it's 333 do you know where your soul is?

nope-- i still haven't got over the 333 thing-- nor have i got over the sleep problems. i was wide awake at like 125 a.m. ugh. will it ever end? i wonder that sometimes. just wonder if i'll ever be normal. if it's not just waking up for no reason, it's a bad dream, pain, a noise. or like i said-- really, no reason at all. ridiculous. that's what it is.
do y'all think it could be menopause? that wouldn't bother me one bit-- well, not if it would hurry up and get over with anyhow. :)) i'll still prolly be one of those people that remains a ragin bitch for ten days about that time-- but i will still be relieved , when that stuff is over. i have had a lot of hormone tests lately-- due to the thyroid crap-- and it seems to be a possibility. i really can't wait til it's reality.

lol-- i was just thinkin how much my male peoples must just love this topic. i guess i can move on to somethin else. i've been half asleep for the last twenty minutes--- forgive me, for i know not what i say :))

so, anyhow-- what's on y'alls agendas for the day?
mine? well, i have to wait for the dryer dudes to come fix our brand new friggin dryer. i hate it when something brand new is broken. especially a high dollar something. yes, we got it on clearance-- but it wasn't used-- it was just an "open box"-- or so they said. turns out the drum is bad. it wouldn't be bad-- cept it hits a screw on every rotation. and when it does it- it sounds like it's bein hit with a sledge hammer. not fun. what's more fun? a new prob that started like the day after the guys came to troubled shoot it.... it began sounded like it had bb's in it too--- woo hoo--- i love laundry as it it-- add all the noise-- and it's a damn party! not. but that should--and better be fixed today.

i want to go fishin for a couple hours after the sun comes up-- but they -- the oompa loompa guys-- for the dryer-- could be here at about 8. or, they could be here at noon. but i can't take that chance. so , if i do muster the energy to go, i must go soon, and not go far-- or long. and i have things to do before i can even leave. ugh. if , or when that works out, i spose i'll be workin on my tackle bag. and bathroom wall paper. and other tedious tasks.

but until then you know how to find me- :))

happy humpday

ahh PS-- wanna see sushi at her dumbest? well, almost, her dumbest---

she's sportin some jeans mon'
(the girl is in heat again, the little trollop!)

well. i hope y'all have good days today-- it's humpday -- so ya better !

i've always been a geek

howdy peeps---

i was looking through pix earlier today to see if i could find any showing my missing jewelry. i only found a couple. this, being one of them. not a good shot of the ear rings-- but one of my fave pix. it was taken when my nephew was living with us for a while. leave it to me to put us all in the same shirt. ugh. i do like the picture... but c'mon. tell me a 14 year old boy didn't think that was the geeky-est thing he'd ever been forced to do? sorry weis! i love you!

(PS: before i forget--- :)) ---- i don't EVER go on facebook anymore)

back to your regularly scheduled reading ....

anyhow-- yep-- those ear rings are one of the things that got ripped off in the move.

my aunt (dads sis) gave them to me.
she died suddenly and unexpectedly of a brain aneurysm almost a year after my dad died of cancer.
oooohhhh... i wish i would hear something more about what's goin on with this guy. why isn't he in jail? they know he robbed me. aren't they supposed to arrest him or something?? wth? i'm so pissed of about that still.

i'm so rusty at writing. i have no idea what to say here. sorry. i did a little cruisin and sayin hi today. that's about all i had time for , was to say hi. i was on my way to the dr. and errands . if i haven't got to your place yet-- i will.

welp-- things are just rollin along here. i'm still puttin stuff away, and my kitchen is my biggest dilemma. i have little storage, and no clue where to put anything. i've also been peeling wallpaper in the guest bathrooom for thelast couple days. i have a plan... but little energy. that's not good. i have the paint too-- goin "sage green". it'll be cool, if i ever get it finished. i also need to hang my pictures and do all that stuff too. otherwise i'd be showin ya pics of the place. i have the small stuff put up for the most part-- i mean no boxes are stacked around. but not much decor is goin on either. who wants to come help? i have no sense of martha stuart-ism.
whaaaaa.

angie was here again tho, btw. she helped us get the beginning stages of the unpacking and sorting done. i wouldn't be this far without her help. she's a miracle worker--and a great friend. i'd be standing in the middle of a sea of clutter if not for her. prolly in the old house :))
thanks angie-

welp folks-- i gotta go forage for food--

hope yall are well and happy today--
catchya later-

can't have nuthin !!!

howdy folks--- :))
i miss you. all of you. it's been hard not posting here, and connecting with you folks like before. it seems i have been busy enough lately though to not obsess over it. but i do miss y'all, and i miss writing. some days i feel like i might explode from not writing
or connecting with my peeps. but at the same time, i find it "safer" staying away.
yet----- here i am. i'm sure it would have been much more difficult if those of you who have continued to email etc, wouldn't have. that has really helped me to at least know there are still some out there who think of me.

anyhow. things around soulland haven't been what many of you would think they have been. what with buying a home, and decorating, and all that comes with that.
it has been a very --- scratch that. it has been a most difficult time for me. in many ways. physically, of course. y'all already knew that would be a problem. it continues to be a problem, and a severe one. i'll get back to it-- but it didn't help things in what i'm about to mention.

due to my physical limitations , i had to have the movers help do some packing this time. this was the first time in my life that i did not -- or we did not, pack everything ourselves. we got maybe 80-90 percent done, but the rest i just didn't get to. mainly what was left wasn't "that" important. the kitchen. or part of it. a few closets. linens, etc. basically just crap. i packed my office first. it took a few days, it had the most stuff in it that was important. nik naks, trinkets, just important stuff. i hurt like hell at the end of that few days. throw in a couple doctors-- lose a couple days... blah blah blah.

then back on my feet-- i tell soulkid-- gather your jewelry-- put it in your jewelry box--and put it with mine so i can pack it before the movers come. she actually did that. it took her a couple days but she did it. by that time-- i was focused on other things-- packing my hutch-- another thing that i insisted that i pack myself. personal, sentimental things you know. before i could blink.... it was moving day.
everything that meant a shit was packed. except--- yep you guessed it--- the jewelry boxes!!!!! FOUR of them. three being mine, one being soulkids.

the sad thing? well one of the sad things? i noticed right away. i did. i'm just that way. but, people doubt me. and it makes me feel bad. and wrong. and a lot of the time, i am wrong. what i feel to be "missing", or messed with.. may not have been. that or i am convinced by someone that it hasn't. SO. i didn't say anything. even though.... i opened one of the jewelry boxes and KNEW at least one ring was GONE. i didn't say a word.

