lot to say this morning-- except that we finally made it up into the attic yesterday to investigate "the mysterious odor".

it was quite difficult a task, as the odor had now dissipated. i crawled through the entire attic, half bent over, and sometimes on my knees.. in maybe 90 degree temps up there. it was extremely hot, and painful. obviously. but i was on a mission, and was not about to give up, until i found what i was looking for. which i eventually did. at least i'm 90 percent sure i did.

of course not until after i had covered the entire attic. cut my shin, had the itchies from the fiberglass insulation, became dizzy from the heat, sweating, and claustrophobia, and was highly irritated from all of the above.

but then it happened.. i looked under the a/c unit.. and there it-- or they were.. one large-- sort of-- and two very small.. "areas" "spots".. whatever -- that looked quite a lot like .. well.. my best description would be molded cat vomit. yep. that's the best i can do. and no i didn't take pix.. at charlottes request. :)) i was tempted but really, by that time, i was just glad to have found it..and so very ready to get get the hell out of there. i laid more poison, and got down. satisfied the job was done.

i am hoping there are no more up there-- but i think that is doubtful at this point, but we will see. and i will let ya know.

so anyhow-- if anything happens worth sharing today i will let ya know.

happy sunday--

Saturday, April 26, 2008

flyin by the seat of my pants here

what a morning.. yes already. sorry -- wanna lay some bets on the table which will come first? -- me taking blog leave -- or y'all takin soul leave?i don't even know where or how to start this post. i am a cranky ass mood today. i woke up that way. extremely too early. big surprise there huh? ya i know. but i was really hoping to sleep in. i even took an extra sleeping pill, for that extra push for peaceful slumber -- which never came. well, beyond three or four hours anyhow. i can't remember . i either woke up at 3 or 4. but depending - i went to sleep around midnight.

i did manage to fall asleep again in my chair after a while - for a little while -- but not before i was already ruined.. and of course, even after the early morning nap-- still managed to wake up for the second time, still crabby.

i just wonder sometimes --
how the hell... do i go from



in such a short amount of time.

i've really been pushing myself around the house .. and out too actually, for the passed couple of days. this entire house has gone to hell -- and fast. ok maybe not so fast. but really it seemed fast. it was like i came out of the hospital the other day and looked around -- thoroughly disgusted. even though i had picked up here and there over the passed couple weeks.. it still managed to look just simply ghetto . for real. every damn dish was dirty and stacked around the the kitchen.. not even neatly-- just randomly. i had so much damned laundry i thought i would frickin die. it was everywhere. the washer and dryer ran all evening thursday night. for like three hours-- and CONSTANTLY yesterday. both machines... from fricken.. i don't even know 6 or 7 am.. til 6 or 8 pm.. and i am NOT exaggerating. the last blanket went in the dryer this morning. i lost count after load 7 !!! (BUT , the good news there? ALL is folded and put away! 9 times out of ten it ends up stacked in the living room unfolded and wrinkling waiting for it's rightful owner--yet stays there for days to only be filled with cat hair to be RE-WASHED!).

NOT THIS time.. bwa hahahaha

(BUT-- i am still awaiting the NEXT five loads of laundry to come out of soulkids room.. even thou i looked in there yesterday-- i didn't dare check the closet or under the bed .. there's no tellin what evil lurks in those places!)

my dishes are clean.. with very few dirty from yesterday to wash-- but the clean big ones are still stacked around ,and the dishwasher overloaded waiting to be put away.

i managed to half decorate my bedroom .. but really didn't have as much for the walls in there as i thought-- so it's not worth bragging about yet. so no pix for you yet. hubby didn't notice a thing-- or, if he did-- he didn't say anything. oh well.
anyhoo- if i get further there-- i'll throw a pic or two up today.

in my search for my bedroom nick naks etc.. guess what i found? my mom in laws LONG lost Christmas present !! i got a nice chuckle , and sigh of relief out of that. i have been looking all over for that since the move! boy will she be surprised. haha.

i also sorted through a mountain.. literally-- a small hill.. that had sat on my COUCH.. for days-- of papers, and crap-- bills etc.. FINALLY.. so now my LR-- looks like a Living room again. (rather than a landfill) -and my bills are in enough order to actually pay.
speaking of which.. i still haven't paid my damn vehicles or rent.
i think i may need to take a pill for that-- but i don't think there's a pill out there that i don't already take.. unless you count aspirin ! :((

*** note to CHARLOTTE-- i USED to be great at bills and banks online-- almost to that hobby extent too-- i found it fun and entertaining and a productive way to pass the time-- now it's a pain in my ass and only confuses me.. IF i manage to do it. i have no idea why it has become a problem.. it just has.

my mood has obviously gone to shit peeps and i am so sorry for that--- but obviously at this moment in time it can't be helped.
BUT if you know me at all-- THAT is always subject to change-- at any given moment. strange but true. could be this afternoon.. could be this time next month. we nevah know with me. cuz i am ME afterall.

welp-- i guess i would go work on writing my book for a while-- but someone has beat me to it :

isn't that a crack-up?

looks like a good one ! perhaps i'll try to find me a copy !

Friday, April 25, 2008

a fun little read (not by me)

i was just over at kelly's place, and came across this story she wrote. it is THE most awesome, cutest , creative, UNIQUE (that's the word i was huntin for) -blog post i have seen in my blog life. :))

it's not very long and it will be sure to make ya smile.
and might even make ya wonder why YOU hadn't already done it.
and now it's too late.
go see -

A MooHaa Adventure

hi - jacked from JLEES PLACE

Your Element Is Air

You dislike conflict, and you've been able to rise above the angst of the world.

And when things don't go your way, you know they'll blow over quickly.

Easygoing, you tend to find joy from the simple things in life.

You roll with the punches, and as a result, your life is light and cheerful.

You find it easy to adapt to most situations, and you're an open person.

With you, what you see is what you get... and people love that!

whineday part two --

oops--- i mean friday part two :))

i'm takin a break from my chores, and was just checkin my page. i noticed i hadn't passed along the gratitude award yet.

anyhow, i decided that i would do that now while i'm thinking about it and have the time to do it.

the five folks i will pass it to will be five folks that i haven't given an award to before. at least i don't think so. :}

( their links are off to your right ----> ovah there)

1 - Jessica @ Foster Communications : cuz she just rocks ! she's a young woman with a lot of spunk and talent, and a great attitude that she is never afraid to share..

2 - Smocha - at Cats On The Counter : cuz she gets through a life that people don't often see behind the masks that hang on her living room wall...

3 - Erin @ Life Unscripted : i can't think of the words for her. if there was ever a superwoman.. its erin. you'd have to know her like i do i think, to know what i mean. so just know she's an awesome.. mom, person, and friend.. i'd say wife too-- but i really can't vouch for that one :))
but i'm sure she is..

4- Blur @ The Day Went By So Fast ... - cuz she's just cool. a good friend, with some wild ass dreams.. and great insight, energy, and humor.

5 - Kelly @ The MooHaa - Kelly is a woman of faith and strength and always brings a smile wherever she goes around blogland.

back to work for me--

yep-- it is always sumthin--

mornin peeps--

i ended up with half this post in the previous comment box..
(it happens sometimes.)

but anyways---
as for todays?

i got nowhere in blogland yesterday-
but i did get some things accomplished in soulland.
it seems i've done close to nothing here for weeks.
just enough to get by . and that's not near enough to satisfy me.

yesterday, i sure did think that i was feeling "good" because they had stopped the stomach bleed and i was on the road to recovery. i was thrilled to not be bedridden, and to be in somewhat minimal pain, at least in comparison to what i had expected. it really wasn't terrible, but i would have taken something if i had it.
so, what did i do? i worked in my week long neglected house... and it was BAD.
i did lots of laundry..still goin.. as you know if you read the comments below.
i paid bills.. -- but only the ones i could pay online-- neglecting still-- some very important ones -- and i don;'t know why--
things like car, truck, rent... WHY???
i do that often.. i honestly do not understand WHY.
the money is there-- i simply cannot make myself write the check. wth?
the car and truck are days late already!

