Sunday, January 20, 2008

all dogs go to heaven ---

i found the pic i was lookin for
but it wasn't what i thought it was--
so here are two from the same day---

these were taken several years ago-
in kansas.
midnight was a chronic fence jumper, and runaway-
full of energy-
and she loved the water and swimming, and going on the boat.

these pix were taken on a day that we went camping.
it was a three day weekend,
and just may have been midnights happiest time of her life.
no leash, just running, swimming, playing.
everything that she loved. for three days.
i thought the pic above had her in it--
obviously-- i remembered wrong.
i wish she was in it.
but as bad as my memory is--
i remember this weekend...
i remember her swimming all the way across the lake -- a dozen times.
i remember me, swimming by her side .

that's all i can say for now.
she was a damn good dog.

Hi folks

I am writing this on Sunday night--- it’s about 730 ish. Debating whether I should post it now or in the morning. Guess I’ll figure that part out later.

Tomorrow is the “big day”. The big – BAD- day. Which just might be today, as you read this. Monday—at noon.

We will be taking Midnight to the vet. For the last time. She will be put to sleep, and hubby and I will sit with her til she’s gone.

Crusty suggested that we give soulkid a choice of rather she wanted to be there—or not.

She decided.. not. Which is fine. We understand, and really we think it is better that she isn’t there. I think it will not be easy, and I don’t think she needs to be “there” to say goodbye. But hubby and I will sit with her, til she’s “gone”.

Soulkid will be with a friend ; we don’t want her to be alone, and there is no school.

We had this discussion with her earlier today, and it did not go well.. but at the same time I guess it did. As well as can be expected I suppose. She never remembers NOT having Midnight. She has not lived in the dark, or been blind to Midnights’ illnesses or recent problems.. but she didn’t expect what she heard today. In fact, in the beginning, hubbby had a hard time getting it going, and she immediately looked at ME.. like I was sick and dying… she had tears in her eyes already--- damn. I hate that she has worried about my health so much these past few years, that this would be her first thought. As soon as I saw that look, I cleared it up right away, and told her that it wasn’t me—or her dad… she deflated….. hubby continued….

It was hard. That’s all I can really say about it. it was just a tough discussion. For all three of us.

Jamie (simonsays) had a really good suggestion a few days ago. It was more for me, but because soulkid wears her other dogs’ ID tag on a chain, (the one who was run over and killed in NM early in 06).. I decided to suggest it to her, and she likes the idea.

We are going to have Midnight cremated… and jamies suggestion was that I have a locket , with some ashes , sealed to wear on a chain. So--- I will do that—for soulkid.

Maybe for me too. Not sure yet. I have a locket that I have had for many years, but don’t wear, so, I just may do that too. But I will have to buy one for my girl. Guess I will let her go with me and pick it out later in the week. I don’t know.

It will take about a week to get the ashes back… which was a huge concern for me…I bet I asked ten times if it would be certain that they were Midnight’s ashes. She said yes every time. So I guess I will just have to believe that.

Then in a few weeks or when we have another warm day we will take her to the lake on the boat—and pour her ashes into the water. Soulkid hasn’t cared much to go on the boat for the past few years, so isn’t sure yet if she wants to go with us that day or not. So in that respect, I am glad it will take a while to get the ashes; so she can have time to think about it, and decide later.

Midnight always liked to go on the boat, and swim in lakes. swimming was her favorite thing.

When we were in NM, we lived about half a mile or so from a ditch that was like for irrigation—it was usually pretty full. Somehow midnight and chicklet found it on one of their little escapes. They ran away several times while we lived there--- almost every time they ran off—that’s where she would go—and chicky would follow. Swimming in the ditch. They ruined my car seats with friggin mud btw. I would always get so damn mad at those dogs--- but finding them was like finding a lost kid…. I just couldn’t stay mad. They were just being dogs.

Anyhow.. as for chicklet—the last time they ran away—Sonic.. down the street, was their next favorite place to go—trash digging… well, the road up near there, was a four lane highway and chicklet didn’t make it through the traffic. I was in Arkansas visiting my mom and sis. It was march 19. a very significant day in soulland.. before and moreso after.

So anyhow—midnight loves to swim. She always has. She risked her life and chickys to go swim in the ditch. And eat hamburgers. and I think that’s where she should “rest”. In the water that was such a big part of her life. And ours.

I have the perfect photo in mind for this post, but it may take me some time to hunt it down. I’ll find it though.

Well, I spose that’s about it. I just wanted to get that out. It has obviously weighed heavy on me for a while-- especially today.

I won’t be around for much of the day—I have an appointment at 9—then this one at twelve. I’m sure I’ll be ruined after that.

So I guess I’ll be around on Tuesday morning.

I hope you all have happy days in your worlds today---

I will try.

Well---- I have obviously decided to post this now. That way I may be less apt to re read it in the morning.

chillen chatter

i'm pretty late today getting a post up--- kinda staggering between blogs.. and bank crap... and dogs.. and other misc stuff. i can't seem to stay focussed on any one particular thing today. well- that shouldn't be a surprise. i am never focussed am i?

anyhow--- simonsays/jamie at everyone thinks i can fix it ---->> linked ovah there --->>>>
posted, ummm, yesterday (?) about the way her kids spoke, and things they would say when they were little. and how these words or phrases seem to hang around -- even years later.

well, it seems she has started a trend , and others are posting about their own family sayings... OLDY, just did hers today--- but, most of you can't even read it--- unless you have an invite by email from her --- cuz "oldy-man" is a butthead and made her go private with her blog .
does that bother me.. umm yes a bit. but it's not my blog--- or my man.. so i'm ok. :)) but it is really cute ... perhaps i will post hers here so everyone can see it... cuz it is really good. maybe cuz it's my family-- but i don't think so--our kids are just damn cute!

