Thursday, October 20, 2011

gettin shot in the neck can't be fun

how's things peeps?  good i hope.

things here?  well, hard to say.  but i'm ready to leave and had a few minutes to spare and figgered i'd spend em with y'all.   i know my thoughts and words have been a total mess here lately, but hey, gimmee some credit for at least tryin to stay in touch eh?  anyhow  what am i ready for? to go get shot to hell. that's what. yeh.  i think i mentioned it a few days ago.  i have to go get more steroid shots today.  i have been needin them for several months , but putting em off due to lack of funds.  the pain has gotten to a level that i just can't stand anymore.  i did a little robbing from peter to pay paul and made it happen.  so i go in this morning - like in about 20 minutes to get the procedure done.  i've had these injections before - just not this many .  this time there will be four - in three areas.  two in my neck - two in my spine.  like i said before - i don't fear the shots -- i'm asleep when they do them.  i don't feel anything.  afterwards i wake up within 30 , minutes. then i leave. my hubby drives me and picks me up - he always has me a fresh cup of coffee - cuz i can't have anything (fast) before the procedure. so you know i'm ready to kill someone and have a bad headache by then.  anyhow - we go home - i sleep off the sleepy meds from the doc. and life goes on.  thing is?  this time - i just have a strange feeling about the whole thing.  one like i've not had before.  i feel like i will have a lot of pain afterwards. i hope it's just a worry, or a normal thing.  maybe it's because i am at the  level of pain that i am at right now.  getting better due to a few shots seems unreachable as a quick fix.  i don't know why i feel like it isn't gonna work, or that it may back-fire is beyond me. but the thought hasn't left my mind since i got this scheduled.  in the last few months i have learned to live my life as it is .. deal with the pain, and do the best that i can, when i can.  weird thing is -- since i scheduled the shots?  either the pain has gotten worse , or i fell back into the old habits, and gave into it again.  either way - i'm not liking the results.  and i can only hope that this round will relieve some if not a lot of this pain, and i can get back to where i was.  or better. 

i know you each have your own stuff goin on in your worlds - i hope it's gettin handled -- don't let it handle YOU !

i gotta go get shot up :))

i'll check in later -- when i wake up -- or sober up   -- whichever comes first

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

well hell - now ith part 2 (@1050 pm)

have i not had enough to deal with in the last week or two already?  yeh, it's not been all bad. i know that.  in fact, i can't even say that it's been 'bad'.  just nerve wracking. nearly every single day, it's been 'somethin'.  and yup, not every somethin is about me. but it does affect me.  i'm not a robot.  i've been trying to not be so 'revealing' on my blog since i kinda got back to posting more often.  not sure how that's going.  or if it's better or worse for you.  hell, i don't really even know how many are readin here.  i know of  the few who leave comments -- you know i love the comments.  sorry i haven't been answerin for a while - as i said - hectic in soul land lately.  i'll get back on track.  eventually :((

well.  looks like you get a break already -- soulkid just brought some lunch home -- i can't figure out how to save this for later -- yup i forgot -- so guess i'll post it and get back to it later.

hope y'all have good afternoons - catchya tonight i reckon -

'chow'  :))

----------  hello again ---

yeh, i know - took me a while to get back.  sorry.  i never really found anything new to add .  well.  i sort of had something ore to say when i left, just not a way to say it.  now, after a kinda lethargic feeling day, including a two hour nap, and a lot of TV . i decided i'd just let this topic go. it's too soon to be bringin it up anyways.  i don't even know why i'm thinkin about it.  i'll get to it when i get to it.

so, what i am close to - and gettin to right now is bed time.  and my bed.  so all i have to say at this time is goodnight -

or even good morning - if your just wakin up or comin in with your coffee.  wish this was a better post.  i know it sucks and i should just file it in the round - file.. but it's already here , and that would take effort.

so.  off i go --- til next i write -
til then - sweet dreams -
-- speakin of dreams ? never take heavy pain meds at bed time. yowza !  crazy dreams the last few days... i skipped pain meds tonight ! i might pay for it - but i bet i'll have better dreams -

or will i ?