so ya.. anyhow.. half way through the day-- IF that far-- my headache from hell returned.
i swear , this is the same headache that i have been fighting for WEEKS. it comes, and goes, but it is THE migraine from HELL.
it'll hold on for a day or two.. go away for hours or days and return with a vengeance.
by 8 pm last night, i was in near tears with this SOB... and not allowed to take ANYTHING for it.
no aspirin.. and i had nothing stronger. i had never been soo damn tempted to go against dr orders before in my life. that may not be entirely true-- but i could have , and wanted aspirin more that i ever had in my life-- but didn't take any. you have no idea how hard it was to not take a simple friggin aspirin. it's almost just sad really.
i actually considered going to ER for a shot-- i just couldn't fathom the money it would cost to go to that length.. when it was almost bedtime, and sleep meds would hopefully---- ease the prob-- if only for a few hours-

which it did. thank God.

oh-- sorry-- lost my train of thought-- which is part of what i was gettin at---
it finally occured to me -- as the headache worsened , and i was thinkin about this headache that will not leave me.
it is not unusual for me to get a migraine to last two-four days..
BUT a month? never. it has never happened.
so.. i thought-- i wonder if it has something to do with the bleed.. the anemia???
so i google it-- well.. asked hubby to, cuz i wasn't online.
so he did.. he found that it sure does. along with alot of other shit i have been dealing with.
soooo-- i say
i thought they STOPPED the bleed???
he said noooooo---
"the med they gave you is sposed to stop it-- that's why you have to take it for 2 weeks"

well, aint that just freakin peachy???
guess i just had a second wind, and some false hope for a couple hours.
apparently i am STILL bleedin.. and who knows if or when it will really stop.

and the headache? when the hell will IT stop?
and all the other shit-- the sleepin, and bein tired, and ugh. just ugh.

somebody just shoot me now. :((

and while you're at it-- you can be my bill payer too :))
cuz i sure can't get motivated enough to do it--
they're gonna come take my cars if i don't pay the damn things.
holy crap batman.
i'm fallin apart.

and if i drank-- i'd surely be cryin in my beer !
but i don't have one to cry in--
guess i'll cry in my coffee.

by the way folks--- i hope you know ---

i hope you ALL have happy days in your worlds today--
i'm gonna do my best-

Thursday, April 24, 2008

a day

my house still stinks, and i still don't know if it's a dead thing in the attic or not-
cuz we haven't had a chance to move the crap under the ladder yet-
bey ya wish you were us huh?
i'll let ya know as soon as i know what IT is.
in the meantime-
i'm just gaggin along-
(actually- the smell is lessening- so it prolly is a rat-- nearly gone? )

her's about how i feel right now-
i have been bustin my ass all damn day.
dr appt.
dishes -- WOO HOO ! yes- i did them ALL-
trust me, there were LOTS too.
and i did a ton of other crap-- but still --
i have a looong way to go before i am done. but i am out of gas.

SO-- we're goin out to eat, cuz i don't wanna dirty my kitchen. :))
then i have to come home and start "MY LAUNDRY "
and other crap-
and watch survivor.
etc etc etc.

i didn't get around blogland today- but will try to later on.
if i don't make it , i will try again tomorrow.

latah peeps-

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

WTH is WRONG with blogger???

i keep trying to leave comments--- yes call me a glutton for punishment--

but everywhere i go-- blogger eats them ALL.... wth??? anybody else havin this problem??
or is it cuz i am ME???
just askin.

wanna get really grossed out?

i thought not-- but i'll tell ya anyhow...
last night i was leaving a message for jamie.... and i had noticed a odor in my bedroom. i thought it might be dog poop-- but i hadn't seen any . so i mention.. " i smell dog shit".. just randomly.

well... this morning.. soulman comes out from getting ready for work, and he says.. i smell... i cut him off and say "dog poop"? he says " no, somethin dead, i think there may be dead rats in the attic !"

well, hell... i didn't even think of that!

besides that.. we had noticed flies in here last night. several of them.. big, like horseflies. we have never had a fly in this house. i'm sure it's natural this time of year to see a fly or two now and then.. but i'm talkin 6, maybe 7 .. giant ass , buzzing flies !

so ummm, yup. now we both think there's somethin dead in the attic.. or maybe more than one somethin dead in the attic. i haven't been up there since before we went out of town last weekend.. and boy have we had some hotttttt days lately.
i would have gone up to look this morning, but the other day when we had the bad weather, we moved so much crap around we can't bring the ladder down now. hubby was already in his work clothes this morning.. so we have to move crap after work to check tonight. he will have to move the stuff... but i'll have to go up to check. oooh imagine the FUN !

he said he would go up, of course-- but y'all know he is just a big dude-- and attics are not built to support weight like that. miss a beam..and down ya go. i would hate that for him. so me it will be. i don't mind though. i used to do that shit for a livin. i never did have to recover rat carcasses though. i just laid the poison.. the homeowner had to do the dirty work. yuk.

anyhow--- as for me... i guess i consider myself lucky this go round with the stomach and throat stuff.
i have some pain.. throat to belly-- but it's fairly mild. i wouldN'T eat solid food yet. i'll stick with soup and jello. but otherwise it;s ok. i'm not trapped in bed like last time, but a bit wobbly. so i guess i get to skip any hard labor today. :)) but i do have a lot of bills and paperwork type crap to keep me busy.

i suppose i see a nap in my future as well.. hopefully though with the bleeding now stopped i'll be feeling a bit more energy soon. i can't wait for that ... woo hoo.

anyways-- i hope y'all have really good days out there today-

thanks bunches for all your prayers-- i'm certain that is what made the difference this time !!! really!
hugs to all of ya !

OX :))

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

just so ya know

i survived the EGD (upper GI test thing) this morning. and am home now. in bed. fixin to go to sleep-- or pass out.
i remember feeling a million times worse last time they did this. right now i am just kinda drunk and tired, groggy. throat is only a little sore-- but it's still numb from the gargle stuff.. so i only hope it still doesn't hurt as bad as last time. they dilated my esophagus again. like last time. and it almost killed me then. (well felt like it. i wasn't able to eat, barely drink..or take my meds for like 4 or 5 days. ii finally ended up at the emergency room, i thought something was really bad wrong, and couldn't get a hold of any of my doctors. plus i hadn't been able to take /swallow any of anti d's for so many days it began to afect me in a bad way and i became depressed etc. it was jsut bad. not to mention the awful pain. turned out to cost me 600.00-- for a small amount of liquid pain meds only so i could eat and take my anti d's. it of course turned things around and i got better within a couple days... but i have to say-- i am fearing a repeat. and even though i talked to the doc today about all that-- he still wouldn't give me pain meds ! WTH?? i don't have any-- and even if i did.. it would have to be liquid-- which i never have even when i do have any. can we say screwed?
anyways-- yep-- i'm hoping, praying, wishing, knockin on wood, etc.. that for whatever-- for any reason at all.. my throat will not hurt as badly as it did last time, and i will be able to eat and swallow pills. if that happens-- i think all will go ok.

i did manage to drink one of these... cuz i wasn't allowed to have any coffee this morning:

i was afraid hot coffee would hurt me-- so went for the cold-- same as last time.

also got some jello, soup, and lozenges.. just in case. ( well hubby did..when he went in to drop off my rx on the way home. i forgot the name , but it's some kind of stomach med.. same as last time. (caltrate? or somethin).

ok.. so anyways-- i don't know much about anything at this pont , i was barely even concious at the hospital before we left. they talked to soulman about stuff.. but i was drifting in and out of sleep like literally every minute or two.
i do remember being told
"no asperin, excedrine, or NSAIDS (?) NASAIDS" ?.. wth? ( motrin, advil,,,etc ) "EVER AGAIN"

that one is gonna be the toughest of all. i live in a world of near constant pain.. somewhere. and no more otc pain relievers. i also live in a world of dr's that are afraid to rx pain meds.
i can only hope that now that i have documentation that otc pain meds can KILL me... they will realize that they can allow me to suffer .. or give meds to help me. somethin has to here.

because the doc said that my stomach is bleeding. it is the massive amounts of asperin and excedrine etc.. that is causing ulcers.. and bleeding in my stomach.. and if i don't stop taking these meds-- i "could die". this is why i have been anemic..and am SO anemic now-- as the pain worsens, the asprine etc increases... as does the belly bleeding.

aint life just fuckin grand?????

so anyways-- i gotta get some sleep.. hopefully i will feel good enough later to get around blog land a bit-- i miss y'all...

i hope you are ALL having happy days.

