Monday, March 2, 2009

i feel a bad day comin

i slept late today--- like two hours longer than i planned to. and i am supposed to be somewhere at 9. will i make it? i have no idea. i have to take a shower, and a bunch of other crap before i can leave-- and i have to have half an hour driving time. soooo-- this being fort worth-- YOU do the math. ugh. my clock (which is my phone) is hereby fired ! i haven't heard it or woken up to it in months.
i shouldn't complain tho-- cuz most of the last 13 years..i didnt even need an alarm. but since most days i do now-- i must have a clock my deaf ears can hear.

in a way tho, i'm glad i didn't wake up at 3 or 4 today.. cuz <----- THAT is how i felt when i got up-- not to mention

<----- THIS too. late, and in pain. my head feels---felt like it was gonna blow off my shoulders--- and my frickin back has been hurting, and having that burning nerve shit goin on for days. i have pain meds... they do help-- but i have sawed thru them so fast lately due to this crap--- that i broke down and got aspirin a few days ago. i KNOW i'm not supposed to take it-- and i haven't in months... not since i was told i had a belly bleed , and never to take it--or derivatives ever again. but i just can't stand the pain anymore. the measly 30 pain pills a month i do get-- rx'd every 4-6 hours--- ha!.. do the math there too--- that doesn't work. i do take about 2-3 a day-- so yep-- within 10-12 days -- they're gone-- so what happens the next two weeks of the month? yep-- i suffer. so-- i had to get the asperin-- which---on blood thinners alone is a ugh. i just hate fuckin doctors. all of them. selfish motherfuckin bastards--- all they worry about is themselves. i really don't see how a dr. could get in trouble rx'ing long term meds to someone who really needs them. pain alone causes someone to be depressed--- and i can't say it doesn't just drive me mad. ok , i'm done with that rant--this time. i just suppose this is as good as it gets... and i spose that has to be good enough. so i'll move to goodenough rd. maybe it'll remind me too stop bitchin.

and just accept that this is how i will look and feel ... until ---
well.. just until .

like it---- or not.
it's the life i was given... and perhaps this really is as good as it gets. so i may as well get used to it.

and on that happy note--- i am outta heah!

see ya latah peeps---
have happy days in your worlds today!

i'll get back to you on mine...