Thursday, December 11, 2008

soul's worst post of the year

what is this? hell week , in soul land? i'm beginning to think so.
have you ever felt like everything in your world was fading away?? or maybe that it already has?

it seems that i have lost all control of every damn thing around here. i'm even back to being a brown recluse. i hate to go anywhere. i wouldn't if i didn't have to. even so-- i barely do go anywhere. for business- or pleasure. since i got sick-- with bronchitis-a week before the blood clot/ i have gone only to dr appointments, taken soulkid to and from school, gone to the pharmacy, picked up food here and there-- but have done NO major food shopping- at all. i haven't gone fishing since before i got sick. that feels like forever. been to the post office a few times. i think that about covers it. this is since october folks. here it is - practically mid december--- and 34 degrees outside. y'all know i do not go outside when it's cold. not unless it's totally necessary. such as -- doctors, and school. period.

so--- speakin of doctors. wanna hear the latest??? i'll tell ya anyhow. i know ya hate it. but really, these days, there's not much else i have to talk about.
so, off we go---
i finally saw the E.N.T. doc , yesterday, about my thyroid probs. (the nodules)-- or cysts, or whatever ya want to call them. well. he said he couldn't feel any of them, and what i had felt was some type of gland. forgot what he called it-- but it was too high for the thyroid. those are too small to feel. (or be palpable)... so. he seemed like a pretty good doc. he explained a lot without me havin to ask. and he didn't confuse me by talking over my head, like some docs will, plus he wasn't condescending, like my other doc, who talks down to me like i'm a child. we had a pretty good rapport i guess you could say. i'm not afraid to let him cut on me if he had to.
which i spose is a possibility/ from what he said.
ya know, from all my med problems, and past history, and worries etc. i have asked docs about the possibility of cancer.. the biG C. etc. but it seems they always deter me from that idea until it was confirmed or denied. this time, i didn't mention it. i kinda stopped bringin it up-- to dr's at least. i mean i wonder , obviously-- when ya have lumps, and growths, and lose weight, and constant headaches, and want to lay down all the time-- it's gonna cross your mind.. dontcha think?? well, it has. even before i knew i had the things on my thyroid. and if i do=-- it's apparently easy to treat-- just cut the damn thing out-- and it's usually ok. but anyhow.
what i'm gettin at. is this was the first doc to ever bring up the word cancer-- before i did. so, i just wonder. not worry. just wonder. so anyhow-- oh .. btw-- no , he didn't say i HAVE cancer-- it was more a IF i did thing. but he did get me scheduled for a test. yes i know. i should GLOW by now. ugh. maybe i will next wednesday. i got the call a while ago. for a "I-123 scan & uptake"
it's some kind of nuclear thing type test. i will swallow a "radioactive isotope capsule" then six hours later, get scanned. ... then 24 hours later-- get scanned again. exciting, no?
anybody ever have that done before?? i haven't had a chance to google it yet. sounds pretty cool tho.
i'm gonna turn into the HULK someday. i have had more ct's , mri's, xrays, and other things in this past couple years than most people have in their whole life. it's crazy.

anyhow--- not sure how long it takes to get the results... but when i get them... all they will say is whether i need a biopsy or not. after that-- only more waiting. cuz all the biopsy will say is if it's cancer or not. then there will be surgery-- then treatment- ugh. shit.

so. what else?
chantix. i finally started the chantix yesterday. after almost a week of research and asking dr after dr about possible reactions with "my" meds and diagnosis. which i was not getting from anyone. i finally got a hold of my shrink, and she said it would be ok, just to call her or stop it, if i had any bad bad bad stuff happen. cuz it has been known to affect bi-polar folks in a really bad way. so i went ahead and started it. of coarse i am still smoking. my stress level is thru the roof these days.

next?
the dogs got in a fight last night. it was the first time soulman has been here to that . i was glad he was here. cuz they were on my side of the bed, and i couldn't get them to stop. they never want to stop and i usually end up hurtin them tryin to break them up. so soulman jumped over there and beat the crap out of eevee then yanked her by the colar onto the bed..as i grabed sushi by her collar and over to my table. eevee ended up in her crate, and bratty sushi baby got to lay on our bed. i don't know why they do that. sushi just gets jealous sometimes, or eevee gets nervous. it is just wild, and it makes me crazy upset. eevee is gonna kill poor sushi one of these days. if that happens i would prolly kill her. i love sushi. not that i don't love eevee-- i just have a different love for sushi.

hmmm, ok what else. i'm gettin so out of order here. not sure if i've mentioned it but i've been sick for days. not sure why--or with what. maybe just a cold, but of course i'm worried about it getting into my chest. as is hubby. so far, it's just a sore throat, snots and a cough. today, it's not as bad as it has been the last few days. so i hope it's just the quick change in the weather, and it's on it's way out.

