i don't know WTH to say wednesday

thoughtless. but here i am.  for your entertainment.  howya doin?  it's humpday!  yippee.  half way through the week.  isn't that special?  would y'all believe that i have ben busy all week.. well, today hasn't really started .. the busy has , but not the gettin out part.  i can't like it!  i might be gettin used to it.  but i don't like it.  gettin out i mean.  perhaps it's a 'fake it til ya make it' kinda thing, for now.  i know it's good for me.  especially the walking and the sunshine, and the bein forced to communicate with real people outside of my family type stuff.  but man i tell ya.  y'all know by now... i really would rather stay right here where i'm at.  inside my house.. away from people.  away from traffic.  away from anyone, and everything.  just me and my stuff, my pets, my people, myself.  it was- is gettin so bad - i haven't even been goin fishin.  and this is the last of the last good weather days.  WTF is wrong with me?   don't answer that. :))   i already know.  i know the 'real' answer.. and i know half a dozen sarcastic ones too.  but really.  it still doesn't make me 'want' to go or do anything.   

my girl still doesn't have her drivers license.  ugh.  i can't blame her for that tho.  i could. but i won't.  i do anyhow-- but i shouldn't :)).. on the days that i have free that we could go take her road test ?  she usually will tell me she isn't ready.  or she doesn't feel good.  well?  funny thing is?  on those same days?  i don't feel good either -- or i just don't wanna 'go' anywhere.  especially to a small FULL frickin government office, and wait in line etc, and then wait even longer -- and longer for her to wait and then to drive.  ya know?  so-- my bad i reckon.

but -- always a "but" - right?  BUT .. she really needs her license.  and i need her to have it.  like last week.  not only because i don't like to get out and all that.. but also cuz betwen her school, and appointments, and my appointments and errands?  at this rate...  i'm goin somewhere almost every day. and here? it takes hours to go anywhere.. much less two or three somewheres.   then.... once she gets a job?  it'll be even worse-- for me.   why the kid doesn't want her license-- i will never understand.  but she better get it soon. 

the surgeon finally called yesterday to schedule my surgery 'consult'.  i don't know why i thought i'd just waltz in and get surgery.  but i did.  not gonna happen.  i have to pick up my MRI films -- why doesn't the dr do that??? bleh.  then i have an appointment on NOV 2 for the consult - to see if and when i shall have this done. 

i am soooo anxious to get it.  in a good way.  this is the only thing that i have had any real hope in for any bit of pain releif in ages.  i mean that would last for any length of time ya know.  i don't know many people -- y'all know that.  most people i know - live in the computer  :))   in fact even a couple of the ones i know who had this surgery do... but i or hubby know a couple in 'real life' who have had it too.   and all have had good results with it.  and none have died. :))  so i really want to try it. 

especially after last night.  geesh - it was another fun filled evening.  sure it was.  i woke up every damn fifteen minutes dying in pain.  i'm lucky i didn't overdose on pain pills - but i did have my wits about me to watch the clock and not take em too close together.  finally i moved to the couch/recliner... then i only woke up maybe every half hour or so... kill me?  somethin has got to give.  i can't keep livin this way.  i'm sure it was pay-back for just tryin to have fun and play with my kid during the day.

she had an appointment - so after that she wanted lunch-- of course.  but i didn't mind -- we had fun-- she tried alligator tail.. first time since she was 2 or 3 (in florida). she didn't remember eating it-- so wanted to try it again.. she loved it!  and i love that she is finally trying and enjoying new things.

then after lunch we went to a halloween store and goofed around some.  then had to go fill her rx.. and we had to wait for it -- cuz i was not even about to go home and go back out an hour later.  so there was another half hour or so on my feet .  it was hell. but we were havin fun , so i  tried to not let the pain show.  and we did have a good day. 

wanna see part of it?

first is me and my new boyfriend -- until officer soulkid came and arrested him ! :))

so ---  today she has school.  i have to kill two hours 'somewhere' by myself.  then pick her up.  usually we have lunch somewhere afterwards, sometimes play around  or go junk storin or something.  so we will see what we do today.  the part i hate the most is the bein by myself -- in downtown - ish ft worth.  the not so great part of it.  i'll just wear my kick your ass hat .  think that'll help any???  bah!

it's not that bad.  i aint skeered.  been over there a dozen times -- no one has bothered me yet.  funny-- i usually get robbed close to home -

catch you folks latah -- i gotta go rattle sloth jr's cage!

my mind is a blank, but my fingers won't shut up !

mornin folks -

if ya came over yesterday -- sorry i didn't post. i did answer folks who left comments below tho -- in case ya missed those. i was just bitchy. i mean busy. err, sorry.

anyhow-- really, i was busy. not busy as i could have or should have been. but i was workin on somethin - or other - almost all day long. and when i wasn't -- i was recoverin'. i ended up spendin my smoke and choke - blog time-- makin my list -- and catchin up on bills, that -- yup , i was still behind on. maaaan. that's enough to give me a panic attack these days. it seems the smallest of things upsets me lately -- and if you know me at all -- bills, are no small thing to me.