OH SHIT- i almost forgot --
VAL ( Charlotte gave me an award !)

she said cuz i got "attitude"
is that good or bad?
take it any way ya want-
cuz it depends on the day really
or the hour.
sometimes it is a good attitude-
and sometimes --
well i'm just a bitch
but hey
people love me-
and that's awesome

i love y'all too!

ok.. i must sleep now-

Monday, April 21, 2008

hi soul - peeps

i just wanted to say hello --

you guys are all wonderful ! thanks for all that y'all said. you're so sweet.

just wanted to let you know that your words gave me just the boost i needed today and i ignored all my chores, errands and bills--- and me and soulman took the boat out and went fishin ! LOL. the house looks like shit, i have at least 6 loads of laundry and towels to wash, bills to pay, groceries to get, dishes to wash, but--- none of it will get done. not today at least. and i didn't even catch one fish! (not for lack of tryin ) -- it was a beautiful day though. just gorgeous. and i am soooo happy i didn't let it slip away. i would have too if it weren't for y'all --- and hubby. he was up early, after little sleep, tellin me to get ready. it was really the last thing i wanted to do- i didn't want to do anything, to be honest. but my priority was the dishes-- at minimum, if nothing else. and i must say-- i expected little else.

on the lake was a restaurant and we tied up there and ate lunch. it wasn't very good, and a little overpriced , but it was a good time. just a different place, and good conversation.. and we weere thirsty and hungry so it served its' purpose there too.

then when we left we stopped at sonic and got giant lemon berry slushes. yumy. i haven't had one in like two years. i'm still drinkin it. good stuff. :))
anyhow-- that's my day.

i figure dinner will be out or ordered in.. cuz i didn't take anything from the freezer this morning-- and it's too late now. bummer huh? besides-- there's not a clean dish in the place- even if i did want to cook.

so- as i sit here now, being home for less than thirty minutes-- i am already on the verge of sleep-- and soulman is already next to me on the couch -- snoring. so you don't have to wonder where i'm heading.

see ya latah

Sunday, April 20, 2008

excuses excuses excuses we all have em

howdy folks----

just so ya know --- this isn't about me.. well, it is, but it's not. it is about me.. but it's an explanation , for y'all.
an explanation as to why i have been kinda in the background lately... in posting.. cruisin, commenting, and replying. i know it's a bit out of character for me.. maybe not to occasionally be that way.. but to consistently get that way-- it is. and i suppose some of y'all may have noticed.

so--- i decided , even though i didn't want to get into this, at this point.. maybe i should. just so y'all would know that none of this has anything to do with any of you... it's just stuff goin on here. and with me.

bat-soul, isn't happy lately. i haven't been feeling well, and i have a lot on my mind. i'm very tired lately, and there is more reason to be tired like this, than just overdoing it, or being bored , or whatever. and it's not lazy either-- like i have been saying. i just didn't want to lay it all out here -- only to come back, and once again say --- " it was nothing". even though- we all know it is "something". but doctors are asshats. each and every last one of them.


and can't even think. or move.
i don't know what to blog about- or say to people.
so i basically say as little as possible.
here online-- and actually at home too-
so don't feel alone.
in fact- be grateful-
cuz even at home-
i am not a very pleasant person to be around.

just imagine THIS
and that would be ME.
the look, the sound, the feel,
ya, that about sums it up.

here's the scoop----

a couple weeks ago, i had a appointment with my endocrinologist. (the doc i see for the addisons' disease. they had done some labs a couple weeks prior to that. they told me the results. well.. it wasn't the first time in my life-- in fact it is quite often that my labs come back showing anemia. and this is what they showed this time. only it was worrisome to the doc-- and to me as well this time. mainly because of the way i have been feeling-- lethargic, cold, tired, other things... --- she refered me to my gastro doc.. asap.

i saw him a few days later-- he too was more than concerned due to just how much the red blood cell count had dropped in only like 7 months since his last labs. i can't understand this lab stuff-- but his last set read a 36... this set was a 10. the endos previous labs a month or so earlier was a 9.
(whatever-- all i know is that's quite a drop)


1-he sent me for a abdominal ultrasound.. like the very next day. (no results yet)
2-scheduled me for a upper GI--(EGD) scheduled for early a.m. tuesday)
3-and of course the labs on the other day that i mentioned.. i didn't want to make a big deal of what , from experience-- may be nothing-- but the lab paper-- actually was marked (tumor) for the test to be taken. an actual tumor marker test. little scary if you want the truth. -- when i was in NM, and really believed that i had cancer-- because i lost a ton of weight and was very ill.. i requested the (CA-125) which is a tumor marker as well.. mainly for ovarian cancer. but this one the other day? i am not sure of-- i knew nothin about it til i got bored waiting there at the lab and read the sheet. so. i don't know where he might be checking for a tumor this time.

and 4th-- AFTER, all of this is complete--- i will be having yet another colonoscopy. BUT this time it will be the one where you swallow a "capsule". it will show 22 feet of intestine that the regular scope is unable to see. if i remember correctly the capsule is an actually camera.. but i'm not sure. i haven't even googled it. and y'all know-- i am the queen of google.

it's just that THIS time.. i'm flying blind. willingly. this time. i don't want to know. i don't want to worry. i don't want to freak out, i don't want to self diagnose, or go overboard. i always do that, and before i know it-- i'm already dead.

in fact-- all of us here at the crib are acting the same way-- although-- soulkid actually doesn't know ANY of this at all. she has lived most of her life with my medical problems and worry. and she has enough of her own stuff going on. extremely important pass/fail 8th grade tests... boyfriend... friends... other things that i don't need to put on here--- but trust me-- she just doesn't need any of this on her plate right now--- unless it turns out that she NEEDS to know. ya know.

but as for soulman... he too is just trying to go on with life-- until we find out IF we need to do anything different --

in the meantime, it seems that both of us are sort of paralyzed . we plan a lot, accomplish little, and wait.

there is a lot of tension. and i do believe that soulkid can feel it. it shows in her attitude. i feel bad for keeping her out of it-- but i also feel that it's right to not make her worry when she may not have to.


there it is.

i'm sorry that i am not keeping up with y'all... like i said it is NOT because i don't want to. it's just that -- it's really a problem for me right now. i think about y'all all the the time. i know that is no where close to the same as talkin to ya.. or checkin in.. and i apologize.

i'll be catchin up-- sooner or later.. i really have to TRY to get my house in order today.. if this gi thing is anything like the last one-- i may end up in bed for a day or two afterwards. my house will surely expload if that happens if it looks like this in the beginning. UGH.

happy sunday peeps...

Saturday, April 19, 2008

Todays Soul News

well what did you expect?
a party??
not around here. at least not lately. sorry.

more like this.. oh my gawd-- it's underlining !!! AGAIN ! BONEMAN__ MY BUTTON.. WHERE IS IT???

anyways-- LOOK// apparently, i can call on boneman, and it will stop. hmmm., where has HE been alll my life?

anyhow. yesterday, i was apparently in some sort of coma or something. i did NOTHING.
well, except

i just couldn't function. at all. i tried. but failed. i think i made it to like 10 A.M. and it was back to bed for me. guess what time i woke back up? oh Lord. you won't believe it. well, you might-- the evidence is in my blogging.. or lack of. i woke up at 3 PM !! ERG.. i think i felt worse when i woke up in the afternoon than when i did in the morning. it was horrible. i still couldn't function.

i had bills to pay-- errands to run-- even cigs to go buy-- i did NOTHING. hubby got me 1 pack of smokes early in the morning. i planned on getting a carton when i ran errands--- BUT since i didn't leave the house-- i did my best to make that pack last through my coffee THIS morning. i was amazed that i ALMOST made it. phew. i guess sleeping half the day helped though.

anyhow... soulman got tired of me sleepin and he went fishin. he wanted me to go-- i just couldn't. i was thoroughly exhausted. he didn't get back til after 6, maybe close to 7. soulkid didn't come home at all. she called after school to go home with a friend for the night. i didn't even cook dinner--- or go out-- or order in. we ate cereal ! at like 9 pm.
what the hell is wrong with me????

i don't think it matters what i do anymore. whether i do anything or not in the daytime. i still feel like crap . i'm tired all the time. and even fishing -- or the thought of it doesn't even thrill me. i'm back to making lists only to watch them grow.
can we say -- depressed?

maybe i've been drinking too much of


BUT, I do a damn fine JOB--

even though i am a

i do hope y'all survived that whiny ass post--
and have a great weekend...

