Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Oh Lord where are the sleepy gods?

I'll only whine for a sec this time. It's the , well, time. It's 4:25 AM. I have not been to sleep, nor do i have the need or opportunity to do so - at the moment. I can't believe how screwed up my sleep/ non sleep schedule has been this passed week. But i do understand why it has been so impossible, and it hasn't killed me yet, so i reckon it won't.
The only problem about not sleepin last night? Is that i have to take soulman to surgery @ about 530 to be there at 6:00 AM. Not really a big deal. I plan to sit in my car once they take him back , and dont need me anymore. That's what i did last time, and they called me when he woke up.

Other than that, neither of us are too nervous about things anymore. We've had time to talk to docs, get things all set up, get a better idea of the procedure .. All that mumbo jumbo. Sounds worsevthan the first time as far as the actually surgery.. It will involve a titanium plate on the bottom of his foot, shaving off parts of bone, cutting a large tendon, and a much longer recover period.

But - we are more prepared to explain the issues he had with the anestiologist- side effects, how to hopefully prevent or lessen them etc.

And he went back to work too soon last time- that wont happen this time.

God- i felt bad last time for him, he really had a rough couple months. Less worry this time, but, yup..i think we are pretty much more prepared fore before and after.

Ha! And as for my last few posts... Ummmm, i best get the coffee started fro this one... BRB :))

Does anything smell better than fresh brewing coffee? Not to me. They need coffee incence if ya ask me. Do they have it? I gotta find out!

So, anyhow, first, i must say thanks for all the great comments y'all left! They were all so from the heart, and they all meant the world to me. Please never think a word you say goes unnoticed by me! If i don't reply, it's prolly just cuz i don't know what to say... I bet y'all feel that way here too sometimes. I really feel bad when i do that to you. But honestly, ya gotta know by now- i just ,think, and my fingers do the rest!
I know it isn't easy sometimes for you - guess not for me either - but as my buddy 'paxie' put it, 'cathartic' fits rather nicely.

There really is a lot of 'stuff' goin on round here ... For a long while. It piles up, and i play tough, acting like it's all good, and nothing bothers me. Well eventuall, it gets to be too much for me. This time of year - there is a single thing that sends me in a tailspin all on its own. This year there's three things for every one i mentioned. So yeh. Any one 'normal' person would have a tough time, but i think writing it out here, and knowing many of y'all are still here, and rootin for me- made a world of difference!

I ate a few good meals, and aside from last night - maybe one other tossed in there ???? My sleep was improving, food, and sleep is pretty important for me and when that gets out of whack, my mood goes to hell too.
So i been workin on that. Last night, i think i was just worried if i went to sleep, i wouldnt get up on time. So even with my, put a horse down, bed time meds failed me and i just couldn'd sleep. I reckon i shall nap with hubby while he sleeps off his knock out drugs later.

As for the va appts and implants i mentioned for myself? Just the consult is on the 28th of march... It could be months before i know a thing about a thing there.

So - i apologize for bein a crybaby. It's really a lot to carry 'on my own'.
The hardest part is 'feeling' alone in all of it. I just feel like i can't or shouldn't talk about my stuff.. It doesn't ever go well.

I feel like i can't be sick or have problems. I'm supposed to be the strong one. I always have been. All the way back to when i was a kid. People don't handle it well, when 'i can't'

So. I CAN. And, I AM. No matter what it takes, or how long.

I want to stop. I want the crap, and the pain, in and out to stop, but that just isn't gonna happen on it's own. It may not happen at all. But i do have options. They are new, they are scary.. It is my job to research, and do what i can to make new and better things happen in my life!

Thank you all for reminding me of that!!!

Ps- i will be available for words with friends or other time consuming stuffs this mornin... If any of you have time

Bbl - with a cooking question post - as per joz :)) you can always count on soul sis to inspire me eh?

Happy humpday!!