Monday, October 17, 2011

i picked a bad life to quit smoking ~

dontchya think?  you know i was gonna say 'day', when it hit me ~ any day, is a bad day to quit smokin'.   that's prolly why i never succeed.  but .. i am at it once again . in of course , a half assed manner. once again . there is just too much goin on .  as always.  y'all know me. yall know how my life is.

if things are ever runnin smoothly - it's only for a matter of seconds. then it's chaos again. at best perhaps it might be controlled chaos.  if i'm lucky.  but we all know i have 'schleprock on my shoulder - and the devil on the other.  so anyhow, yeh a couple days ago i randomly decided to put on a nicotine patch and buy a electronic cigarette... along with a pack of smokes - just in case i failed.  so of course i couldn't just let perfectly good cigs go to waste in such stressful times - not with so much goin on.  Sushi was very ill, hospitalized even.  i read my own suicide note ! (from three years back) yeh , honestly - and it was very emotional for me i might add.  this month is a very rough time for me - 22 years runnin all in itself - without added crap.. and i have a lot of added crap.  this is also - i counted this time - my third year after almost dieing from a blood clot in my lung - know when that happened?  close to two weeks after i wrote the 'suicide note'.  can you believe that?  what a wake up call directly from God. don't you think so?  i have to say when i realized that - only a few days ago, i nearly fell out of my chair.  i didn't remember writing the 'note'.  it was on my computer.  not really entitled to be called such a thing... but i can tell that's what it was meant to be.  it was full of emotion, and helplessness.  defeat.  with no where to go .  i got sad and felt helpless reading it.  it was hard for me to believe that it was me who wrote it -- i sort of wanted to help 'that person'.  it was weird.

then -  later i realized that it was only two weeks later that i had the blood clot (pulmonary embolism)  that could have killed me. but didn't.  i was in extreme pain for two days before i saw a doctor for it.  apparently i wanted to die, then i should have died, but i didn't die.  i can still remember that pain.  i still remember fighting to live in the hospital.  i still remember how happy i was the day soulman took me home.  i even remember getting into the car when we left the hospital.  a friend called me right after soulman shut my car door !

all of this is very strange, i know.  when i read it all, it seemed strange and distant to me too.  even stranger is the fact that a person.. better yet that I, could sort of be shown the true options of life and death in a matter of a couple of weeks.  literally .  and how i was also shown, that i was feeling so tragically alone with myself - but when the truth was revealed to me while i was sick, my friends and people who loved and cared about me flooded my mailbox, my blog, my email, even my phone - i could hardly speak, and folks called me - just to say they loved me.  i was overwhelmed. 

the strength i gained from that experience gave me a whole new sense of life and love.  it gave me HOPE.  enough hope to share with a certain person that many of you still remember struggling a few years back.  we both nearly died around that time through a whole different set of circumstances.  but the love y'all shared with my entire little family is what brought us though that situation.  i hope you can give yourselves the credit you deserve for that.  because i don't think i've done it properly.  i felt it and i still do.  but i don't think i said the right words - or expressed my gratitude in the right way.  so many of you in your own unique ways saved the life of each one of us here.   only this last few days have i put it all together in an individual way.  i guess i wasn't capable of doing that before.  or if i did, you know how i am, maybe i forgot.  like i said - reading from three years ago really was like the first time.  there's so much stuff in these pages it is like reading a strangers blog sometimes -- well, if not for the soul - speak.  no one writes like me.  :))  

y'all gotta know i love ya.  if you don't know it - maybe i need to knock some heads around?

i reckon i should shut my self up , before ya run off. 

don't be a stranger eh?

be happy in your world tonight -
see ya soon -


Saturday, October 15, 2011

if dogs could read - would they take heed ?

 mornin peoples - and peoplettes -  how's things in your worlds today?  hope this finds y'all in a happy day ... 

things in my world are - well, fair to midland i could say .  the last  few days have been a true roller coaster ride.  lots of things goin on.  actually i spose i could say it's been a real crazy week.  i reckon i'll start with the most recent and work my way backwards.  the main, and the most  worrisome happinin lately is our youngster, 'Sushi'.  most of you know she is our pup, the miniature pinscher.  

 sushi- in her bee suit - 2010?

 well, our poor lil sushi  had to go to the doggy doc yesterday. she had been very sick for a couple of days.  she had been puking BLACK for two days.  ALOT. twice ON my bed! yup went thru two bedspreads ! in a matter of minutes.. i ended up havin to break out my grammas hand sewn quilt - that i have never had on a bed. ever.  luckily - it went unscathed - cuz we decided to crate the poor baby overnight.  these things happened near bedtime - but the puking had been goin on for a couple hours.

