Wednesday, January 14, 2009

in case you wondered

yep soulkid got home yesterday. more like last night. i was still at friggin wally hell when it was time to pick her up from rehab, so hubby got her on his way home from work--without me. she understood, but i feel like i should have been there -- i wanted to be. but i also didn't want her to come home to an empty kitchen. according to her, the poor kid has been surviving on wilted lettuce the entire time she's been in there. i joke about it-- but soulman went to see her while i was away, and said they brought her a meal because they ran over time in doing what they were doing, and she offered him her sandwich... because she was only going to eat the "wilted salad" -- that they never change out until it's gone i might add. soulman said that the cheese in the sandwich looked like someone had been chewing on it.... he passed. sooo ummm, yep, i had to be sure that there would be good healthy stuff , and plenty of junk food that she could could "graze freely" upon. and she did. and drinks. of course the first thing she spied was a half eaten box of truffles from christmas -- she devoured those immediately. and even though i made sure to cook at home, she didn't want it -- cuz she was full of stuff..and chocolate :)) -- she had a hot pocket later tho. healthy stuff i know. but she's young. first free reign of the food in over a month too. you know that has to be fun for a kid. and soooo not when your in rehab and never get what you want or like -- especially when you want it.

so anyhow. wally hell. yes it was hell. i'll tell ya. it wasn't the first time i'd been grocery shopping" in months... but man i swear , it sure as hell felt like it. as far as shopping goes around here... my guess is -- maybe a year-- we've bought the bare minimum at a time. milk, a couple days worth of stuff, or a holiday meal menu of stuff, bread, etc.. you know just the 30-50.00 trips. then we would have dinner out-- and weekends sometimes lunch too. cooking at home had all but ceased . somewhere around something physical with me -- not sure what it was-- i'm thinkin it was when my legs started buggin me, and standing long periods became a problem.
but - anyhow, the last time i talked with soulkid the visit before she got sprung... i told her that she and i were going to start cooking at home (she and i ), and eating at home-- like humans. and she likes that idea. she even smiled.

it's been so long since that girl has looked me in my face--in my eyes, and smiled at me. a true smile. not a crooked sarcastic smile--- or a "you're rediculous" smile. she's happy y'all.
i was very nervous about her coming home, and ww3 taking off right where it ended when she went into rehab. it was so not that way. i didn't know how to act. respond. whatever the word may be. so, i guess i just let it happen. and i liked it. she hugged me! often! and she kissed me too ! a few times ! and she helped me put the groceries away -- with NO alterior motive!!!
my daughter is home.
i have missed her.
she's been gone far longer than this last couple months ya know?
this is the soulkid i haven't seen in two years. i hope she sticks around .
i can't take anymore heartache. i just can't.
she has to make it.

and.. i'm late for a dr appt. so i have to make it too i spose.

i hope y'all are happy out there-