not until several days later. i went to untangle my chains that were in a hanging style jewely box made for chains. i noticed several things missing. i went on to another box. thinking--- hoping--- maybe they dropped one, and just tossed what fell out into another. NOPE. i only noticed more missing. i know everything that i own. down to the last antique coin. the last silver dollar. the last stupid little junk store ring.
they robbed the wrong person. yep. they robbed ME.

of course i got the "are you sure". did you check here or there" from a couple people.
people who should know me better than that. but remember-- i guess i'm just on my way out as far as my mind goes. senile, you know? yep-- it's not funny anymore is it? not to me either.

so anyhow. i filed a police report. of course. soulkid told me the next day that she did happen to be missing a gold ring that her boyfriend gave her. hmmm. guess they believe me now.

well, i got a phone call only two days later from a detective. to my surprise. i guess sometimes these folks actually do work for a livin. he wanted me to describe only the rings that i was missing. i did.. but soulkid had to describe hers, because i had only seen it once. i would know it if i saw it-- but i couldn't describe it. he had us go down and fill out forms... and then told us that he had run these movers names--- and had got a hit on one of them at a pawn shop in Dallas. the same damn day of the move. one of my rings, and soulkids ring. he sold them. i was, and am livid.

this is not the first time i have been robbed. but these guys. we invited them in. we bought them food. and we paid them.. to rob us. ugh.

i cannot replace what they stole from me . much of it was given to me. some of it , the person is dead now. gold hoop ear rings from my aunt. i don't have a good memory-- y'all know that. but every single peice of jewely that motherfucker took from me---- i remember the moment and the conversation that it was given to me.
i'll never have that back. it has been replaced by anger. and fear. my child and i now are both afraid that this guy is gonna show up here to hurt us. or do something to our home. or cars. or just something. because the least that will be done to him is he will lose his job. no one can have a job like that and be a theif. his job is gone.

i told the detective--- tell him, if he gives me ALL my stuff back i won't press charges-- if not-- he's goin to jail."
so. i guess he won't be goin to jail if i'm not there to testify. right?

we will be getting an alarm system..and motion lights. asap. hubby has a gun. it will now be put back together and loaded... oh yippee.. we all know i just love that idea. (i will not have access to it--nor will soulkid.... i still dont like the idea tho) but this is not a good situation folks.

here i am, the gal who raised her kid to not be predjudice. don't say the "N" word. and we get robbed by a black dude. i tried to see if would make me feel better to say that word. i said in ten times real fast. it made me feel worse. he was just a man. his color doesn't mean a thing. just sayin.

anyhow-- it would take days to catch y'all up on everything. so you know i won't write a book here today.
i don't know if or when i'll post again.
i just wanted to say hello-- and check in. and let ya know-- i miss all of you. i really do. so much it hurts sometimes, and days i just only wonder how each of you are, and i hope you are all ok.

i'll be back i'm sure. i just don't know when. i am very busy. my pain level had me at near suicide level the other day-- when i voiced that to a doctor--- they too stopped treating me like a idiot. i didn't get locked up like i thought i might. seein as i all i could do was sit there and cry. but i did get some medicine that seems to help. i also got another round of injections in my neck. something different this time. seems to feel different than the last time... but i don't feel very hopeful that it is the cure.
aparently the narrowing (spondylosis) has gotten worse. my future isn't very bright -- guess i can take off the shades. but anyhow. i have a seemingly decent pain doc now who is doing what he can to help me. (molesting, not included.)

so i just take each day as it comes... or try to anyhow.
i try to take a trip up the stairs at least once a day. the first week in this house that was a task i wouldn't even attempt. but now i do. and it's a start. i'm not givin up my legs just yet. i've given up-- and had taken from me all i can handle for now.


i really hope you all are doing great today in your worlds.
take care-

everybody loves a train wreck -

at least that's what i was told. it wasn't meant as a negative response. but it made sense. moreso recently then at the time actually. (it was said in reference to my blog, just so ya know)

anyhow. i see that. maybe i've seen it for a long time, and just didn't notice. but i do now.

i also see that perhaps my life is a train wreck.... whether i allow it to get that way, or circumstances take me there. i have never been kept down. i have been derailed, even crushed like a penny left on the tracks at times. but i have always.... i do always.. put a shine back on and roll on down the tracks. i don't stay down for long. ever.

call it stubborn. call it inspiring. call it bullshit. i don't care.

but right now--- call me a bitch if you want to, but i've had enough.

enough of the --- well everything.

in my real life...and my blog life-- which y'all know-- is the same.
i don't throw bullshit around in either.

i can't shut down my life here in the real world---

but as for this blog --- i can. and i am.

i really have had enough of it. layin my blood, sweat, tears, and heart out on these pages--- only to be left in a daze when someone i don't even know says something off the wall. or worse-- someone i DO know-- says nothing at all... or even more challenging.

no need to wait for the collision here. because train wreck or not--- as always--- i'll get up and walk away, just like i have always done. setting my dented up little train back on the tracks.. and movin on down the road. a little bit stronger than i was before.

take care y'all....
it's been real-
or has it?

was it something i said????

i'm still busy, and still crabby. but i won't make y'all listen to it. i'm just jumpin in to say hi.
i hope everyone is ok out there.
lots of you are on my mind every day , but i'm not findin the time to get around the blogs lately.
the movers come on august 1st... we have to be all the way out of this house by the 7th. for some reason, i want to shoot for the fifth tho. will let ya know. but we will be sleepin at the new place by the first. but still cleanin up etc over here. that should just just take a day or two. but then we gotta figure out when to get the boat over there and some other stuff.
so-- i will let ya know.

anyhow--- here's a video --- i heard this on the car radio the other day ---
when i got home i had to check out the video. now when i wanna crybaby, i think about this song :)))

workin offa comment here cuz i'm thinkless

(charlottes comment yesterday)

I know only too well what you're going through....well, PART of what you're going through anyway. Moving when you don't feel good could turn Mother Theresa into a bitch.

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

* hey there charlotte--- and whoever else is here - :))

i agree-- and i sooo don't feel good. even my friggin thighs have swollen muscle "frogs" in em. imagine my back and neck. i think even God would get mad if he felt this way.

it's strange that i spent my entire life at "home" moving all the time-- several times a year. then in the military-- every year or two. but since the pain and all started... it's just awful . i can't even say the things that go through my mind at times. and every day it just gets worse. 7, 8 , 9 hours a day of packing, sorting, cleaning, and then when i finally get to sit down or lay down or eat -- i'm expected to be sociable???
of course i'm not. i try, but i can't be. i just want to be quiet and rest. so what does it turn into ? i'm the big bad bitch.
really makes me want to continue killing myself with all this crap. not.
last night was the worst so far. both of the other souls-- guilted me, while i was in bed finally, after layin in there for half an hour wondering which dr. i should call today about this fuckin pain. but when i told soul-kid that i didn't feel like looking at school clothes on the computer---at like 9 p.m.--- ooooh, I was mommy dearest. even though, i offered to watch tv with her instead--she got mad and left with a rude comment.
i just couldn't turn my head five hundred times craning my neck to look at web sites and stuff as she pulled them up. never a compromise.

