Sunday, February 10, 2013

one foot in front of the other

hi folks --
hope y'all are having good days out there.  i'm tryin.  tryin to not allow myself to stagnate.  i have been doing pretty good at that for a while lately.  for some time though, i swear i was growing mold. 
today, i am trying to not get resentful and angry about a few things.  it isn't easy.  i opened my kitchen blinds this morning -- that's something i haven't done in a while...  for one thing, i had been away for over a week up until a few days ago, and another, i just sort of got out of the habit of -- well, nearly moving, much less opening the blinds!   well, this morning i did, just before i  -- get this ... cleaned my kitchen! :))   .. even after the disappointment that awaited me behind the blinds.   what was it? you may be wondering...   well there's a little back - story to it ...  a few weeks ago, on night , me and soulman were sitting in the living room, it was dark outsided, and we could hear the kids next door in their yard playing.  then we kept hearing what sounded like rocks hitting our kitchen window.. but every time he went out side to look they would hide!   he or i, never did catch them throwing rocks, nor did we notice anything broken.
UNTIL this morning! i opened my blinds and noticed a big old broken/cracked bulls-eye type break in my kitchen window!!  and it's not like we can replace a little panel.  we have to replace the entire giant window -- IF we end up fixing it.  oooooohhhh.  it's taking a lot of back peddling for me -- every time i think about it.   but i am just not gonna let myself get mad about something i know happened weeks ago.  and that i cannot prove to anyone to make them pay for.  it's on us to fix, so why get all ate up about it right?     so .. this is like i was saying yesterday ..  i am trying to get back to who i used to be -- back to the Soul - i used to be.  yep.. shit happens, but i don't have to let it be huge and ruin my day.  i just have to do the next right thing in front of me.  so that's what i did.  i finished my dishes, and the rest of the stuff i had to do .. and here i am .. and when i'm done here - i am gonna go out on this wonderfully unseasonably sunshine filled day and take care of some business :))   when i can assure you all, that even one week ago,  i would have let that window ruin my day.  i would have shut the blinds , sat back in my chair, and cancelled the day altogether.  i would have sat there frown faced and angry until soulman came home from work and made sure to share my misery with him.  unless i had to immediately text him and ruin his day even sooner . 
i didn't do that. 
i just wanted to jump in here and share that with y'all.   i have been living in pure emotionally turmoil for a long while.  i don't know why.  but i do feel it changing..  i feel the tides- a - turnin.  i guess i just want to let -- someone --- know --- if you are having a bad time of things ... even if it's every damn thing ...  just hang in there -- cuz it won't last forever.

don't give up.  it will get better.  

even if you open your blinds and the window is cracked --- it's better than not opening the blinds at all  :))

later y;'all

have happy days in your worlds today --- i will  :))