on top of that, i had to come home from droppin the kid off at school, and do the litter. ugh. that was so sickening. i won't go into details. but i will say -- that damn 'yesterdays news' litter , made from recycled newspaper? never use that. we had to use it for the post de-claw days. it supposedly cuts down on the chance of infection.. hmm.. i don't know how-- it seems to hold the odor and soppy mess worse than any other i have ever seen.
ok--- yes i got off track a bit-- anyhow-- our litter box is kept in our "under the stairs closet" . yes the princess cats have their own private potty room. anyhow-- soulkid changed their litter like 1-2 nights before, accidentally - or maybe, lazily using the newspaper litter, and by yesterday morning? - the entire downstairs smelled like a -- i don't know... an animal clinic? a pound? just horrid, is the best i can come up with. it was enough to make me gag. i woke her up early-- told her it was trash day-- told her to come down early with enough time to switch this litter out for the good stuff. ugh. do you think she did? no she didn't. do you think i was happy? no, i wasn't. we got in the car-- more than 5 minutes -- late-- and i bitched about the damn litter, and about five other things that I would have to pick up the slack for that day. let's just say -- it surely was like a ride with 'gran gran'. and no- i wasn't proud of myself. but at least i told her i loved her when she got out at school. ehem.

so-- yep-- i had to go pick up eevees' tumor removal estimate first--- i'll come back to that part ... but it's good.
then i came home and had to hurry and do the damn litter before the garbage man came. while i was at it-- i went ahead and gathered other trash around the house-- and my car-- and fridge-- that soulman didn't have time to catch before headin to work. by then - the one can he set on the street-- had turned into two cans on the street. go me :))

also on my mind is -- the dogs are OUT of food -- empty bowl -- empty bag -- OUT of food! i'm pissed off about that. wondering how in the hell, am i to go to sams, and get a fifty pound bag of dog food??? also, how am i supposed to get it into my car??
and once again--- this makes me angry about my entire life. why? because once upon a time-- i could lift a 100 pounds-- tool box, bag of sandblast sand, name it -- at work or home-- i could do it -- no matter how big or small- i did what i had to do.
yesterday i had to face my weakness and displeasure of it once again. gettin dog food was of course near the top of my list for the day--- but as the day wore on--yep--and on. and on. i never made it. i gave in. gave up. whatever. but i let soulman get it after work. which was the original plan anyhow. i just hated the doggies bein hungry all day. even tho i gave them snacks and stuff.

so-- lets get back to eevee since i'm on animals --- her tumor estimate. with no testing, or any 'optional' bs. the simple removal of it, will cost 280.00 . we will have to tack on the 28.50 for a nausea shot-- cuz we know she doesn't handle the anesthesia well at all. but still... that is doable folks. unfortunately they won't take payments. but that's ok too. we don't want to put her through that right now anyways. not right after she had such a hard time with the spay.
not to mention-- Christmas etc right around the corner. she's lived with it this long-- surely she can go another couple months. right? ya. that's what i say too.
but she will definitely be having that thing removed very soon. and i am sure she will be a happier dog for it.

ok ? -- oh , back to yesterday -- not that i ever left. anyhow. y'all know already i kill anything in the plant category right? well, you also know that i sit in my office a lot, and when i do, i look outside.. right outside is my flowerbed. it's the first thing i see. well lately- the overgrowth of it, has been driving me nuts... but i really wasn't sure what to do about it. so, i went out yesterday to feed the kitties... more on that comin in a sec too-- ugh--- anyhow-- when i went out, i saw the old lady that used to live here. when they sold us the house she moved in next door with her daughter and grand kids-- her husband moved in with his son--while their new house got built. anyhow-- i asked her, how did you take care of this overgrowth? would you believe that the lady stopped her own yard work-- and came over here, and started workin in MY flower bed. omg. i was embarrassed , and i tried , more than once to stop her. i kept saying, i just wanted some tips, i didn't mean for you to do the work. she kept saying she likes it, and didn't mind etc... it only took her ten minutes-- and the bed looked great! while she was doin that -- even usin electric hedge trimmers i might add -- i sat in the chairs with her little grand-daughter, who was simply adorable-- to keep her away from the hedgers etc, and occupied, etc so she wouldn't run off, or get hurt. i really enjoyed that. most of you have NO idea how long i have avoided young children.. and yesterday i enjoyed the company of a child. it was nice.

so. anyhow she was off just as quick as she came, and offered to help any time. their house will be finished the beginning of December tho-- by then everything in the yard will be dead. so i will just learn from her little lesson-- which i must say- was embarrassingly easy- and i could do that job on my ass if i had to. so i greatly appreciated her help. (and yes..... i feel weird having something like that done for 'free' - so later when i went to get my el cheapo "dog food tacos" from - well.. an un-named fast food place near by--- i got a gift card that would buy their family dinner-- some night-- and took it over later on.) she obviously chased me back to my yard-- trying not to accept it- saying she wanted to do it-- but she is old-er... and i could just see she was tired... so i thanked her again and told her to just take the night off-- she accepted it.... but not before she tore some viney things off the tree on the dividing fence between our yards. i could only help, and chuckle. i hope i have half her energy when i'm -- ummm... 60 sumthin?
anyhow-- obviously after cleaning-trimming the bed out there-- i had to rake and sweep etc.. so do i have to also say-- it didn't help my back for the rest of the day one bit? that's when i scratched the dog food off the list. ugh. right along with the duvet cover search. and a few other errands. whatever else i did, i did from home -- until--

soulkid called from the nurses office at school... i had to go get her early cuz she didn't feel good. bummer. but nuthin major. honestly, i just think she's been screwin around and stayin up too late. grrrrrrr.. cuz not three minutes after we got home? she was in MY bed--- not having to tackle the stairs... sleepin like a baby. she stayed that way for about two hours. was i jealous? you know it. i needed a nap myself--
'what about me? what about my needs?' :))

so. that was my yesterday. or at least enough of it to make you sick. sorry.

as for my today? i do have an appointment that is just too close to a few stores with duvet covers to talk myself out of goin. so i most definitely will be making that search today. i will update you on that endeavor on my return..or maybe in the morning.

ok-- can ya hang in for just a couple more boring things? no more complaining-- i promise.