Friday, April 18, 2008

mornin peeps

mornin peeps i survived yesterday.

hopefully y'all did too!

as you can see-- (by the underlining-- and perhaps the time stamp- this morning isn't starting off so great for me.) not only these things but, Eevie--- was pacing-- and clicking her fingernails ALL over my damn bedroom, at 330 this morning-- no, inot 333-- at least i don't think so. i did finally get up with her at about 340 though to put her out. i have NO damn idea why hubby has decided to keep her damn crate unlocked at night. but we will be having a talk about that tonight. it's not like i don't have enough trouble sleeping as it is dontcha think? i really don't need any help from a tap dancing dog in the middle of the damn night. oh but now? eevie AND hubby both are sleeping like little babies while i'm sittin here in the living room.. drinking swill and chainsmoking.. my LAST pack of cigaretes.
for whatever reason, my coffee pot decided to explode on the counter top this morning.. therefore it only made like half a pot of coffee, and is strong as hell. oh don't even bother to tell me i coulda made another pot-- or even added water to this one-- i know that already-- i just didn't feel like it-- after i had already sat down with it. not after all the hassle with the the dog..and the coffee mess, and booting up the computer , and lightin a cig, and just gettin all comfy-- i wasn't gonna get back up to make - or mess with coffee. so i will live. i'm lazy---remember? besides-- it's 4 a.m. you'd be lazy too.
and if this doesn't stop underlining i will scream.

so anyhow- ya-- last night-- i don't think i got to sleep before midnight-- and this morning up before four. it'll be a fun day for anyone within ear shot of me today. unless they're smart enough to not speak to me, cross me, or get in my way :))

ok, shit i was hoping if i moved down here to type the underlining would stop-- apparently i was wrong---guess we will all just have to deal with it. hmmm. does anyone else have this damn problem?? it does it to me alot. and i hate it.

ok anyhow. y'all were right. yesterday.. i did bite off more than i could chew with my little to do list from hell. BUT i did manage to accomplish even more than even i thought i might. not all of it. but most. i couldn't have without soulman though.

i did get the dishes-- except the pans-- washed in the morning.

and a few loads of laundry done-- i thought i was finished -- UNTIL-- i found a big bucket of soulkids laundry -- in the garage! WTH? ( i remembered later i had put it there, a few days ago-- my bad.. it was in my way, and i forgot about it..ooops.. no wonder the kid had no clothes... she does now tho :))

we went and got my labs done-- which we both thought would take like 15 minutes. WRONG.
we were there for one full hour ! i sat for over twenty minutes-- for NO reason. just while the woman made phone calls, sat on her ass and talked to herself. yes really. and did whatever. then when she finally called me back, i sat there for ten more minutes before she came back..she was there alone btw. before she called me to the back- i was the only one there-- after i got back there i heard a few ppl come in. anyhow-- she finally goes back-- theres a glitch on the paperwork-- she has to call the dr office-- there goes another ten-15 minutes. the blood draw took only five minutes when she actually got to it- and i was gone. and pissed about the wasted time. and freezing. you ever notice how damn cold those places are?? like a friggin morgue! ugh.

after that , we ended up at SAMS club, instead of wally hell. in a way it was better. not as many people-- but in a way it was worse. we spent a lot of money-- didn't get everything i needed, got stuff i didn't need. and will need to STILL have to go to wally hell--- another day-- but it aint gonna be today. no way. but i was glad soulman was there to push the cart-load- and unload all that crap.

oh, and i did get the bills paid and mailed.. except one or two i will have to pay in person today-- cuz they are too late to mail.. oops :(( shame on me.

what else?
oh moving the furniture. well.. by the time we did all that-- we got home from sams and got stuff put up-- it was lunch time. for some reason.. eating wears my ass out . seems to be worse in the day, but it just wipes me out. within half an hour of eating.. all i ate was a damn hot dog! i was a sleep in my chair ! from like 2-330. OOPS.

by then i had to wake up--smoke, have some tea, talk to hubby, wait for soulkid, all that afternoon stuff. then try to figiure out what we were gonna have for dinner--

BUT-- i saw the news about that time--- we were under a tornado watch.. and storm warning and all that fun stuff. so we ended up cleaning out the garage-- instead of moving the furniture we had planned on moving in the house-- we ended up moving furniture and boxes that we had out there-- along with the aircraft parts-- that were a project of hubbys-- that he still hasn't finished. so we got that all moved to make room for my car. i couldn't stand the thought of my car being killed with baseball sized hail that was expected.
i was thrilled to actually park my car in there for the first time in months though.
even though-- we really lucked out , and not ONE hail stone fell in our part of town !! woo hoo.

we did get our tornado shelter plan put together though. last year, on april 13th.. we spent about an hour in the bathroom.. me and soulkid.. with 2 dogs, and 2 cats-- while soulman drove home from work... his car got pretty messed up while we were pelted by huge hail that day-- but he was ok. the roof of the house got pretty messed up too-- our old house-- the landlord never fixed it. now we know why-- the asshat never paid the mortgage either ! ERG!!!
(we passed by that house yesterday btw, first time in a while--- looks like someone lives there now. i wonder what they did about the black mold??? i bet they had to tear out that whole wall and closet floor.. ewwweee) anyhow-- y'all know-- if things wouldn't have happened like they did with that house-- with us not knowing about that mold-- we coulda ended up really sick??
everything happens for a reason --- we don't have to know what the reason is i guess..

well.. what next? i need coffee. no, i'm not making more-- i'll just put sweet junk in it. normally it's black for me.. but not when it's swill, and i'm lazy.

no big plans for me today-- i don't think-- just gotta get cigs, and a toothbrush-- and pay my cell bill in person before they turn it off. and a couple other small things. oh and maybe get furniture moved. that would be good to finally get done.

what are y'all dooooooin???

OH ps--- we were at SAMS yesterday-- just guess how much they were askin for reg unleaded gas ??? $3.33 !!!! no kiddin. if i woulda had my camera i woulda took a picture !
even hubby said it was freaky !

i just may take you guys up on this lotto thing-- :))

Thursday, April 17, 2008

so much to do - so little time-

and boy oh boy will i be in hell today !

first, we have
dish hell !

then of course

then the fun of giving my money away begins---
(well, what's left of it,
and actually, much of it, overflowing into tomorrows payday :((

with -

and of course it's grocery day-
i've put it off far too long-
at least soulman will go to push the cart- phew !

next, will be the fun of
(pre- upper-GI test blood work)
can we say woo hoo ! ?

and THEN-
IF i happen to be lucky enough to be still standing, or breathing after that -
soulman and i MUST get all this furniture moved around.
we have a couch in the garage that has to go where the couch i sold was-
the bed that was in my doorway, now sits where the old couch was--
and IT needs to go to the guest room
where a twin bed now sits--
which needs to go-- somewhere...
storage? garage? goodwill? church? curb?
anyone want a bed??
we also have a dresser in the guestroom that soulkid wants in her room.
AND - a shelf in the hallway that she took out of her room, to make room for the dresser !
anybody want to come help ???

