Monday, May 18, 2009

post weekend wrap-up

or would that be - post weekend whinefest? i reckon we'll all figure that out in a minute, or two. i haven't barely touched my computer in days. very minimally. especially in comparison to many other days that i spend more time on this thing than off. but anyhow-- it's been from one extreme to the other around here since friday-- but it still feels like i haven't accomplished anything. i hate it when it gets like that. (i also hate these cigarettes that destinguish every thirty seconds all by theirself-- just in case you wondered) .

so anyhow-- friday i took the child to the doctor. the plan was to take her for a lingering cough. she'd been coughing for litteraly weeks. 6-8.. somewhere in there. i guess a day or two -- y'all know my time frame is never correct--i live in limbo -- but one time before i made the appointment for the doc -- she tells me that her boyfriend has been coughing up blood !!!! oh well, isn't that special?? my first thought is TB. so i make the appointment on thursday , and was able to get her in on friday a.m. that was quick. i guess they don't mess around with contageous deadly diseases eh? or i should say the suspicion of. they tested her of course-- and out of the many tests that i've had-- from what i can see , and i look at it often-- it appears to be negative. i do wonder why a teenage boy would cough up blood though. that really worries me-- for him AND for her. but anyhow-- she kept feeling and looking sicker that day-- so i kept her out of school, and went on home with her rx's .. antibiotics and cough pills. she seems pretty good over the last couple days..she even cleaned up her room last night. hopefully the antibiotics will work, and kick this thing-- cuz it is contageous--whatever it is-- cuz i have it now. i have felt like crap all weekend. that sack of rice kinda feeling. and cough. no puking or anything-- but i wouldn't know if i had a fever even if i did have one. because of the addisons' i never run a temp--at least not a readble one. she had one on thursday though - and through the night-- but of course at the dr-- she did not.

as for me? i'd already felt bad/sick for a day or two-- mostly just that weak rice bag feelin. saggy, ya know. and tired. i slept a lot in my free time. then yesterday i finally felt good enough to try to get some work done around here. well, thursday i worked too-- but i felt so crappy i broke out in a sweat just standing/washing dishes. i mean a lot of sweat. i felt horrible. then yesterday-- i worked in the room of doom and gloom. which would be soulkids old bedroom. which was such a friggin disaster, that when she came home from rehab, we locked her out of-- and moved her into the "guest room". soo i finally decided that the time was now to get that room cleaned, and packed, and ready for my pal angie-- the great organizer -- dah dah dah-- dah dah-- to sleep in while she is here. i am so stoked about her comin out here. i don't even care if we work. sure it would be great to have her super human organizing skillz to take over my mind at packing time. but it isn't neccessary . we have talked of meeting for quite a while. i just can't believe the time has come, and reallly i don't want it to be a business trip. ya know. so i think we'll just play it by ear. we'll prolly get bored enough to get something done-- but i aint kilin either one of us with this sortin and packin stuff. i'm sure glad she likes to fish tho-- cuz really fishin , eatin , and movies, is all i know what to do around here. (how bout you angie? i hope you're thinkin :))

oh ya-- so anyhow-- i was cleanin the hell room, and after 2 or 3 hours -- i pulled a damn muscle in back and side. must have been some kinda twisting motion thing. i had to stop workin. damn it hurt all friggin night long. so hopefully i can get it done today. that , and my kitchen and good lawd--- i must get groceries. i have no clue how we survived the weekend without shopping. talk about creative cooking. hubby gets off at around noon today tho-- so hopefully he will go with me and help me. it really sucks bein all limited like this. i never really thought i would get to the point of needing help to grocery shop. how sucky is that.? it really really REALLY is gettin to me as i watch myself deteriorate over the months and years, as i tack on more and more limitations onto my daily life. ugh. i feel every second of my age-- but at the same time-- i still feel too young to feel this way. and even worse when i realize how young i was when it all began. 25. that just sucks.

hmmm... does anything not suck today? umm, yes. of course.

"i'm good enough,
i'm smart enough,
and doggone it,
people like me"

(Al Frankin, of SNL )

i love that skit-- as much as i hate affirmatiions, that one makes me laugh. i know it's meant to be funny, but it's just hilareous to me sometimes. cuz he's really such a geek , and ya know he's really a loser, that no one gives a damn about. anyhow... yes i do find dumb stuff funny. maybe that's what keeps me laughin at myself. cuz if i couldn't laugh at my half ziggy half schleprock self ... no one knows where i'd be right now. so i just try to shake it off. some days it takes longer than others to do that-- but i'm noticing that more days than not -- it doesn't take so long to just let shit roll of my back. complacency? or healing? whatever it is, i don't mind.

catch you peeps latah--

todays plan of the day?
take kid for PPD readin (TB test read)
then to school.
then home to finish the room of doom
clean my kitchen
grocery shop
pay my late bills i never got to :((
and hopefully be done by 230---
yep-- i have an arrangement -- i drive mine and two others to school, and another parent will be bringing them home. i'm so thrilled. thAT middle of the day - stop what i'm doing, to pick up kids, really screws things up sometimes. so , woo hoo for that little trade off.

anyhow-- i must go
have yourselves a happy monday
i'll be around on smoke breaks--if i have time for any.