1- follow this link to read about how mental real fisherman can get.
i've been keepin up on this story for a week or two. this guy 'allegedly' cheated in a fishing tournament recently -- at a texas lake. no cheap tourney either. the payout was thousands of dollars! a guide on lake fork said he had caught - a similar- fish with him, and took it 'home' to show a buddy. ehem. suuuuure. he showed his buddy on a string under the water at lake ray hubbard . hmmm. next? at weigh in... this guy would have won the tournament-- but when they put this fish in a tank-- usually they are released-- the fish was put in a tank-- and SANK! he couldn't swim, move or anything. (how many more fish has this guy KILLED this way- i wonder)
so anyhow-- now this guy is back peddling, and denying everything. but that day--- he apologized. he has a wife and a kid or two. they are all ruined.
think about the difference one - one pound weight-- in a five fish bag at weigh in would make in a tournament guys. and extra five pounds? in tourneys that pay out over 100.000 dollars? people want to beat this guy up! and worse.
anyhow to read more about the cheatin bastard - go here:

http://www.nbcdfw.com/news/local-beat/Something-is-Fishy-69002292.html


ok-- i will let y'all go -- even tho i have more to say. i wanted to tell you about the kitties. i have a funny tale to tell :)) but i'll have to save it. boy do i feel foolish -- luckily all 3 of us do on this one , it's not just ME this time :))

anyhow peeps , i hope you all have happy days in your worlds today-
another busy one for me here-

was it something i said????

i'm still busy, and still crabby. but i won't make y'all listen to it. i'm just jumpin in to say hi.
i hope everyone is ok out there.
lots of you are on my mind every day , but i'm not findin the time to get around the blogs lately.
the movers come on august 1st... we have to be all the way out of this house by the 7th. for some reason, i want to shoot for the fifth tho. will let ya know. but we will be sleepin at the new place by the first. but still cleanin up etc over here. that should just just take a day or two. but then we gotta figure out when to get the boat over there and some other stuff.
so-- i will let ya know.

anyhow--- here's a video --- i heard this on the car radio the other day ---
when i got home i had to check out the video. now when i wanna crybaby, i think about this song :)))

here ya go-- my almost four days of vacation hell

surely none of us expected any more than that??

i was gonna put it out a day or two at a time, but it's really not all that much --- so here it is.....
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PEN BLOGGIN
VACATION DAY 1

well, howdy folks-- hope y'all had good days today. mine was rather -- well, hectic i guess would fit. i know i shouldn't complain. afterall i am on "vacation." right. but you may have forgotten.. i am also ME.

i'm not quite sure where to begin. at the beginning-- when i woke up. or at the end-- going to bed-- now. hmmm. that is the burning question.

i could start with last night. soulkids new sweetie was over for the evening to spend time with her before she would be gone for a week. they hung out for --an eternity--and he ate with us etc. he even played guitar for us. what a guy eh? but ya wanna know what else he did? he reminded us that this coming week is "TAKS TESTS" ! that would be hell week for every student and parent in texas-- just in case you didn't know. the TAKS test is a test that carries the stress almost like that of the damn SAT. i have hated it ever since we moved to texas. EIGHT years ago. and i don't even take the damn thing. it changes peoples lives. parents and kids alike.

did you buy airline and disney tickets for summer? hmmm, well guess what--- you can kiss that money goodbye-- cuz your kid has failed the TAKS test and has to go to summer school. if they don't go they fail the year. oh , and as an added bonus? you get to PAY 200.00 bucks for them to go. if they don't pass the re-take in summer school? they still fail the year. all because of this great test. so don't dare miss it--- and don't even think about failing it. you will never forget the horror of it all. none of you will. pass- or - fail. it's test-hell.

so anyhow-- yep-- TAKS is like tuesday and wednesday or tuesday and thursday or some shit like that. i just figured we'd call this whole "vacation" thing off and just stay home. hubby would have none of that tho. he knew i've been wanting to come out here for a long time, and he was gonna make it happen. so the days of the tests-- he's gonna take her to school.
ugh. that's a lot of drivin. 2 and a half hours each way. i hope to GOD i don't have to do it.

tuesday she has aftercare--- so he's gonna get the boat runnin, and they'll stay all night at the house. i'm gonna stay here with the dawgs. little creepy, yes, but i'm a big girl, i can handle it.

so. now that i've found my starting point. i have also found my stopping point.
i'm whooped, and really have to go to bed. i'll write more in the mornin when i smoke and choke.
for now--- goo-night all.
hope everyone had a happy saturday.