the next day she 'seemed' to be better .. but still vomiting some, but less - and not 'herself'.  - (we keep the dog dishes in the back of the house in the laundry room so i wasn't sure if she had been eating or drinking -- i assumed she was. ) - so that night we left her out of her crate.  she sleeps in our bed - so yesterday morning i woke up with her dry heaving on my bed.  and it sounded bad -- hard and painful.  i put her outside asap.  i didn't watch her - but i'm sure she got sick.  a few minutes later after she came back in.. she puked in my bedroom.  this time it was only a little bit - and was obvious she hadn't been eating.. it was only stomach acid.. greenish/yellow.  that's when i made an appointment with the vet.  it wasn't gonna be til three hours later.  in that time - i i planned to get bills paid and do biness stuff.  (payday= bill day) . i hadn't been in my office for a few days - where my desk-top puter and bills etc are ...
 that's when i  found the culprit on the office floor moments after i set the appointment. you won't believe what it was --- a package of 'desiccant' ! yep the stuff that comes in shoe boxes and such that says 'Do Not Eat - 1000 times all over it. welp , it was empty - she ate it. and  poor baby. she who eats ALL would eat nothing last night. 

 desiccant + Sushi = a very sick puppy 

she is in a lot of pain. she cried and whimpered at only the slight touch of a stethoscope!   
in the beginning of the exam - and the extent of her pain.. and the area of it ... the things the vet said -- ooh , i was terrified at what the outcome might be.  her pain was so severe -- and in the area of her liver, pancreas, upper gastro/stomach, and other vital organs - i almost collapsed at the possibilities of 'losing ' her.
i agreed to extensive lab work , stool sample / for blood, x-rays- for an obstruction, and other tests.  they don't do IV's on dogs her size - they somehow do a fluid injection into her back.  which caused a fluid sac to form in her chest!  it made her pain unbearable for her!  her legs shook when she stood or walked. she cried at the slightest touch .  it was so awful for her - that i almost couldn't stand it myself !
she had to stay at the vet for about five hours .. i couldn't stop worrying the whole time.  
the good news is -- her labs were great! (aside from excess fat :)) , but that was no surprise.. the lil piglet weighs 22 pounds!.. someone needs to go on a diet methinks .  her vital organs are wonderful.  no surgery- or imminent death. that was a huge relief.  because i was certainly preparing myself for the worst.  you know she is my tick. we are attached at the hip. when i am home and not movin around she is in the chair right next to me! always. i was sooo upset all day.  after she got home i tried to feed her- everything i could think of. that would be light on her tummy.  she wouldn't eat a thing. very unlike her - she eats anything anytime.

good news?  this morning, she is doing better.  less pain, but still has some. it's obvious, but she is getting around better.  i gave her some  cambells chicken noodle soup :))  she only ate the broth.  but at least she ate something. she woke up- went outside as usual, ate, and came back to bed.  i feel terrible for her.  but am so happy that she is getting better and didn't kill herself from eating that stuff. 


good lawd -- wanna know what it cost us to save her ass?  569.00  !!!!  thank God it was payday !!! (AND we actually were lucky enough to get a tax refund this year -- guess when it hit the bank? yup, yesterday.  there is a little luck in my world :)) - between the vet , and new tires on soulkids car?  we only missed under 100.00 bucks .. woot) 

i reckon this is a long enough post for one day -- but i do have somethin for a special friend of mine -- you know who you are -- LOOK what i saw at the store the other day -- watch your mail LBF -- i just may get a wild hair some day  :))

Thursday, October 13, 2011


in the day -

and the night !

it's a wonder i sleep at all around here .