BUT-- it was just fine the other day-- on friday night-- after i'd been cooped up all week, or runnin errands , or sortin crap... she "wanted to spend time with dad" - so they went to a movie and hung out---- even though-- i actually wanted to go. that was real nice .
i can't say soulman didn't ask me along-- after he heard that i was not "allowed" to go... i of course declined the offer.
daddy daughter time is important , i know that.
but anyhow-- that's just the way it is i guess.
they had a good time, and that was good for them.

/////////////////////////////////////////////

C--
I'm glad I haven't had to do it too many times. Of course its a great way to clean house.

* you got that right-- too bad it'll be the cleanest it's been since we moved in... only to leave it :))
but-- we'll be moving into a clean house-- and i swear it better stay that way... just the thought of it gettin trashed like other homes we've had makes me ill.
do these people not realize that i am literally unable to do some things? many things? they don't. i have come to that conclusion. even though soulman couldn't be a bit better about taking care of me when i'm sick, or need that kind of help.... they just don't realize that i'm on disability for a reason. "they" don't pass out disability for ten years for a black eye. so WTF.
give a gal a break. that's what i say. well. that's what i think anyhow. i've really tried to stop whining about my pain. it's hard not to, especially when all i can take is aspirin -- which in turn, tears up my stomach --- ugh.
i guess that's why moving is so damn hard on me. i have no choice but to just do it. get it done. get it un-done. and go on.

lemmee give the guy some kudos here tho--- he really did help yesterday with a lot of the cleaning stuff.. he did dishes, and floors, and stuff like that-- as well as packing his dresser and closet stuff-- so it's not like he isn't doing anything. but i guess i'm just a bitch.
but when he began having pain, and losing some of his strength? he began hiring movers. for what he used to do himself; like moving furniture etc. SO, where's MY hired help? oh, i forgot-- that would be me.
(angie came to help me with the garage--- but technically--- wouldn't the garage-- be the man's job?)
her help was HUGE-- don't get me wrong. meeting her finally was a pure joy, too. i wouldn't trade any of it.
but all i'm sayin is... i'm gettin really angry ... and sore, right about now. and it really takes a lot of the fun of the new home out the whole thing. and that makes me sad.
so does a lot of other things right now. but i won't get into that stuff.
ugh.

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

- C -
Can't wait to see your place once you get all settled in. Is it in the same school district?

* it is, but... there might be a problem with the school she goes to. it wasn't a problem in january when she asked her dad to get her into it-- a school not even all the way built yet--- but now that her friends are going to her other school-- she wants to go there too--- and she is just boilin that she may not get to. she's never satisfied. and this is something we may not be able to change. i would love to though. cuz if she goes to the same school--- she can ride the bus--- if she goes to the new school--- guess who gets to drive her???
oh yeah. lucky me.
////

-C-
Close to shopping?
* kind of-- not too far ..
close to grocery, and video---- but clothes etc is about three miles further.... which is maybe the entire distance of our move :)) (again)

////

-C-
In a subdivision or sort of off by itself?

* not a subdivision, but a neighborhood... and thank God, NO home owners association! they are horrible out here. we've had "weed tickets" for our lawn...and for parking the boat on the street here!" no more worries about that crap. we can get rid of our boat storage now--- which will make up the difference in the house payment. woo hoo.
/////
-C-

Closer to soul-man's work or farther away?

*just a little further.. not too bad.

-C-
You must provide your many fans with this info.

* my many fans. :))
well there ya have it. and more.
////////////////////////

-C-
Settle down...have some iced tea and relax for a bit. Things will look differently when you get some rest. Hugs. Love, Charlotte.

* i know things will be better and look different-- or vice versa -- soon. that's all that keeps me goin right now.

thanks charlotte----- HUGS back to you!

hoping you, and everyone else have happy days in your worlds today!

i open my mouth and the bitch falls out

howdy folks--

after several attempts at writing an actual post this morning-- i have given up. i claim defeat. i am blogless. i am an exhausted bitch. hear me roar.

i am even a stranger to myself-
i've gone psycho -
i give lectures to the soul clan-
i am obsessed with deadlines,
and all that needs to be done, and CLEANED.
all i can think about or do involves two homes.

be afraid. be very afraid.

i'm SUCH a bitch - they made a magazine about me !

y'all have happy , bitch free days. i'm bitch enough for all of us!

misc junk lettin ya know i'm still alive

i found this video on you tube the other day, this gal is funny.




and here's a meme type thing my sis sent over -- i was sposed to do it by email -- but i'm desperate for blog material so i'll put it here -- if you wanna do it, let us know so we can go see yours.. k?

1. Name something you use in the shower? soap

2. Name something a football player wears under his uniform? cup

3. Name something people hate to find on their windshield? bird shit

4. Something a man might buy before a date? breath mints

5. What is another word for blemish? pimple

6. What is something you cook in the microwave? popcorn

7.. Name a piece of furniture people need help moving? bed

8. Name a reason a younger man might like an older woman? she has a car , and she'll be more than happy to let him "drive" it. :))

9. Name something a dog does that embarrasses its owner? humps legs

10. Name a kind of test you cannot study for? IQ test

11. Name something a boy scout gets a badge for? fire making (where pyros are made :))

12. Name a phrase with the word "home" in it. " home is where the heart is"

13. Name a sport where players lose teeth. soccer

14. Name something a teacher can do to ruin a student's day. make em read a love note they passed, in front of the class out loud

15. Name the person that is least likely to respond? don't know

16. Name a bird you wouldn't want to eat? buzzard

17. Name something a person wears even if it has a hole in it? T-shirt

18. Name something that gets smaller the more you use it? chapstick

19. Name the person that is most likely to respond? don't know

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

so ---
have i mentioned the fact, that :

well, i DO --- i hate moving. i hate packing,
i hate all of it.

have i mentioned-
that i have reached THIS point?
if we had a bird, i would be her -
<---------
(soulkids room is gonna be the death of me.)
that, or the arguing about it.

to lighten up on things----
has anyone actually ever seen
THIS ???
<--------------------

Have you eaten it?
I've eaten some nasty stuff in the poor days,
BUT NEVER THAT.
i honestly think i would choose starvation above that THING.