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"VACATION"

DAY TWO

mornin peoples--
well, i thought i was just gonna start where i left off , and add a few fill ins from friday etc. but i think i'll start from this morning and then add the fill ins etc. the story just wouldn't be the same without the mornings added R& R now, would it?


so. picture it, sicili, 1937. oh wait. wrong story.
ok, how bout : 420 somethin pounds of us in a bed made for 200 somethin pounds of someone else. let's just say i woke up feelin run over by a train, and hubby got the caboose ! we just don't do little beds. i forgot this place had a double bed. we have a king at home, and the last few times we've come here-- well, it's been to one of the condos-- and they have kings. umm.. not here. it's a double--- and it's just almost funny-- if it didn't hurt so bad.

well, i woke up with hubby gettin back in bed after gettin a drink of water--- there's no not wakin up someome in that bed. it was still kinda dark, so i asked him what time it was--- it was 630 ish----so i just got up. then he got up a little bit later.
kinda my fault-- well, i'll blame eevee. ya , that's it. :))

i go into the kitchen to make coffee.

i didn't turn on any lights yet.. cuz there's a loft--and soulkid did end up bringin a friend, since they have to go to school for the TAKS - so i didn't wanna wake em up. so there i go waltzin into the kitchen...gonna turn on a small light over the sink, and get some coffee goin, and take the dogs out. BUT--- i'm stopped in my own shcleprock tracks! unable to see, or find a light switch. but on the floor is two "puddles". dark--thick "puddles". actually-- it looks like puddles of blood in the dim morning light. so i ask hubby ... where the hell is a light switch, and what is this on the floor????
he finally comes out there and turns on the light.
wanna know what it is ?? it's dog poop ! eevee dog runs. lovely. almost more fun than how i was woke up yesterday. UGH.

but-- i'm falling asleep-- damn i'm exciting-- guess we're goin fishin.
i'll be back--with the rest of the story.
laterz
**********
ok-- i'm back-- but not for long-- just long enough to whine. you're surely used to that by now right?

anyhow-- hubby caught a fish.. a nice one, not huge-- maybe a pound or so. but it was a fish. wanna know what i caught? notadamnthing. WTH? i hope we get to get the boat out here. it'll at least give me a little edge. i think. there's a lot of grass in there -- and i caught lots of that-- but nothin breathin.

so-- lemmee tell ya how i got woke up this mornin , then i'm gonna go--

i was sleepin. obviously. but i was realllly sleepin. i was even dreaming. then i hear my kid yellin thru the house--- "moooooom! i'm hungry! come fix breakfast!" mind you-- she hasn't done that since she was like 7 !!! ugh. i go stumblin out there to yell at her. she knows how to feed herself-- trust me. soon as i go out there -- what do i see? sushi. runnin out of the kitchen, at lightning speed with some kinda meat in her mouth , she drops it, snatches it right back up before i can take it away, and she runs into her cage. this dog could win a marathon if she had someone chasing her for somethin she knew she wasn't sposed to have! the little shit dog. (she did it once with a jalepino pepper that got dropped on the floor -- we just laughed at the consequences she would face for thet one! ) well, i wasn't about to get my aching body on the floor and crawl into her tiny crate to find out what she had--- so i just vacuumed the floor where she dropped it and made a big ole mess. man she's like havin another kid.

oh. did i fix somethin for my kid to eat? hell no. but her dad took her and her friend to burger king after we got on the road. but that's fine with me.. i got to drive all by myself..all the way out ther---with my own music, and no fighting...the whole way. remember what a fiasco last time was?? OMG we faught the entire time. i was almost in tears when we got here. i almost threw her out of the car. we didn't have phone service or i woulda called her dad and put her in his truck with him. it was a horrible drive. so at least the ride was was was nice.

so anyhow i spose that's about it for now..
exciting i know... it gets worse with age -- so hold on to yer butt :))
catchya later.

hope your kids and dogs have been good today :))

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VACATION
DAY THREE

well hello again. i reckon unless i decide to post this thing in pieces, - which i prolly won't --- you won't have had time to miss me huh? well, i left for almost an hour and you didn't even know it.

just leave it to me to get distracted after "hello". la la la.

i'm a loser baby, so why don't ya kill me.
that's a song by the way-- just for anyone who may not know. it's one of those ones that pops into my head sometimes for no reason really.
kinda like....
i'm on a mex- i - can- whooo-oaaaa ra-di-oooo.
that is a really stupid one, but i kinda like it.

i guess my taste in music is sometimes like that of my taste in movies. i'm one of the few who just might put napolean dynamite in my top fifteen. or maybe even "attack of the killer tomatoes". haha. actually i'm not too sure about that one. i've only seen it once, and that was like over thirty somethin years ago. and i'm one that does watch a lottttt of movies.

------ why in the world does this thing NOT have spell check? i'll be in a world of hurt if spell check doesn't catch all these errors when i transfer this to my blog. i swear i used to spell better. proof of my age maybe?

so, like i said-- i am all over the place with this thing. my mind is a flutter-- with clutter. :))

maybe i've just been alone too long?

i'm just feelin a little strange right now i think. i mentioned the girls had the dreaded TAKS tests this week.... well... even though we didn't think the first one was til tuesday-- the other girl wasn't allowed to miss school today. which was prolly best for our kid too. but that meant everyone gettin up at 230 a.m. -- the primping hours--- so that they could leave by 5.

