Thursday, October 22, 2009

have i mentioned i hate october

hiya folks-

hope y'all are doin well when ya find yourself here.

me? ugh. just a mornin. same ol- same ol - for the first hour out of bed. fightin pain, and doin the smoke n choke . aside from that? freezin. it's damn chilly here this mornin. it rained all day yesterday-- and all last night. we had flash flooding throughout the area.. but the 'area '' (DFW) -- is enormous, as you know.. and the news only last so long--- so i really don't know what i will be facing on my morning adventures of takin soulkid to school and runnin errands. or soulman either, as he heads the opposite direction going to work. last night.. our street was like a flooded creek though. it was bad. they still have flash flood warnings goin on this morning.

anyone ever actually been IN a flash flood? well, i have -- three actually. those were all in vehicles. no fun. at all. i could happily live the rest of my life not repeating that.
let's hope the rain eases up shall we.

i hope to keep my runnin around to a minimum today-- but y'all know, i pretty much canceled my day yesterday, so there are a few things i cannot cancel today. my poor kitties are starving, and yacking at me this morning. they were out of food yesterday-- no, i didn't starve them.. they feasted on canned salmon actually. but , this morning they aren't very happy, and are sqealin at me to feed them-- the food that was 'on my list' yesterday :(( -- that i didn't get.

hmmm... i thought i was about done here-- yes i know-- a damn exciting post eh?
well anyhow... i know i almost never -- if ever-- have a nice thing to say about my mom-- when i speak of her. but ya know--- she was my mom. and if you haven't noticed-- this last couple weeks, she's come up-- subtly -- in several of my posts.
well.. that would be because i have been thinking of her for a while lately. not by choice-- trust me. i know how horrible that sounds.. and i apologize to those who don't know as much about her as some others do.

bottom line-- she is dead. her last years 'here' could have , and surely would have - been better for her-- if she hadn't been 'the way' she was. even so-- we -- her kids, her sister, maybe a couple of them... we really tried to help her -- it was impossible in some ways. in other ways -- for me -- she was too far away for me to do for her things some others were able to do. but when i could help -- i did what i could.
can you tell.. the gift that keeps on giving-- still gives (guilt)-
but like i said -- she was my mom-- and yesterday was her birthday. so yeh. not a great day for me. most years are much easier than yesterday, but none go by without her on my mind. i think the older -- maybe the 'sicker' -- i get... the more i think of how her last years were. i wonder if or how i coulda made them better for her. and i know i couldn't have done more than i did. i believe that. i tried . it didn't work. no fault of mine--or my families. it just didn't work.
so anyhow. one october birthday out of the way.

just so ya know--- there's another one comin.. in just a few days--- when i get over that hump--- maybe i can get back to my ole self.

happy almost the weekend folks