ok folks , that's all i have time for, pitiful post, i know. but it beats a crybaby post -- which is what i could have easily done. so much to whine about , so little time. :))

happy weekends people!!! do everything i wanna do!!!!

i'm up nowwwwww..... sorta

and dammit i'm TIRED.

wth is wrong with me? i should be on my way out the door right this minute to start my business and stuff, but what AM i doing? well, other than writing this post....
nuthing. i got up over two hours ago --- after another up til all hours night -- and all i did was sit here and vegetate for prolly an hour. then when i started thinking about all i have to do today ... most of which is crap that i have put off for days already..... and i started to nod off. i'm tired ALL the time. it's gettin ridiculous. i'm up til God knows when, i sleep only a few hours at "night", take naps in the day, and accomplish nothing. can we say "w-o-r-t-h-l-e-s-s ?

ok... i'll stop.
closing went well the other day. no surprises. no hold-ups. and we paid a LOT less out of pocket than we thought we would. we didn't know all the money we had paid already would be deducted--- like... home inspection, the whatever money up front -i can't think of what it's called now.. the500.00 ... some other costs and fees, i don't know-- but about 2500.00 that we already paid out was deducted from our costs so we paid so little--- we went out for steak dinner that night !!

our real estate lady sold a house to some folks from arkansas right before she saw us that day, and they had been professionally moved --- she told them we would be more than happy to take their boxes off their hands --- and we are-- so we will be gettin those tonight--- tons of em. plus packing paper and frame boxes. i'm so happy i don't have to go trash diggin for boxes !!!!


maybe, just maybe, i can motivate enough to pack a little at a time. we have nearly a month to do it in. but the thought still overwhelms me.
baby steps...baby steps.... ugh.

ok folks... i best get offa my arse , lest i fall asleep --- i really do need to get my outside business done-- so i can get to workin on this house!

hope y'all are well and happy in your worlds today---
catch up with ya later

today's the day ----- plus my shadow pix-- forgot to post em earlier --

mornin folks-- well, sorta. i reckon it's mornin to me. well, that , or bedtime. it used to be i was goin to bed at this time, now i'm wakin up. will i ever get it right? i guess not. prolly part of gettin old maybe. i remember when i was younger , and i'd stay with my "aunt and uncle P." they were cousins, i just don't really know how-- they were old as my gramma. but man that lady could make the best chicken - n- dumplins you ever ate! anyhow. uncle P- he would be up all night all the time . me and my sis found him asleep nekkid in his chair one night we laughed about that for years and years. poor fella died in that chair. fell asleep watchin tv one night, and it caught on fire-- the old tube type tv set. i guess he never knew what happened. anyhow, it was fun to go there as kids. what's weird about it is , to this day , i can't remember if his wife died in the fire or not.
one time, us kids climbed up in their plumb tree and ate every last plumb off of it. we got in trouble for it too. she was a jelly/jam maker.. but not that time. no fruit for the makin. oops. one time my cousin threw a barbie doll at my brother too.. but he missed, and hit my mom right in the boob! she didn't appreciate that much. then there was the time we thought it would be cool to dig tunnels in her back yard--- her entire back yard--- how were we to know she had just planted a garden?

ahhhhhh the good ole days. i guess they were kinda like grandparents, more than aunt and uncle. we called their son , who was old as our mom, uncle too, and his son, of course cousin. i don't know how the whole dynamic worked there. i don't even know if it was a blood kin kinda thing. i just remember being happy there.
then one day it all just stopped. not sure if it was cuz he died... or if "dear gran gran gran " pissed em off, and we all got black balled. that happened a lot. back in those days. my mom would just cross that line and push someone too far, and we weren't welcome there anymore. even my own gramma... went years without seein any of her side of the family. i still see very very little of them.

so. i bet y'all are wonderin where i'm goin with all of this, right? well... today, we head to the closing table. it's been so long since we bought a house i really don't even know what to expect. well, aside from handing over just about every dime we have struggled to save over the last few months. which wasn't very easy, as at the same time we were paying off debts too. i never thought i could be so diciplined to do what i've done with our budget this last few months... but i've done it-- and i've been hitler around here with the others as much as i could be about them squandering money too. haha, maybe that's why i gained all this damned weight i did--- for whatever reason-- however it happened-- cuz if all this scrimpin and savin, woulda been goin on with me at 120 pounds-- i prolly woulda shrivelled up and croaked. :))
maybe now i can lose my weight. stress, sometimes will make ya gain weight wether ya eat a lot or not. either way, it's about to drive me crazy. so i hope i can lose some of it. ok a lot of it.

we did a final walk through of the house yesterday. we still love it. we still imagine soulkids kids runnin around the place. (hopefully years from now ). we were trying to decorate in our minds where this or that would go in there. what would we have to buy. where would the dog crates go. all that kinda stuff. i had to ask the lady how i could keep the flowers and grass alive. cuz i know i'll kill every bit of the lawn and flower beds. i got some good tips-- but i know i'll have to get some books on that subject. i can barely keep a plastic plant alive!!!

anyhow -- i'm hoping this sleep and non sleep mess i've gotten into lately is all stress related , and after the closing i will relax some, and get back on a normal-- well, for me -- sleep pattern.

i have so much crap to do. as far as packing, cleaning.. like deep cleaning for a deposit refund. separating from what to keep out and , what to store, and what to donate, or sell. i really think i'm gonna pack my jewelry , and sentimental stuff and hire someone to pack the rest. my back just can't take it. if soulkid won't motivate-- i'll donate ALL of her shit.. and she can start over-- except for her jewelry. and soulman , well it's up to him. he knows his options . but i am not gonna be stressed out and responsible for their stuff on top of everything else. it's makin me wanna run away until they have everything done and over at the other house! believe it or not-- they do function pretty well without me.. it's when i'm here that they they just wait for me to do it. BAH. i used to do it all just fine til a few years ago. like take care of the house, and moving etc. i just can't anymore, not mentally , or especially physically.


well hell, i sure didn't mean for this to become a rant. i'm happy that everything went through. i can't believe it did, to be honest. and i can't believe the deal we got. in a good -- or better/normal.. whatever.. economy... this house will prolly appraise near 180-200,000 -- that's a ton of equity , compared to what we're startin with. i wonder how long it will be before all this economy crap turns around?? if ever. cuz ya know we got a VA loan with no money down. all we are payin is like 40 percent of closing costs. i don't even know how much that is YET. the day OF closing and we don't know how much to bring to closing. the good faith estimate "changed", but we don't know by how much. just that "we need more monies". isn't that special? i hope we have enough. we don't even know what made it change. i know nothing about buying a house. i just go with the flow. all i did was agree or disagree til i liked a house. and paid down bills, and saved as much money as i could. which took a lot of stashing and deception on my part-- we can't afford it-- we don't have it-- we're broke-- that kinda thing. but it worked. well, for the most part. we'd have more, if some small hands weren't always stuck out for "stuff" . but daddy i need it.-- even after i already said NO. he didn't know. so he'd get sucked right in and buy the little princess , mostly, whatever she "needed". he's learning tho.