Wednesday, October 12, 2011


yola folks and folkettes -what's goinin on ? !

how's things in yalls world?  things are runnin fairly smooth in mine. wait .  that's a lie.  i spose i'm just used to sayin that .  it works though .  there truly is power in positive lying.  i mean thinking.  but honestly now, this is my blog right?  this is where i'm supposed to be able to come and spill the beans about my real stuff isn't it?  i could lie if ya want me to.  do you?  prolly so.  ok.  i will.  the good news is -- my sister came out for a visit this past weekend. a real live just to visit  - visit.  not cuz i was sick.  not to help me work on the house.  not to catch a flight out of the country - really , she does those things on occasion.  and none of those visits are for any length of time - or much fun.  this time there was no other agenda or depressing stuff to deal with. just US. and LOTS of walking and shopping, and fewd. we were on GO from the mooinute she got here til the minute she left - and we had a real good time.  it was exhausting.. but it was fun.  i do hope she feels the same.  (ehem?) she got here Friday and left late afternoon sunday.  i will say this much -- i was happy to see her , she is leaving the country again in only a few weeks, i would have been sad if i didn't get to see her first -- but , yeh, i was also happy to find the OFF swith after she went home.  :))  she took my last ounce of energy with her.  :))

ok.. what else?  OH. while she was here - yeh, we did find a little down time.  one evening we watched some home videos we made back in the day -- around 1988-1990 ish.  those were great fun to watch.  as in belly laugh fun.  i know how folks feel about other peoples home movies - but these are just different guys. these are MY nephews.  the three lil monkeys you've read about for all these years.  don't you wanna see them when they were little brats?  :))  only a couple -- just take a peek - you can stop em whenever ya want to - but at least give em a chance -- k?

--- ugh - i just remembered -- i haven't put a movie on here in ages ... maybe i won't -- i'll wait til i fish posting -- then at least i can save my post before i potentionally screw something up.

ok-- continuing on -- and prolly gonna forget all about posting the vidz...

ummmm.....     hmmmm.  seems i got nuthin.  how can that be?  prolly cuz i'm liein thru my teeth. oh, not about anything i've written.  i mean just by omission. yep.  there's stuff i'm just trying not to say.  so with my fingers all tied up?  i have nothin to talk about.  lemmee go see if i have any new pix to show ya...

ok -- i found a few photos -

 this is our dog "Eevee'
when i get too hungry , i look like her 
like right now.  i am stahvin !

 these are the fish tacos i have mentioned here
i wish i could have some for dinnah !
but, Soulman is cookin - right now... and it smells

this is a gigantic grasshopper on top of my car -
i bet ya i could catch "WALTER" with him.
what do you think about that?
thing about that for me is -- i never use live bait :((

ok folks - ya wanna hear what i'm holdin back?  it's not any kind of bad news.  nuthin ya haven't heard before .  well some of it is.   damn whatever is cookin is gettin yummy and yummier smellin.  i don't even know what it is.

ok anyhow. i'll start with soulman. he finallllllleeeeee went to the dr today. a podiatrist. his foot has been causing him a shit-ton of pain for months.  he is a pretty big guy for those who don't know.  he also is a pilot instructor, who stands on his feet all day, every day. 8-10 hours a day.  so, he came home from the doc and gave me the rundown.  it doesn't sound like much fun for him.  in fact it sounds kinda scary for him.  it looks like he may be facing surgery.  for a man who has to stand on his feet for a livin.. and stands to fish for a hobby -- this could be life altering if they can't fix his foot -- or worse, if they screw it up.  they have to actually grind and cut his bone !  ugh.  i'm worried for him.  i'm sure he is too, but of course he says he isn't.  this could take place as soon as just a few weeks.  yeh, we are both worried.  

all i will say about me is my pain is just about out of control. has been for a few months.  i haven't had the money to do anything about it, but finally scheduled the shots i need to hopefully help.  this time it's a big thing. or maybe i'm just a worry wart. i knew all this a day or two ago and found out today about hubby.  mine is scheduled for the 20th of this month.  hubby could be having surgery only a couple weeks behind my procedure. i'm gettin shots in both sides of my neck and two areas of my spine this time.  i am not worried about the shots themselves - i have had this done a half a dozen times.  i am worried about the pain i might have afterwards .. it happens.. and if it flares up any worse than it already is.. it is just gonna suck.

wellp ladies and gents -- i just heard the dinner bell -- yall know where i'm headin.. you are saved from any family movies for this day.  maybe next time.  :))

have happy nights - or mornings in yalls worlds -- you know i will try -- i'm actually doin pretty good lately -- hope yall are too 

no time for proofreading -- i hope you got thru this mess

Wednesday, October 5, 2011


mornin peeps !  i reckon it's gettin close to coffee time for y'all.  come on in.  i'm havin my coffee, and smokes .  if ya don't know by now, this is what i call 'the smoke and choke'.  where i cruise around the computer - either business, or pleasure, i chain smoke, and pour coffee down my gullet for an extended period of time. i have learned to cut my intake of these small pleasures - but enjoy them just as much as before :)).