so anyhow... on to my own.. family words and phrases post---

soulkid--- of course i shall start with her-- she started talking really young. she didn't really use a lot of baby talk.. she talked in regular words most of the time, although there were some she didn't quite pick up on right away... partly, in my opinion, it was because we didn't talk to her in baby talk.. there was no "nannas" or --- well shit-- would you believe i have forgotten all the baby words to even use for examples.. but who can forget nanas. right.

well anyhow---
oldy already discussed one of her favorite words.. which was "gucky".... she didn't quite remember the way that word came about though.. so i will explain....
she was soooo totally addicted to a pacifier--- good Lord.. that kid would have one in her mouth and one in each hand ... i soooo regretted ever giving it to her. i was surprised she ever learned to talk at all with her mouth stuffed with that thing almost all the time.
well.. anyhow-- her dad and i knew "pacifier" was too big a word for a baby--- we had a dog that we had called darinka, before she was born.. which for some unkown reason i began to call "binky" so--- binky was out. we had no idea that the dog would be out of the picture before she learned to talk-- but that's another story---- so anyhow-- there we were with already three strikes against us for a word for the most important thing to our baby. she would almost have rather had that damn thing in her mouth than food. but anyhow....
we finally decided that we would call it a "sucker"..... THINKING.. that by the time that she would actually be eating candy suckers-- the gucky would be long gone--- we were wrong.. she kept that thing til her fourth birthday, when we told her it was the gucky--- or us-- she threw all of them in the trash and never looked back. i'm just kidding...we really didn't say them or us-- but she really did throw em away on her own, and that was that. but i can't believe it took four whole years to do it...
anyhow--- she couldn't say sucker-- so she said "Gucky"... and that is what a pacifier has been to all of us for the last 13 years.
we also had a cat-- we named him Gucky-- in honor of THE Gucky-- HOPING she would transfer her love to the cat--- never happened.... but again.. the cat-- another story-- and trust me.. now is not the time for that one.

good lord.. if it is gonna take me that long to explain every word i may as well hang it up right now.
i shall try to be less descript...

oh yes.. here's a good one..
at least i think so--
she was maybe two-- or so. y'all know my memory-- and YES it is sad that i can't even remember her age at times such as these--
anyhow.. pretty sure she was close to two-- just cuz of where we lived...
soulman had a habit of saying stuff to other drivers on the road... still does in fact--
anyhow, one of the most common things that he would say back then was
"outta the way clown!"
so there we are, drivin down the street, obviously she had heard him say it enough by then to know exactly why he said it and what it meant...
well... some asshat was driving like five miles an hour, and i guess she could sense his frustration... so before even HE could say it-- she shouts out-- quite plainly, "outta the way clown!!"
it was soooo cute.

ahhhh... then there was this one...

somewhere near like one and a half years old or so two maybe-- walkin and talkin ... but not perfectly yet--
well, my sister had moved from washington to florida where we were, and her, her boys, and her , i think two cats--- stayed with us for like a week or so til they found a house---
so her cat .. a grown, male, was walking across the living room ... and there goes soulkid... chasing after him... pointing at his .. well, his balls.. ... and she kept trying to grab them, saying "somethin, somethin"
she thought they weren't supposed to be there, and she was gonna take them off! just trying to be helpful ya know :))

ok.. anyhow--- i will move on to some things my nephews said that i remember or say from time to time---

the first to come to mind is... the youngest... he had a real problem with his speech.. only the family knew what he was saying, and much of the time his older brothers would have to translate for him..... he speaks perfectly fine now btw--- but it took until he was about 8 ish, to get it down. after years of speech classes.
one time , my mother, her at the time (obviously) boyfriend, and i , had him, and we all went to breakfast at dennys' or somewhere like that.
he was maybe 4ish. so the waitress assumes that he would be able to order his drink for himself...
so.. she asks what he would like to drink.. he says

"bite and some baby"
i really hadn't spent a lot of time with him, as he was the youngest and i was in the i was pretty much still in the learning stage of his unique language... i could communicate with him.. but "bite and baby".. i hadn't heard before.
after being asked by the waitress, myself, and my mother-- a few times-- he grew frustrated.. and managed to say it a little louder-- somehow i picked up on it-- and what he was requesting???
sprite, and gravy!!!!

to him.. coke was "hoke" and that boy could smell hoke from ten feet away-- "i hmeww hoke!"

cartoons? hawtoons!

sweet sweet kid. and much much easier to talk to these days :))

number two---
loved music.. he had one of those-- really old these days-- but a playskool? radio? like from the 70s or 80s?? remember them? well it was like his favorite thing..
but he couldn't say radio----
it was a wanio...
his favorite song was the jeffersons theme.. that show would come on tv..and it didn't matter where he was or what he was doing-- he would run to the tv and dance while watching it come on... when the song was was he.

number one-- i spent the most time of all three with him... i was still living at home when he was born...and at times would live with or close to my sis.. or at least visit-- but of course-- he was young-- long before soulkid... so i have to reach even further back for his memories...
i do remember when he was like 2... he talked young too...
the whole family lived in one house in colorado--- and where we lived there was lots of squirrels and trees etc... and he really loved to sit on the deck..which we called a porch... it had a bench or a swing-- i'm not sure which anymore--
but i was in high school at the time.. and really the only one that would be gone during the day, so when i got home he had missed me all day and would want to play--
so one of the things he said often..was
"bennna benna benna , come sit on da poach"...

i can't believe that was soooo long ago.

well anyhow--
i am certain i will think of more later-- but for now-- this is all i can remember--- sad but true.

maybe i shall do a part two when i haven't already blabbed so much...and i remember more.

have happy days...

today i get my hair done.. wish me NOT to go orange again.