well anyhow-- i expect yet another drag my ass day. hopefully after we close, and i know how we sit financially, and homeworthy, and all that... we can get on with things. cuz for now , i am suffering from severe overwhelmation, and i cannot focus.

maybe now i can say it and finally mean it---

i am NEVER MOVING AGAIN AFTER THIS!!!!!!

happy whatever the hell day it is.
i haven't kept my days straight all week.
yesterday i thought it was saturday the 13th, then the other day i thought it was friday but it was saturday.
i just may lose what's left of my mind before this is all over with.

PLUS i think i need to have a yardsale. the more i look around the more i see that i don't wanna pack, move, or screw around with.

i also think we are gonna take a real live vacation after we get moved in. before school starts. we've been talkin about it. we're all a bunch of witches around here. moving is really hard on all of us in one way or another. always has been. if we end up without time or money to go somewhere before school starts we'll plan on spring break. but i certainly see a vacation in sight. in 17 years we have had 2 real family vacations. that's not nearly enough. i wonder where we will go.
california? new york? galviston? san antonio? (again)... i wanna go tubin again...i think that was austin but hell i don't know. but i heard the water was low right now.
soulkid hates fishin, so any of the good lakes she wouldn't want to go to. soooo, we're talkin.

ok.. i'm gettin crosseyed and makin no sense prolly. my mind is a plate of scrambled eggs right now. i'm tired, and have a million things on my mind.

i will let y'all know how things go today later on.

chow peeps

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

i almost-- ok, i did forget--- my shadow pix ---- they were sposed to be up on saturday-- oops!

why whine? it's what i do :))

howdy folks---
i know, i was sposed to have my photo challenge pix up today. early today. but i was late. then i planned on havin em on by dinner time-- but what was i doin at dinner time? yep -- sleepin. i was up ALL night last night... to top off the whole week of scrounging for paperwork of this type or that. then i had to head out out to dallas for more business. y'all just know how i love that trip. i absolutely hate going there.
on the bright side-- what i thought would take about six hours-- took only about two and a half. so it wasn't all bad. but as soon as i got home , i shoveled some grub down my throat and went to bed. i was exhausted. one more domino down.


now i'm up -- since about 8.. yes i am a sloth.
and now i'm gonna eat some wings and watch UFC, and prolly go back to bed after that. if i'm lucky.

if y'all can give me a break due to circumstances, i'll try (no more promises donna ;)) -
to get my shadow pix up tomorrow. i really did mean to do it this afternoon. i was just beat when i got home.

anyhow-- happy friday nights to y;all... have fun-

gotta go beat the the heat -

just a quick check in post -- at sophies request. can't let her day be without sunshine. altho, she can take some of ours. good lawd it's hot.

anyhow. i have lotsa runnin around i need to do today, and i sure don't wanna wait til it's 100 degrees to do it. so i'm gonna hit the road while i can at least touch the steering wheel.

after that? it's packin and cleanin for this ole gal. the kitchen is almost packed. hubby did most of it. i need to pack my roosters and nik naks, etc...and the big stuff.

if anyone around here needs a stove or a microwave we aint movin em.. they'll be goin cheap! (the stove has spent more time stored than used btw)

anyhow-- i obviously don't and haven't had much to say lately. the house stuff.. and other stuff.. is time consuming. after the move i'll prolly be around more.

speaking of the house-- it appraised above what we're payin for it-- so hopefully the rest will slide on through-- but it's still a lot of hurry up and wait. we need this or that-- so it takes time to find what they want-- then for them to do what they do-- then wait some more. and that's where we're at right now... waitin again.
will let ya know when we hear somethin solid.

happy humpday folks.

the happiest place on earth ???

holy crap. have y'all heard about this story yet?? it was prolly the first thing i saw online this morning. it took a while to find this video clip. after a while, i began to think it may have been taken away by police or something, but i finally found it.
how crazy. this was taken right after the crash, it looks like there's only one employee there, and a bunch of rattled regular people. no officials yet.
i bet some of those folks will never go back--especially the younger kids... how scary for the little kids. leave a fireworks show and crash on the monorail? then end up with a dead driver. damn. sounds like a day in soul- world... not disneyworld .

anyhow - it's obvious the dude who took the clip wasted NO time selling it-- it already has a commercial in the beginning.

http://www.clickorlando.com/video/19956043/

click the link , it'll take you to the video.

so. i spose i should move on to other things. i haven't cruised around much yet today. it was late by the time any of us got to sleep here, which meant -- even I slept til 10 a.m. might sound good for a minute-- but when ya fall asleep at 3 a.m, it's about average for most.

anyhow--- yesterday; i was hell bent on the family goin to watch fireworks--- somewhere. i bet i spent over an hour trying to find a place that we wouldn't have to drive an hour or two to get to. i finally found a place that was only about 15 or 20 minutes away. they seemed to have a lot goin on, so that's where i picked for us to go. it was also held at a park that we have fished at a few times, and i knew the rest of the soul-clan would do nothing but complain about the heat after the first twenty minutes; so i went out there at like 230 or so. the way they had it written up in the website and online, i thought it was gonna be wall to wall people. well. there were a lot of people... but they were smart enough to not come out til the sun went down. we could have waited til 8 or 9 o'clock and still sat in the same perfect spot we had. that i smoltered in for HOURS. like i said... i had thought i would fish , etc. did i? sure i did. for about ten minutes. the sun was blazin hot, and all the shade was too far from the water to fish from it. so i just people watched-- and got ate by ants and mosquitos. i also watched several children abuse ducks. i wanted to throw rocks at them but there weren't any. at the kids--- not the ducks. i'm not much into the people watchin thing. well i am.... when i'm actually around people, but most of you know-- that isn't very often. especially lately. as in like the last year . longer than that, but this last year things have gotten bad again.
anyways. it amazed me how many kids can be mean to animals. so what if they're just ducks and pigeons? they have feelings too. and kids were stomping and yelling at them, and throwin stuff at them. it was just strange. and i noticed the kids in groups...like if there were 3 or 4 kids... only one would do this stuff and the others kinda separated themselves from it. they would walk ten or twenty feet away and do something different, not even looking at the other kid scare the animals.
that part made me think of other human behaviours ; like when older kids are in a bad situation.. like around drugs or something-- many will just get outta there-- move away-- leave-- go to the other side of the room or leave the place alltogether.
at least some do. anyhow -- just the psychologist in me i guess. it was interesting. and also irritating.