they made it out on time-- which is good. even though both girls dragged their asses.
i thought, after they left, maybe i'd go back to bed. riiiiight'. that wasn't gonna happen. i'll be lucky if i sleep at all the whole time they're gone. ugh. after they left, what did i do? well, obviously, i started writing this. but i only got like two lines in, before i was all wired up. so i got up and made more coffee. realizing i had enough left after that one--- for ONE more pot. peachy. i coulda sworn that can was almost full when i packed it. guess not.
while i was up--- i ended up goin on a cleaning frenzy. and of course these places always have the cheapest, crapiest, leakinest coffee pots you could possibly use. so i had that mess to deal with.
it's a small place and didn't take long to straighten up. so when i finished i came back to this, and really didn't have a direction to go in. so i guess i'm goin in every direction. like the wind is blowin right now.
i checked the weather before we left home--- it said it would prolly rain some for a couple days---- did it mention wind?????
ummmm, of course not--- so here i am, listenin to the wind rip the trees down. not really. but it is a-blowin. more like gusting. it'll be quiet for a while-- then it'll just blow like hell out of no where , knockin crap out of the trees-onto the tin roof-- sounds much worse than it prolly is.. i hate the wind. i think i may have mentioned that a time or two ??? (but i do like tin roofs)

well anyhow, not only does the wind and weather ruin any chance of me goin fishin... well... i just don't like wind. i hate it. fishin or not. i despise wind.
but-- that's one good thing about hubby takin eevee back home with him. i told him last night i didn't want to deal with two dogs here by myself. eevee is surely the better protector... she would rip someones face off if they broke in or somethin... sushi might try-- but she couldn't get past the ankl with a ladder :))-

anyways , eevee is so afraid of storms and bad weather, she would be freakin out right now-- especially if there is thunder.
sushi is much less hassle. she's better house trained--asks to go out, and she sleeps with me. also, as for eevee--- well--- she got a hold of a brisket (that was the meet sushi had too) the night before we came out here-- or the morning of. hubby left the "something" opened on the big green egg... which made the temp like over 500 degrees-- so the brisket was pretty much an asteroid by the time he took it off of there. plus the rub he used on it was like "set your tongue on fire hottt." well , he left it on the counter overnight--- eevee pulled it off the counter--- and ate it. surely at the speed of sound so she wouldn't get caught. she prolly had no idea how hot that meat was til it gone--by then it was was too late. :)) YUM. she was also kind enough to share with sushi, and left a chunk on the floor. so for the last two days and nights we have been dealin with the doggie trots. LOL. eevee, has gone inside the cabin a few times... luckily hubby claims her as his dog..so i didn't have to clean that up. sushi has had the same problem. but she goes outside--- good girl. :))
poor babies prolly need some tucks or preparation H. but i think the worst is over. anyhow. if not--- i only have sushi to deal with.

so, here i am, out in the sticks-- no phone, no internet, no family, --- just lil ole me, and lil ole shitzi.
whatever will we do with ourselves for two entire days?

it was like pullin teeth to get soulkid to leave her camera here with me. i couldn't find mine when we left the house ... so i figured i could at least take pictures to entertain myself. man, she had a spazz fit. but she left it. -- wow i just got the weirdest feelin of de ja vu when i wrote that. (and the chills go up my spine) weird.

it really is nice out here tho guys, and i will get some pics today--- if it doesn't rain.
i'm supposed to do pix of "metal" for the photo challenge. i passed all kindsa cool stuff that if i woulda had my camera in the car i coulda got pix of drivin out here.
it's real country-fied out out here -- i woulda been a picture takin fool.

a lot of you know how i get lost all the time-- so my only fear of goin back that way today , alone for pix, is getin lost and not findin my way back. ugh. but if i can muster the mojo to risk it i just may do that. but hell-- i get lost with my GPS. ugh. who does that??? only ME i reckon.

but there's old barns, old tin roofs, old metal tractors, rusty rusty rusty horse trailers; i don't know what all i saw - but i would be thinkin -- ooooh that'd be a cool pic. but it was only a missed photo op without my camera. leave it to me and my senile.

then both nights we've been here, so far i have seen two raccoons - without a camera. and of course ducks, and birds, and a hawk. not to mention just the scenery. last night hubby let the girls drive my car-- i couldn't handle the stress of it--so i didn't go with them. but they saw a "herd?" of deer--- right where we had been fishing half an hour earlier. did they take pix? ummmm NO. fuddy duddys.

well, i guess that's enough for now. i'm sure i'll be writin more later. about what? i have no clue. but i'll surely think of something.

i wonder if this havin to stay out here alone is my test-- or perhaps punishment-- for always sayin i wanna run away-- or live alone??? here's my opportunity to see how much i would like or hate it. ya sure can't get much more alone than this.

soul-out

4/27/2009 6:43:57

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GRISWOLDS FAMILY VACATION

STILL DAY 3
8:31:51 PM
4/27/2009

YEP,I'M STILL HERE. HAVIN THE TIME OF MY LIFE. JUST ME AND SUSHI. IT RAINED HALF THE DAY, AND THE WIND BLEW LIKE CRAZY.
i have no clue why i'm writing in caps, but i aint changin it now. anyhow, there were thunderstorm and tornado warnings all day long. so i don't guess you have to wonder if i went anywhere or did anything today. cuz i didn't. i packed some stuff. i walked sushi a few times. i took a few pictures--- of sushi. played solitaire on the computer, and i took a long nap. i ate--- cereal, and fruit. ooooh how healthy-- and fattening. there was stuff here i coulda cooked, but why bother when it was just me right?







