Thursday, November 12, 2009

it's almost time to go - and i don't know how to get there !

it's time. someone just do it . please. i ask soulman-- well, i had to stop actually, because he got upset. but i asked for a while.... "soulman, please find Dr Kevorkian for me".
y'all remember him right?

"dr death"
he would put people to sleep like animals -
when they were too sick or in too much pain
to have a life anymore.
at their own request obviously- or a family members'.
(not sure whatever happened to him tho - went to jail? who knows.)

anyhow. my point? it's just one-a-those days. i feel like someone is shootin white-hot darts (or needles) into my back ! it's horrible. this is something i haven't felt until after the rhizotomy thing. and it has been goin on ever since. i really hoped that damn thing would help me. things have only gotten worse.
and to top it off? i woke up this morning with low back pain. the one thing that i have had goin for me since the back hell? the steroid epidural in my low back. that DID help. immensely. miraculously even. my LOW back, and my legs have felt almost normal- almost, for much of the time- pain free- without meds. i've been thrilled about that part. but this morning , i woke up feelin depressed and angry that i had pain there. not to mention the upper back and neck pain-- and the voo-doo doll needle bs in my back. (no i don't believe in that. i just don't know how to explain that stuff. it's just awful. )

so anyhow-- now that i got my bitchfest out of the way. (i really am sorry that i do that - you know that right? y'all are the only ones who listen tho. if i complain here? someone else is always worse off, it seems. since when did pain become a competition? )

so. what i meant to begin this stupid thing with in the first place?
i have to leave here in like half an hour or so to head to the airport-- but wouldn't ya know it--- NOT the big airport that i have been to a million times. i have to go to an airport i have been to like once. and i don't remember how to get there! no clue.
yes. i have a GPS. thank God for that. i'm sure i'll find my way. but, i have no idea even how far it is to get there, how long it takes to get there. i don't know how the place is laid out, like where the gates are. i don't know nuthin.

i do know that i just finished off an entire pack of cigarettes - that i opened when i woke up this morning. nervous much? shit.
my house is a disaster area. it looks even worse than it did yesterday--- rather than better. soulman did wash most of the dishes for me. thanks hunny!
but as for the rest of the place? rather than do more cleaning? i've done more draggin crap IN from the garage that came from storage. i just can't help myself. some of it i am just excited to see. and other stuff i am trying to just get through because there are a few things, that i haven't seen yet, and i am wondering where in the hell it is.

anyways, i'm tired, and i'm hungry, i hurt, and i'm a nervous wreck. ugh. i need about three hundred things to be done, and only like half an hour to get it done in. think that'll happen? yeh, me either.
but - like i said, she's (my friend who's coming) is like family, and she really won't care what the place looks like. trust me, she has seen worse. she has seen, and even lived with us back in the roach motel days when we were kids. so it's all good.
besides, she's not gonna care about the house , we'll be catchin up, and she'll prolly be tired when she gets here anyhow. then we have the play to go to tonight. so, if she bitches , i'll just slap her around a little bit. nah i'm kiddin. this is the girl who knocked my front tooth out when we were like 15. hahahahaha-- true story. but-- one all it's own-- for a day i have more time. :))

ok folks-- i must go set my GPS and hopefully find my way.

for those who commented that she may have changed to a point of untrustworthiness
(did i spell that wrong?) -- anyhow-- nah. i'm not worried about that-- she's a twice a week church person. non smoker- non-drinker , non- party people type. can't get more trusty than that -- can ya?
anyhow. no turnin back now.
worst thing that can happen now is the soul clan might divorce me. -- or , well, maybe she'll knock out another tooth!

hope y'all have great days in your worlds today!

oh, and yes, i will take pix at the play-- but remember soulkid is crew-- i don't know if i'll get many- or any of her. :(( she is costume manager-- remember?

please pray that i don't get lost goin to the airport :))