anyhow--- the rest of my family appeared there to meet me between 630 and 7. maybe 630-ish. BOTH of them were whining about the heat , and being uncomfortable within the first half hour they were there. i tried to just bite my tongue, and not make it about me. and y'all would be proud. i think i did good. later on i even managed to pull some sympathy out of me for them. even though.... oh nevermind. they brought me ribs. and i was starving to death.

the fireworks show really was amazing. it lasted short of a half hour. i really think that's the longest show i have maybe ever seen. it was great. and they were set off to music. soulkid really enjoyed it. at least that part. the whole other time... it was.. when are they gonna do the fire works??? every ten minutes. soulman wasn't quite as bad-- but he ran a close second. thank God they had a live band playing--- i can only imagine how bored they'd have been if we were sittin in the heat in silence.

we decided we'd go next year--- but we also decided we won't go so early. especially me. no no no no. i think i baked my brain a bit.

hope y'all had fun... no hangovers? no tigers in the bathroom, or missing teeth? :))
( you'd only get that if you saw the movie--sorry)

you gotta see the movie. hangover. it's great

and i am outta heah

have fun and be safe today kids !

this is too funny --- i wouldn't recommend it though. it could lead to divorce, or death by resentment :))

happy 4th peeps-

passin along a message ---

"Golden To Silver Val" AKA "Charlotte" asked me if i would pass it along to y'all that her computer had crashed today, and that she most likely won't be around until she can replace it.
of course, i said it would not be a problem... so here i am tellin y'all that she is ok, just blogless for a while.

we'll miss ya Charlotte !

(see? even MY computer is screwin around without you!)

OMG It's Billy Idol @ MY White Wedding

BILLY IDOL !?

see what i mean? same lip thang
goin on there. you should see me when i really try to do it.
BUT i have never once noticed
i had that look in my Wedding Picture! i LMAO when i noticed
it last night.

my "idol smile" makes soulman crack-up every time i "try" to do it ... but him laughing makes it almost impossible for me cuz it makes me laugh too. but at least it's an easy way to get us laughin. Lord knows we could use some of that around here.... so i think i'll sneak one in on him today. it's when he knows i'm tryin that i can't do it. :))

so anyhow, i'm gonna work on packin up my dishes and kitchen stuff today. a little premature maybe, but i can't have dishwashing, and messy kitchens be takin up all my packing time and energy. so gettin that out of the way first will leave me more time and energy and less stress, and recovery time for the rest of the place. paper plates and Styrofoam cups are the best inventions ever discovered !!

when we-- my siblings and i -- were younger -- beginning when i was like 9 til i was about seventeen -- the older two were gone by then, but my mom had this older couple that were friends of hers. earlier on, we thought they were "old" , i think they may have been in their late sixties or so. early sixties maybe. more likely. but anyhow. our mom would always.. always.. whether we ate there, or stayed there, or just visited for an hour... would make me , and my sister -- if she was there.. if not- it would be just me. but that lady's kitchen became OUR duty. or MY duty after my sis was gone. it was a nightmare. by that time, we had never seen a kitchen look so bad. days of dirty dishes, and splatter, and mess. it was just horrible. it was a much bigger chore than either of us would ever expect from kids at the ages we were at that time... 9 and 12. we vowed we would never have our kitchens look that way.
well... they never did. UNTIL ... well... what can i say---- once i had my first major crackup , i think the kitchen was the first to go. and here, years later, it seems to still be the easiest to ignore. it is like walking right back into HB's kitchen. the kitchen from hell. the place we never wanted to go cuz we knew what awaited us, but also knew if we didn't go-- we might not eat that day-- or might not have a place to stay. but here, there is no reward... except maybe a day of a clean kitchen. the next day? it explodes again and i just want to close my eyes and make it go away.
well, it's clean now. every dish -- just about -- is washed and ready to go. and go they will.
so now you know where my kitchen resentment and deep dish washing hate came from. child abuse and neglect. hahahahaha. i can laugh about it , but only when my kitchen is clean. when it's a shithole -- i just want to throw stuff in the trash. as some of you know is an expensive thing to do--- so "don't try this at home". :))

oh, a few posts back, in my dr whinefest post... a lot of you asked about a nurse-- i only mentioned it in the comments, and meant to bring it over here, but-- well, i forgot. { but yes, there actually WAS a nurse in the room at pain management hell... she was robotic, silent, and useless. all she did was stand and write what he told her to write.
(did he have a single word to write about my "breast exam?" -- OR THAT he DID one??? NOPE. ) }
--
but, something i haven't mentioned? ironically , the next day, the neuro dr's office called me... i was thinkin at first it might have somethin to do with that awful visit-- or that i walked out of it. but it was about my labs they did -- which were all fine-- no lupus, no sojourners' ... which is good... but i still wonder, WTH is wrong with me now. but while i had her on the phone, i did tell her about the visit with the other dr. she seemed quite surprised, and told me she was writing everything i was saying down and would give it to my dr and let him know. BUT i haven't heard from him, her, or anyone else since then.. so-- who knows.
hubby and i have talked about my next move in this pain dilemma of mine. i think i'm gonna go back to the dr that gave me the shots in my neck. even tho my neuro dr said he didn't think they would work-- which is why i didn't go back for the second one. it is said that it sometimes may take three or more to begin to relieve pain when it's bad enough. but when he said it wouldn't work-- i saw money being thrown away-- so i cancelled the appointment. well, while i was at pain management hell-- that dr told me that my dr didn't think that dr (the one who gave me the shots) got the diagnosis right---the cervical radiculopathy. . ummm well excuse me, that is the only diagnosis i have got that explains ANY of this nerve pain and crap at all.
so i think he has it right and i'm gonna go back. guess i'll take it from there.

and as for today , aside from packing my kitchen, i am goin to a giant yard sale down the road soon. i don't even know if i remember the last time i went to one. but hubbby came home yesterday telling me of " a giant basket " he saw at a yardsale. he was like-- i don't know what you'd do with it but... i was like SHOES!!!!! i want it for shoes!!! because everyone comes in and tosses shoes all over the place. in new mexico-- i had a wicker old bassinet i used for shoes.. worked out pretty well. and this is a nice basket. i'll show y'all a pic later. it's huge. monstrous. where the hell am i gonna put it? haha.

ok, so i'm gonna go. another day without a headache. at least for now--- hope it lasts. yippee.