speakin of the weather.. i think it was like monday-- it was about 5 when we took the kid to her group thing.. it was almost 70 degrees outside. very nice night. by like ten pm, the sky opened up and we had a crazy storm. wind rain thunder you name it. the next day.. it was dry and kinda warm in the morning, by 9 or ten a.m. the temp started dropping. fast. by evening time-- it was literally freezing. and it snowed that night ! not real snow-- more like flurries. but still snow. in texas. and it has been in the 30's and 40's since then. i hate it. y'all know i hate it.
and this morning, guess what? my heater decided to go schitzo on me. it's frickin freezin in here. i messed with it the best i could. for some reason, it is ok in my room, but the rest of the place is cold.

oh-- THEN.. after i did that--- i started to clean my kitchen.. not sure why-- but when i clean house i always start with the kitchen. so anyhow--- i never claimed to be the brightest bulb in the box. there's a reason for that. we had a bunch of leftover brisket in the fridge-- i kinda second guessed myself, but then said, hmm screw it-- and dumped it down the disposal anyways. and guess what happened?? yeppers. i clogged up my sink!!!! cant finish the dishes now. i don't have a sink plunger. i really don't think a plunger is gonna fix it anyways. soulman is gonna have to take the pipe off. once , a long time ago, i put artichokes down the disposal.. years ago. never never do that. not the real ones at least. man they do some damage-- and he had to take the entire drain pipe off .. it was all full of hairy leafy artichoky leavins. ugh.

well, speakin of cleaning, i better get back to it. or maybe i will take a nap before i get soulkid.
my seester will be here tomorrow. she's gonna fly out of here to go to england. she'll be here a whole 20 hours. woo hoo. beats not at all tho. if the house is a mess she can close her eyes for that long-- right poops? :))

anyhow-- there is some family crap i left out to protect the guilty--- but really, this has been maybe the worst week of the year. not counting the week i was in the hospital. that might win the worst week award. but this week takes second. ugh. there was lotsa worst week awards this year.

good stuff happened too. but soo much bad towered over it. just makes it hard to notice . ya know?

welp, i better go at least attempt to be productive in some manner--- or not. but i can't see anymore.

hope y'all are havin happy days today-

9 comments:

Golden To Silver Val said...

Wow, I guess you can honestly say there's never a dull moment in Soul-land! Also glad that soul-man was around to handle Eevee. Fighting dogs are scary even if they are you own pets. My white german shepherd and my Norwegian Elkhound once got into it over the water dish of all things. I had never seen such anger in them before! My neighbor came running over and put the hose on them. Broke them up immediately. Unfortunately you can't do that in the house. Neither one of them were hurt...they had so much fur to protect them. Sushi doesn't have that luxury of protection, poor thing. I think they just tolerate each other and will never get along, sad to say. Hopefully this won't happen again for a long time after Soul-man got onto Eevee like that.
Where is Smocha's cats? They must be coming too? oh boy...that should be interesting!!
Hope the rest of your day is a good one! Hugs, Charlotte

ac said...

El Cappy Tan is standing over me... I don't have time to write much. Just wanted you to know I came, I read. I don't like the c word. Thankfully you will get a test and answers quickly. I'll be back to say more. Blessings my friend.

Brad said...

Hey sweetie - sorry I've been AWOL - but I'm back now. You and Smocha please give each other a hug for me.

Mary said...

Darn it, Soul, you and I are going to have to take a tropical vacation and let the home folks sort it all out. I'm ready when you are.

I hate it that you are aren't feeling like going out. If you did I'd have you shop for me. These days if it can't be bought over the internet it doesn't get bought by me. Harry does the grocery shopping and dares me to go out while it's so cold. He's afraid I'll have another breathing problem but I think that's past.

Take care and try to enjoy your time with sis.

SOUL said...

hi charlotte-
i meant to get to these yesterday--- just didn't happen-- sorry. i'm a piss poor blogger.
but ya, i guess you're right, there really never is a dull moment around here if ya look at it that way. perhaps i see things differently. whatever happened to my sense of humor?
perhaps santa will return it?

i don't think i knew you had a white shepherd? we used to
have one when we were kids. "natasha". she was more smochas dog, i think. but she was a good dog. (long story tho).
i never thought of throwin water on my dumb fighting dogs-- nothin else seems to break them up-- except physically separating them.. and when ya do that-- if one has skin in their mouth--- yep-- it goes with em. oooowwwww. i hate it.
i think you're right tho- they do just kinda put up with each other til they have to go at it to release the tension-- and the cycle continues. ugh. fun stuff. it might be different if it was a fair fight , but sushi is just so small, i worry too mush that she will just get mawled. i couldn't handle that.