so anyhow, after i saw the news , and the weather---and found out from hubby that the freakin tests at school aren't only two days--- but tuesday thru friday--- i decided to go home tomorrow. whattabunchacrap.
i shoulda followed my gut and called it off at first when i heard they were testing in the first place. now hubby and soulkid are home already-- and i'm out here-- with a bunch of crap to pack and haul home, including like 15 rods and reels that prolly aren't even gonna fit in my car. it's gonna be real fun figurin that out. UGH.

it was a relaxing day kinda, regardless. but i couldn't not think about how everything got so messed up. if the weather wasn't so bad today i may have just gone home today. hopefully it won't be this bad tomorrow.

wednesday is my birthday. not that it means much anymore--but really-- i don't want to spend it driving--or out here alone. ugh.
this kinda shit really only happens to me... i'm tellin ya.
if i got paid for every time somethin got screwed up-- at the last second i'd be rich. i swear, it happens all the time.

well.. i guess i just needed to vent.
i'll be back.
laterz

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griswolds family vacation
final fourth day
countdown
4/28/2009/ 9:06:41 AM

ola peoples--- happy tuesday to ya. whaddup?
here? packin. well, actually i'm drinkin coffee and takin a break. (from packin).
i'm tiahd too. i couldn't sleep last night. i kinda expected that to happen. hubby used to be the one who couldn't sleep when i was gone somewhere... now it's me. i reckon i'm gettin a bit more needy in my old age??

somethin that i couldn't get out out of my head last night/ or yesterday/ whatever? i kept thinkin... " what if i have a seizure out here all by myself?"... what if i have another embolism, and no one knows it?"... i don't worry so much about the bad guy like my sis does. she's afraid of someone breaking in and hurtin her...or killin her. she has this "bad guy with a knife thing". but i guess she spends a lot more time alone than me --- and she is also in better health than i am. so that's about the only fear she could have bein alone. hell, i don't know.

anyhow. i didn't get to sleep til like two a.m. - and i woke up at 6. i didn't even finish one cup of coffee before i was packin. i couldn't really just sit still, i just wanted to get outta here. last night when i couldn't get to sleep i kept thinkin.. "if i could drive at night i'd just go home now. but-- not really a good a good idea-- it sucked.
but anyhow, i'd prolly be on the road already this mornin, but i still have to pack all the crap soulkid left--and and clean up her mess. i'm havin a hard time motivating myself to face that task. she has crap everywhere. her room is a loft-- and it is just a mess. if she woulda took it all home, all i'd have to do is load my crap and go. i'm packed. i i finally figured out what to do with the rods and reels-- well ok-- hubby did-- he said to take the reels the reels off -- wrap the rods together, put the reels in a box..and voila-- they should fit-- and guess what? they did. i don't think i woulda thought of that. he's a pretty handy dude dude to have around sond sometimes. i did have to leave my ice chest tho-- no room for it. but i had a "cold bag" that the rest of the fridge food and ice fit in, so that worked out ok.
but ugh. the kids' room i really hate cleanin up after capable people. i know, she thought she was comin back... but even so-- it should have been like that. y'all know-- i'm one of those types who cleans before the maid comes.


anyhow, hubby called a while ago. he said dallas/ fort worth weather is lookin rather crappy. foggy etc. it looks nice here. sunny, warm. i'd be fishin if i wasn't goin home.

home. that sounds pretty good right about now. the drive doesn't. my back hurts, and is on fire. i'm sure it will be worse after i haul and load all this shit to the car. but i'm ready to go.

they say "home is where ya hang your hat". well, ya know what? my hat has been hangin here for four days--- and it just aint home.
so i reckon "home is where your family is"
as much as i bitch and moan about them... i think i would be lost without them. they are my heart, mind, body and soul. every thing i do - i do for them. every thing i think is for or about them. every plan i make involves them. it's always been that way.

i love them.
so i spose i better finish packin and go "home" and see them. ya reckon?

ps-- i miss y'all too.
so-- i shall be talkin to y'all soon too.

hope you all are happy in your worlds today!
i will be , as soon as i walk into my messy house :))

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welp--- i obviously am home-- and alive-- and in pain.
and i am right where i belong.
i missed y'all.

and i am soooo glad i didn't have to hand-write this like the first time. my hand hurt for days! :))

still playin catchup

ever feel like the photo above? i sure do. like right now. y'all should see my ever growing list these days. i'm fixin ta add "see counselor to relieve guilt" to the top.

goo-lawd. i am accomplishing nuthing lately. i read my comments, or begin to visit y'alls pages this passed couple days-- and i get nowhere. at what seems the most important time, that i should be hittin every single one.

i walk into my kitchen.. and turn right back around to leave-- at a time where it looks THE worst it has since we've moved into this house.

hubby and soulkid complain that we have nuthin here to eat or drink-- daily for almost a week... yet i cannot force myself to get to the store.

my list is more a list of things undone-- than a list of things to do.
it's killin me.

i need to hire a crew to help me.

a couple maids,
a secretary,
a shopper,
a handyman,
a car-washer
a chef,
a vacation preparer people,
a accountant,

what else?

i don't know-- but it's been like i am paralyzed lately.

i did manage to get all my bills paid the other day-- but even that took me like three or four days to finish. how crazy. the first couple times i sat down to do it , i fell asleep ! finally finished tho.
but that's about all i can say i have accomplished -- in like a week.
aside from that-- i have fished, slept, spent way too much money on prepared food, and, cried in my non-existent beer.

soooo -- today is the day that i must get off me arse and accomplish my crap.
i also have to go have labs done. which really isn't a good day for that. it's at 1030-- so it will kinda split my errands right in half. but i figure if i clean my kitchen before i leave for that-- then grocery shop on the way home-- if i am too exhausted for anything else by then, at least i've knocked out the two biggies -- and soulman can cook dinner -- and then tomorrow i'll wrap the rest of my stuff around yet another appointment..