AND--- i bet y'all know already

is where we would MUCH rather be than doin ANY of this other crap !

such is life i spose.

i was crippled with a headache yesterday and did absolutely nothing !
(i did cook dinner- but that got me nowhere really with all this other stuff-- or with y'all-
so i have LOTS of catchin up to do)

see ya later--

if i didn't make it to your place this mornin-- don't be offended---
i'll get there--
if i make it through the day!

i hope you all have happy days in your worlds today--
i'll do my best here

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

sleepy slothy soul

mornin folks---

i finally slept last night! like a normal person... like the sloth that i am. woo hoo ! i slept all night long (11-630-ish) and woke up feeling like i actually did sleep. seems like forever since that has happened. i'm wondering now, if i have a harder time sleeping with soulman gone than when he is here. cuz i have noticed that before-- the last time he was gone all night. might have somethin
to do with worrying about soulkid--and sleeping to hard to hear her if she needed me, or if somethin happened ya know. but anyhow (have you ever realized just how difficult it is to try to write when someone is walking all over the house -over and over , and talking-- constantly-- ugh-- i cannot concentrate, for nuthin.. ugh)-- oh, yes, i do speak of soulman here-- he's on a mad search for his x-box battery pack.. and talkin about everything.. from fish, to sinus headaches.. "God love him". :))
ok-- anyhow, where the hell was i ??? who knows? anyhow-- i slept like a baby last night-- but i do think i slept "wrong", cuz my neck feels like i pinched a nerve. but hey--at least i don't think i will be needin a nap in an hour. man i hate days like that.

hmmm.. what next?
oh-- soulman DID get our 07 taxes fired off last night. woo hoo!! we will be gettin a small amount of cash from uncle sam for that--- but-- as for 06? we should prolly hold on to the 07 money to cover our ass for that one. it'll cost a few hundred just to file them.. plus i have a bad feeling we will owe money that year , AND perhaps a penalty fee for being oh so very late in filing. regardless-- we gotta get those out of here asap.

oh--- and my TOOTH--

i got that fixed yesterday--- it wasn't as easy as i had hoped or thought it would be. but hell-- is ANYTHING? EVER ??? holy crap. of course i had thought that i would go in, get it glued back on , and be out of there. did it happen that way? well no. of course not. it-- my own tooth-- hurt too bad to even touch.. at all. so of course they had to numb it up. i thought i might have a cavity-- it just really hurt .. bad . but - no cavity-- just sensitive for whatever reason. so it takes half an hour to get numb. then he goes to put the crown back on.. and somehow, the gum-line there had already started to grow... so the crown wouldn't set right--- take a wild guess what they had to do to fix that problem. it was surely unexpected by me--- not only that-- something i had never even heard of--- and you know it's CUZ I AM ME.
they had to BURN the damn gum line around the area of the tooth where the crown had to go. yep-- with a lazer-- or so he called it-- BUT i saw flame! small.. but flame nonetheless. oooh scary. thank God i was numb. i couldn't feel any of it-- or thank God smell it-- burning flesh--- ohhhhh. but i did hear it-- pop pop pop .. very strange. but anyhow--- once he did that-- he was able to put it back on.. and i was outta there-- and it only took over an hour there and over an hour driving time. it's prolly not the most brilliant thing in the world to have your dentist be thirty miles away in this area.. with traffic--- but i don't like change-- and he has been my dentist for years.. so.. it's worth the drive. plus i like to tease hubby about "the cute dentist". he has never even seen him, and he hates him :).

speakin of hubby-- when i got home from the dentist he was home. it was good to see him, and his sunburnt self :)) he always burns-- poor guy with that red headed fair skin. he doesn't have "red hair" but he has that skin of a red head.
my tongue was like six inches thick from the Novocaine, plus i was sooo thoroughly exhausted, from not sleeping, driving, and the traffic, not to mention every time i get Novocaine it by itself makes me tired. so i wasn't very talkative-- i could hardly talk even when i tried to. at first, he took it personally that i wasn't ecstatic and chatty that he was here-- but once he heard me talk-- he understood and gave me time for my mouth to wake up. which took like another hour. ugh i hate that feeling.

also, when i got home-- i found out that my "baby" was out walking around-- up at the shopping center with her new "boyfriend" . i knew he was coming over-- but it's still just weird to me. she has had boyfriends before-- but that was when she was younger-- and really i didn't think too much about it. ya know. she was a kid. now she's 14. ugh.
the boy is actually a nice kid, and polite etc. little on the skinny side-- and a vegetarian. --- now i know where all the vegetarian talk is coming from when soulkid tries to go veggie on me. lol. BUT the thing about that? the girl doesn't eat vegetables ! seriously. so even when she does attempt it-- it only lasts a few days before she realizes she's starving to death ! LOL.

so anyhow--- i spose that's the update in soulland for now.

oh.. cept for THIS :

look what i found while hunting down a sloth photo----

Tree Sloth Charm

Tree Sloth Charm

This whimsical sloth charm was inspired by Marty's trip to Costa Rica where she watched them lazily sleeping in the trees. Marty designed this charm to hang from the chain in the same fashion that these amazing creatures often hang from the branches. The charm is 3/4" long and is completely three dimensional.

Displaying 1 to 9 (of 9 products) Result Pages: 1

i must have it !!!!

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

OMG it's 3:33 !! again WTH

I've been tagged by BON over at Bons Time Out. All I have to do is share six non-important things/habits/quirks about myself.

This oughtta be pretty easy for ME.. I’m all about non- importance / habits, and quirks, dontcha think?

1. I’m not sure which category this falls in, but I am a procrastinator from hell. The older I get—the worse I get about it. and the more important the things I put off doing become. I used to be so responsible. Could I be in my second childhood? Sounds good to me.

2. I am a much better writer than a speaker. ( I didn’t say I was grammatically correct) - If I could sit in a room with someone and write notes back and forth.. we could talk for days on end—put me in a room to speak.. and I might last an hour or two. Put me in front of a crowd to speak—I would surely faint—or run away!

3. I would much rather sit in a silent room alone than in a room with noise , like tv, or music or whatever.

4. i am a defensive person.. not only to myself, but to people I care about too. Maybe like “the protector”. I may not win every battle I enter—but I am not afraid to “queen earlene “ the best of ‘em , if I feel I need to.

5. I have a dish washing phobia… it’s getting better since we moved in December—not sure why—but really—washing dishes is almost traumatic for me. :))

6. I have a very real fear of failing. So much so, that it stops me , before I begin .. a lot of things. Mainly writing. Not like blogging. But poetry—my book.. things like that. Things I used to do—things I probably can do—but , I just kinda begin then quit, before I put much effort into it. that includes more than writing. It’s almost a life halting fear—of many things. People, experiences, it has even sort of changed just how much I allow myself to put out here on my blog. Fear of vulnerability??? Perhaps. Dunno.

But there ya have it—my 333 TAG.. how ODD is THAT?

I’ll add a 7th quirk.. I’m very conscious of the number 333—and I don’t even know why. I just see it a lot.

thanks Bon..

now I think I shall tag -- oh hell -- anyone who wants to do it-- just leave a note if you do-- you know ya want to !!!

what's worse than waking up at 3:33 a.m. ?

let's try waking up at 1:30 a.m.
yep. i did. and yes i did try to go back to sleep. but to no avail. first, i was attacked by a snuggly attention starved cat (spot). then , i looked over, to make sure that my child returned my phone last night-- which is also my alarm clock. it was there-- to my surprise.. but then i had to check the alarm time-- to see if it was set right. it wasn't. it was set for 11 a.m. so, of course i had to set it for 5. then , i decided i'd better go ahead and go pee. :)) lest i fall back to sleep only to wake up ten minutes later to do that. well hell, by then, why the hell bother, right? my damn head was full of all the crap on todays agenda-- as well as yesterdays that was so blatantly ignored. all the way from neglecting my blog, and half my blog peeps-- to my freaking taxes. yep. they are still not done. 06 OR 07. i'm only sweatin 07 a little bit-- cuz hubby will be home in time to send those off on the computer before midnight. i'm sure i could have done that much yesterday-- but they are on his computer and i have no clue where. as for 06-- i made my to do list early yesterday morning and that was first on my list-- to get those polished up and dropped off. along with a dozen other things. to include check my po box, pay bills, and get some damn groceries in this place. i didn't do crap ! none of it.

i did balance my checkbook, i paid one bill online, and i forced myself to cook dinner. some chicken, green beans , and baked potatoes . i was actually surprised i was able to scrounge that much up in this place.

i also made it to a few blogs, but not near as many as i had hoped or planned to.

you may wonder, well soul, what the hell DID you do all damn day????
i slept. i slept as long as most of you worked. and that is pretty damned embarrassing. i have no idea why i was so tired. it was that kind of rag doll tired. i couldn't help it. i was up early, as usual. but tired early again. so i think i went back to bed like at 930 or so. i set my alarm for 11. thinkin i would re-start my engine then, and get my stuff done feelin all refreshed. did it happen? umm, nope. i think by 12 or 1 i was asleep in my chair again, til 230 or 3. by then the day was pretty much a bust, soulkid got home at 340.