so anyhow - i hope y'all are stumbling in here  in a good mood -- or, even better -- i hope you leave feeling  better than when you arrived ! i hate to make ya feel worse.  it is surely not my intention. i have no bad news - so i don't think ya have any worries to forge on today.  :)).

this sure was an early day for me.  not how i wanted it to be , that's for sure.  245 AM.  yippee.  damn back pain woke me up yellin at me.  then i decided i had to go pee.  when i came back to bed - i noticed the tv was entirely too loud.  i turned it down// then realized the channel was on 'something' totally ridiculous.  obviously had to turn it down, and change the channel. then what do you think happened?  yup- found a really cute show that caught my interest! so i had to take a pain pill, light a cig, and watch what was left of it!  after that?  it was 3 AM, and i was wide awake !  what do you think happened next?  yippers -- i got out of bed -- and here i am, in my office -- talkin to you!  hello!

 i know it's been a few days since i've posted anything.  i have posted fish pix on face book the last two or three days.  but that's about it.  just tryin to let folks know i'm still alive .  well,  ok.  also to brag a little maybe :))

but i really was planning to not put them on face book - but here -- and let folks on facebook come here to see em.  if they made it over.  but i just didn't have the time or the energy to do that yet. -- so -- to go with my original plan -- and for those folks who don't use FB - or those who do still come by here-- :)) hello to you!! --

here are my recent catches - and more- i am gettin so close to Walter -- i can smell him!!!  he just might be at lake fork -- but i sure am doin good at the local ponds this past week... he just might be in one of em.  he's close.  he's real close.  and i am on a quest.  i think i am gettin a little help with my new found fishin buddy -- know who he is??  Jesus!  yeh , we talk when i fish.  and i am gettin some really niiiice fish when we have talks.  so i can't help but to acknowledge him.  it is the little things ya know.  he has been helpin with the big things too -- but i'm not here for a sermon.  i'm sure y'all know he works in my life by now.  i'd be dead five times over if he didn't.  right?

hmmmm... so, does anybody care to make a wager ? that i get walter before new years 2012?  that could get interesting.  especially since i never fish in the cold - and it is beginning to cool off .- this could give me reason to not hibernate this year.  although- if i freeze to death -- i might blame YOU.  :))   shall i show ya what a ten pound bass looks like?  then my most recent catches?  man i'm close.

i do not know these people-

(click all pix to enlarge)

this pic = girl has a ten pounder / guy has a 6 pounder
my quest is Walter - the elusive ten pounder !
i have caught more than one 6 + pounder.


9-17-11 TO 9-24






-same fish as above - (10-4-11)

thoughts?  think this is my year?  we have a raincheck from our fishin guide -- due to my stupid injury on our guide day.  so perhaps 'walter' is at Lake Fork?  maybe i can catch him there?  or just perhaps -- he is at one of the local ponds that i have been doing so well at lately???   either way.  any way?  i have pulled out my 'back to basic lures etc, and decided , the new fangled expensive fancy , pretty , baits they have coin out with over the passed few years are nothing but just that.  pretty and expensive.  this last week, i have gone back to basics.  the regular ole stuff we fished with back in the day -- and just look what happened!  people stopped using the good ole fashioned stuff.  i reckon it's like home cookin... there just isn't anything that compares.  basic basic basic.  there really is an easier softer way.
i hope walter can see that !!!

y'all have wonderful days today my peeps !  mine will busy again, but that's about the norm these days.  and that's ok by me.

my sistah -- my real life sistah is coming to visit us for the weekend -- i'm so excited!  i was afraid she would leave the country again and not get to see each other for another year.  but we will!  that makes me happy.  of course- it means i must clean up my house.  that's not a nightmare like it used to be though-- the place actually doesn't look so bad these days.  well -- if ya don't look up or down, at least :))  neck pain can have it's advantages sometimes - ha!

bye folks !ha - hey it's humpday -- make it happy !! enjoy yourself!

be 17 again for a day
- wouldn't that be FUN ?