hope y'all have really good weekends--- don't have any big plans for the 4th-- do you?

me and julio down by the schoolyard :))

y'all know you love that song!!! :)) and i know you will have it in your head all day long. unfortunately, so will i.

anyhow, it makes me smile. don't ask me why, it just does.

so. smocha emailed me a couple of my wedding pix. how kind . now i don't have to endure the time to dig up vimeo passwords, and y'all don't have to endure the video i made on our 15th anniversary. altho.. it wasn't bad. just kinda long.
so, here's our wedding day 17 years ago. my my how we change eh?



it honestly was one of the happiest days of my life. the only thing comparable is seeing my children for the first time. i can't think of any three happier days. i'm sure they exist --- somewhere in the recesses of my senile mind.

so. what now? oh. a couple of you asked if we did anything for our anniversary. the word "romantic" was even mentioned. HAHAHAHA!!! what's that mean?
we DID almost forget all about it. just like mary almost did. just too much stuff goin on. no cards, no plans, no nuthin. i woke up first-- as usual. i was sittin in my office-- working on my bank account -- some of you know i do that almost daily-- i think it may be an OCD thing. i'm not sure. i do it obsessively. anyhow, i'm in here payin bills, checkin balances, etc. when soulman wakes up, and does his usual thing on a day off--- sits in the livin room and turns on the boob tube. (after comin in here with a good mornin kiss-- neither of us mention our anniversary).
i think at least a half hour passed, when he says--- "it's july 1st." --- no significance to our AV -- more of a countdown to closing and moving into our new house.
that's when i say -- " i KNOW, it's our anniversary!"
we were both like "oh crap!" --
it was kind of funny, because we had both been thinking about it a couple days before-- but there we were the morning of-- and not a thought of it--yet.
we laughed about that-- had a AV hug and kiss, talked a few minutes, and sort of just went back to what we were doing before.
bad thing? or two? by the time i finished with the bills and crap--- i had another damn migraine. it had been trying to get me all morning, but it was now finally full blown. i still hadn't picked up my refill of imitrex. soulkid woke up with the idea that we were going to the mall immediately-- i did tell her that we would go-- but how was i to know i would feel like that?? of course i didn't. when i told her i wasn't sure yet, because i had a bad headache-- she had some remark... and soulman jumped in on her... and things got out of hand. so i went to my room, shut the door, and locked the world away. when things settled down he went and got my rx, and mowed the lawn. :)) while soulkid sulked thinking her world had ended.
it took several hours for my headache to ease up-- which is unusual with imitrex-- it usually works very well. but when i got up-- everything and everyone was in better moods, and soulman asked if i wanted to go to a movie-- if not, he would take soulkid to the mall. i said i would go. so we all went to the mall -- i waited in the car though -- they were in there for about half an hour or so-- but that was half an hour i wasn't about to spend in there feeling bad. not AS bad, but not great either.
so we ended up goin to one of those restraunt -- i can NEVER spell that word--
theaters and watched "hangover". OMG we laughed. that is a hilarious movie.
after that , we came home, and again all went our seperate ways-- me to my office-- soulman to his x-box live, and soulkid to her phone.
if that is romance, after 17 years... it was fine by me.
but i'll take a raincheck, for a day we don't have soulkid, and a migraine. or an x-box.
it may be a couple years, but someday she'll go to college, he'll outgrow the xbox, and perhaps, if i'm lucky, they'll find a cure for "soul-syndrome". :))

ok-- i gots to go-- believe it or not, i don't feel too awful crappy at the moment-- so i best take advantage of that and get some work done.

hope you all are happy in your worlds today--

four score and seven years ago - -

oops, not. that's eighty seven years .... what i meant was,

Seventeen years ago - -



on this very same day.. well, i think it was a saturday, but it was for sure this date. July 1ST, 1992 . i got myself hitched. yep, to my soulman.
did i have doubts? nah. i think i knew very soon after we met that he was "the one". i think he knew that too.
but did i "see" us this far down the road? i don't think so. we talked of growing old together, and we made future plans, spoke of when soulkid would go to college. but actually feeling or seeing it, i think i was a more "in the moment" type of person. maybe i still am. or not. but either way, here we are. still married. and not one night away from each other in anger.
we have been through a lot together. we have suffered, we have laughed, we have cried, we have loved, we have lost, and we have gained. whatever it was we had to face over these years though, we have done it together.

Happy 17th anniversary soulman!

do you mind if i cuss ?