i don't even know what to say about the next couple hours there. except that any plans that i had to at least try to go to the grocery store and post office went out the window... it was a miracle that i even mustered enough "give a damn" to cook dinner.

to add to my "day" ... she carried in the house mail when she got home.. guess what was in it???
well, remember when i mentioned that i was worried she had been missing too much school? well, i reckon i have some good instincts... cuz i had a letter from the principal at her school. a form letter of course. but the gyst of it was-- that she HAS missed too much school.
BUT to top that off... earlier in the day-- her doctor called to schedule her for a follow up appointment. isn't that just frickin peachy??? guess when it is? TODAY! she will miss the second half of the school day today. it's a damn good thing i brought her back for school yesterday. but really. they made these changes this year that dr appointments are no longer excused absences -- at this age??? half the school has braces ! if nothing else--- that is one day a month that half of that half is gonna miss some school every damn month of the year. for years! i always get as late in the day as i can for her-- but they are still now "unexcused". wtf. that's just stupid.

anyhow-- let's change the subject, shall we--
soulman texted me last night... he finally got to go fishing. he took eeviee on the boat with him. he caught ten bass. and eevie fell off the boat ! i wish i coulda been there ! i haven't caught that many fish in one trip since last summer... whaaaaa. and i woulda loved to see eeviees' reaction falling out of the boat ! hubbys' too for that matter.

soo anyhow-- time to re-fill my coffee.

someone remind me to call my dentist today-- i forgot yesterday--- don't ask me how-- senile i guess. or maybe i'm just crackin up. or perhaps it's just kinda hard to make a phone call in your sleep???

hopefully i'll be able to stay awake today long enough to take care of my stuff that needs to be done.

but hey-- on the bright side? aside from dinner dishes-- and some laundry-- my house is still clean-- that's always a plus !

Sunday, April 13, 2008

we made it !!

Whee ??

(Friday 10:15 PM)

Well, we made it. barely. We’re here and settled in, finally. Soulman just walked over to his mom and aunts’ place… and took Eevee with him to show her off. I’d laugh if he came back and said she pooped on their floor :)) -- well, maybe I wouldn’t. hmm.. ya, I would.

Anyhow—we drove two vehicles out here, so if soulman wants to he can stay an extra day or so with his family, cuz soulkid just cannot miss anymore school. Seems she has had a lot of appointments lately—and was sick, or missed here and there for one thing or another—and those days or classes seem to pile up fast. So anyhow—I took my car so the two of us could leave Sunday, and he and eevie can come home, whenever. He is on vacation til next Tuesday. I’m sure he won’t stay more than Monday or Tuesday here. But he did decide to bring the boat, just in case.

We are hoping to have at least some time to fish—the place we are at this time is on Lake Palestine. The forecast said it would be windy—but we shall see. If it isn’t – you know where we will be. Well, that is if it isn’t out antique shopping or at the fabric store with the in-laws :))

Anyways--- back to my lovely drive out here. The hell of it all actually began before we even left… can you believe that? ME of all people, hitting a snag. Hmm. Go figure. :))

But yep- one thing after another. It wasn’t a bad day really, it was just that I didn’t get the things that I needed to get done finished in time. In fact—I was eatin lunch one minute--- it was sooo goooood too .. I wish y’all coulda been here—it was another pigs ass !!! smoked on the egg ! (that would be a pork butt for those who don't know ) and oh maaaaan was it good! Anyhow—I had some of that at maybe 1-ish… next thing I knew—soulkid was knockin on the door ! I hadn’t even washed any laundry – or packed yet ! that was at 345… by 4:00 soulman was home… CRAP—and I had just started my clothes i needed to take! and I still needed to get cigs and gas too.

By the time we decided on taking the boat, and soulman got his stuff packed up (nothing like that last minute pack on the fly – is there?) we had decided that he would just head out ahead of us with eevie. (me, soulkid, and sushi) –Since he had to go to storage to get the boat.

So we stayed to finish laundry, and pack etc, and I’ll be damned if the dryer didn’t TRY to piss me off . It wouldn’t heat up for nuthin ! it took an hour and a half to dry ONE load of laundry. I cleaned the filter out, I changed the settings twice , anything I could think of—it still wouldn’t get hot. Finally it did.. after I was ready to have a stroke. MY LAUNDRY ! ( that’s kind of a MY EYE thing… only a few people get it. but if you heard when it originated.. it’s hysterical :))

So anyways—that was a wasted five minutes of your life hearing of my laundry wasn’t it? sorry.

But in the meantime while I’m waiting for said laundry—I’m trying to keep track of the cats—to make sure they don’t get locked up somewhere before we leave. Every five minutes—I’m turning off a light or closing a door – somewhere. UGH. So friggin frustrating. Each time—I tell soulkid“MWA MWA MWA MWA!” (turn off lights, shut doors, don’t lock up any cats!) it was making me crazy—and bitchy—and headachy !Which btw—before I forget—reminds me of the freekin MICE. Nope not the ones in the attic, that I WANT to die…. But the pets—that may die in our absence—because we forgot about them !!! they are in soulkids room and safe from the cats—but that would be a far better way to die—than starving to death! Or “dyin of thirsty” Dammit ! wonder how that little tale will play out. Hmmm. Guess we’ll find out Sunday night. It really would suck if they died. Poor Mclovin, and “the other one” :)

Ok so anyhow—finally the damn clothes decide to dry … I think- phew—throw em in a bag and hit the road. Is it ever that easy for me? Well you’re right. And it wasn’t. so, I’m foldin clothes, packin etc… and soulkid is bee boppin around the house .. doors hangin opened , lights on in every room… UGH.


So now we’re yellin at each other—on a mad cat search—can’t find one of them. I’m like.. just leave your bedroom open, and let’s GO.

Moooooooom, the cats will pee on my stuuuufffff.!!!!!! OMG. It took another twenty minutes to find the damn cat ! just so she could close her door—that IF she would have KEPT closed to begin with… we would have already been on the damn road.

In the middle of our argument – soulman calls , for me to get the fishfinder—because he forgot it—but I answer the phone all bitchy—sushi is barking at something outside—and soulkid is yellin in the backround… just peachy. So I TRY to be civil—but now he’s all upset cuz I’m in hell.. anyhow—no big deal… I got him off the phone , got the fishfinder, the kid, the dog, the cats were accounted for, got all our crap--- and hit the door runnin.. and yellin, at about quarter after 6…maybe 6:30… leaving the poor little mice to face a slow and painful death. :(

(noone even thought of the mice til ten minutes before we got here—soulkid says—my mice! I said – oh shit.. did you feed them today? Umm, no. well dammit.. nothing we can do now, let’s just hope they’ll be ok. It’s only a couple days).

Who would have EVER thought I would be worried about a damn mouse or two?? Actually it isn’t the mice I care about—I care about soulkid being hurt about the mice maybe dying. Ya know? There is a difference I guess. Cuz really, I think they’re smelly , useless, little bastards.

But she loves them. *SIGH*

SO----movin on----we didn’t even make it out of the damn driveway without further incident , on our way out!

First- sushi, went all crazy on us—and jumped and scratched my car ! a small, but long scratch.. I hope it will buff out. Soulman still has scratches on the hood of his truck from the litter box incident. Lovely. This is where we all say it together—

Can’t have nuthin!

Second- soulkid and sushi are in the car- I go to get in , trying to not let sushi escape—and somehow the damn car door SLAMS shut on my RIGHT elbow – bone to bone—not the fleshy bend part..and it hurt like hell and immediately bruised, and that is my fishin arm! And my everything else arm too. Took me five minutes to recover from the pain before I could even drive out of the driveway.

Third--- the battle begins , before the gear shift has clicked into D --- about music, and it’s volume … and THAT argument continued the ENTIRE way here – 3 HOURS of it !!!

Fourth—yes—gawd believe it or not--- there is a fourth – before we drove a BLOCK ! over the cell phone ! there isn’t even phone service out here in the sticks – but the child doesn’t hear when I say there may be no service—she hears “ MWA MWA MWA MWA” , and chooses to fight about it. ERG !