smochas cats-- hahahahah-- oh of course she IS bringing them with her--- they're her children you know! :))
she wouldn't ever leave them to go out of the country. she barely leaves TOWN without them. she never leaves them for more than five days.. and never without a pet sitter. to not only feed them... but also to play. :))

LOL-- and y'all thought I had issues. HAHAHA

yep-- intersting to say the least. a virtual kennel it will be here huh. 2 dogs and FIVE cats. omg. her precious pedigree cats will be separated from my mutt cats--and dogs though.we have it all planned out.
i'm not worried about eevee
at all hurtin her cats. eevee has lived with mine and STILL avoids them like the plague. she is afraid of cats. i think she may have been attacked before. well i know our spot has got her a time or two-- but she hasn't hurt her. i think she has been hurt by one before.

and as far as sushi goes.. she wouldn't hurt them.. i think sushi thinks she IS a stupid cat. she thinks she's married to jitterbug.. but of course spot just doesn't like anyone here but jitterbug. and thats cuz their sisters. she cuddles with me sometimes in bed though. spot does. but she never did til we moved here. i don't know what possessed her, she just started to like me. then when i got stuck in bed.. of course every animal we own decided they would live in my room or bed with me. so i guess we've all bonded over the last couple months.
that makes the cats some lucky little bitches. cuz if you'll remember, not long before that--- i was ready to take them on a boat ride with a couple cinder blocks tied to their backsides.

oh hush-- you know i never would. it was tempting tho.

as for the rest of my day yesterday? wasn't too bad. hubby got home, and i was right-- he took off the sink pipe-- it was full of eeewwweee--- meat leavins... i couldn't watch. just had no desire to see that-- or possible even smell it. ugh. i could hear him grunting and bitchin all the way back into my room though about both. lol. but he fixed it.
afterwards we had some stuff to talk about, and then he had to take the child to group. i go when i feel good, but that's not often. so i stayed home, and worked in the kitchen, and actually went to bed fairly early. probably the first time i have gone to sleep with them gone. i'm usually too worried to sleep til i know everyone is where they're sposed to be.
so that was my yesterday.

hugs C
S

SOUL said...

AC---
throw somethin at cappy tan when he isn't lookin !
( when i first saw that word-- guess what my blind eyes saw? nuthin personal, i just can't see)-- cRappy tan.. :)) oops.

what is it with the guys readin over the shoulder? alot of em do that. is it insecurity? or simple nosy ness? ugh. it drives me crazy. once i started goin crazy lady on mine and soulkid they quit. i hate that.

i don't like that word either-- and i bet i'm ok. don't worry til i tell you otherwise k.

latah

SOUL said...

hiya brad--
i thought the aliens gotcha--

it's ok tho
i haven't been around much myself. i try. i get started , make it to a few pages, and either get side tracked, have to go somewhere, or i fall asleep :))

sorry peeps.

i miss ya-- and hope you're all doin well.

brad? you are ok??? right?

SOUL said...

mary---
i hear ya---
in fact last night i was lookin up warm winter vacations. :)) there must be a lot of rich people out there tho-- cuz folks were suggesting brazil, austraila, cabo, new zealand ,
ugh.. not in my lifetime. bummer.

i know whhatchya mean about wantin to go out. yesterday, i stayed inside most the day.. as usual. thinkin it was like 40 degrees. i left at 130 to go pick up soulkid... her new school hours really mess up my day-- she changed schools and goes from 830-2. ugh. no more naps. not much of anything else either. not that i want to right now-- but even if i did.. i sure don't have much time to do it, when i have to hit the road at 8 and 130.
anyhow-- i left at 130-- i have a temp gauge in my car.. and guess what the temp was.. just after i was bitchin about how cold it was? it was 55 degrees, according to my car. the sun was shining... and if i felt any bit better i would have gone fishin. but i didn't. too much haulin of crap, standin, and walkin. i just didn't have it in me.

today is sposed to be a bit warmer though. it may get as high as 60 today. i'm afraid if that happens i'm gonna have to go get a fishin fix. even if it's just for a half hour.
i figure smocha will be here around 3-4. and i have some work and errand, and i think i better get some food in here .. cuz really we look like mother hubbard here. i got rid of all the leftovers and crap out of the fridge yesterday--- wow. it is a sad lookin fridge now. i shoulda left it alone. :))
it has eggs, six bottles of water, a couple jars of pickes , and some condiments.
pretteee sad.. but it's just out of laziness. sorta. just not shoppin.,

anyhow i must go.
laterz

Cheryl said...

I will take the time to e-mail you tomorrow, OK? Like you I haven't been around enough lately. I'm just sorry to hear so much is going on.

I had the same nuclear test. Years ago. It's the only way to really see things. Mine just showed a very enlarged thyroid. I've been on meds for it since I was 17, and will always be on them. I hope that's all you'll need.

I want some of your Texas weather. It's so cold here and the wind is whippy!