how 'bout if i just go on a rant of sorts and slander the medical community? --- again?
i wouldn't know where to begin. i could write a book on this mess. oh. by the way, i don't suppose i need to tell you that the appointment with pain management didn't work out so well today, right? because, of course it couldn't be more obvious. it was such crap. and the doctor was more of an asshole that i am not sure that i could even describe it---him. i have seen probably literally hundreds of doctors -- ok.. let's say 100 - doctors, since this pain and stuff began. which was about 16 years ago , maybe. no, it's more than that-- that isn't even ten docs a year... so i bet 150-200 totally separate doctors , for my multitude of mystery illnesses, and symptoms, and such.
any of you who have followed this blog for any length of time should know my frustration. i would bet money -- maybe even a lot of money .. that if someone would frickin treat this pain properly, and not treat me like a damn junky, before they even know my history, or me as a person, my mental part of this crap would be cut in half. i almost gaurantee it.
but noooo. before i was even examined today-- my photo was taken, my tatoos were described and logged, and the pharmacy i use was logged in the record as well. i was already being all but fingerprinted --- just in case i might steal a rx or change one that was written to me. for identification.
then when i was examined-- i was tortured. he showed NO mercy. not only that-- but when i was getting up from a lying position from the table (i was on my back at the time) he offered a hand to help me up-- i let him take my hand--- he JERKED and PULLED me up very very hard.. it hurt so bad that it made me scream!!! i said wtf did you do that for???? he laughed!!! "what? what did i do, i was just trying to help."
if i was smart-- and we all know i'm just not that smart when it comes to these things. like docs -- or situations that i think i need to see through. i would have told him to fuck off right then. he was obviously "testing me". somehow trying to see how i would handle that . well, i didn't handle it very well. i was hurt, and i was pissed.
so now, i was not only being treated like a junky-- or worse-- a criminal! i was being treated like a liar!
and--- ya wanna hear the worst part? during the exam-- if ya wanna call it that-- remember now-- i am there for back, neck and leg pain..... he began asking OBgyn questions-- and without warning-- did a breast exam !!!! this was obviously before he ripped me off the table ---- which btw STILL hurts. i was just in shock.
and to think, i was sent there by a dr that i trust. (ED). my neuro dr. i just may not go back to him either. well.. maybe once-- just to let him know what an asshole he sent me to-- what he did, how he treated me, how he didn't treat me, and just how much i think he screwed me over.
oh-- i almost forgot-- after the "exam" the fuckin dr is sittin in the chair--- and i am standing-- in terrible pain... in a damned gown--untied in the back-- i could barely reach back to keep it closed, it was killing me to stand there... after five or ten minutes , i , through gritted teeth, say-- do you think i could get dressed?!
so he says oh, yes sure. so he leaves. (but not before letting it be known that he would not be giving me "real pain meds" -- but after he calls my shrink he might try a new drug similar to lyrica---- i had already told him i had an awful reaction to lyrica. and also to the neurontin, tegratol, etc type stuff, and that i refuse to take cymbalta. so he's gona put me on some brand new bs med that may land me in a psyche ward??? ummmm NO!
so while he was gone--- for by this time like 15 minutes--- i booked out of there--- well , as much as i could "book". i already paid his dumb ass... i knew i wasn't goin back...i knew he wasn't gonna do a thing for me but experiment and treat me like a junky. so i left. i did do a little snooping through my record though while i was waiting for him to come back-- before i got mad enough to leave. i read the notes from my neuro--- he did suggest that this dr refill my pain meds . instead he wants to do this kinda crap to me.
the entire thing was just WRONG. i have never ever had a PAIN doc-- or a neuro doc.. or any other such doc-- jerk me so hard like that-- or touch my breasts!!!
and he knew i was in pain. i waited in the waiting room for an hour, and him coming in and out and do the exam and talk and all the bullshit--- by the time i left i'd been there like three hours. i was damned crippled. and he wasn't gonna write a rx for nothing. nothing at all.
all the stress and pain was so much for me that by the time i got home--- i had a migraine. i ended up havin to take a imitrex shot.
it was an awful day in soulland folks.
sorry to whine and bitch so much in this post-- i know that y'all have pain and problems too--- i basically wrote this so i would have it down before i forgot any of his crap. because i just may report him. and no, not cuz he didn't give me meds-- i know a lot of dr's are whimps these days, and just don't want to do that. but it was the way i was treated. i felt worse leaving there than i have EVER felt even leaving the VA hospital. and i leave there in tears sometimes.
so....any ideas? should i just jump offa bridge and fix the pain myself? it's not like i haven't thought about that a few times.
i have no life at all anymore .. i don't think anyone even gets it. just last summer i was out fishin every single day -- sometimes for hours. now? i barely go at all. i can't stand that long. if i last an hour, it's a good day.
tonight, after my headache eased up-- i washed dishes-- it took maybe half hour - to 45 minutes to clean up in there--- i was near tears from pain, and even sweating when i was done.... how am i expected to pack and move and unpack and decorate and do all that i have to do this next month??? the thought is paralyzing.
imagine if angie wouldn't have come out to help with the garage. that was the worst of the worst. i just don't think i could have even made myself start that task.
thanks ang!!!!
ok y'all.. thanks for listenin. i bet i'll be better tomorrow. like i said-- i just had to vent-- and make sure i wouldn't forget what a BASTARD THIS GUY WAS.



take care, stay cool, and be happy.
g'night folks.

stuff, stuff, and more stuff--

(click the pic if you can't read it)

this is one of my sisters kids-- umm, i mean cats. she had it on the cheezeburger site- and i couldn't resist the possibly inappropriate caption. it was the first think that came to mind when i saw that face---
imagine your husband , as he tries to annoy you with his -- well, flatulence. not sure about you-- but i saw --- just about any man, succeeding in annoying the hell outta me-- or you---
so anyhow. that really is a beautiful cat. it's o'reilly, and he lives in england with his dad. my sis will be joining them soon. kind of a drag, but we never get to see each other anyhow. last time she went to england about 6 months ago-- there was a problem with the microchip-- mandatory on imported, i think, maybe all, animals. they put him in quarantine, and it would have been for six months. her and the cat were so depressed with him in kitty cat jail--- she brought him back to her home in arkansas until all the microchip-- and vet crap was settled. so they will be going "home" in august-- on her birthday. that cat is cavuto. all of blogland mourned for her and poor cavuto during his one month kitty jail sentance. but now he will get to go home to his other kitty friends, monkey, and o'reilly, and their daddy. so, that's cool.

how the hell did i get all on that subject? perhaps cuz when she left last time , it actually hit me a bit hard. right now , we live about 5 or 6 hours apart, and don't see each other-- but the opportunity is at least there. in england? it's no more than a "it aint gonna happen thing." no way could we pay for a trip like that. for three of us? and boarding four animals? nope. no can do. we can't even make it to lake fork more than once every year or two. the bass capital of texas--- maybe the whole country-- but england? hell.. we've been talkin about new york even, for like six years..can't get ourselves there either. but-- a drive like that (just to arkansas) is no walk in the park for me... and since she's been back, she helped plan, and travel to her baby boys' wedding. she had company from out of state. we were house hunting-- on top of a LOT of other stuff you may or may not know about.
soooo---- it just never works out the way ya want it to.

so. anyhow-- i spose that's enough ramblin on about my sis. and her cats. they are so friggin spoiled , if i die-- i want to come back as one of her cats. they get treated better than i ever have.


ok-- i really will shut up about that stuff.

thanks to all of you with your good thoughts and wishes etc on the house. i just don't see it fallin through at this point. too much time, effort, and money...not to mention stress and physical stuff, have been put into this. it's just gotta work out. it's gotta.

did y'all know mary, from pathways seems to be doin pretty darn good, considering what she's been through recently. she'll know more soon, but she's posted a couple times, and her hubby has tossed in an update or two. so, just so ya know-- if you prayed, sent good vibes, or whatever else y'all did-- it seems to be workin some real magic.

aha! did i mention that summer school is over? finally? longest three weeks of my damn life. or a close second. i liked that she had a place to go and something to occupy her over these passed weeks... but c'mon..now she has 2 more months of boredome and lonliness, with nothin to do.? not for me. i think she was doin better in summer school. at least she got out and saw people.

also, i did actually make it to the lab today... aren't you proud??
at least that"s any consolation. they tested for.. soujournes' (very misspelled) syndrome, and lupus, and thyroid stuff. and a bunch of other stuff. not sure when i will hear back about those results.

tomorrow is the dreaded pain mgmt doc appt. i spent hours collecting med records and filling out stupid paperwork tonight for that. such fun.

i don't know how much more of these dr's want to help me -- or if they can.

welp-- i had more to say-- but meds just kicked in, ---- i was asleep-- for i don't know how long. oops-
so, i best take my raggedy self to bed.