--you see, there was an incident (yes another one—but it happened yesterday—with her cell phone--- and, well, let’s just say that she doesn’t have one anymore—for the time being) so she was asking if she could use mine out here to text her new boyfriend. (I really find that word difficult to say…. Is it me—or is it a mom thing?) yep—one of "those"—his name is “wyatt”. Hmmm. Whatever. So anyhow—it was just one of those “just can’t win” arguments. Makes me want to break MY phone too just to make it all STOP.

Well, we were in front of soulman on the road for the longest time—til I needed him the most. Of course. But while we were in front of him.. at least three times during the too loud music that made my head want to blow through the windshield – or one of the five thousand uncalled for screaming matches --- I threatened soulkid that I was gonna stop the car right there, and put her in her dads truck ! then I’d get the blah blah blah, no no no BS. Only for it to happen again five minutes later. I thought I was gonna crack up—or maybe just die. By now.. my head was throbbing, my back was in knots , and my damned elbow was still hurting. Shit. I think I need to personalize the term “vacation” for MY “soul dictionary”. Cuz really y’all know, so many words and terms that y’all know and live by—have a truly different meaning in my world. So anyways—I stopped for a cup of coffee when we had like 30 or so miles left to go—and she had yet another spazz fit—MY GAWD I coulda jumped out of the car—or thrown her out ; one of the two. So when she went back in the store I called her dad to see if he was still behind me.. cuz this time I really was gonna put her in his truck !! I couldn’t take one more second of it!

Guess where he was? Ten to fifteen minutes ahead of me. CRAP!

So—what did I do? I reclaimed my stereo—sucked down my coffee—and attempted to go away to that quiet place in my mind.. unfortunately, it was nowhere to be found. :))

( i do know that sometimes i prolly sound like a horrible person,
who doesn't like to be around my own child very much--
but y'all know i love her more than anything- or anyone else in the world-
i hope. cuz i do. and really, she knows it's true too. -
just thought i'd clear that up. :))

But I did put in a valiant effort on my search . until.. I realized it was really really dark and I couldn’t SEE. And no one on the road knew how to drive. And road kill is extremely difficult to identify in the middle of the road on a dark country road. And when someone works on their freakin truck on the side of a two way-two lane road in the damn dark – they should NOT leave the damn drivers door with NO lights on it , hangin out into the freakin street ! no I didn’t hit it—but I damn near did. Geesh. Can we say STRESSED OUT BITCH??????

But – we made it. We are alive. Soulman is here , and also alive. The dogs are here , and happy to be out of the car (s).. and all the in-laws are here—And soulkid has finally settled down. I think I have too. I’m sittin here all alone in the living room, with only the sound of the refrigerator – and it’s all good. It’s 11:20 pm.. and I am gonna hit the sack. It’s way passed my bed-time. And dammit—we forgot OUR pillows, and of course the ones here—really really suck!

I have no phone – or internet here--- it’ll be a tough coupla days. Usually if I go out of town, and end up without internet – I at least can talk on the phone – or text- when I smoke n choke. But now—wth will I do at 4 or 5 a.m. ??

I’m glad I’m not staying til Tuesday now. Well.. I’ll let ya know if that changes after I go fishin. If the fishin is good I may leave mad. :((

Well peeps… I hope that wasn’t too boring of a read—or rant—or whatever it was…. But that’s what fell out of my hands—just for you :))

G’nite folks




427 a.m

on any other day, I would be fine with the time of day right now. Maybe not thrilled, but I’d be settling into my morning routing. It isn’t unusual for me to wake up at 4 a.m. the thing is—THIS morning.. I was up last night until after midnight, then woke up every fifteen to thirty minutes.. for no reason.. then got up at 2:15, I thought it was all over with then, but I smoked a cig and watched some tv for a few minutes, and managed to get back to sleep . which would have been ok… had I actually—slept. But I didn’t. I did.. but it was in ten to fifteen minute patches, until I finally got up—at 4.

to no internet—no phone—and y’all already know what there is to choose from on tv at this hour. Yep, not a thing.

Thank God for coffee, and cigs. I know neither are the most healthy thing in the world—but, they are not only my motivational tools for beginning each day---- they are also the key to my “meditation”. If there is such a thing. How’s that for an excuse for addiction? And that was just the first to come to mind—I’m sure I could come up with several others.

But hey—aside from releasing my inner bitch, the smoke n choke , is my only vice. Everybody has one right? Or maybe two.

I spose it’s obvious that right now I don’t have much more to say than I did four or five hours ago when I wrote last.

The dogs were good last night, hubby and the child seemed to have slept well. Guess it was only my mind that couldn’t shut down. Strange place? Crappy bed? Rough day? Wrong side of the bed? —that really could be the offender—cuz I slept on the wrong side of the bed last night—so that I could have a table. It’s another of my quirks. I need my right arm off the bed to sleep—but I need a table too—the only table was on the left. So we switched sides. I bet that had something to do with it. it really doesn’t take much to throw me off ya know.

If you don’t know that by now—it won’t take long to figure it out. :)) so just for a scientific sleep study ; perhaps I will sleep on MY side of the bed tonight, and see if it helps. If so—y’all will be the first to know.

It’s funny to me how many new peeps I have met and connect with almost every day lately. Along with the ones I already have been for so long. Sometimes I find myself needing to explain things that only a few weeks ago everyone already knew. Well, at least I feel like I should explain, because of the new peeps:


my 333 phobia…




“smoke n choke”

queen earlene

and –

names y’all need to learn and get used to.

And other stuff.

most of the time I just throw stuff out there like everyone knows what I’m talking about—then later will notice—some of y’all must think I’m just really out of it. well, we all know that at times, I am. but some of my little quips and quotes and phrases… I know they gotta throw a few of ya sometimes. Sorry—but you’ll eventually catch on.

Welp, I guess I’ll get more coffee, and see if I can get creative on a different little project I have goin on. One that came to a screeching halt a few weeks ago. If I wait much longer on that one, I’m sure it won’t get goin again for another year or two. If I’m lucky.

So—y’all have good days.. and I will check in later to let you know how far I make it, and how it goes, before I fall asleep in my cheerios. :))

Happy satahday !!



7:30 A.M.

omg !

what a way to start the day—as if earlier wasn’t bad enough. I took eevie out on her leash first—she did good, didn’t bark or try to run off—but didn’t pee either—she’s prolly saving it for the carpet :(( even tho it has been a while since she’s done anything like that in the house.)

but sushi?? UGH. Worse than ANY toddler ! she was out—on a harness , no less- for two minutes -- barking at birds etc.. and THEN , somehow managed to slip out of her harness. How the hell she did it? I have no idea—but she did. And it was pitch black dark outside. I couldn’t see anything, much less a small, black dog !! I ran back into the cabin, and grabbed the only flashlight I had seen in there—come to find out—it was a frickin laser pointer !! it didn’t help a bit ! I still couldn’t see a thing. I only looked for her for a couple minutes before I had to wake up soulman. I haven’t seen him move that fast prolly since the last time soulkid got hurt. Geesh. He flew out of bed… and ran outside to look for her. (if ya click the button on the light, btw—3 times—it is also a flashlight ! ) who knew? Well, not me, obviously.

Well.. he went one way, I went the other—and at least sushi was smart enough to remember where she came from, cuz when I came back around the corner —there she was.. her little dumb ass, waiting at the door to be let back inside ! I coulda kicked her ya know—but I didn’t, of course—I grabbed her and hugged her like I would if she’d been a lost kid . we would all be crushed if she got lost or killed ya know. She really is like a baby to us. Issues and all.

So anyways, soulman went back to bed and I’ve spent the past two hours getting photos on my computer ready to show the in laws— now I am soo tired I think I’m in a half dream state every few minutes. I got up way too early, after way too little sleep. And once again—my non-smoking room smells like an ashtray ! will it really take a fine for me to learn my lesson?? I sure hope NOT.

But anyhow—I spose I shall lay on the couch and zone out to the tv for a while… and hope for a little more sleep to come my way---- before I get dragged out to play happy visitor at soulmans number four aunt and uncles house for the day. Ugh.

The other three aunts are only a few buildings away—I could handle that type of visit much easier—I could leave if I got tired or crabby.. but out there--- a half hour or so away—I will have no escape.

Ok—well, I’m gone again. I shall return.