CRAP-- is today wednesday???

see how messed up i am??
i don't have an appointment til TOMORROW!!
and here i am.. nursing one cup of cold coffee that i thought i wasn't even supposed to have!!
SHIT!

well.. THAT changes everything! :))this is one time that i'm glad to be senile.. i just may accomplish more than i thought--- first? a second cuppa coffee :))

you know you wanna be ME! :))

well anyhow-- i guess on that note-- i shall get busy-- now i at least know i will get around to y'alls pages today. and that makes me feel HEAPS betttah!!!!!

(note i didn't take the links down-- that's just kind of a dumb idea)

so anyhow-- i'll cruise around later as i take smoke breaks between chores... i really gotta get this house in order today.. and shop and all that stuff.

hope you all have happy days out there---

things are settlin down ovah heah----

magic carpet ride

this would be me:

burying my head in the sand.

or, quite possibly;
it's me, being held down, every timei think i'm making progress.

either way---
it's kinda frustrating.
as you can prolly tell by the last few-- or many-- whichever--
posts here.

do you see a whine coming on?
i hope not, cuz i think i might.
i'm not feeling too perky this morning.
i should , you'd think.
i just don't.
hopefully that will change ...
ya never know with me.
sometimes it does.
but of course sometimes it changes-- for the worse.
depending on where my buddy schleprock decides to hang out.
ya know.

i'm not even sure where to begin this post-- even though i already did , but you know what i mean:

so-- i'll start with yesterdays re-cap i spose---

we accomplished a lot.

hubby taking my car in was one thing that turned out good.
it was actually kind of funny, and i was happy that we were both able to get a laugh out of it--rather than be angry.
which for a few days, we both were.
we both thought it was a serious problem.. at under 3,000 miles.
and i was already feeling that i had made a mistake in not buying a used car. ya know.
it was just one of those
"runnin out of time, high pressure sales, kid trapped at the closing mall, do something now, type things"
and we did it.
so anyhow---
he got home , it luckily didn't take more than a couple hours...
i asked what the prob was---
and seriously-- with both of us being mechanics--of sorts--
me-aviation, and some auto knowledge--
and him aviation , and very good with cars...
we both had agreed that it sounded like a bearing.
maybe a tie rod or something else in the wheel area.
so, he chuckles, which lemmee tell ya -- it isn't common for him to laugh at himself-- he is much better about it than he used to be--
but the man has a large ego-- sorry to say.
anyhow-- he hands me the paperwork, and i read
"splash gaurd bolts loose"
WTH? i say
i never heard of ...
then i realized what that was.. before i got further...
and we both started laughing.

he did apologize for not checking it--
he said he just thought he knew what it was..
but then again so did i.
really--it didn't rattle like anything was loose..
it squeaked when ya turned only to the right..
like a bearing would.
i laughed, but not in a bad way-- and actually, i laughed at both of us.
any other time, i would have took a look myself.
but y'all know.. there's been a lot of shit goin on here.
so that was really just a few hours of his life he will never see again.
don't know how it came loose though. they must have just not put it on right.
there was like 6 or 9 miles on it when we got it--
and really-- i drive like an old lady.
so-- that's that.


then after that-- we had phone crap to do--
he argued with our phone slash tv people...
they were all kindsa screwed up--
therefore i hadn't paid them in over two months--
my fear of conflict maybe-
whatever it was-- my failure to face the issue had caused some big problems.
such as the phone part-- turning over the tv part to the tv place--
BUT still trying to charge us the tv bill
AND the tv place trying to charge us the TV bill.
so i finally just handed all the bills like 3 or 4 to him.. and said
really, you need to handle this, i can't deal with it.
it took him an hour on the phone.
he did get some "fees" knocked off.
he got the bill paid--
the part that technically we owed.
but still the phone part is expecting us to "double pay" the tv part--even after turning it back to the tv people.
NOT.
it's paid-- but now we -- or he has to argue with them to get over 2 or 300 dollars (2 months) knocked off
cuz we are NOT payin twice for the same 2 months.
needless to say-- in his frustration with the phone ppl..
he cancelled our land-line as well.
which none of us care about or use anyhow--and it'll save us 60 bucks a month.
so i hope it kinda pissed off someone over there.
their incompetence already caused us to cancel our internet with them after less than a week after we got them..now the phone. WTH?
sometimes i name companies on here just to piss them off-- but sometimes i don't
today i wont.
i think cuttin them off is good enough for now.
but anyhow-- i'm glad he was willing to help me with that one.
i was too stressed out to handle that gracefully. and i knew it.
i woulda been too bitchy.

so-- while he was doin that--
i was dealing with doctors offices-
scheduling appointments--
getting med issues worked on--
balancing the checkbook etc.

then we left for my appointment.
the bone scan/bone density test.
the unofficial report says
"osteopenia"
which is "almost" osteoperosis.
big surprise-
NOT.
i see the doc who ordered the test on friday--
and will have the official report..and will let ya know what they say.

