Sunday, April 25, 2010

be careful what ya ask for --

mornin peoples -- and peoplettes :))

how is your sunday comin together so far? i can't really complain. yet. well, i can always complain... we know this, right. but i won't . yet. no need really.

i was just sittin here doin my mornin thing, smokin and chokin, and just 'reflectin' i spose. took a brief scan over a few recent posts and comments. and i came to a realization. of sorts. i noticed a sort of pattern, i think. i had been a bit pouty lately. 'i'm bored'. 'i need some excitement in my life', 'something needs to happen'.
well, guess what folks? it's true. be careful what ya ask for. cuz when ya get to sayin, or thinkin stuff life that-- somethin will and does happen, and it aint always good.

i been whinin about bein trapped and bored for weeks-- and runnin away and that. for weeks -- and if ya look at the last few weeks-- like to the beginning of april--- it hasn't been all that boring around here-- has it? nooooo.
let's have a review, shall we?

alot can happen in 25 days.
[ oh Lord -- i just realized. i will be 44 years old in three and a wake up -- if i live that long ;(( ]

without me actually checking - again- ... i may be out of order a bit-- but here we go ----

i think it actually began on a pretty good note-- bitter-sweet perhaps-- audrey was here -- preparing to head back to california-- but we were having real fun, and laughin til we couldn't breathe ! it was great fun, that was well deserved. for both of us. but it was short lived.

a few days in... soulman left for a -- big tournament down south tx way-- for him, it was big , and long planned, not to mention expensive-- he would fish on the back , with a big pro fisherman, he was excited as a child. i was excited for him.
one thing tho-- he left easter sunday morning, after a nice breakfast with me and soulkid-- which was good. but-- soulkid, had let it be known... she was not happy with her dad not being home on a holiday. --- when he planned this-- he didn't realize it was easter-- but -- hell, lets be adult-- it's not like Christmas or Thanksgiving-- and she IS 16. but she really took it hard. first holiday without daddy -- in years. innocent mistake-- and too much money invested to just 'not go'.

sorry -- but here comes some 'code language' to protect some privacy-- but that very next day -- early morning-- the bottom fell out of soul-land for quite a while-- maybe a couple weeks,, but initially, it was very traumatic. and i had no idea how to handle the situation. many outside 'professionals' were called in, and of course soulman was called home. AS he was launching the boat with his pro, beginning the first day of the tournament.
part of me didn't want to call him. but-- his baby needed him here-- I needed him here. and later when he was here, and i told him , that i almost didn't call? he said he would have been PISSED. i was glad then that i did call. --- it's hard to know when to call and when not to at times like that-- but i reckon i did the right thing. phew.
making decisions was so hard for a while after that.

so-- of course--- there was a lot of decision making -- and it involved each of us-- over the next week or so-- it also involved y'all-- in a way. what to say-- what not to say. etc. i felt bad for that. but even in that area-- i think i made the right decision, with my blabbermouth self.

i don't remember what came next. oh. my damn spending spree. ? maybe. the tattoo. the antique curio. smokin a hookah-- and allowing my child to do the same.
not to mention allowing her to spend a few hundred dollars on clothes and crap that she really didn't need. just a lot of overcompensating. that's what i think, at least.

i think after that- was when my coffee pot took a crap. good thing it still works.

cuz the next death in the family was our fridge/freezer. it was only the freezer part... but that was enough. we lost a couple hundred dollars worth of food-- plus i think close to 800.00 bucks for the new one. it should be here in an hour or two. it'll be nice i'm sure. neither of us can age this one. we've had it for apparently EVER. maybe since florida-- which would make it 14-- perhaps kansas - which would make it 11. we can't think of anywhere else we woulda bought it. so it has served us well, but i wish it woulda died on a poor day. not a day it had two racks of ribs, and a 4 day old 22.00 slab or two of salmon in it :(( it makes me ill.
not to mention what it will cost to re-stock it.

our summer vacation money is nearly gone. this is also the first summer in many years that we even had actual plans to go somewhere. three somewheres to be exact-- and a tentative -- somewhere for july fourth weekend for our anniversary. IF we happened to have any money left. obviously, that won't be happenin. we will be blessed to build it up enough to keep our original plans.

help me-- i'm in soul-hell.

but--- i reckon we are also blessed. at least we aren't at the corner store pan-handlin. right?