Whee? Pt 3


Weird, how time flies when you’re away from home, and drags on forever when you’re there, with nothing to do. Dontcha think? Even tho, a whole lot isn’t very different here.

Yesterday wasn’t a bad day, I was just extremely tired, and it seemed everyone else was too. The last few days with eeviee and her storm phobia, and keeping us awake.. then driving out here. It’s only a few hours, but unfamiliar, dark, and I already mentioned it wasn’t exactly a relaxing ride.

As for the others, the aunts.. three of them..and one being mommason.. – 3-drove here from Lubbock.. a much longer drive obviously, so of course they were tired too. And the aunt went to visit who lives here—near tyler—yesterday , well she is in a lot of pain these days. Has been for years actually, but it is getting bad. She can hardly walk anymore. So of course she was run down too. None of that stopped any of them from laughing their heads off though. We had a fish fry out there. It was really good too. It’s been a while since I had fish cooked the good ole southern way—catfish--and it was good. And of course they all cackled the whole time we were there. Tired or not—they are always laughing. This time they were telling stories of when they were young and how they would fight over chicken pieces.. and the same one always got the wing. And whined about it. poor thing. Funny thing about that? She’s the thinnest one of them all today. They starved the poor girl ! lol. And they talked of how mommason would always get the breast—or a piece of it , cuz it would be cut in a couple pieces .. saying how they thought maybe it was where they sat depended on what piece they got. And wondered why they never changed it up. Prolly cuz they liked the way it worked out—well—except the poor wing girl.:))

So.. yep , it was a good time, but we didn’t stay very long. A couple hours I guess. We had to come check on the dogs—plus —I kinda fell asleep—oops. I didn’t really mean to. Just kinda leaned my head back..and, before I knew it—they were wakin me up to leave. Needless to say, my neck was locked up from hangin it back so far for so long. Good thing my mouth wasn’t hangin open. I guess it was only maybe half an hour or so—but it seemed longer.

I prolly woulda been more sociable, and talkative etc out there, but literally just a few minutes before we headed over there I was eating a Big Hunk candy bar.. surely y’all know what that is—right?

(one of these )

It’s all chewy and sticky and something a person with a mouth full of crowns prolly shouldn’t eat—but I never really thought about that… til it happened. Dum dum dum….

Yep—chew, chew, chew.. then I feel something in my mouth that just shouldn’t be there. So I pull this big wad of taffy-ish goo from my mouth and what do I see? My frickin CROWN. Thank God it was one from the back—and thank Him even More that it was in ONE piece ! I will only have to go have it glued back in.. but in the meantime—it feels horrible! Cold drinks--- air—food .. even coffee—hurt like hell. I try my hardest to keep everything on the opposite side—but it just isn’t that easy. And it even makes smoking a bit less pleasurable. *ahhh, sigh*

So, I didn’t feel much like talking.. I was tired before we even headed over there, and.. even tho the food was good , it hurt to eat—so I didn’t eat as much as I wanted to.

When we did get back here – I was really just exhausted. It was only like maybe 5:30 or so. I think I made it to 6:30 or 7 before I gave in and went to bed it was only gonna be to lay down to watch tv for a while but it turned out to be a nap—of sorts—I woke up at 9 ish—and ended up asleep for the night before 10:30. on MY side of the bed—I slept all night long. SO-- my sleep study was apparently a success. the side of the bed you prefer does make a difference in how well - or not- you sleep. hmmm.

now I am sitting here in alarm hell, at 630 a.m. for No reason ! hubbys cell phone alarm is goin off every five minutes!! it’s making me crazy.

And just so you know.. may I recommend that you NEVER buy a sunbeam coffee pot? Seems that is the brand that every one of these places use – and every time—except the last—they spew coffee everywhere. More ends up on the countertop than in the pot. And it really pisses me off ! not to mention the fact that somehow, grounds end up IN the pot as well. None of which makes for good coffee.

There goes the alarm again.. for the tenth time--and now it is making my eyeball hurt. Just thought I’d share that.

So. Anyhow- Soulkid and I will be heading home today sometime. Hopefully not too late. We got here after almost two hours of driving in the dark the other night, and my night vision is CRAP! So I do want to get on the road with plenty of time to get home before dark. So it will be a busy day again. I have to visit with the in laws .

Oh hell! I keep forgettin to tell y’all…not sure what made me think of this, but hubby has a friend.. a guy he fishes with, well, this guys wife is a cop--- so she ran my DL--- guess what—it’s CLEAR !!! the dr didn’t flag it- or suspend it or whatever. So I have been legal all this time! I’m sure that if I did happen to have a seizure while driving—it would be a whole different story—but I really don’t expect to have another one—not after all the med changes, and all the tests coming back saying my brain was ok. Sooo—that is really a big load off my mind. Even tho I have been driving some—I was pretty much a nervous wreck while doing it. now it’s not so bad. PHEW.

Well, I guess that’s about all I can come up with for now… I shall post this..and the wrap up when I get home tonight.

See ya then.

Happy Sunday!


i don't know why the font up there is so giant ! or bold-- i didn't ask it to be.

anyways-- we're HOME. i love to be home.
that wasn't that long a drive.. i guess i'm just not used to driving much anymore-- or lately, or whatever the word is, and i guess it just kicked my ass a bit.
it's good to be home.

well, except for the fact that now that we've been home for a while.. and have had some time to recover.. i am realizing that i'm pretty damned hungry. and , as usual, we don't have anything to eat !!! wth?? how does that always happen??? and always at the worst possible time too??

well anyhow. i'll figure something out in a while. there's always pizza. you know it's my favorite. gag me.

well, let me summarize a few things then i'm gonna go finish makin my iced tea. i'm dyin of thirst
only me, soulkid and sushi came home today.. so soulkid can go to school tomorrow.
hubby and eevie stayed at the cabin to visit with his mom and aunts for a couple more days.
they will come back wednesday. unless he gets homesick, then he'll come back tomorrow. he's so sweet. he looked like it was gonna be a year before he would see us again when we left. poor guy. but he shouldn't be lonely, his mommy's there.. and so is his dog. what guy could ask for more right? :))

as for fishing-- we didn't fish . even though we had the boat with us. yesterday we were busy visiting. and today, he asked if i wanted to go-- but i actually didn't wanted to. i was enjoying just chillin out. it was nice to not have the stereo blastin the walls off.. or worrying about something i needed to be doing, like dishes or laundry or taxes, or appointments, or just anything. i was sittin on the couch playing solitaire on my no internet havin computer--- something i never do.. but it was kinda nice. so .. that's what i did for a while. he played some too, and even he enjoyed it.
then later at about one.. we heated up the rest of the pork butt and took it over to his moms place and we ate lunch and visited with them for a couple hours before the child and i had to hit the road. it was a good time over there. i do find myself fortunate that i get along with his family-- and that they like me too. and they loved seeing soulkid. it's been a long time since some of them have seen us.

as for eevie poopin on their floor the night soulman took her over-- well she didn't-- but she did pee on their floor as soon as they got there ! LOL . she was just so excited she didn't know what to do with all that attention.
as for poopin? of course she saved that for our place ! soulkids room. LOL. but it wasn't her fault. she did actually ask to go out this time.. but i thought she only wanted out because i had just got back with sushi-- so i was waitin for soulman to take her out. while i was waiting for him.. she was crappin in the bedroom ! OOPS!! next time i guess i better listen.

hmmm.... am i forgettin anything??

oh pictures... i left soulman in charge of pictures yesterday at the aunts house-- he took like ten... all seperate of the aunts and his mom.. and the one of his mom-- she would kill me if i posted it-- there isn''t a single one of him.. and i did post one of me and soulkid above that he took over there. never trust a man to take photos at a family gathering.

anyhow i think that's about it-- as if it isn't enough right.
hope i didn't bore y'all to sleep. it was a pretty mellow weekend.. but that is really what i was hopin for.

now-- i am hopin for a quick trip to the dentist to get my tooth glued back in !! ugh.
surely y'all didn't expect things to be perfect???

i'm tiahd, stahvin, and blind.. so i shall catch up with y'all in z mo'nin

the MICE-- they are alive ! and fed and watered ! and very damn lucky-- soulkid admitted today, they hadn't been fed for FIVE days ! poor meeces. who wants some mice???
i can't believe they lived!