then we ran a couple quick errands, and went to get soulkid from school for her appt-
she was in a really good and happy mood. which made me happy.
her appointment went well.. looks like she's doin ok, and will be doing better soon..
so , yippee for that.

by then .. we were all sooo damn hungry i coulda ate roadkill !!
i hadn't eaten anything ALL day-- and it was almost 530 or so..
soulkid hadn't eaten either- and soulman hadn't eaten since breakfast.
lemmee tell ya--
we are not happy people when we are hungry--
just ask smocha--
we get mean..
and i will tell ya---
i am THE worst of us.
when i get too hungry--
basically--
well, i am mean. to anyone and everyone.
and that's where i was at at that point.
i NEEDED FOOD!
so they fed me ASAP!
and it was soooo good.
i felt bad for the young waiter though.
i ordered ALOT--
and was kinda rude until i ate some bread and an appetizer-
by then i was better.
hubby made excuses for me..and gave those "knowing looks" to him..
you know like
don't worry, she'll be ok, she won't hurt you--
well, as long as you feed her"
LOL
poor kid.

we had a good dinner overall though.. we had actual conversation ! all three of us.
i couldn't tell ya how many times we have gone out to eat and sat in silence .
not all the time.
but often we won't have anything to say--
or will argue over stupid stuff with the kid.
i hate times like that-
but really enjoyed last night.

then , we went shopping.
i KNOW. but even that was ok.
except for the fact that i was worn the hell out.
it was a constant runnin day.
i felt like a grunyon. :))
soulkid got a couple pair of shorts,
i got a hoodie and a shirt
we both got a stuffed animal from horton hears a who
even tho we haven't seen the movie yet.
just for fun.
hubby didn't find anything...
although all three of us went for shoes.
:((

after that we FINALLY were able to come HOME.
and i tell ya--
it felt sooo good to BE home.
it was really a busy day.

we watched american idol-- most of which was already on DVR--
and i chated with jamie a bit-
then i went to BED.

then i woke up too early again this morning. 430.
i have half a pack of cigs left - which will last- if i'm lucky- til about 8.
i have a appointment with my shrink-
to possibly get off prozac and onto "something else"
in order to continue being able to take imitrex for migraines--
without having a heart attack or a seizure.
which really kinda worries me.
imitrex is a very good - non-narcotic- miracle drug for migraines.
the last one i tried nearly killed me and was a very strong opiate based drug. UGH
the one that made me puke ALL night and go to ER.
neuro did give me another one the other day-- i just don't think it will touch a bad headache--
not the ones i get that last three days.
it does help the back pain, i'll give it that much.
but i need to get off the prozac-- and stop experimenting with pain meds. ya know.
SO that means i gotta drive today--
ugh.

as long as i don't get stopped or something stupid--
i think i will enjoy that.
i miss driving!

workin my way back to you---

is that a song? i think it is.. or part of one. but i have no idea. if it is, it's a old one.
but anyhow. that is what came to mind as i was sitting here thinking about what-- if anything to write. i'm still not real sure, so i guess you'll have to wing it with me as i go along.

we all know that a lot of people around blogland have been having some pretty tough things going on lately. some , not so cut and dry. it seems though, that now, many are coming to a head , and are on the way down. going up-- and not seeing the other side seemed to be the hardest for everybody.

anyhow... a lot of my own worries, and fears have been quieted some this passed few days. funny how long it took to get to such a point in my life, and how quickly to find answers to at least a starting point of beginning to change where i am.

part of that change?
(you know the first was going to arkansas)
then...yesterday----i did something a bit out of character for me. although it had been planned for a little while , part of me didn't really expect that it would pan out--- but it did.
and the funny thing about that, was she felt that it may not work out either.. so we marked our calanders, and it was a wait and see type thing. so anyhow, "JLEE" and I met for lunch. and we had a really good time. my biggest fear-- was to be too shy and unable to talk.. which happens a lot-- because i am usually not a talker. we have met in person before, but that was several months ago..like last summer-- when she gave me tickets to stevie nicks and we sat together at that concert-- but of course, we couldn't really talk over the noise there. but that was still a good time.
i also thought that because of what jamie and her family were dealing with yesterday might cause me to be unapproachable, or, that my "look" or attitude, be misread, as negative towards her. but we had no trouble at all finding things to talk about, and we both had a good time. and to be honest-- it was good for me, to not sit home alone and worry about what was happening in jamies day all day long. although , y'all know i was worried anyhow. (and if you haven't read over there.. her daughter made it through ok, and is fine.... as she can be).
JLEE and i actually came to realize that we have a lot more commonalities than we had realized before while just commenting online. and we plan to "do lunch" more often. we think it will be a good thing. we don't live all that far from each other, and really, it's silly not to spend some time together now and then. --- as long as i don't have to drive to dallas ! :)) we all know what a disaster that can be!

so. now what? not much for now i guess.
except that if my sister doesn't STOP telling me to get another dog i'm gonna drive out there and beat her up. :)) i do NOT want another dog. at all.

and i suppose that is about enough out of me for now.
today is yet another catch up day for me. i have let things go here again. the place is a mess. and we are out of everything again. i haven't been to the post office in days. and i can't remember which bills are due-- again. so, yep-- it'll be one of those kinda days. plus a cold one. well.. cold to ME. no 82 here today.

y'all stay warm.. and find something that makes you smile-- one of those heart smile kinda smiles. perhaps a "soul-smile"?