can't have nuthin !!!

howdy folks--- :))
i miss you. all of you. it's been hard not posting here, and connecting with you folks like before. it seems i have been busy enough lately though to not obsess over it. but i do miss y'all, and i miss writing. some days i feel like i might explode from not writing
or connecting with my peeps. but at the same time, i find it "safer" staying away.
yet----- here i am. i'm sure it would have been much more difficult if those of you who have continued to email etc, wouldn't have. that has really helped me to at least know there are still some out there who think of me.

anyhow. things around soulland haven't been what many of you would think they have been. what with buying a home, and decorating, and all that comes with that.
it has been a very --- scratch that. it has been a most difficult time for me. in many ways. physically, of course. y'all already knew that would be a problem. it continues to be a problem, and a severe one. i'll get back to it-- but it didn't help things in what i'm about to mention.

due to my physical limitations , i had to have the movers help do some packing this time. this was the first time in my life that i did not -- or we did not, pack everything ourselves. we got maybe 80-90 percent done, but the rest i just didn't get to. mainly what was left wasn't "that" important. the kitchen. or part of it. a few closets. linens, etc. basically just crap. i packed my office first. it took a few days, it had the most stuff in it that was important. nik naks, trinkets, just important stuff. i hurt like hell at the end of that few days. throw in a couple doctors-- lose a couple days... blah blah blah.

then back on my feet-- i tell soulkid-- gather your jewelry-- put it in your jewelry box--and put it with mine so i can pack it before the movers come. she actually did that. it took her a couple days but she did it. by that time-- i was focused on other things-- packing my hutch-- another thing that i insisted that i pack myself. personal, sentimental things you know. before i could blink.... it was moving day.
everything that meant a shit was packed. except--- yep you guessed it--- the jewelry boxes!!!!! FOUR of them. three being mine, one being soulkids.

the sad thing? well one of the sad things? i noticed right away. i did. i'm just that way. but, people doubt me. and it makes me feel bad. and wrong. and a lot of the time, i am wrong. what i feel to be "missing", or messed with.. may not have been. that or i am convinced by someone that it hasn't. SO. i didn't say anything. even though.... i opened one of the jewelry boxes and KNEW at least one ring was GONE. i didn't say a word.

not until several days later. i went to untangle my chains that were in a hanging style jewely box made for chains. i noticed several things missing. i went on to another box. thinking--- hoping--- maybe they dropped one, and just tossed what fell out into another. NOPE. i only noticed more missing. i know everything that i own. down to the last antique coin. the last silver dollar. the last stupid little junk store ring.
they robbed the wrong person. yep. they robbed ME.

of course i got the "are you sure". did you check here or there" from a couple people.
people who should know me better than that. but remember-- i guess i'm just on my way out as far as my mind goes. senile, you know? yep-- it's not funny anymore is it? not to me either.

so anyhow. i filed a police report. of course. soulkid told me the next day that she did happen to be missing a gold ring that her boyfriend gave her. hmmm. guess they believe me now.

well, i got a phone call only two days later from a detective. to my surprise. i guess sometimes these folks actually do work for a livin. he wanted me to describe only the rings that i was missing. i did.. but soulkid had to describe hers, because i had only seen it once. i would know it if i saw it-- but i couldn't describe it. he had us go down and fill out forms... and then told us that he had run these movers names--- and had got a hit on one of them at a pawn shop in Dallas. the same damn day of the move. one of my rings, and soulkids ring. he sold them. i was, and am livid.

this is not the first time i have been robbed. but these guys. we invited them in. we bought them food. and we paid them.. to rob us. ugh.

i cannot replace what they stole from me . much of it was given to me. some of it , the person is dead now. gold hoop ear rings from my aunt. i don't have a good memory-- y'all know that. but every single peice of jewely that motherfucker took from me---- i remember the moment and the conversation that it was given to me.
i'll never have that back. it has been replaced by anger. and fear. my child and i now are both afraid that this guy is gonna show up here to hurt us. or do something to our home. or cars. or just something. because the least that will be done to him is he will lose his job. no one can have a job like that and be a theif. his job is gone.

i told the detective--- tell him, if he gives me ALL my stuff back i won't press charges-- if not-- he's goin to jail."
so. i guess he won't be goin to jail if i'm not there to testify. right?

we will be getting an alarm system..and motion lights. asap. hubby has a gun. it will now be put back together and loaded... oh yippee.. we all know i just love that idea. (i will not have access to it--nor will soulkid.... i still dont like the idea tho) but this is not a good situation folks.

here i am, the gal who raised her kid to not be predjudice. don't say the "N" word. and we get robbed by a black dude. i tried to see if would make me feel better to say that word. i said in ten times real fast. it made me feel worse. he was just a man. his color doesn't mean a thing. just sayin.

anyhow-- it would take days to catch y'all up on everything. so you know i won't write a book here today.
i don't know if or when i'll post again.
i just wanted to say hello-- and check in. and let ya know-- i miss all of you. i really do. so much it hurts sometimes, and days i just only wonder how each of you are, and i hope you are all ok.

i'll be back i'm sure. i just don't know when. i am very busy. my pain level had me at near suicide level the other day-- when i voiced that to a doctor--- they too stopped treating me like a idiot. i didn't get locked up like i thought i might. seein as i all i could do was sit there and cry. but i did get some medicine that seems to help. i also got another round of injections in my neck. something different this time. seems to feel different than the last time... but i don't feel very hopeful that it is the cure.
aparently the narrowing (spondylosis) has gotten worse. my future isn't very bright -- guess i can take off the shades. but anyhow. i have a seemingly decent pain doc now who is doing what he can to help me. (molesting, not included.)

so i just take each day as it comes... or try to anyhow.
i try to take a trip up the stairs at least once a day. the first week in this house that was a task i wouldn't even attempt. but now i do. and it's a start. i'm not givin up my legs just yet. i've given up-- and had taken from me all i can handle for now.


i really hope you all are doing great today in your worlds.
take care-